What would you do in this situation?

[Anonymous]

Last week, I was out to dinner with a friend and was really enjoying a delicious lobster enchilada plate. My friend asked to try some, so I put a bit, using a clean knife, onto her plate. She said, "Wow, this is amazing" -- then dug back into my plate using her dirty fork, piercing the center of my entree!! Which made me grossed out so I didn't eat any more of it. It was expensive too. Somehow this has been eating at me, no pun intended, because I rarely eat out and it was a special meal that I then couldn't eat.
I didn't say anything at the time and she didn't notice that I stopped eating, just switched to chips.
I was almost thinking of sending her a text asking her to please Venmo me for the cost of the meal but that seems really aggressive, right?

[Anonymous]

You cannot ask her for cost of the meal. She was rude, you should have said something at the time but didn’t. Let it go.
As a side note assuming she doesn’t have some contagious disease I would have still eaten my meal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You cannot ask her for cost of the meal. She was rude, you should have said something at the time but didn’t. Let it go.
As a side note assuming she doesn’t have some contagious disease I would have still eaten my meal.

+1. You have to address this kind of stuff right at the moment it happens. She has forgotten and bringing it up now will make you look bad. Move on and just meet her for drinks next time.

[Anonymous]

You could have cut off the section that her fork touched. That said, her action was rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You cannot ask her for cost of the meal. She was rude, you should have said something at the time but didn’t. Let it go.
As a side note assuming she doesn’t have some contagious disease I would have still eaten my meal.

+1. You have to address this kind of stuff right at the moment it happens. She has forgotten and bringing it up now will make you look bad. Move on and just meet her for drinks next time.

+2 You missed your chance to call her out on it.

And why couldn't you just have eaten around the portion that her dirty fork touched?

[Anonymous]

Your friend was completely wrong. You should have said something in the moment; you should have given it to her and asked her to buy you another one!

My mom was like this; she, too, would have missed out on the meal because she would have been unable to eat any of it. My brother completely inherited this mentality; he can't eat at buffets, can't eat after his wife or kids, just like my mom. I never drink after anyone and the only person I can eat after is my husband, but at least I would have been able to cut off the part that bothered me and enjoyed the meal. Sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You cannot ask her for cost of the meal. She was rude, you should have said something at the time but didn’t. Let it go.
As a side note assuming she doesn’t have some contagious disease I would have still eaten my meal.

+1. You have to address this kind of stuff right at the moment it happens. She has forgotten and bringing it up now will make you look bad. Move on and just meet her for drinks next time.

+2 You missed your chance to call her out on it.

And why couldn't you just have eaten around the portion that her dirty fork touched?

+1

[Anonymous]

Definitely rude, and I would have batted away her fork with my fork, saying "my lobster!" But I wouldn't have been freaked out by germs--it's just that I want my lobster all to myself.

[Anonymous]

You chose not to eat it, you could have stopped her and cut off the “gross “ part.

I think if you do ask for a refund you should use it to get some anxiety meds.

[Anonymous]

Please do Venmo request her for the cost...

...and come back here to let us know how that went.

[Anonymous]

OP where are these lobster enchiladas?

[Anonymous]

Unless they are sick, I’d have no problem eating after a friend.
I also have never had Covid, and have not been sick since before the pandemic. I just don’t freak out about germs. Works for me.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it was rude of her. I understand why you couldn't say anything in the moment, but please speak up if it happens again. "I have a thing about sharing food. I prefer to serve you before I eat, so there's no accidental contamination."

You're not going to die if you catch an opportunistic bacteria or virus from her mouth. But you can get annoying things, like Herpes simplex. So, best to avoid.

- microbiologist

[Anonymous]

In a related subject...We have a group of friends that we go out to dinner with. They share food - they offer and pass around what's on their plate, and expect me to share my appetizers and dinner. I do not want to do this. If I order and pay for my food, I want to eat it. I don't like the possibility of germs as the plate passes and people take some, and I also do not like having to give portions out to people (to keep my plate germ safe.) I don't mean to sound paranoid here...I just want to order and eat and pay for my own dinner myself. Anyone have any advice for me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a related subject...We have a group of friends that we go out to dinner with. They share food - they offer and pass around what's on their plate, and expect me to share my appetizers and dinner. I do not want to do this. If I order and pay for my food, I want to eat it. I don't like the possibility of germs as the plate passes and people take some, and I also do not like having to give portions out to people (to keep my plate germ safe.) I don't mean to sound paranoid here...I just want to order and eat and pay for my own dinner myself. Anyone have any advice for me?

You smile broadly and announce "sorry, I don't like sharing my food!", and carry on. It's socially acceptable. I don't like sharing my food either.