Missing out on childhood for tournaments, etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its insane to drive six hours away for a kids soccer game.

Seriously, WTF. This isn’t middle of nowhere Wyoming. There are thousands of kids within a 1 hour radius.

Actually, we do happen to be in the middle of nowhere. Not in Wyoming, but in a state next to Wyoming!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP. I am like you in that I want a balanced life with some flexibility on weekends for social events, community events, nature, spontaneity. But as you see on this post, there are many who want an ultra-structured life for their kids.

You can’t change them so just do what a PP said and book around your children’s 3-4 closest friends. And hopefully a few of the rest will be free too.

I am the theater parent who responded.

I think some parents do push their kids and some of us have kids who something is their passion. I have 2 kids and one isn't like this and doesn't have a passion. My other kid's passion is theater. So do I enjoy every minute of all the time I've spent supporting her in this passion and the disruption to my own life at times? No. Am I proud of her and what she's doing? Hell yes. My kid is happy and thriving.

I guess I would ask you to ask yourself if you would do anything all that different. If you have a child who wants to pursue something at a high level, yes it's going to cramp your style some. But what kind of parent is not going to do that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a kid in travel sports? We signed a contract saying the kid will be there. There aren’t a lot of extra players so if two kids skip, the whole team would potentially forfeit. We knew this going in and so did our kids. I would it let my kid skip a tournament unless it was for a very best friend. Even then, I’d really have to plan it out. My kids love their sports.

+1
My kids know that the travel sports are a commitment and it’s their decision if they want to do them and be all in. They also sign the contract and know it’s for 10 months. The second they don’t want to be all in they won’t continue the following year. The decision is all theirs, and they love it. They can’t just skip for a bday party bc that’s not fair to the team and could result in a forfeit, especially if anyone else is out sick or injured. I’m guessing you don’t have kids serious about a sport? It’s not simply a local tournament to these kids - they get very into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its insane to drive six hours away for a kids soccer game.

And 99 percent of these kids won’t play high school let alone college

[Anonymous]

If its a close friend, we'd miss sports, but a tournament where the team is counting on you for a random kid in the class, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its insane to drive six hours away for a kids soccer game.

And 99 percent of these kids won’t play high school let alone college

Who cares. It’s a very small amount of coocoo for Cocoa Puffs Parents who actually think the kids are playing in college. My daughter plays travel soccer and she’s on the lowest team. She absolutely loves it, keeps her busy, healthy, and she’s made some awesome friends. It’s been a great experience for her. I never played sport, so it has nothing to do with me reliving my childhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since your kids are in travel, I don’t get how you don’t get this.

This. My DD committed to a team and tournaments are not optional. My DD fully understood she would be giving up a lot of birthday parties, play dates, and other fun social opportunities when she signed on. She is her happiest when playing in a tournament. Sure, she wishes they did not conflict with so many other things, but she would not change it for anything and has never expressed an ounce of regret. And she is in her second year of an intense tournament schedule so she had to REcommit after going through it for a full year and had zero hesitation. Her closest non-teammate friends have planned birthday parties around her tournament schedule.

[Anonymous]

Temperatures rising

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP. I am like you in that I want a balanced life with some flexibility on weekends for social events, community events, nature, spontaneity. But as you see on this post, there are many who want an ultra-structured life for their kids.

You can’t change them so just do what a PP said and book around your children’s 3-4 closest friends. And hopefully a few of the rest will be free too.

It is not that we want an ultra-structured life for our kids. Believe me, DH and I would have much preferred our youngest stick with rec sports like our oldest has. This is what SHE CHOSE and we ALLOWED because it makes her so happy. It is not at all my preference to have so much of her time taken up by her sport. But she is the happiest she has ever been and for that, DH and I are thrilled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its insane to drive six hours away for a kids soccer game.

And 99 percent of these kids won’t play high school let alone college

The PP said they live in a state next to Wyoming, so I'm guessing all the kids on that travel team will play in high school! We drive and fly a ton for our kids' sports, too. We also live in a state near Wyoming. We can afford it and we're making great memories. There is no expectation that our kids will play in college, though our daughter will definitely be able to play D1 baring an injury if she wants and our sons at the very least can play club, which I favor anyway.

[Anonymous]

It is the way sports are structured these days, much as I wish things were different.

Unfortunately, travel/club experience is necessary in many sports if a kid even wants a chance to make a high school team.

Kids used to be able to just play rec sports, middle school then high school (and only when the sport was in season, until high school age). No longer.

It is NOT a change for the better, IMO. The tournaments etc are fun, but they take away from family time and I don’t think the hyper focus and time commitment for one sport is healthy. BUT there is little alternative, if your kid likes to play a sport and wants even a chance (just a chance) to play in high school. That is all parents want- if their kids enjoy it, they support keeping the door open in case their kid wants to play in high school- (most are not at all focused on college much less anything beyond).

The same can apply to other activities, I’m sure.

Your point is real, but nothing will change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP. I am like you in that I want a balanced life with some flexibility on weekends for social events, community events, nature, spontaneity. But as you see on this post, there are many who want an ultra-structured life for their kids.

You can’t change them so just do what a PP said and book around your children’s 3-4 closest friends. And hopefully a few of the rest will be free too.

I am the theater parent who responded.

I think some parents do push their kids and some of us have kids who something is their passion. I have 2 kids and one isn't like this and doesn't have a passion. My other kid's passion is theater. So do I enjoy every minute of all the time I've spent supporting her in this passion and the disruption to my own life at times? No. Am I proud of her and what she's doing? Hell yes. My kid is happy and thriving.

I guess I would ask you to ask yourself if you would do anything all that different. If you have a child who wants to pursue something at a high level, yes it's going to cramp your style some. But what kind of parent is not going to do that?

NP - wait, isn’t part of the job of a parent to guide their child? I get that many kids are passionate about their sport or activity of choice. Great. And, if a family’s finances and schedules permit these sports and activities to dominate their free time, super. There are trade-offs in the form of kids becoming overly specialized at very young ages, some of which have been mentioned here, such as too much of a child’s identity being about one single thing. I’ve also known coaches at higher levels (college and beyond) are aren’t particularly enthusiastic about travel sports for kids younger than high school, since the amount of time spent traveling could be used on things like additional skill development and conditioning.

Also, yes, there are choices about these things. Not every high school requires years of travel sports to make a team. Not every opportunity must be taken, particularly if it’s going to create a schedule that leads to posts on here about how overwhelmed and exhausted parents are, and how they just can’t handle the logistics of these commitments.

OP, this issue is largely a class one. UC/UMC families here aren’t going to forego these kinds of activities for their kids, no matter the trade-off. It is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP. I am like you in that I want a balanced life with some flexibility on weekends for social events, community events, nature, spontaneity. But as you see on this post, there are many who want an ultra-structured life for their kids.

You can’t change them so just do what a PP said and book around your children’s 3-4 closest friends. And hopefully a few of the rest will be free too.

I am the theater parent who responded.

I think some parents do push their kids and some of us have kids who something is their passion. I have 2 kids and one isn't like this and doesn't have a passion. My other kid's passion is theater. So do I enjoy every minute of all the time I've spent supporting her in this passion and the disruption to my own life at times? No. Am I proud of her and what she's doing? Hell yes. My kid is happy and thriving.

I guess I would ask you to ask yourself if you would do anything all that different. If you have a child who wants to pursue something at a high level, yes it's going to cramp your style some. But what kind of parent is not going to do that?

NP - wait, isn’t part of the job of a parent to guide their child? I get that many kids are passionate about their sport or activity of choice. Great. And, if a family’s finances and schedules permit these sports and activities to dominate their free time, super. There are trade-offs in the form of kids becoming overly specialized at very young ages, some of which have been mentioned here, such as too much of a child’s identity being about one single thing. I’ve also known coaches at higher levels (college and beyond) are aren’t particularly enthusiastic about travel sports for kids younger than high school, since the amount of time spent traveling could be used on things like additional skill development and conditioning.

Also, yes, there are choices about these things. Not every high school requires years of travel sports to make a team. Not every opportunity must be taken, particularly if it’s going to create a schedule that leads to posts on here about how overwhelmed and exhausted parents are, and how they just can’t handle the logistics of these commitments.

OP, this issue is largely a class one. UC/UMC families here aren’t going to forego these kinds of activities for their kids, no matter the trade-off. It is what it is.

Most posts, including OP's, seem to be parents upset their non-travel kids can't find kids to hang out with not parents of travel kids complaining about schedules

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its insane to drive six hours away for a kids soccer game.

And 99 percent of these kids won’t play high school let alone college

I would not encourage my child in their sport in college but good exercise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP. I am like you in that I want a balanced life with some flexibility on weekends for social events, community events, nature, spontaneity. But as you see on this post, there are many who want an ultra-structured life for their kids.

You can’t change them so just do what a PP said and book around your children’s 3-4 closest friends. And hopefully a few of the rest will be free too.

I am the theater parent who responded.

I think some parents do push their kids and some of us have kids who something is their passion. I have 2 kids and one isn't like this and doesn't have a passion. My other kid's passion is theater. So do I enjoy every minute of all the time I've spent supporting her in this passion and the disruption to my own life at times? No. Am I proud of her and what she's doing? Hell yes. My kid is happy and thriving.

I guess I would ask you to ask yourself if you would do anything all that different. If you have a child who wants to pursue something at a high level, yes it's going to cramp your style some. But what kind of parent is not going to do that?

NP - wait, isn’t part of the job of a parent to guide their child? I get that many kids are passionate about their sport or activity of choice. Great. And, if a family’s finances and schedules permit these sports and activities to dominate their free time, super. There are trade-offs in the form of kids becoming overly specialized at very young ages, some of which have been mentioned here, such as too much of a child’s identity being about one single thing. I’ve also known coaches at higher levels (college and beyond) are aren’t particularly enthusiastic about travel sports for kids younger than high school, since the amount of time spent traveling could be used on things like additional skill development and conditioning.

Also, yes, there are choices about these things. Not every high school requires years of travel sports to make a team. Not every opportunity must be taken, particularly if it’s going to create a schedule that leads to posts on here about how overwhelmed and exhausted parents are, and how they just can’t handle the logistics of these commitments.

OP, this issue is largely a class one. UC/UMC families here aren’t going to forego these kinds of activities for their kids, no matter the trade-off. It is what it is.

+1 million. Unfortunately the culture nowadays is that every kid must be “passionate” about something. Otherwise the kid risks not going to a good college, or the parent has nothing to brag about. It’s not enough to be a balanced, happy-go-lucky kid with diverse interests and connections.

There are SO MANY posts on this forum which are essentially: my kid plays a ton of sports, but outside of that all he wants is screens. Well… maybe if you had encouraged multiple interests and friend groups from Day 1, they wouldn’t default to screens for all of their free time outside of sports!!