Missing out on childhood for tournaments, etc

[Anonymous]

I think I get what OP is saying. Her own kids do travel sports so it’s not like she doesn’t understand the schedule. It’s more the mentality of the parents acting like everything needs to be built around the sport… like missing a sleepover so they can be rested for a competition. It’s one thing if the kid doesn’t want to go, but it’s another to be all worried as a parent about your athlete child getting less rest for one night. Kids have a lot more energy than we do and we as parents should not be treating their sport like it is their Jo nowhere they need to be in top performing shape at all times. Not should we let coaches convince us that this is vital. They are kids, not college scholarship or pro athletes. Being a little tired at one game isn’t going to derail their “career”. I see parents worrying way too much about these things. Even just the language used, like “oh Larla plays soccer and then just does basketball for fun”. Um, what? It’s all supposed to be for fun, even if it’s a serious travel team. Those kids aren’t being paid to play the sport, you are paying someone else. If they really want to do something fun that might impact their performance temporarily, let it go. Parents here get waaaay too invested. They don’t realize that many of the best athletes with the longest careers have parents who are the opposite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I get what OP is saying. Her own kids do travel sports so it’s not like she doesn’t understand the schedule. It’s more the mentality of the parents acting like everything needs to be built around the sport… like missing a sleepover so they can be rested for a competition. It’s one thing if the kid doesn’t want to go, but it’s another to be all worried as a parent about your athlete child getting less rest for one night. Kids have a lot more energy than we do and we as parents should not be treating their sport like it is their [b]job[b] they need to be in top performing shape at all times. Not should we let coaches convince us that this is vital. They are kids, not college scholarship or pro athletes. Being a little tired at one game isn’t going to derail their “career”. I see parents worrying way too much about these things. Even just the language used, like “oh Larla plays soccer and then just does basketball for fun”. Um, what? It’s all supposed to be for fun, even if it’s a serious travel team. Those kids aren’t being paid to play the sport, you are paying someone else. If they really want to do something fun that might impact their performance temporarily, let it go. Parents here get waaaay too invested. They don’t realize that many of the best athletes with the longest careers have parents who are the opposite.

Fixed typo above

[Anonymous]

I don't even see the issue. Parties for lots of kids are in the younger elementary years. The kids who aren't that busy with travel sports. As the kids age the parties get smaller and smaller, the age more kids are involved in club/travel sports. Kids are not supposed to do those things on the off chance they might be invited to 3-4 birthday parties a year? Just talk to the parents of those few kids and find a mutually agreeable date and plan the party then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP. I am like you in that I want a balanced life with some flexibility on weekends for social events, community events, nature, spontaneity. But as you see on this post, there are many who want an ultra-structured life for their kids.

You can’t change them so just do what a PP said and book around your children’s 3-4 closest friends. And hopefully a few of the rest will be free too.

While traveling for tournaments we’ve done local community events, visited museums, went bowling, watched movies, walked across cities, visited college campuses all while socializing with their teammates. Sleeping at hotels with all their friends is a highlight for my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP. I am like you in that I want a balanced life with some flexibility on weekends for social events, community events, nature, spontaneity. But as you see on this post, there are many who want an ultra-structured life for their kids.

You can’t change them so just do what a PP said and book around your children’s 3-4 closest friends. And hopefully a few of the rest will be free too.

While traveling for tournaments we’ve done local community events, visited museums, went bowling, watched movies, walked across cities, visited college campuses all while socializing with their teammates. Sleeping at hotels with all their friends is a highlight for my kids.

My DD swims so we have only done a few “travel” meets, but honestly they are a lot of fun. The one on one time with my DD at the hotel is precious, she has a blast with her teammates, I’ve gotten to know the parents better, we’ve explored the areas the meets are in, it’s been a total positive.

[Anonymous]

My kid is a rising 9th grader and plays on a high level travel team - away games are usually a long car trip plus hotel. We try to let our kid have some balance - he can miss occasional practices and if he wants to skip a game each season - for a family event or something with friends that’s important to him - he’s old enough to make these calls. He has to communicate w the coach well in advance. And realize it could impact playing time the next game.
There usually one or two teammates each game miss for one reason or another. Especially in March/April when surrounding school systems are on spring break.
When he was younger - had he begged to go to a friends bday party over a game - depending on the circumstances we would have tried to make it work.

[Anonymous]

If you commit to a travel sport, then I view that as the priority. If it is a mid-level team, maybe you go to a few parties. But high-level team, the coach isn't going to be happy with you.
I typically decline birthday invitations if the kids have games. But now parents tend to check before scheduling for their best friends. But even this week I got an invitation for a best friend party that is during a game. I plan to decline.
And I just hate sleepovers. Hate tired kids. I decline most sleepovers. My mom did the same thing for me so I don't feel bad. I am happy to pick a kid up at 10pm. But I hate the "stay up all night" thing.

[Anonymous]

I do think that kids are missing out on childhood in favor of sports. I know families who don't vacation because the kid will miss practice. It's a shame. Many of these kids won't do the sport beyond HS, and if they do compete in college, they won't beyond that. They are missing out on the variety of life in favor of one thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP. I am like you in that I want a balanced life with some flexibility on weekends for social events, community events, nature, spontaneity. But as you see on this post, there are many who want an ultra-structured life for their kids.

You can’t change them so just do what a PP said and book around your children’s 3-4 closest friends. And hopefully a few of the rest will be free too.

I am the theater parent who responded.

I think some parents do push their kids and some of us have kids who something is their passion. I have 2 kids and one isn't like this and doesn't have a passion. My other kid's passion is theater. So do I enjoy every minute of all the time I've spent supporting her in this passion and the disruption to my own life at times? No. Am I proud of her and what she's doing? Hell yes. My kid is happy and thriving.

I guess I would ask you to ask yourself if you would do anything all that different. If you have a child who wants to pursue something at a high level, yes it's going to cramp your style some. But what kind of parent is not going to do that?

NP - wait, isn’t part of the job of a parent to guide their child? I get that many kids are passionate about their sport or activity of choice. Great. And, if a family’s finances and schedules permit these sports and activities to dominate their free time, super. There are trade-offs in the form of kids becoming overly specialized at very young ages, some of which have been mentioned here, such as too much of a child’s identity being about one single thing. I’ve also known coaches at higher levels (college and beyond) are aren’t particularly enthusiastic about travel sports for kids younger than high school, since the amount of time spent traveling could be used on things like additional skill development and conditioning.

Also, yes, there are choices about these things. Not every high school requires years of travel sports to make a team. Not every opportunity must be taken, particularly if it’s going to create a schedule that leads to posts on here about how overwhelmed and exhausted parents are, and how they just can’t handle the logistics of these commitments.

OP, this issue is largely a class one. UC/UMC families here aren’t going to forego these kinds of activities for their kids, no matter the trade-off. It is what it is.

Most posts, including OP's, seem to be parents upset their non-travel kids can't find kids to hang out with not parents of travel kids complaining about schedules

Exactly. I don't understand the anger. Find friends with similar interests. Why do so many people care what other kids are doing on the weekends? You do you.

Plus, the birthday parties are too much. I'm tired. If I can find a reason to skip another birthday party where I need to sign and submit a waiver, I'll take it. We love the down time. We always attend for good friends, but the extended classmate birthday parties are unnecessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP. I am like you in that I want a balanced life with some flexibility on weekends for social events, community events, nature, spontaneity. But as you see on this post, there are many who want an ultra-structured life for their kids.

You can’t change them so just do what a PP said and book around your children’s 3-4 closest friends. And hopefully a few of the rest will be free too.

I am the theater parent who responded.

I think some parents do push their kids and some of us have kids who something is their passion. I have 2 kids and one isn't like this and doesn't have a passion. My other kid's passion is theater. So do I enjoy every minute of all the time I've spent supporting her in this passion and the disruption to my own life at times? No. Am I proud of her and what she's doing? Hell yes. My kid is happy and thriving.

I guess I would ask you to ask yourself if you would do anything all that different. If you have a child who wants to pursue something at a high level, yes it's going to cramp your style some. But what kind of parent is not going to do that?

NP - wait, isn’t part of the job of a parent to guide their child? I get that many kids are passionate about their sport or activity of choice. Great. And, if a family’s finances and schedules permit these sports and activities to dominate their free time, super. There are trade-offs in the form of kids becoming overly specialized at very young ages, some of which have been mentioned here, such as too much of a child’s identity being about one single thing. I’ve also known coaches at higher levels (college and beyond) are aren’t particularly enthusiastic about travel sports for kids younger than high school, since the amount of time spent traveling could be used on things like additional skill development and conditioning.

Also, yes, there are choices about these things. Not every high school requires years of travel sports to make a team. Not every opportunity must be taken, particularly if it’s going to create a schedule that leads to posts on here about how overwhelmed and exhausted parents are, and how they just can’t handle the logistics of these commitments.

OP, this issue is largely a class one. UC/UMC families here aren’t going to forego these kinds of activities for their kids, no matter the trade-off. It is what it is.

Most posts, including OP's, seem to be parents upset their non-travel kids can't find kids to hang out with not parents of travel kids complaining about schedules

Exactly. I don't understand the anger. Find friends with similar interests. Why do so many people care what other kids are doing on the weekends? You do you.

Plus, the birthday parties are too much. I'm tired. If I can find a reason to skip another birthday party where I need to sign and submit a waiver, I'll take it. We love the down time. We always attend for good friends, but the extended classmate birthday parties are unnecessary.

+1 My kid has asked me to tell parents throwing a party that they have a game and can't attend. Small parties are great and my kid loves those, laser tag in 6th grade is just not a draw

[Anonymous]

My 12-year-old son plays basketball, now year-round except for August, and he also plays soccer. Sports are a highlight of his free time. His friends also play various sports, rec and/or travel, so they are all equally busy.

We could not find a good time slot to fit in my son's birthday party this winter so I ended up giving him some of the money I would have spent at an over-priced party place to buy an expensive pair of sneakers. And, I arranged laser tag or gaming play dates with several good friends so they could hang together.

My son's classmates rarely host birthday parties nowadays. The PTA moms I hang with at school all agree that we have come to dislike the large (over 10) parties because when we do have free time, we prefer to chill or hang as a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 12-year-old son plays basketball, now year-round except for August, and he also plays soccer. Sports are a highlight of his free time. His friends also play various sports, rec and/or travel, so they are all equally busy.

We could not find a good time slot to fit in my son's birthday party this winter so I ended up giving him some of the money I would have spent at an over-priced party place to buy an expensive pair of sneakers. And, I arranged laser tag or gaming play dates with several good friends so they could hang together.

My son's classmates rarely host birthday parties nowadays. The PTA moms I hang with at school all agree that we have come to dislike the large (over 10) parties because when we do have free time, we prefer to chill or hang as a family.

The best party DD ever had was at a tournament. One of the team moms saw her birthday on team snap and spread the word. At the team dinner, the waiter brought out a cupcake with a candle and the kids had presents. It was a total surprise to all of us. Years later, that's the one she remembers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I get what OP is saying. Her own kids do travel sports so it’s not like she doesn’t understand the schedule. It’s more the mentality of the parents acting like everything needs to be built around the sport… like missing a sleepover so they can be rested for a competition. It’s one thing if the kid doesn’t want to go, but it’s another to be all worried as a parent about your athlete child getting less rest for one night. Kids have a lot more energy than we do and we as parents should not be treating their sport like it is their Jo nowhere they need to be in top performing shape at all times. Not should we let coaches convince us that this is vital. They are kids, not college scholarship or pro athletes. Being a little tired at one game isn’t going to derail their “career”. I see parents worrying way too much about these things. Even just the language used, like “oh Larla plays soccer and then just does basketball for fun”. Um, what? It’s all supposed to be for fun, even if it’s a serious travel team. Those kids aren’t being paid to play the sport, you are paying someone else. If they really want to do something fun that might impact their performance temporarily, let it go. Parents here get waaaay too invested. They don’t realize that many of the best athletes with the longest careers have parents who are the opposite.

From my perspective... any I do have a D1 athlete, my son loved, loved, loved sports.. it truly is a passion. It wasn't something we pushed or even cared about, something we supported. he would play rain, shine, snow, ice, morning, noon, night, after practice was over, before practice started.

1) it's not that everything is built around a sport, it's just what they love, it's what they want to do. Everything has a pecking order. It's a lesson in life, you will disappoint somebody at some point. You might go to a kids field trip and disappoint your boss, or go to an important dinner for work and disappoint your kid or go on girls weekend and miss a kids event. Life is full of choices.
2) birthday parties are just not that important, they are low on the pecking order.
3) it's not that I never let my kid sleep over it's that I explained the consequences and they probably did a sleepover, stayed up all night, tried to play, played horribly and felt horrible all day. They learned they did not like to disappoint their team and would rather leave the party at midnight before a game. I don't think that falls in the category of "they can't go because they need to be in peak performance". It's that they realize they don't want to go because playing well brings them more joy than staying up all night. If I said, I'm picking Larlo up at midnight, he's not sleeping over, it's because he wanted to and knew his friends wouldn't let him sleep if he wanted. BTDT.

What you don't see is us pulling back the reins instead of pushing because from the outside looking in you can't imagine a kid is wanting this.

[Anonymous]

I am adamant that sports not take priority.

I say this as the sister of an elite athlete who had no childhood. I was constantly being dragged to meets. Was not allowed my own EC's. Couldn't hand out with friends on weekends. Until I turned 16 and they were ok with leaving me alone on the weekends, my entire life came second to his.

My parents paid for OOS college as an apology, but the wounds run deep.

[Anonymous]

For all of you who are so committed to sports etc, what if your child has siblings? what if your child's bday falls on the games weekend? I cannot imagine driving 6hr+ for a kid's game unless my child was a prodigy.