DH pressuring me to make more money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I think he may be preparing for divorce and wants to pay you less alimony.

DH earns $2m+ and I’m a SAHM. Our youngest is in kindergarten. DH prefers I stay home because it would be an inconvenience for him if he had to share in child duties:

I mean you’ve got some pretty big problems yourself

Everyone has problems but my problems are not financial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$190k part time attorney in federal government? There is no such thing. Dumb troll.

This is what jumped out at me as well. Part time jobs with the government are hard to come by and 190k is off the GS level pay scale. I don’t know if any financial agencies or SES that are part time …

NP. I work for a financial regulator. I’m not in management. If I worked 4 days per week, my salary would be about $190k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the primary breadwinner, I would also like my spouse to step up professionally so I can relax a bit.

If your spouse is making $190k they’re already stepping up plenty.

Rubbish. The kid is 19. Ops life is not comparable in stress level

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine any spouse saying this. Sounds like OP is a troll.

Ditto

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your family need more money for? Has he discussed that? Based on the numbers you aren’t starving so maybe start there to figure out what this is really about.

Given that he’s gotten “mean” I have to wonder if he is staring down the barrel of child support/alimony calculations. Beware OP.

+1. This does not sound good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why would he NOT ask her to do this? as the primary breadwinner, i'm exhausted and stressed all the time. op i'm sure you're happy bc you have a low stress life and part time job subsidized by someone else's labor. it's COMPLETELY fair enough that you shoulder some of the burden for a while.

He should find a job that isn’t as exhausting and stressful then. They will do fine on $380k/yr.

It’s idiotic to have two people burning the candles at both ends in biglaw. I should know, we did it for a decade.

This! He can step back. Even if he makes 100k, a combined $290 is plenty. Especially with what I assume is a very large amount saved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the primary breadwinner, I would also like my spouse to step up professionally so I can relax a bit.

If your spouse is making $190k they’re already stepping up plenty.

Rubbish. The kid is 19. Ops life is not comparable in stress level

OP has three kids, the oldest of which is 19 and the youngest of which is only 10. A 10 year old still requires someone in the house with them before and/or after school.

[Anonymous]

you are a strong independent woman so go get that bag girl! Your in a 50/50 partnership and you are not carrying 50% of the $$. You need to step up and start carrying your weight. If you earn more money then you can just hire people to do stuff for the kids. You need to use your time better. Earn the bag and outsource. It will make you a better partner. Also having a career will be for fulfilling and give you more self esteem. Careers are the most important thing in life so lean in!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the primary breadwinner, I would also like my spouse to step up professionally so I can relax a bit.

If your spouse is making $190k they’re already stepping up plenty.

Rubbish. The kid is 19. Ops life is not comparable in stress level

The youngest kid is 10 but that’s not the point. $190k is a perfectly fine salary. There’s nothing to complain about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I make 190k working part time from home. DH makes 1.4M. We are both lawyers.
We both were in biglaw and I left when my oldest was born (he’s 19) and took this part time legal job that I like and is flexible. It’s a federal government job. We have three kids now and the youngest is 10. He would like me to return to a firm to make more money.
I repeatedly tell him that he doesn’t realize all that I do for the kids and their school and the house and pets and our lives generally and who would do it if I return to a firm? But he doesn’t get it.
The pressure is getting really really intense and has become quite aggressive and sometimes mean. It’s rough.

He's getting ready to file for divorce or cheat. Look for the signs so you can protect yourself.

It makes no sense for a good man making 1.4M per year to want his wife to work at all. He should be happy to take care of you and see you peaceful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you are a strong independent woman so go get that bag girl! Your in a 50/50 partnership and you are not carrying 50% of the $$. You need to step up and start carrying your weight. If you earn more money then you can just hire people to do stuff for the kids. You need to use your time better. Earn the bag and outsource. It will make you a better partner. Also having a career will be for fulfilling and give you more self esteem. Careers are the most important thing in life so lean in!

lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I think he may be preparing for divorce and wants to pay you less alimony.

DH earns $2m+ and I’m a SAHM. Our youngest is in kindergarten. DH prefers I stay home because it would be an inconvenience for him if he had to share in child duties:

That is the saddest thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why would he NOT ask her to do this? as the primary breadwinner, i'm exhausted and stressed all the time. op i'm sure you're happy bc you have a low stress life and part time job subsidized by someone else's labor. it's COMPLETELY fair enough that you shoulder some of the burden for a while.

She gave birth to their kids and does the primary caretaking. That alone would cost him 200k+ if not for her. Get real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$190k part time attorney in federal government? There is no such thing. Dumb troll.

I’m guessing it’s a FT job that she accomplished in PT hours and is flexible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you are a strong independent woman so go get that bag girl! Your in a 50/50 partnership and you are not carrying 50% of the $$. You need to step up and start carrying your weight. If you earn more money then you can just hire people to do stuff for the kids. You need to use your time better. Earn the bag and outsource. It will make you a better partner. Also having a career will be for fulfilling and give you more self esteem. Careers are the most important thing in life so lean in!

i know this is meant to be sarcastic but i dont disagree with much of it.