So many ACs have no gratitude or respect toward their parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Apparently respecting your elders is a foreign concept. ACs should be grateful to their parents and pay them respect. They owe them respect.

How can you make such a general statement like that without knowing anything about peoples lives? My mom let her husbands and boyfriends sexually abuse me, I told her about it every time she did nothing, and you think I owe her respect?

Never.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Yes, it seems it is a foreign concept. I am Asian who immigrated here. My kids had a happy, well adjusted, pampered childhood and they were always well behaved and respectful to us and their teachers because that was our home environment and culture.

But their heartfelt gratitude towards us came when they went to college and realized that their peers had really selfish parents, neglected childhoods, few memories of delicious hot family meals and general anxiety about life and their future. That their parents did not pay for their college, that they did not want to be bothered by their kids struggles. It is "18 and you are out". Many parents 'downsized' when kids left for college, many divorced, many converted the kids bedrooms into their hobby rooms.

Their respect towards us came when they started jobs and faced the bamboo ceiling that their parents had faced. They then realized how we managed to be prudent with our money and leapfrogged into UMC, even when we were underpaid and plied with more work than others. All of a sudden, they were proud of our accented English and stopped correcting us.

Their devotion towards us came when we were willing to sacrifice our money and leisure time willingly to take care of grandkids and provide real help to our children to grow their career and have a balanced life without worry for their children. They wanted us to speak in our native tongue to our grandkids and reclaim the language that was lost because we all were trying to fit in.

You reap what you sow. Your kids are human beings who were born to be loved and nurtured. What did you do for them? Just giving birth is not enough. When parents are loving, kind and nurturing - why won't their kids have respect and gratitude towards them?

This made me tear up — reminded me of my own (Asian) parents.

I'm sure Asian kids too can blame their parents for many things but no one can deny the sacrifices Asian & South Asian parents make for their families, specially their children.

Having many Asian friends, I would not want to replicate the ways in which they tended to be raised. And I will add that many of them are choosing to raise their own children very differently. A life that is sacrificed on the altar of good grades, duty, and relentless adherence to discipline is not a fun one. There is a reason that the fertility rate in South Korea is below 1.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Yes, it seems it is a foreign concept. I am Asian who immigrated here. My kids had a happy, well adjusted, pampered childhood and they were always well behaved and respectful to us and their teachers because that was our home environment and culture.

But their heartfelt gratitude towards us came when they went to college and realized that their peers had really selfish parents, neglected childhoods, few memories of delicious hot family meals and general anxiety about life and their future. That their parents did not pay for their college, that they did not want to be bothered by their kids struggles. It is "18 and you are out". Many parents 'downsized' when kids left for college, many divorced, many converted the kids bedrooms into their hobby rooms.

Their respect towards us came when they started jobs and faced the bamboo ceiling that their parents had faced. They then realized how we managed to be prudent with our money and leapfrogged into UMC, even when we were underpaid and plied with more work than others. All of a sudden, they were proud of our accented English and stopped correcting us.

Their devotion towards us came when we were willing to sacrifice our money and leisure time willingly to take care of grandkids and provide real help to our children to grow their career and have a balanced life without worry for their children. They wanted us to speak in our native tongue to our grandkids and reclaim the language that was lost because we all were trying to fit in.

You reap what you sow. Your kids are human beings who were born to be loved and nurtured. What did you do for them? Just giving birth is not enough. When parents are loving, kind and nurturing - why won't their kids have respect and gratitude towards them?

There are so many Asian young adults who despise their parents' domineering, extreme helicopter parenting.

Sure. I am sure there are crap Asian people too. Crap parents and crap ACs. Not everyone has come from good and loving families. But, by and large, the culture is of respect to elders. And by and large, the parents sacrifice for their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Apparently respecting your elders is a foreign concept. ACs should be grateful to their parents and pay them respect. They owe them respect.

How can you make such a general statement like that without knowing anything about peoples lives? My mom let her husbands and boyfriends sexually abuse me, I told her about it every time she did nothing, and you think I owe her respect?

Never.

Yup. These are the kinds of American parents that want respect from their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Yes, it seems it is a foreign concept. I am Asian who immigrated here. My kids had a happy, well adjusted, pampered childhood and they were always well behaved and respectful to us and their teachers because that was our home environment and culture.

But their heartfelt gratitude towards us came when they went to college and realized that their peers had really selfish parents, neglected childhoods, few memories of delicious hot family meals and general anxiety about life and their future. That their parents did not pay for their college, that they did not want to be bothered by their kids struggles. It is "18 and you are out". Many parents 'downsized' when kids left for college, many divorced, many converted the kids bedrooms into their hobby rooms.

Their respect towards us came when they started jobs and faced the bamboo ceiling that their parents had faced. They then realized how we managed to be prudent with our money and leapfrogged into UMC, even when we were underpaid and plied with more work than others. All of a sudden, they were proud of our accented English and stopped correcting us.

Their devotion towards us came when we were willing to sacrifice our money and leisure time willingly to take care of grandkids and provide real help to our children to grow their career and have a balanced life without worry for their children. They wanted us to speak in our native tongue to our grandkids and reclaim the language that was lost because we all were trying to fit in.

You reap what you sow. Your kids are human beings who were born to be loved and nurtured. What did you do for them? Just giving birth is not enough. When parents are loving, kind and nurturing - why won't their kids have respect and gratitude towards them?

God I'm so sick of hearing Chinese parents talk about their "sacrifices".
I also hear that college admissions offices are sick of it too.
-signed, Chinese daughter and parent

No. Not talking about Asians who do not come from Democratic countries. Commie govt fux up their citizens in many ways - China, Russia...

[Anonymous]

I'm often surprised that today's 30-50 yr olds aren't gratefully thanking their boomer parents for making them the wonderful, successful human beings they are today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Yes, it seems it is a foreign concept. I am Asian who immigrated here. My kids had a happy, well adjusted, pampered childhood and they were always well behaved and respectful to us and their teachers because that was our home environment and culture.

But their heartfelt gratitude towards us came when they went to college and realized that their peers had really selfish parents, neglected childhoods, few memories of delicious hot family meals and general anxiety about life and their future. That their parents did not pay for their college, that they did not want to be bothered by their kids struggles. It is "18 and you are out". Many parents 'downsized' when kids left for college, many divorced, many converted the kids bedrooms into their hobby rooms.

Their respect towards us came when they started jobs and faced the bamboo ceiling that their parents had faced. They then realized how we managed to be prudent with our money and leapfrogged into UMC, even when we were underpaid and plied with more work than others. All of a sudden, they were proud of our accented English and stopped correcting us.

Their devotion towards us came when we were willing to sacrifice our money and leisure time willingly to take care of grandkids and provide real help to our children to grow their career and have a balanced life without worry for their children. They wanted us to speak in our native tongue to our grandkids and reclaim the language that was lost because we all were trying to fit in.

You reap what you sow. Your kids are human beings who were born to be loved and nurtured. What did you do for them? Just giving birth is not enough. When parents are loving, kind and nurturing - why won't their kids have respect and gratitude towards them?

There are so many Asian young adults who despise their parents' domineering, extreme helicopter parenting.

Sure. I am sure there are crap Asian people too. Crap parents and crap ACs. Not everyone has come from good and loving families. But, by and large, the culture is of respect to elders. And by and large, the parents sacrifice for their children.

Isn’t sacrifice part of the job description?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm often surprised that today's 30-50 yr olds aren't gratefully thanking their boomer parents for making them the wonderful, successful human beings they are today.

Yeah, my parents “made me,” kind of like a Dr. Frankenstein lab experiment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um, at the point you are referring to your children as “ACs” you should probably step off line and do a little honest introspection.

And yet it is the name of this entire forum. That's probably why the term is used. Right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Yes, it seems it is a foreign concept. I am Asian who immigrated here. My kids had a happy, well adjusted, pampered childhood and they were always well behaved and respectful to us and their teachers because that was our home environment and culture.

But their heartfelt gratitude towards us came when they went to college and realized that their peers had really selfish parents, neglected childhoods, few memories of delicious hot family meals and general anxiety about life and their future. That their parents did not pay for their college, that they did not want to be bothered by their kids struggles. It is "18 and you are out". Many parents 'downsized' when kids left for college, many divorced, many converted the kids bedrooms into their hobby rooms.

Their respect towards us came when they started jobs and faced the bamboo ceiling that their parents had faced. They then realized how we managed to be prudent with our money and leapfrogged into UMC, even when we were underpaid and plied with more work than others. All of a sudden, they were proud of our accented English and stopped correcting us.

Their devotion towards us came when we were willing to sacrifice our money and leisure time willingly to take care of grandkids and provide real help to our children to grow their career and have a balanced life without worry for their children. They wanted us to speak in our native tongue to our grandkids and reclaim the language that was lost because we all were trying to fit in.

You reap what you sow. Your kids are human beings who were born to be loved and nurtured. What did you do for them? Just giving birth is not enough. When parents are loving, kind and nurturing - why won't their kids have respect and gratitude towards them?

Tiger cubs are raised to fear the Tiger parents, that's not respect. You are confused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Yes, it seems it is a foreign concept. I am Asian who immigrated here. My kids had a happy, well adjusted, pampered childhood and they were always well behaved and respectful to us and their teachers because that was our home environment and culture.

But their heartfelt gratitude towards us came when they went to college and realized that their peers had really selfish parents, neglected childhoods, few memories of delicious hot family meals and general anxiety about life and their future. That their parents did not pay for their college, that they did not want to be bothered by their kids struggles. It is "18 and you are out". Many parents 'downsized' when kids left for college, many divorced, many converted the kids bedrooms into their hobby rooms.

Their respect towards us came when they started jobs and faced the bamboo ceiling that their parents had faced. They then realized how we managed to be prudent with our money and leapfrogged into UMC, even when we were underpaid and plied with more work than others. All of a sudden, they were proud of our accented English and stopped correcting us.

Their devotion towards us came when we were willing to sacrifice our money and leisure time willingly to take care of grandkids and provide real help to our children to grow their career and have a balanced life without worry for their children. They wanted us to speak in our native tongue to our grandkids and reclaim the language that was lost because we all were trying to fit in.

You reap what you sow. Your kids are human beings who were born to be loved and nurtured. What did you do for them? Just giving birth is not enough. When parents are loving, kind and nurturing - why won't their kids have respect and gratitude towards them?

This made me tear up — reminded me of my own (Asian) parents.

I'm sure Asian kids too can blame their parents for many things but no one can deny the sacrifices Asian & South Asian parents make for their families, specially their children.

Having many Asian friends, I would not want to replicate the ways in which they tended to be raised. And I will add that many of them are choosing to raise their own children very differently. A life that is sacrificed on the altar of good grades, duty, and relentless adherence to discipline is not a fun one. There is a reason that the fertility rate in South Korea is below 1.

+1000

Offspring of immigrant Asians have a pressure cooker upbringings, all the pressure is put on the kids to succeed and work and work to support the parents dreams. Who wouldn't resent missing childhood? They don't respect their parents for that.

[Anonymous]

I would like to. As my mother has aged she's gotten mean and dismissive. She never reads or listens to anything I say but always has something to say to me that is negative. I've had to spend 3 hours just trying to tell her a sentence because whatever is real is in her head and no one else seems to know anything. All conspiracy theory too. She needs to distrust everyone these days. Brings in the past into every disagreement. You know 20 years ago we could tell you would be like this when you did X. Why do you always do X? I've been at parties and she brings up conspiracy issues she knows will rile me up and her friends are the ones that have to say this isn't a topic for a party. The other day she said something like, well at least I have always had more friends than you to which I responded as I've mentioned before, I don't want our friendship to be a competition. I'm almost 50 and have never complained about not having enough friends. But she continues flexing whatever her most important thought of the day is despite not receiving any agreement. I'm not treated as a person and it's worse now because she feels that she's losing power and so I feel like she's self-sabotaging the relationship in some sort of hate against the world for her getting older and for her not really having the authority in the relationship anymore. I'm sure it's a regular occurrence as people age that they project their anger on getting older out into the world, but it's hard to constantly show respect for someone like that even if at one time they were kinder. I can barely be around her.

I think a lot of kids would show more respect if adult parents weren't constantly critical of their children still into their adulthood and could just treat them as friends themselves.

What exactly does respect look like to the elderly? To me it means seating them appropriately. Helping them out as needed. It doesn't mean taking abusive comments.

[Anonymous]

Also, on the gratitude part, if they are trying to live a life like you told them, isn't that gratitude? Am I constantly going to be saying thank you for the bike you got me when I was 10? I said thank you then. Did you constantly say thank you to your parents for your past? It seems weird. I invite her over to dinner and ask if she needs anything, but especially if she is going to be critical, I'm not going to constantly be saying thank you for some past help. Why can't we all just live in the present and help each other out? Aren't we all adults now?

[cepheus]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Apparently respecting your elders is a foreign concept. ACs should be grateful to their parents and pay them respect. They owe them respect.

Respect is earned or given not demanded or enforced. You decide to have unprotected sex and bring kids into this world. You wanted to have children so you got to raise them. Why do you expect a thank you for your choice and its consequences? What choice they had in their existence or upbringing.

If they love and respect you, you taught them well. If they don't, its still on parents.

I would think some parents loved their children and were still abused by them. I think some parents are blinded by their love for them and therefore are in denial and unable to enforce boundaries.

There would only be a thousand reasons why adult children are abusive. I do not always think they parents brought it on.

When I witnessed a sibling mocking my mother, I was not impressed and did not think my mother earned the abuse.

[Anonymous]

I'm trans and no longer speak with my parents. I have biological children and they never interact with their bigoted grandparents. None of the other queer people I know speak with their parents. This includes the Asian ones.

While not everyone obviously, many Asian parents are right up their with their bigotry and hate for queer people as the religious right in this country. Do you know how many LGBTQ people are homeless in Asian countries, including China? Do you know how many trans women in southeast Asian do sex work and don't live with their family? I don't want to hear about how great Asians are when they hate people that are different. We love you so much. Accept the Terms and conditions and fine bring.*


*Heterosexual and cisgender for family admission