So many ACs have no gratitude or respect toward their parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Apparently respecting your elders is a foreign concept. ACs should be grateful to their parents and pay them respect. They owe them respect.

Did you show respect to your elders? Children learn by watching you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Yes, it seems it is a foreign concept. I am Asian who immigrated here. My kids had a happy, well adjusted, pampered childhood and they were always well behaved and respectful to us and their teachers because that was our home environment and culture.

But their heartfelt gratitude towards us came when they went to college and realized that their peers had really selfish parents, neglected childhoods, few memories of delicious hot family meals and general anxiety about life and their future. That their parents did not pay for their college, that they did not want to be bothered by their kids struggles. It is "18 and you are out". Many parents 'downsized' when kids left for college, many divorced, many converted the kids bedrooms into their hobby rooms.

Their respect towards us came when they started jobs and faced the bamboo ceiling that their parents had faced. They then realized how we managed to be prudent with our money and leapfrogged into UMC, even when we were underpaid and plied with more work than others. All of a sudden, they were proud of our accented English and stopped correcting us.

Their devotion towards us came when we were willing to sacrifice our money and leisure time willingly to take care of grandkids and provide real help to our children to grow their career and have a balanced life without worry for their children. They wanted us to speak in our native tongue to our grandkids and reclaim the language that was lost because we all were trying to fit in.

You reap what you sow. Your kids are human beings who were born to be loved and nurtured. What did you do for them? Just giving birth is not enough. When parents are loving, kind and nurturing - why won't their kids have respect and gratitude towards them?

This made me tear up — reminded me of my own (Asian) parents.

I'm sure Asian kids too can blame their parents for many things but no one can deny the sacrifices Asian & South Asian parents make for their families, specially their children.

Which is really admirable yet in some ways very unhealthy as it comes with reciprocal expectations.

Reciprocal expectations are healthy. Tradition is healthy. Unmitigated individualism is unhealthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Yes, it seems it is a foreign concept. I am Asian who immigrated here. My kids had a happy, well adjusted, pampered childhood and they were always well behaved and respectful to us and their teachers because that was our home environment and culture.

But their heartfelt gratitude towards us came when they went to college and realized that their peers had really selfish parents, neglected childhoods, few memories of delicious hot family meals and general anxiety about life and their future. That their parents did not pay for their college, that they did not want to be bothered by their kids struggles. It is "18 and you are out". Many parents 'downsized' when kids left for college, many divorced, many converted the kids bedrooms into their hobby rooms.

Their respect towards us came when they started jobs and faced the bamboo ceiling that their parents had faced. They then realized how we managed to be prudent with our money and leapfrogged into UMC, even when we were underpaid and plied with more work than others. All of a sudden, they were proud of our accented English and stopped correcting us.

Their devotion towards us came when we were willing to sacrifice our money and leisure time willingly to take care of grandkids and provide real help to our children to grow their career and have a balanced life without worry for their children. They wanted us to speak in our native tongue to our grandkids and reclaim the language that was lost because we all were trying to fit in.

You reap what you sow. Your kids are human beings who were born to be loved and nurtured. What did you do for them? Just giving birth is not enough. When parents are loving, kind and nurturing - why won't their kids have respect and gratitude towards them?

This made me tear up — reminded me of my own (Asian) parents.

I'm sure Asian kids too can blame their parents for many things but no one can deny the sacrifices Asian & South Asian parents make for their families, specially their children.

Which is really admirable yet in some ways very unhealthy as it comes with reciprocal expectations.

Reciprocal expectations are healthy. Tradition is healthy. Unmitigated individualism is unhealthy.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:White American parenting is F’d up. Too permissive and emotionally neglectful.

I have to laugh at this. Only White American? LOL.

PP didn’t say only.

[Anonymous]

The Boomers want a parenting participation trophy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Yes, it seems it is a foreign concept. I am Asian who immigrated here. My kids had a happy, well adjusted, pampered childhood and they were always well behaved and respectful to us and their teachers because that was our home environment and culture.

But their heartfelt gratitude towards us came when they went to college and realized that their peers had really selfish parents, neglected childhoods, few memories of delicious hot family meals and general anxiety about life and their future. That their parents did not pay for their college, that they did not want to be bothered by their kids struggles. It is "18 and you are out". Many parents 'downsized' when kids left for college, many divorced, many converted the kids bedrooms into their hobby rooms.

Their respect towards us came when they started jobs and faced the bamboo ceiling that their parents had faced. They then realized how we managed to be prudent with our money and leapfrogged into UMC, even when we were underpaid and plied with more work than others. All of a sudden, they were proud of our accented English and stopped correcting us.

Their devotion towards us came when we were willing to sacrifice our money and leisure time willingly to take care of grandkids and provide real help to our children to grow their career and have a balanced life without worry for their children. They wanted us to speak in our native tongue to our grandkids and reclaim the language that was lost because we all were trying to fit in.

You reap what you sow. Your kids are human beings who were born to be loved and nurtured. What did you do for them? Just giving birth is not enough. When parents are loving, kind and nurturing - why won't their kids have respect and gratitude towards them?

This made me tear up — reminded me of my own (Asian) parents.

I'm sure Asian kids too can blame their parents for many things but no one can deny the sacrifices Asian & South Asian parents make for their families, specially their children.

Which is really admirable yet in some ways very unhealthy as it comes with reciprocal expectations.

Reciprocal expectations are healthy. Tradition is healthy. Unmitigated individualism is unhealthy.

Tradition is peer pressure of dead people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Yes, it seems it is a foreign concept. I am Asian who immigrated here. My kids had a happy, well adjusted, pampered childhood and they were always well behaved and respectful to us and their teachers because that was our home environment and culture.

But their heartfelt gratitude towards us came when they went to college and realized that their peers had really selfish parents, neglected childhoods, few memories of delicious hot family meals and general anxiety about life and their future. That their parents did not pay for their college, that they did not want to be bothered by their kids struggles. It is "18 and you are out". Many parents 'downsized' when kids left for college, many divorced, many converted the kids bedrooms into their hobby rooms.

Their respect towards us came when they started jobs and faced the bamboo ceiling that their parents had faced. They then realized how we managed to be prudent with our money and leapfrogged into UMC, even when we were underpaid and plied with more work than others. All of a sudden, they were proud of our accented English and stopped correcting us.

Their devotion towards us came when we were willing to sacrifice our money and leisure time willingly to take care of grandkids and provide real help to our children to grow their career and have a balanced life without worry for their children. They wanted us to speak in our native tongue to our grandkids and reclaim the language that was lost because we all were trying to fit in.

You reap what you sow. Your kids are human beings who were born to be loved and nurtured. What did you do for them? Just giving birth is not enough. When parents are loving, kind and nurturing - why won't their kids have respect and gratitude towards them?

This made me tear up — reminded me of my own (Asian) parents.

I'm sure Asian kids too can blame their parents for many things but no one can deny the sacrifices Asian & South Asian parents make for their families, specially their children.

Which is really admirable yet in some ways very unhealthy as it comes with reciprocal expectations.

Reciprocal expectations are healthy. Tradition is healthy. Unmitigated individualism is unhealthy.

This is only healthy if the two parties enter into these expectations voluntarily and on equal footing. The parent-child relationship is inherently unequal, and often guilt and pressure are used to make the weaker party (the child) accept these expectations.

[Anonymous]

My mother hit, belted, and yelled at me and my siblings on a regular basis. Emotionally neglected us (no hugs, kissing, touching other than hitting, no 'I love you' or encouraging words). What's to respect or be grateful for in that parenting style?

[Anonymous]

The thing is, emotionally entitled adults raise emotionally entitled children. Hence the demands for both thanks and apologies. From each they are the same entitled demands, just from different ends. In the end, they are the same people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: My mother hit, belted, and yelled at me and my siblings on a regular basis. Emotionally neglected us (no hugs, kissing, touching other than hitting, no 'I love you' or encouraging words). What's to respect or be grateful for in that parenting style?

Sounds like my Asian parents. There is no doubt my parents made sure I was well feed and my educational needs were taken care of? But anything emotional? Patience? Discipline? Those were all subpar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The Boomers want a parenting participation trophy.

This! And at the same time they can’t even show up for grandchildren. I have quite a few boomer relatives who are giddy that their kids struggle with grandkids and being a working parent. “Good! Now they can see what we went through!”

[Anonymous]

If you want respect treat your kids well.

[Anonymous]

I love my parents, they loved me and my siblings and did whatever they could for us and more. We do a lot for them but its not to reciprocate but just out of love and care. They weren't perfect parents but they were good parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Yes, it seems it is a foreign concept. I am Asian who immigrated here. My kids had a happy, well adjusted, pampered childhood and they were always well behaved and respectful to us and their teachers because that was our home environment and culture.

But their heartfelt gratitude towards us came when they went to college and realized that their peers had really selfish parents, neglected childhoods, few memories of delicious hot family meals and general anxiety about life and their future. That their parents did not pay for their college, that they did not want to be bothered by their kids struggles. It is "18 and you are out". Many parents 'downsized' when kids left for college, many divorced, many converted the kids bedrooms into their hobby rooms.

Their respect towards us came when they started jobs and faced the bamboo ceiling that their parents had faced. They then realized how we managed to be prudent with our money and leapfrogged into UMC, even when we were underpaid and plied with more work than others. All of a sudden, they were proud of our accented English and stopped correcting us.

Their devotion towards us came when we were willing to sacrifice our money and leisure time willingly to take care of grandkids and provide real help to our children to grow their career and have a balanced life without worry for their children. They wanted us to speak in our native tongue to our grandkids and reclaim the language that was lost because we all were trying to fit in.

You reap what you sow. Your kids are human beings who were born to be loved and nurtured. What did you do for them? Just giving birth is not enough. When parents are loving, kind and nurturing - why won't their kids have respect and gratitude towards them?

God I'm so sick of hearing Chinese parents talk about their "sacrifices".
I also hear that college admissions offices are sick of it too.
-signed, Chinese daughter and parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Respect is earned.

+1000