How long do you stay hyper about where your child is in college?

[Anonymous]

Not at all for me.

My kid isn’t even in college yet and has a job offer at the college plus an invitation to join a certain type of group there. I’m thrilled! Not sure any Ivy would have provided these opportunities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine had IVY dreams and was waitlisted last year. He is happy where he is this year and has no desire as well to transfer. He's taken an attitude now that if he had to redo high school, he would have enjoyed it more and not stressed so much.

I think academically he knows he is capable but socially perhaps it's better where he landed. I can only see growth from this experience and no need to transfer for an undergrad degree. Let them enjoy these discoveries.

Kids raised in this area get the impression (often from competitive parents, who pressure them for perceived perfection) that anything less than a T20 is failure.

How healthy that when they wind up elsewhere, that they kids realize that there are other smart people there, that they are learning, that life is not only about "winning" or work.
If only they could bring their parents along on their journey of growth!

I think it depends. My parents would only pay for state school, not private. I was able to see the vast networking system and doors open for my husband that attended a top 5 university that I just did not have from my large state university. Of course, it's going to depend on the university AND the major/field and if the kid goes to a med/law/grad school after. There are so many variables. I did go onto grad school. I basically had to coming out of my state university. My husband did not--through his university he was set up in a pretty prime first job out of college that was a launching point for the rest of his career. He did not come from wealth or means--he was a poor kid with a single mom. I, to this day 20 years later, still see the clout his degree holds. People also wrongly make assumptions about me based on where I attended when I was in the top 1% of my HS class and very high SATs, etc. People can be snobby a-holes.

Past your first job, you are then judged on your work experience and the degree is less relevant. But, being on one end and seeing the difference is eye-opening. I see it now with my kids that went to public school K-8 and now are in a private high school. I see what they are offered, all the advantages and attention, the involvement of the college counselor, the opportunities, the network as well. It's very, very different than what we received even in a very well-regarded public school system.

Great, sincere post ! This has been our experience for many whom we know well.

Are you willing to share which school your husband attended ? TIA

Hopkins. #7 now but was in top 3 his year

JHU is a serious school regardless of rank. Always #1 in R&D expenditures.

Our extended family had the same experience more recently from Brown, U Chicago, Northwestern (both undergrad & grad), Columbia (both undergrad & grad), but--surprisingly--not Duke (same individual family member was both undergrad & grad).

[Anonymous]

The obsession with top schools and rankings in general is insidious and not healthy. This is a perfect example, so glad my kid happy at his mediocre school living his best life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The obsession with top schools and rankings in general is insidious and not healthy. This is a perfect example, so glad my kid happy at his mediocre school living his best life.

Things are changing due to tech careers & other STEM related careers. Public university honors colleges also help bridge the gap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The obsession with top schools and rankings in general is insidious and not healthy. This is a perfect example, so glad my kid happy at his mediocre school living his best life.

Things are changing due to tech careers & other STEM related careers. Public university honors colleges also help bridge the gap.

What is changing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The obsession with top schools and rankings in general is insidious and not healthy. This is a perfect example, so glad my kid happy at his mediocre school living his best life.

Things are changing due to tech careers & other STEM related careers. Public university honors colleges also help bridge the gap.

What is changing?

Tech based growth. State publics have long offered great engineering programs.

Even MBA programs are hustling to become STEM designated programs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The obsession with top schools and rankings in general is insidious and not healthy. This is a perfect example, so glad my kid happy at his mediocre school living his best life.

Things are changing due to tech careers & other STEM related careers. Public university honors colleges also help bridge the gap.

What is changing?

Tech based growth. State publics have long offered great engineering programs.

Even MBA programs are hustling to become STEM designated programs.

OK, what does that have to do with an unhealthy obsession with top ranked schools?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The obsession with top schools and rankings in general is insidious and not healthy. This is a perfect example, so glad my kid happy at his mediocre school living his best life.

Things are changing due to tech careers & other STEM related careers. Public university honors colleges also help bridge the gap.

What is changing?

Tech based growth. State publics have long offered great engineering programs.

Even MBA programs are hustling to become STEM designated programs.

OK, what does that have to do with an unhealthy obsession with top ranked schools?

I cannot help with your apparent unhealthy obsession about your real or imagined obsession about those with an obsession about highly ranked colleges & universities. Sorry, but please seek help elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Unless your child brings it up, I wouldn't. They can pick up on subtle hints they you think they aren't good enough and that is so not worth it for any school.

[Anonymous]

Oh FFS. Let your son thrive and blossom at his current school. If he really still has the need for Ivy gratification, he can always apply there for graduate/professional school!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh FFS. Let your son thrive and blossom at his current school. If he really still has the need for Ivy gratification, he can always apply there for graduate/professional school!

This is terrible advice with respect to graduate school. For grad school, attend the best program in your field regardless of athletic conference affiliation.

The biggest benefit of attending an Ivy League school is for undergraduate & professional schools (law, MBA, medicine).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with everyone saying the kid is happy and that is the point, so why do something else?

But I also wonder why does this kid not feel challenged? He sounds quite smart, and he's in college now -- can't he make or find his own challenge? Or is he just sitting back and waiting for someone to tell him to do a particular thing and hopes he will feel challenged by it? If I were you, I'd treat this the same way as I treat my younger kids when they tell me they are bored. Go find something interesting to do! Why are you waiting for me to tell you what to do? So tell him to go find a challenge!

I do actually see this in a lot of kids who were driven to be high-achievers. The achievements were externally motivated or done as a means to an end (almost always, getting into a good college). Once they are out of the house and their parents aren't controlling so much, or they've gotten into college, the motivation is gone. Or they never learned how to go out and find something that interests them, because other people were always telling them what they needed to do (take certain classes, do certain activities, etc.); college is so much more self-determined and there are a lot of options but you have to go out and find them, and if you never really had a chance to practice that, you can end up a bit stalled out.

That said, it's possible that the kid feels appropriately challenged, and just telling Mom that classes are fine, not too hard, etc.

[Anonymous]

Your DS won’t start taking major classes until junior year. It could be that the core classes are easier and less interesting, but he’ll feel more challenged once he starts classes related to his major. If he’s happy, I wouldn’t rock the boat.

[Anonymous]

Op, he drives all of his decisions. Now. He will know you respect him and trust his judgement if you don't seem to be wrestling with decisions about his adult life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine had IVY dreams and was waitlisted last year. He is happy where he is this year and has no desire as well to transfer. He's taken an attitude now that if he had to redo high school, he would have enjoyed it more and not stressed so much.

I think academically he knows he is capable but socially perhaps it's better where he landed. I can only see growth from this experience and no need to transfer for an undergrad degree. Let them enjoy these discoveries.

Kids raised in this area get the impression (often from competitive parents, who pressure them for perceived perfection) that anything less than a T20 is failure.

How healthy that when they wind up elsewhere, that they kids realize that there are other smart people there, that they are learning, that life is not only about "winning" or work.
If only they could bring their parents along on their journey of growth!

I think it depends. My parents would only pay for state school, not private. I was able to see the vast networking system and doors open for my husband that attended a top 5 university that I just did not have from my large state university. Of course, it's going to depend on the university AND the major/field and if the kid goes to a med/law/grad school after. There are so many variables. I did go onto grad school. I basically had to coming out of my state university. My husband did not--through his university he was set up in a pretty prime first job out of college that was a launching point for the rest of his career. He did not come from wealth or means--he was a poor kid with a single mom. I, to this day 20 years later, still see the clout his degree holds. People also wrongly make assumptions about me based on where I attended when I was in the top 1% of my HS class and very high SATs, etc. People can be snobby a-holes.

Past your first job, you are then judged on your work experience and the degree is less relevant. But, being on one end and seeing the difference is eye-opening. I see it now with my kids that went to public school K-8 and now are in a private high school. I see what they are offered, all the advantages and attention, the involvement of the college counselor, the opportunities, the network as well. It's very, very different than what we received even in a very well-regarded public school system.

Great, sincere post ! This has been our experience for many whom we know well.

Are you willing to share which school your husband attended ? TIA

Hopkins. #7 now but was in top 3 his year

I went to Hopkins and it has never been in top 3.