How long do you stay hyper about where your child is in college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS was one of those kids last year who had a perfect ACT score, 4.0 UW GPA, speaks 3 languages, took 12 APs, plays an instrument and a sport, won awards, had work experience, etc and got deferred everywhere last year except his safety. He is very happy at this school this year, continued his A average, but hasn’t felt particularly challenged yet. He has made friends and seems settled. I ran into his HS counselor who asked if he would be applying to transfer and if so, they would be happy to help him. He has no interest. He has an attitude now that the elite schools he aspired to are just a crock of .. well you know.
So this is my question for those who had/have the ivy or die attitude in this list. For the majority of folks who have kids who didn't get into their dream school, admit it or not, what are your feelings now? If your kid is happy, do you let it go, or push them to try again?

So your kid graduated last year and I gather he received all his rejections by 3/31/22..so the current answer is 10 months.

If you keep posting, then the length is longer.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Mine had IVY dreams and was waitlisted last year. He is happy where he is this year and has no desire as well to transfer. He's taken an attitude now that if he had to redo high school, he would have enjoyed it more and not stressed so much.

I think academically he knows he is capable but socially perhaps it's better where he landed. I can only see growth from this experience and no need to transfer for an undergrad degree. Let them enjoy these discoveries.

Kids raised in this area get the impression (often from competitive parents, who pressure them for perceived perfection) that anything less than a T20 is failure.

How healthy that when they wind up elsewhere, that they kids realize that there are other smart people there, that they are learning, that life is not only about "winning" or work.
If only they could bring their parents along on their journey of growth!

I think it depends. My parents would only pay for state school, not private. I was able to see the vast networking system and doors open for my husband that attended a top 5 university that I just did not have from my large state university. Of course, it's going to depend on the university AND the major/field and if the kid goes to a med/law/grad school after. There are so many variables. I did go onto grad school. I basically had to coming out of my state university. My husband did not--through his university he was set up in a pretty prime first job out of college that was a launching point for the rest of his career. He did not come from wealth or means--he was a poor kid with a single mom. I, to this day 20 years later, still see the clout his degree holds. People also wrongly make assumptions about me based on where I attended when I was in the top 1% of my HS class and very high SATs, etc. People can be snobby a-holes.

Past your first job, you are then judged on your work experience and the degree is less relevant. But, being on one end and seeing the difference is eye-opening. I see it now with my kids that went to public school K-8 and now are in a private high school. I see what they are offered, all the advantages and attention, the involvement of the college counselor, the opportunities, the network as well. It's very, very different than what we received even in a very well-regarded public school system.

Great, sincere post ! This has been our experience for many whom we know well.

Are you willing to share which school your husband attended ? TIA

Hopkins. #7 now but was in top 3 his year

I went to Hopkins and it has never been in top 3.

The highest that JHU has been ranked by US News is #7.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Only issue is people do to school to also date and find a spouse.

I made mistake of going to Stonybrook as a white Catholic man and found school to be 70 percent male and few women mainly Asian and in library. Add in a big gay population. I dated zero in college. Although I did hook up townies

But I visited Villanova one weekend and was like 52 percent pretty upper income white Catholic females.

Class is only 3 -5 hours a day. It is important to enjoy the other 20 hours a day

And you could not date Asian women because...?

Because it makes white DCUM women suuuuuper mad 😂😂😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DS won’t start taking major classes until junior year. It could be that the core classes are easier and less interesting, but he’ll feel more challenged once he starts classes related to his major. If he’s happy, I wouldn’t rock the boat.

That's not true at all schools. DC chose an open curriculum school for this reason.

[Anonymous]

I do think that smart and talented kids should be challenged in college. I don't think they'll learn and stretch without that. Sure, they can ring the bells on those multiple choice tests that they give at the less competitive state schools and get a high GPA. But that's not going to prep them to be able to excel in their chosen career.

[Anonymous]

Both my kids found their freshman year to be easy after being high-achieving students at rigorous high schools. The work got more challenging when they began taking upper-level classes.