How long do you stay hyper about where your child is in college?

[Anonymous]

My DS was one of those kids last year who had a perfect ACT score, 4.0 UW GPA, speaks 3 languages, took 12 APs, plays an instrument and a sport, won awards, had work experience, etc and got deferred everywhere last year except his safety. He is very happy at this school this year, continued his A average, but hasn’t felt particularly challenged yet. He has made friends and seems settled. I ran into his HS counselor who asked if he would be applying to transfer and if so, they would be happy to help him. He has no interest. He has an attitude now that the elite schools he aspired to are just a crock of .. well you know.
So this is my question for those who had/have the ivy or die attitude in this list. For the majority of folks who have kids who didn't get into their dream school, admit it or not, what are your feelings now? If your kid is happy, do you let it go, or push them to try again?

[Anonymous]

Why on earth would you push your kid to transfer if he’s happy??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you push your kid to transfer if he’s happy??

+1 Jeez, lady...the whole flawed reason that people try and get their kids to an Ivy is because they believe it's putting them on track for "success" and that if they get "success" they will be happy.
Your kid is ALREADY happy.

Don't confuse the strategy with the goal.


Or, to come at it from a completely different angle...don't anger the gods.

[Anonymous]

If your kid is happy, I say let it go. Maybe he can try for something more challenging for grad school.

The college application process is so brutal. In the middle of it right now. Similar stats. My son has one viable college choice, and the rest all deferrals.

[Anonymous]

I have some sympathy for this question coming from a MoCo environment with high achieving kids. A few years ago now, but my DD and her good friend had perfect scores, 12 APs, good but not national level ECs. My DD was able to land at a top 20 school that was a really good fit for her unusual, but not particularly prestigious, interests. Her brilliant friend was shut out at all but her most safe safety—from memory, 6 rejections, 3 waitlists that didn’t move, 1 acceptance. We were amazed that so many schools passed on this exceptional and delightful kid.

DD’s friend did extremely well as a CS major at a school not really valued for STEM. She’s had her pick of internships and has an excellent first job out of college. Smart kids who work hard will truly do well anywhere. I’m still annoyed on her behalf, but the situation did a lot to shift my focus to a much wider range of colleges for my younger kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS was one of those kids last year who had a perfect ACT score, 4.0 UW GPA, speaks 3 languages, took 12 APs, plays an instrument and a sport, won awards, had work experience, etc and got deferred everywhere last year except his safety. He is very happy at this school this year, continued his A average, but hasn’t felt particularly challenged yet. He has made friends and seems settled. I ran into his HS counselor who asked if he would be applying to transfer and if so, they would be happy to help him. He has no interest. He has an attitude now that the elite schools he aspired to are just a crock of .. well you know.
So this is my question for those who had/have the ivy or die attitude in this list. For the majority of folks who have kids who didn't get into their dream school, admit it or not, what are your feelings now? If your kid is happy, do you let it go, or push them to try again?

You are describing my kid. You know what? They are happy where they are, and that is all that is important at this point. College has been relatively easy, but school has always been easy for them, so it's not anything new.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS was one of those kids last year who had a perfect ACT score, 4.0 UW GPA, speaks 3 languages, took 12 APs, plays an instrument and a sport, won awards, had work experience, etc and got deferred everywhere last year except his safety. He is very happy at this school this year, continued his A average, but hasn’t felt particularly challenged yet. He has made friends and seems settled. I ran into his HS counselor who asked if he would be applying to transfer and if so, they would be happy to help him. He has no interest. He has an attitude now that the elite schools he aspired to are just a crock of .. well you know.
So this is my question for those who had/have the ivy or die attitude in this list. For the majority of folks who have kids who didn't get into their dream school, admit it or not, what are your feelings now? If your kid is happy, do you let it go, or push them to try again?

It DS hasn’t felt challenged, why do you think transferring to a college that will look better to your neighbors on your rear window will challenge him? If anything there is MORE velvet gloving and grade inflation at most top schools, with some exceptions of course. Also there isn’t a college in the top 1000 that couldn’t produce a challenging curriculum for 99.9999% of sophomores. Sounds like DS might need to stretch himself and take more difficult classes if things are too easy. But if DS is taking core curriculum, I have no reason to think chem 101 or history 101 or psych 101 are any more challenging at top 20 school than at an average college.

It matters so much more how your DS does in college than where they go.

[Anonymous]

This kid finally feels like he can breathe after getting out of your house and now you are contemplating making him transfer schools??

[Anonymous]

He’s happy. Let him be.

[Anonymous]

My DD went to her safety and excelled there. That resulted in her winning awards and the top internships. Now she is going to grad school.

You have to let go of your vision of where your child would go to college. He seems to have adjusted in a healthy fashion. Learn from his example.

[Anonymous]

This question is everything that is wrong with the college application process.

He's happy and settled. He clearly found a school that is a good fit for him. Don't tell him it's not good enough for him -- that is essentially telling him that he's not good enough for you.

[Anonymous]

What school and what major??

Going to a college is one thing.
Actually doing great in a college is another big success

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What school and what major??

Going to a college is one thing.
Actually doing great in a college is another big success

At many colleges, getting in is the hard part.

[Anonymous]

From posters' experience with their kids, can this situation be viewed as a "big fish in a little pond" situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS was one of those kids last year who had a perfect ACT score, 4.0 UW GPA, speaks 3 languages, took 12 APs, plays an instrument and a sport, won awards, had work experience, etc and got deferred everywhere last year except his safety. He is very happy at this school this year, continued his A average, but hasn’t felt particularly challenged yet. He has made friends and seems settled. I ran into his HS counselor who asked if he would be applying to transfer and if so, they would be happy to help him. He has no interest. He has an attitude now that the elite schools he aspired to are just a crock of .. well you know.
So this is my question for those who had/have the ivy or die attitude in this list. For the majority of folks who have kids who didn't get into their dream school, admit it or not, what are your feelings now? If your kid is happy, do you let it go, or push them to try again?

It DS hasn’t felt challenged, why do you think transferring to a college that will look better to your neighbors on your rear window will challenge him? If anything there is MORE velvet gloving and grade inflation at most top schools, with some exceptions of course. Also there isn’t a college in the top 1000 that couldn’t produce a challenging curriculum for 99.9999% of sophomores. Sounds like DS might need to stretch himself and take more difficult classes if things are too easy. But if DS is taking core curriculum, I have no reason to think chem 101 or history 101 or psych 101 are any more challenging at top 20 school than at an average college.

It matters so much more how your DS does in college than where they go.

+1.

And I'd add, being "challenged" at every step of the way can be overrated. Having a year that's not academically overwhelming and allows you to get your feet under you socially and in terms of adjusting to more independence, etc., can be good!