Should I force my 22 y.o. son to care about his appearance for work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You get out what you put in. Good parenting is hard work and time consuming, but, if you take the easy way out, you’ll end up with this.

This is not true. And if it is explain how so many children who have come from nothing (e.g., drug addicted parents, poverty etc.) manage to escape and succeed. Should the meth-head mother take credit for her CEO son's success? Looks like another inexperienced parent of a six-month old infant found their way to a thread they weren't invited to .

No one needs to be “invited” to a thread on DCUM, and the stupid “you’re all just parents of little kids or else you’d be agreeing with me” is asinine. Stop embarrassing yourself.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You get out what you put in. Good parenting is hard work and time consuming, but, if you take the easy way out, you’ll end up with this.

Have you ever noticed that children from the same family are not all identical? Some siblings are nicer than others, some smarter, some more creative, some more responsible. Sure, parenting matters, but children are people with minds and personalities of their own.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you should.

Also, no need for him to pay you back for haircut.

[Anonymous]

Help him get the hair cut, work appreciate clothes and then a basic hey listen your not in high school or college anymore so dress like an adult. Ask him flat out if his employer has a dress code.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son will be 23 in June and has had multiple launching failures since graduating high school in 2019. He is pleasant, well-mannered, and well-spoken but tends toward laziness and has a pattern of lying. He struggled terribly in school. After high school, he enlisted in the military but dropped out four weeks into boot camp, flunked college, and lost a job last summer with no explanation. Last week, he got a new job with decent pay ($ 17 per hour, full-time). However, he rolls out of bed and gets dressed but is oblivious to his appearance-- hair unkept, raggedy shoes, needs to shave, etc.

I have offered to pay for appearance improvement (haircut, new shoes, etc.) under the condition that he pays me back from his first check. Still, he seems mostly disinterested and oblivious to his appearance, which is why I believe he was let go from his last job.

Since my goal is for him to move out, and another layoff would delay that, should I require him to maintain his appearance, or is that too controlling?

What did you, the pediatrician and the school/teachers do for him during k-12 years?

Did he have a neuropsych or any learning disability or mental disorder diagnoses? And then targeted therapies, meds and accommodations?

As for his hygiene and life habits, did these get worse after high school? I don’t get it.

If he’s still moving with you set some House Rules and boundaries, then enforce them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From your tone this is not your kids issue.

Sounds like you failed.

Give the kid money for a hair cut if they want it. Why in the world would you make them pay you back? What's wrong with you?

Seriously!

How is kid failing all the time? He failed in HS you say? I think he was failing from k-12 and you did not pay attention. Does he need therapy and a life coach. I

Yes, force your son to care about his appearance. Force your kid to learn a trade. Force him to go to community college and take a few classes at a time. You cannot let him fail because his whole future life will be hard. Do you realize how hard today's world is for kids without proper training and education? What is your desire for this kid? Turn him into a Jan 6er?

Not sure what 1/6 has to do with this, but okay.

Is this whole tread a Troll post?. Seems like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had him evaluated for ADD and autism when he was younger but the testing came back negative, though I do wish I had pushed more.

Fake

It doesn’t come back “negative”, there is a 20 page write up on your kid and an hour long+ discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once he gets a girlfriend, she might help convince him that basic hygiene is important, as well as being "successful" in life. Unless his appearance and attitude prevent him from finding a girl.

Yeah, that’s the ticket!

Dump him on a girlfriend who can take care of him.

He should have the pick of the litter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just kick him out already you’ve been too lenient.

This.

Where is the Father in all this?

Same mental illness and failure to launch profile?

[Anonymous]

He has mental health issues. Help him treat that.

[Anonymous]

Yes, OP, make him grow up and care about his appearance.

Is there a trusted older male in his life who can talk to him about this and get through to him? Hearing it from cool Uncle Fred is better than hearing it from Mom.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry so many of these responses are unhelpful. Is he open to seeing a counselor? It sounds like he could be depressed. I am sure he is aware of the bumps he has had. Offering to pay for this might give him the benefit of an outside perspective on his situation. It would also allow them to evaluate if something more serious is going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My teen asked me to buy him his own car.

I told him to get a haircut.

He shot back “well, Jesus had long hair!”

I reminded him Jesus walked everywhere.

[Anonymous]

some GEN Z just don't care

[Anonymous]

Sounds like ADHD and a lack of executive functioning ability. I would support his effort to launch by shopping with him for a basic working wardrobe and scheduling a regular appointment for him with a nearby barber or hair stylist. I would cover those expenses myself for the first year since $17/hr is not much to pay for living expenses unless he has other financial resources.