Should I force my 22 y.o. son to care about his appearance for work?

[Anonymous]

I have a 20 yo at home looking for a job. A long history of mental illness and now antipsychotic meds. I take baby steps in a nice way, but clean, shave, showered are not negotiable. Every day he applies for jobs, works on some classes online, etc. He is trying every day.

I think OP your son he’s depressed at the failure to launch. Take him out to one of the many free events in DC. Help him enjoy himself and get organized for an outing. Not too big a commitment but you’ll both feel better.

[Anonymous]

Just kick him out already you’ve been too lenient.

[Anonymous]

Encourage him to apply for jobs where appearance is unimportant. He can learn a skill (welding, electrician, plumber, roofer, mechanic, etc) and as long as he does good work, nobody is going to care if he wears old shoes. If he is resistant to studying to get certified, he can apply for unskilled labor jobs which don't require a neat appearance (mover, delivery person, call center employee, etc). It is possible to be both unattractive and employed if he so desires. If he doesn't want a job, no amount of cleaning up his appearance will make him a desirable employee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry everyone is piling up on you OP!
I have one of those boys who are a bit oblivious about anything on the world of things - he mostly lives somewhere in the clouds.
I would definitely buy your son new shoes and make an appointment with a good barber/hairdresser and take him there (like, he is really good.. I am going to give you a ride and why don’t you try it?)
My theory is that some people require much more everyday maintenance than others. It’s almost generic. My dad is mostly oblivious to how he looks. His grandchild is going to be the same I am afraid. I do tell him it’s time to shop for new whatever.
I think modern parents are often confused by two conflicting guidance pieces: we should let go and we should be parenting well. It’s hard to find a balance but for some kids it’s towards more control

Thank you for understanding, and honestly the DCUM negativity rolls off my back. For the most part, I just assume the comments come from young parents who found their way to this forum. Generally, parents of older children are more mature and understand that everything is not the parents' fault.

LOL. I agree that you bear at least partial responsibility for this and my oldest is in college, but good try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You get out what you put in. Good parenting is hard work and time consuming, but, if you take the easy way out, you’ll end up with this.

This is not true. And if it is explain how so many children who have come from nothing (e.g., drug addicted parents, poverty etc.) manage to escape and succeed. Should the meth-head mother take credit for her CEO son's success? Looks like another inexperienced parent of a six-month old infant found their way to a thread they weren't invited to .

No one needs to be “invited” to a thread on DCUM, and the stupid “you’re all just parents of little kids or else you’d be agreeing with me” is asinine. Stop embarrassing yourself.

[Anonymous]

He lives under your roof, he follows your rules.

[Anonymous]

Sweetie,
Take responsibility for some of the mess you made.
Did he not learn basic grooming?

[Anonymous]

My teen asked me to buy him his own car.

I told him to get a haircut.

He shot back “well, Jesus had long hair!”

I reminded him Jesus walked everywhere.

[Anonymous]

If he's 22 and you're worried about it now, you're a little late to the game.

[Anonymous]

GEN Z new style so

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My teen asked me to buy him his own car.

I told him to get a haircut.

He shot back “well, Jesus had long hair!”

I reminded him Jesus walked everywhere.

OMG

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My teen asked me to buy him his own car.

I told him to get a haircut.

He shot back “well, Jesus had long hair!”

I reminded him Jesus walked everywhere.

I thought he had horses or camels

[Anonymous]

No way is he moving out on $17/hour. He’s not moving out for Years. I suggest that you take the approach of, whatever you are inclined to do, just do the opposite of that, bc your parenting instincts thus far have failed.
Get him a haircut
Teach him what is expected of a reliable employee
Buy him some clothes
Basically, help him be successful OP. That was your job. You didn’t do it 5 years ago, do it now.

[Anonymous]

It is too controlling. Leave his looks alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had him evaluated for ADD and autism when he was younger but the testing came back negative, though I do wish I had pushed more.

Personal hygeine should have been enforced early on. How do you propose to force him now?

Please have him reevaluate. He should have been medicated if his grades weren’t good. It also sounds like he has been depressed most of his life. He needs something to motivate him in life. It is not necessarily your fault. Most of this is really genetics. Some kids need extra pushing to keep them out of a slump. Once in the stump, it is hard to for them to get out and succeed.

This is correct. Take note DCUM -- grades aren't good? That requires medication.

Lol.