Feel like my boyfriend is cheap

[Anonymous]

You sound even cheaper and selfish for not going to visit him sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound even cheaper and selfish for not going to visit him sometimes.

No, no. Asking for gas cash is very special. Verrrry special for a professional adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gas money, oh my. I would ghost.

+1

Sorry, OP - he's just interested in your vaj.

[Anonymous]

Is he Dutch?

[Anonymous]

The gas money thing would be an instant stop to the relationship for me. How did he request it, “I’ll come see you if you give me money for gas” or “I’m here, give me gas money?” Both are nasty, the latter puts you at risk for physical violence, people can and will hurt each other over money. The former almost sounds like prostitution, “if you pay me, I’ll come over”. I think your use of the phrase “turn off” bothered people, they view it as say he got a bad stomach bug and “ooo, yuck, I had to hear him puke” when maybe he really couldn’t help it. Believe me, he knew what he was doing when he asked for money and it needs a stronger word then “turn off”.

As a side note, I’ve noticed that when people demand cash (as opposed to Venmo, and when they ask for money at inappropriate times, these are people you don’t want to have anything to do with. While you may never know for sure, your boyfriend may be into substance abuse, swinging, gambling, prostitution, lots of nasty behavior. He’s doing the money equivalent of telling you “If you want to eat at my house, bring your own dishes” or “If you need to use the bathroom, bring your own toilet paper”, and it’s easy to make you feel like the cheapskate, because “I’ve brought dishes for the barbecue” or “My kid’s nanny always brings her own plastic forks” or “My mom always packed toilet paper for our camping trips” when clearly this isn’t what’s happening. If you’ve never seen anything like this, it’s hard to understand why it isn’t just a friendly “Bob paid for the meal so I paid for the movie tickets” deal, and this is the mentality people like op’s boyfriend are emplying to get the result they want. Nobody wants to be called cheap, stingy, not nice.. you name it.

OP’s boyfriend knew the travel distance and the price of gas, all that should have gone into his decision tree to date op.
I‘d run, op. I’d also wonder why he’s dating you, not because you aren’t special, but because you are far away. That’s fine if he wants to see you (my husband did when he and I were dating) but I don’t remember him ever asking me for gas money. I also remember going to his house the first time I came out to see him, strange that wouldn’t happen with you and your boyfriend no matter how early the dating was.. presumably he’d already been to your house, you two had been in a car together, so the “ooo, it’s too soon.. he might carry me off and kill me” fears don’t hold water with me. As unromantic as it is, and I told my kid the same thing “people do things based on proximity.. church, shopping, activities, nothing wrong with joining something because “Hey, it’s close to home, I can get there easily”. It came up when my kid told some friends “My mom’s the only one who joined our church because it’s close to our house” to which I responded “No, I’m just admitting it, and I have no problem saying it openly”.


Do you know for sure he lives where he says he does? If so, how? I’m admittedly doing some reading on Scott Peterson of Laci Peterson fame, and even if you believe he’s not guilty of killing his wife, he was indeed shady if only in his romantic and sexual relationships. He dated women that lived hours away from home so his wife wouldn’t find out. He used distance and social norms so that his girlfriends wouldn’t question him, along with dazzling them. Your boyfriend isn’t even willing to dazzle.
Sounds like he’s married, and/or engaging in behavior he’d prefer you not know about. Healthy people just don’t behave in this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d give him the gas money, send him home, and tell him to lose my number.

+1

I don't expect fancy dinners or that the guy pay all the time but asking for gas money is pretty low. I can't believe anyone out of college would every ask for gas money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I unfortunately don’t think this is fake. I think people have a hard time believing someone could be so clueless that they assume the OP is a troll. Take this real scenario for example: My sister was once invited by the man she was dating to come and dine at the super upscale restaurant he owned in a Colorado ski resort. They had a great meal there with another couple he had invited to eat with them as well. When the meal was over the guy asked my sister to put down money to cover the tip for their waiter. She was so shocked she just pulled out her purse and left the cash on the table. On a date with the owner of the restaurant. With another couple he had invited that she had never met before.

This story lives on in infamy in my family. I’m looking the guy up now to see what became of him.

So yes, these hideously rude scenarios really do happen.

Why is it so bad that she was asked to cover the tip? Sound like your sister is a free rider.

You don’t invite someone out to dinner and then ask them to pay. Especially when you’ve invited another couple along as well that she’s never met. Especially when you own the restaurant.

Jeez, you have no sense of decorum whatsoever PP.

[Anonymous]

A friend of mine was dated a guy that would pour the unused wine back in the bottle… Holy F!

Reminds me of the TLC show, Extreme Cheapskates
https://go.tlc.com/show/extreme-cheapskates-tlc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am not a troll. As a side note, it’s getting annoying how frequently Others accuse people of being trolls here. Anyways, there’s a lot that’s good about him. We get along well, good sex, shared hobbies, supportive of my career, very emotionally available. Because he is the one who always drives (I’ve driven to his area once in 4 months) it’s thrown me off in terms of what I should expect from him. Men typically pay for all the dates but they also typically live Within 30 mins of me and we take turns visiting each other. Anyways, I will follow the advice here and just dump him.

Woman here and I think that your belief that men should pay for dates is horrible. It's 2023! You should be splitting the costs. Are we really back in 1950?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure he’s not married? That could explain not being able to drop a lot of money without being caught.

Ding! Ding!

Also explain his willingness to make the trip. And gas money for cash gas rather than use a CC that would show where he got the gas.

The one time you went to see him, OP, did you meet somewhere or go to his house?

I was thinking this too.

We met somewhere. It was early on in dating. I've never gotten a married vibe from him. He's always available and facetime's from home a lot. I guess I could do some double checking.

Shocker. There isn't a married vibe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am not a troll. As a side note, it’s getting annoying how frequently Others accuse people of being trolls here. Anyways, there’s a lot that’s good about him. We get along well, good sex, shared hobbies, supportive of my career, very emotionally available. Because he is the one who always drives (I’ve driven to his area once in 4 months) it’s thrown me off in terms of what I should expect from him. Men typically pay for all the dates but they also typically live Within 30 mins of me and we take turns visiting each other. Anyways, I will follow the advice here and just dump him.

Woman here and I think that your belief that men should pay for dates is horrible. It's 2023! You should be splitting the costs. Are we really back in 1950?

Correction, its 2023 and now all do whatever we want with respect to gender. So you do what works for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I unfortunately don’t think this is fake. I think people have a hard time believing someone could be so clueless that they assume the OP is a troll. Take this real scenario for example: My sister was once invited by the man she was dating to come and dine at the super upscale restaurant he owned in a Colorado ski resort. They had a great meal there with another couple he had invited to eat with them as well. When the meal was over the guy asked my sister to put down money to cover the tip for their waiter. She was so shocked she just pulled out her purse and left the cash on the table. On a date with the owner of the restaurant. With another couple he had invited that she had never met before.

This story lives on in infamy in my family. I’m looking the guy up now to see what became of him.

So yes, these hideously rude scenarios really do happen.

Yes, I have a story like this. Divorced parents.

For my high school graduation dinner my mom, her [years long time] boyfriend, and I went out to Houlihan's (Station Square in Pittsburgh--nice at the time but not $$).

When the bill came, he looked it over, and then in front of me ASKED MY MOM FOR like $15 TO PAY FOR MY MEAL.
A grown man. Retired military and working at the time too. Not poor, just a cheap a**.
They broke up 5 years later thankfully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have a generally good relationship with my new boyfriend (4 months). However, he is cheap when it comes to dating. In other areas of his life he is a big spender (car, clothes, etc). He is a high earner, and I earn less than him. He takes me on cheap dates and not as frequently as I'd like. We live 1.5 hours apart and he always drives to my area, which I appreciate. The last time he came he over he asked me for gas money! I was really turned off. At the outset of dating I told him I thought the distance was too much, but he insisted that he'd happily take on the burden. Should I talk to him about this or just break up?

Ewww. Gross. Break up with him. I know I sound like a teenager but that is just tacky. And on a practical note, money is a huge part of marriage. You need to have similar values. You are incompatible in a fundamental way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am not a troll. As a side note, it’s getting annoying how frequently Others accuse people of being trolls here. Anyways, there’s a lot that’s good about him. We get along well, good sex, shared hobbies, supportive of my career, very emotionally available. Because he is the one who always drives (I’ve driven to his area once in 4 months) it’s thrown me off in terms of what I should expect from him. Men typically pay for all the dates but they also typically live Within 30 mins of me and we take turns visiting each other. Anyways, I will follow the advice here and just dump him.

Woman here and I think that your belief that men should pay for dates is horrible. It's 2023! You should be splitting the costs. Are we really back in 1950?

Correction, its 2023 and now all do whatever we want with respect to gender. So you do what works for you.

parasite.

[Anonymous]

Gas money? What is he 16? Does he wear braces? Acne?