I can’t stop being salty even though I know it’s irrational

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its just your greed, envy and your poverty. You are lamenting your fate. It is ok to feel bad. And it is not irrational. You cannot even wish your grandfather ill because he is already dead.

Would it make you feel better if in front of your relatives you announce, "That MoFo grandparent did not give me money and gave another cousin money, so that makes me very hurt and angry. Hope he rots in hell!" Do you think that will make you feel good?

You’re probably right. I work hard and struggle to make ends meet every month. I’m was hit with some blows that hit me hard financially, and I worry I’ll never catch up.

It wouldn’t make me feel better to say those things. It would make me feel better if I could ask my grandfather why he wasn’t willing to help me when he could. He knew my struggles. He did nothing, when he could. It feels like an insult, and I wish I could ask him why.

I think if you would have worked harder at school and excelled in a well paying field, you would not have been in such a sorry state. Poverty is not comfortable, right? Poverty makes you a bitter and petty person without any self-respect and pride. Your grandfather probably did not like you and liked the other grandchild better. But, what does it matter? He is dead and you are alive. Can you figure out how you can improve your finances through your own efforts?

NP.
Whoa, you sound harsh!
Not everyone is academically gifted enough to excel in a well paying field. Not everyone is interested in becoming a lawyer or a surgeon, and not everyone has the acumen to become a successful entrepreneur. And even an academically gifted person may just be a bookworm all their life.

Telling the OP she should have done better at school is pointless. What's done is done.

I do agree with you when you say that the OP should try and improve her financial situation. It's never too late to do that.

Then I don't understand where all this greed and entitlement is coming from? Anyways, fair enough that he is unable to become rich. But, why must the grandfather give him anything. Maybe he is not likeable. Maybe GF prefered the other kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many grandkids are there, total?

If there are only two, yeah, that's pretty sh*tty of your grandfather, and his legacy will be how mean spirited and petty he was.

If there are a bunch of grandkids, it should have been divided evenly - but your grandfather knew that, and did it anyway. So yeah, now his legacy sucks, OP - and you can rest easy that he accomplished that all by himself.

Yes, just two of us. I’m the only one who made out with nothing. My mother and uncle (cousin’s dad) also got a portion. You’re right about the legacy though because all I can think was, all the time we spent together my whole life, did any of it matter? Did my grandfather enjoy my company?

Team OP here. What a crappy turn of events. I am so sorry, and in your shoes, I'd also be sad, confused, angry, etc.

[Anonymous]

Op, would you be upset if your grandfather left his entire estate to charity and neither your or your cousin? I think you would be equally as hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are not owed anything from dead relatives. You did not earn that money. Have grace.

Well I mean neither did my cousin, but it had to be left to someone. It’s hurtful nonetheless, to know my grandfather didn’t see me as deserving. I wish I could ask him why.

He could’ve left it to Donald Duck. And I still think you’re being irrational. It’s not yours to have.

NP, but you honestly can’t understand the hurt?

I can understand initial hurt and disappointment, but then it’s time to move on. Her disappointment stems from what her perceptions/assumptions of what was going to happen.

OP says herself “ I work my butt off, and for what!” That tells me there’s more going on than just the grandfather’s inheritance. She has a chip on her shoulder. I hope she’s able to work through these issues, finding acceptance and happiness.

I get that, but when we pass on and leave our estate to others, with it we have the choice to either improve our memories in the eyes of our loved ones, or tarnish them, as noted here. A blatant choice was made here, and a tarnished memory formed because of that choice.

Very weird world view. My estate planning is about trying to create the best outcomes. Nothing to do with “tarnishing” anything. I hope my kids and grandkids are a lot more mature than you and OP. But if they aren’t I guess I don’t care. People can always choose to be unhappy.

I 100% understand OP. I would be hurt too and would want to understand why I am left aside and it would tarnish some memories. People, be careful about your wills, who you include and who you don’t matter.

Had OP’ grandfather left a letter to her saying « I love you very much, I left more to your cousin only because he needed more etc.. » she would be ok. She would have the initial disappointment and would have wished her grandfather realized she needed it too, but she would be able to move on.

This is a wound that is much harder to heal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many grandkids are there, total?

If there are only two, yeah, that's pretty sh*tty of your grandfather, and his legacy will be how mean spirited and petty he was.

If there are a bunch of grandkids, it should have been divided evenly - but your grandfather knew that, and did it anyway. So yeah, now his legacy sucks, OP - and you can rest easy that he accomplished that all by himself.

Yes, just two of us. I’m the only one who made out with nothing. My mother and uncle (cousin’s dad) also got a portion. You’re right about the legacy though because all I can think was, all the time we spent together my whole life, did any of it matter? Did my grandfather enjoy my company?

Team OP here. What a crappy turn of events. I am so sorry, and in your shoes, I'd also be sad, confused, angry, etc.

Plus 1. Its not even explicitly about the amount of money but that he cared enough to consider you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, would you be upset if your grandfather left his entire estate to charity and neither your or your cousin? I think you would be equally as hurt.

DP here. I would rather that the descedent leave everything to charity, than to be so obvious about their ugly favoritism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many grandkids are there, total?

If there are only two, yeah, that's pretty sh*tty of your grandfather, and his legacy will be how mean spirited and petty he was.

If there are a bunch of grandkids, it should have been divided evenly - but your grandfather knew that, and did it anyway. So yeah, now his legacy sucks, OP - and you can rest easy that he accomplished that all by himself.

Yes, just two of us. I’m the only one who made out with nothing. My mother and uncle (cousin’s dad) also got a portion. You’re right about the legacy though because all I can think was, all the time we spent together my whole life, did any of it matter? Did my grandfather enjoy my company?

Team OP here. What a crappy turn of events. I am so sorry, and in your shoes, I'd also be sad, confused, angry, etc.

OP that just wasn't right for him to leave you nothing, I would also be angry and really need to work through this.

[Anonymous]

In the time it takes you to whine some more about someone else’s estate which is literally none of your business, you could be hustling to make more money and save more money. Get moving.

[Anonymous]

You don’t seem to care about grandfather or his passing beyond money, so…maybe that’s why he didn’t leave you any.

[Anonymous]

WTAF??? I mean of course no one is owed but you’ve got to be kidding me with this. The grandfather literally said “yes to you, no to you” as his FINAL WORDS. No turning back, this is my final expression to my family, and to the OP that final expression is—- no. Nothing. Zilch. Don’t care! But everyone else here you go!! Guys that SUCKS!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many grandkids are there, total?

If there are only two, yeah, that's pretty sh*tty of your grandfather, and his legacy will be how mean spirited and petty he was.

If there are a bunch of grandkids, it should have been divided evenly - but your grandfather knew that, and did it anyway. So yeah, now his legacy sucks, OP - and you can rest easy that he accomplished that all by himself.

Yes, just two of us. I’m the only one who made out with nothing. My mother and uncle (cousin’s dad) also got a portion. You’re right about the legacy though because all I can think was, all the time we spent together my whole life, did any of it matter? Did my grandfather enjoy my company?

Team OP here. What a crappy turn of events. I am so sorry, and in your shoes, I'd also be sad, confused, angry, etc.

Plus 1. Its not even explicitly about the amount of money but that he cared enough to consider you.

+2

OP, I’m very sorry. How insensitive and hurtful.

[Anonymous]

I am on Team OP. Really sucks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its just your greed, envy and your poverty. You are lamenting your fate. It is ok to feel bad. And it is not irrational. You cannot even wish your grandfather ill because he is already dead.

Would it make you feel better if in front of your relatives you announce, "That MoFo grandparent did not give me money and gave another cousin money, so that makes me very hurt and angry. Hope he rots in hell!" Do you think that will make you feel good?

You’re probably right. I work hard and struggle to make ends meet every month. I’m was hit with some blows that hit me hard financially, and I worry I’ll never catch up.

It wouldn’t make me feel better to say those things. It would make me feel better if I could ask my grandfather why he wasn’t willing to help me when he could. He knew my struggles. He did nothing, when he could. It feels like an insult, and I wish I could ask him why.

I think if you would have worked harder at school and excelled in a well paying field, you would not have been in such a sorry state. Poverty is not comfortable, right? Poverty makes you a bitter and petty person without any self-respect and pride. Your grandfather probably did not like you and liked the other grandchild better. But, what does it matter? He is dead and you are alive. Can you figure out how you can improve your finances through your own efforts?

NP. This is such a rude and hurtful response. Wtf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP, I would feel terrible too.

I was already born when my grandfather wrote his will. He left something to his first two grandkids, not knowing he'd have three more. The circumstances are different than yours, but I've had the passing concern that my younger cousins might have resented this state of affairs. I know my aunt made some mean-spirited remarks about it.

Were the 3 GC not in the will born while the GF was alive? Or did he just never update a will? OP GF had 2 kids and each had 1 adult kid at point of death. All adults so I'd have 25% splits on benefiiaries on accounts and any life insurance policies. That puts real estate and stuff [cars, contents of residence ] in probate or the will.

[Anonymous]

Your grandfather may have been making something up to your cousin you aren’t privy to— abuse, for example.

I know someone who was left an additional $100,000 in their grandfathers will because his grandmother abused him for his entire childhood and…no one did anything about it.

Your cousin may very well have earned that money. It doesn’t say anything good about your grandfather that he did this, but it doesn’t mean you necessarily got the worse deal.