I can’t stop being salty even though I know it’s irrational

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:You are not owed anything from dead relatives. You did not earn that money. Have grace.

Well I mean neither did my cousin, but it had to be left to someone. It’s hurtful nonetheless, to know my grandfather didn’t see me as deserving. I wish I could ask him why.

He could’ve left it to Donald Duck. And I still think you’re being irrational. It’s not yours to have.

NP, but you honestly can’t understand the hurt?

I can understand initial hurt and disappointment, but then it’s time to move on. Her disappointment stems from what her perceptions/assumptions of what was going to happen.

OP says herself “ I work my butt off, and for what!” That tells me there’s more going on than just the grandfather’s inheritance. She has a chip on her shoulder. I hope she’s able to work through these issues, finding acceptance and happiness.

I get that, but when we pass on and leave our estate to others, with it we have the choice to either improve our memories in the eyes of our loved ones, or tarnish them, as noted here. A blatant choice was made here, and a tarnished memory formed because of that choice.

+1

Totally agree. OP, you grandfather did that to himself. Tell your kids what he was really like - don't hold back! He made his choice of how he wants to be remembered.

Can you imagine what this would teach OP’s kids? Money is everything kids. All value as a person can be reduced to cash money. If you approve of someone’s life choices the only way to show them is to pay them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not owed anything from dead relatives. You did not earn that money. Have grace.

This.
Also it wasn’t that much anyways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are not owed anything from dead relatives. You did not earn that money. Have grace.

This.
Also it wasn’t that much anyways.

Lucky you to be so privileged but that amount of money could be life changing for some folks.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP, I would feel terrible too.

I was already born when my grandfather wrote his will. He left something to his first two grandkids, not knowing he'd have three more. The circumstances are different than yours, but I've had the passing concern that my younger cousins might have resented this state of affairs. I know my aunt made some mean-spirited remarks about it.

[Anonymous]

I simply don't get why grandparents and parents treat their children differently with inheritance. I get how you might parent them differently based on their personality, but leave them equal amounts when you die. You're just creating resentment otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I simply don't get why grandparents and parents treat their children differently with inheritance. I get how you might parent them differently based on their personality, but leave them equal amounts when you die. You're just creating resentment otherwise.

Resentment is something the person doing the resentment is choosing. I’m grateful people recognize I’m more successful and self-sufficient than my cousins/siblings. I’m even more grateful they’re right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I simply don't get why grandparents and parents treat their children differently with inheritance. I get how you might parent them differently based on their personality, but leave them equal amounts when you die. You're just creating resentment otherwise.

Resentment is something the person doing the resentment is choosing. I’m grateful people recognize I’m more successful and self-sufficient than my cousins/siblings. I’m even more grateful they’re right.

Way to miss my point completely. Maybe that's not their motivation. But hey, you do you.

[Anonymous]

Op, I understand your hurt.

That said, it doesn't erase the real experiences you had with him.

I had a relative who explained to me that she isn't leaving xxxx money because she knows they'll be okay. On paper there was absolutely no reason to think so

Who knows what baggage your grandfather had. He may have simply made a mistake. It's okay to be hurt because it's hurtful. That said, I wouldn't question the relationship.

Money is a funny thing, and people's relationship with money is more emotional than they like to admit, and I don't know your or his story, but I would give him the benefit of the doubt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are not owed anything from dead relatives. You did not earn that money. Have grace.

This.
Also it wasn’t that much anyways.

Peak DCUM.

[Anonymous]

There have been several of these type of posts. Unless a family member needed specific care, I’d split all equally in my will. I wouldn’t want to risk resentment or make anyone feel like they’re less important in my eyes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are not owed anything from dead relatives. You did not earn that money. Have grace.

Well I mean neither did my cousin, but it had to be left to someone. It’s hurtful nonetheless, to know my grandfather didn’t see me as deserving. I wish I could ask him why.

He could’ve left it to Donald Duck. And I still think you’re being irrational. It’s not yours to have.

NP, but you honestly can’t understand the hurt?

I can understand initial hurt and disappointment, but then it’s time to move on. Her disappointment stems from what her perceptions/assumptions of what was going to happen.

OP says herself “ I work my butt off, and for what!” That tells me there’s more going on than just the grandfather’s inheritance. She has a chip on her shoulder. I hope she’s able to work through these issues, finding acceptance and happiness.

I get that, but when we pass on and leave our estate to others, with it we have the choice to either improve our memories in the eyes of our loved ones, or tarnish them, as noted here. A blatant choice was made here, and a tarnished memory formed because of that choice.

Very weird world view. My estate planning is about trying to create the best outcomes. Nothing to do with “tarnishing” anything. I hope my kids and grandkids are a lot more mature than you and OP. But if they aren’t I guess I don’t care. People can always choose to be unhappy.

Exactly!

OP, please read the Happiness Trap.

[Anonymous]

Its just your greed, envy and your poverty. You are lamenting your fate. It is ok to feel bad. And it is not irrational. You cannot even wish your grandfather ill because he is already dead.

Would it make you feel better if in front of your relatives you announce, "That MoFo grandparent did not give me money and gave another cousin money, so that makes me very hurt and angry. Hope he rots in hell!" Do you think that will make you feel good?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its just your greed, envy and your poverty. You are lamenting your fate. It is ok to feel bad. And it is not irrational. You cannot even wish your grandfather ill because he is already dead.

Would it make you feel better if in front of your relatives you announce, "That MoFo grandparent did not give me money and gave another cousin money, so that makes me very hurt and angry. Hope he rots in hell!" Do you think that will make you feel good?

You’re probably right. I work hard and struggle to make ends meet every month. I’m was hit with some blows that hit me hard financially, and I worry I’ll never catch up.

It wouldn’t make me feel better to say those things. It would make me feel better if I could ask my grandfather why he wasn’t willing to help me when he could. He knew my struggles. He did nothing, when he could. It feels like an insult, and I wish I could ask him why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many grandkids are there, total?

If there are only two, yeah, that's pretty sh*tty of your grandfather, and his legacy will be how mean spirited and petty he was.

If there are a bunch of grandkids, it should have been divided evenly - but your grandfather knew that, and did it anyway. So yeah, now his legacy sucks, OP - and you can rest easy that he accomplished that all by himself.

Yes, just two of us. I’m the only one who made out with nothing. My mother and uncle (cousin’s dad) also got a portion. You’re right about the legacy though because all I can think was, all the time we spent together my whole life, did any of it matter? Did my grandfather enjoy my company?

Did your mom and uncle get the same amount?

Maybe the uncle got $25K less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many grandkids are there, total?

If there are only two, yeah, that's pretty sh*tty of your grandfather, and his legacy will be how mean spirited and petty he was.

If there are a bunch of grandkids, it should have been divided evenly - but your grandfather knew that, and did it anyway. So yeah, now his legacy sucks, OP - and you can rest easy that he accomplished that all by himself.

Yes, just two of us. I’m the only one who made out with nothing. My mother and uncle (cousin’s dad) also got a portion. You’re right about the legacy though because all I can think was, all the time we spent together my whole life, did any of it matter? Did my grandfather enjoy my company?

Did your mom and uncle get the same amount?

Maybe the uncle got $25K less.

I'm wondering why OP's mom didn't split her share with OP to even things out a bit, and of course to help out her own child.