I can’t stop being salty even though I know it’s irrational

[Anonymous]

Help!

I wasn’t left anything in my grandfather’s will when he passed. I have one cousin, who was left a considerable amount of money (around $25000) and I was left zero. The reasoning was that he had a difficult childhood. It could be argued that I had an equally difficult childhood, but that’s neither here nor there. For whatever reason, though this cousin grew up with similar disadvantages, he was catered to his whole life. It just doesn’t seem fair, and I’m salty about the whole thing, even though I know I shouldn’t be. I’ve had the absolute worst couple of years financially and even $12500, had the money been split between us, would have improved my life in ways I’m sure my grandfather can’t imagine, while also probably improving my cousin’s life with that amount. I’m so exhausted and tired of struggling for everything I have while watching other people get things so easily. I work my butt off, and for what!

Now anytime anyone brings up my grandfather I get an awful taste in my mouth, and then I feel shameful. But I can’t help feeling snubbed, yet again. Please help!

[Anonymous]

No one owes you anything. Once you accept that, you'll settle down.

[Anonymous]

You are not owed anything from dead relatives. You did not earn that money. Have grace.

[Anonymous]

How many grandkids are there, total?

If there are only two, yeah, that's pretty sh*tty of your grandfather, and his legacy will be how mean spirited and petty he was.

If there are a bunch of grandkids, it should have been divided evenly - but your grandfather knew that, and did it anyway. So yeah, now his legacy sucks, OP - and you can rest easy that he accomplished that all by himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not owed anything from dead relatives. You did not earn that money. Have grace.

Well I mean neither did my cousin, but it had to be left to someone. It’s hurtful nonetheless, to know my grandfather didn’t see me as deserving. I wish I could ask him why.

[Anonymous]

Did grandpa leave your portion to your parent? My in-laws just informed us their estate will be split between DH and his sister. Fine. But they are splitting sister’s half and giving her one child a part directly. Why? They know sister is a MESS with money and can’t be trusted to funnel any money toward her own daughter.

They will give my DH his directly for him to choose what to do with bc he’s responsible.

It could look to my kids that their cousin is “getting money from grandma” when they aren’t.

Just another way to maybe look at it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many grandkids are there, total?

If there are only two, yeah, that's pretty sh*tty of your grandfather, and his legacy will be how mean spirited and petty he was.

If there are a bunch of grandkids, it should have been divided evenly - but your grandfather knew that, and did it anyway. So yeah, now his legacy sucks, OP - and you can rest easy that he accomplished that all by himself.

Yes, just two of us. I’m the only one who made out with nothing. My mother and uncle (cousin’s dad) also got a portion. You’re right about the legacy though because all I can think was, all the time we spent together my whole life, did any of it matter? Did my grandfather enjoy my company?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are not owed anything from dead relatives. You did not earn that money. Have grace.

Well I mean neither did my cousin, but it had to be left to someone. It’s hurtful nonetheless, to know my grandfather didn’t see me as deserving. I wish I could ask him why.

He could’ve left it to Donald Duck. And I still think you’re being irrational. It’s not yours to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are not owed anything from dead relatives. You did not earn that money. Have grace.

Well I mean neither did my cousin, but it had to be left to someone. It’s hurtful nonetheless, to know my grandfather didn’t see me as deserving. I wish I could ask him why.

He could’ve left it to Donald Duck. And I still think you’re being irrational. It’s not yours to have.

NP, but you honestly can’t understand the hurt?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are not owed anything from dead relatives. You did not earn that money. Have grace.

Well I mean neither did my cousin, but it had to be left to someone. It’s hurtful nonetheless, to know my grandfather didn’t see me as deserving. I wish I could ask him why.

What does “deserving” have to do with it? I would leave money to the kid I thought was the least self-sufficient and this arguably the least deserving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are not owed anything from dead relatives. You did not earn that money. Have grace.

Well I mean neither did my cousin, but it had to be left to someone. It’s hurtful nonetheless, to know my grandfather didn’t see me as deserving. I wish I could ask him why.

He could’ve left it to Donald Duck. And I still think you’re being irrational. It’s not yours to have.

NP, but you honestly can’t understand the hurt?

I can understand initial hurt and disappointment, but then it’s time to move on. Her disappointment stems from what her perceptions/assumptions of what was going to happen.

OP says herself “ I work my butt off, and for what!” That tells me there’s more going on than just the grandfather’s inheritance. She has a chip on her shoulder. I hope she’s able to work through these issues, finding acceptance and happiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are not owed anything from dead relatives. You did not earn that money. Have grace.

Well I mean neither did my cousin, but it had to be left to someone. It’s hurtful nonetheless, to know my grandfather didn’t see me as deserving. I wish I could ask him why.

He could’ve left it to Donald Duck. And I still think you’re being irrational. It’s not yours to have.

NP, but you honestly can’t understand the hurt?

I can understand initial hurt and disappointment, but then it’s time to move on. Her disappointment stems from what her perceptions/assumptions of what was going to happen.

OP says herself “ I work my butt off, and for what!” That tells me there’s more going on than just the grandfather’s inheritance. She has a chip on her shoulder. I hope she’s able to work through these issues, finding acceptance and happiness.

I get that, but when we pass on and leave our estate to others, with it we have the choice to either improve our memories in the eyes of our loved ones, or tarnish them, as noted here. A blatant choice was made here, and a tarnished memory formed because of that choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are not owed anything from dead relatives. You did not earn that money. Have grace.

Well I mean neither did my cousin, but it had to be left to someone. It’s hurtful nonetheless, to know my grandfather didn’t see me as deserving. I wish I could ask him why.

He could’ve left it to Donald Duck. And I still think you’re being irrational. It’s not yours to have.

NP, but you honestly can’t understand the hurt?

I can understand initial hurt and disappointment, but then it’s time to move on. Her disappointment stems from what her perceptions/assumptions of what was going to happen.

OP says herself “ I work my butt off, and for what!” That tells me there’s more going on than just the grandfather’s inheritance. She has a chip on her shoulder. I hope she’s able to work through these issues, finding acceptance and happiness.

I get that, but when we pass on and leave our estate to others, with it we have the choice to either improve our memories in the eyes of our loved ones, or tarnish them, as noted here. A blatant choice was made here, and a tarnished memory formed because of that choice.

Very weird world view. My estate planning is about trying to create the best outcomes. Nothing to do with “tarnishing” anything. I hope my kids and grandkids are a lot more mature than you and OP. But if they aren’t I guess I don’t care. People can always choose to be unhappy.

[Anonymous]

This happened to my DH. His father left all his belongings and money to my Dh's sister, and she made sure she told him it was because SHE was the one that let him live with her for the last 5 years of his life (she charged him rent for a bedroom lol). And because she had a bigger home, and didn't have kids that took up her bedrooms like we did at the time. Yet my DH was the one that took him to doctors, sat with him in the hospital, kept him company every day for hours on end , etc, and my sister in law did nothing .

But the money was never the important part. Because it wasn't nearly enough to make a difference in anyone's life. But it was still extremely hurtful for my husband to hear and experience and he never really got over that part of it.

Just for context, though, I truly believe the father meant for her to split it between them and I told my husband that. I hope I was right, and we are very close to his sister and didn't let it come between us in any way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are not owed anything from dead relatives. You did not earn that money. Have grace.

Well I mean neither did my cousin, but it had to be left to someone. It’s hurtful nonetheless, to know my grandfather didn’t see me as deserving. I wish I could ask him why.

He could’ve left it to Donald Duck. And I still think you’re being irrational. It’s not yours to have.

NP, but you honestly can’t understand the hurt?

I can understand initial hurt and disappointment, but then it’s time to move on. Her disappointment stems from what her perceptions/assumptions of what was going to happen.

OP says herself “ I work my butt off, and for what!” That tells me there’s more going on than just the grandfather’s inheritance. She has a chip on her shoulder. I hope she’s able to work through these issues, finding acceptance and happiness.

I get that, but when we pass on and leave our estate to others, with it we have the choice to either improve our memories in the eyes of our loved ones, or tarnish them, as noted here. A blatant choice was made here, and a tarnished memory formed because of that choice.

+1

Totally agree. OP, you grandfather did that to himself. Tell your kids what he was really like - don't hold back! He made his choice of how he wants to be remembered.