Would you leave a toddler with a nanny overnight for 5 days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you to those who had serious feedback. My mom is is willing to help again if necessary, but it's not her preference. I don't think it would be overly burdensome to the nanny. My kid sleeps 8pm -7:30am and takes a 2 hour nap. It's M-F so it would be the normal working hours, plus overtime. After we come home, she'd be getting the weekend plus Monday off. She is young and energetic, and routinely does weekend babysitting for another family beyond her FT work with us, so it's more an issue of personal comfort than the hours.

Our nanny said she'd like to do the overnight. I 100% trust her to be safe and follow our rules. It's just a fear that something out of her control could happen and I'd have to wait for a flight to become available. The destination is non-negotiable; either we go on this trip 4 hours away without DC, or we don't take a trip at all this winter. Our nanny would like to go on this trip with us, but DH does not want to fly with DC until she is older. He wants to go on this trip too, but he would also be satisfied with continuing to just vacation locally with DC in warmer weather.

OP, it is fine. Go on the trip. As long as your nanny has another local adult (her sister, your mom, trustworthy neighbor) she can call in a true emergency, it will be totally fine. It’s one toddler, who is already cared for by this nanny during most of these hours. Please go and enjoy yourself.

[Anonymous]

I’d bring our nanny and toddler on the trip

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely and lol at a poster calling it child abuse. Gtfoh. We have an ad-hoc sitter who's been with us going on 7 years. Four kids, 14, 10 and 4 year old twins. When we both worked and had to take trips at the same time, she filled in for overnight care very easily and no issues. Now that I don't work, she still covers overnights when we take a staycation or vacation us two only, longest being 6 days. I absolutely trust her with their lives. She's 35, with her own transportation, CPR certified, knows Heimlich, lives just a few miles away.

If you feel comfortable with her, go for it. I will say, full-time care can be a lot. All of mine are in school during the day so when she's covered longer than weekend stays, she gets the break during the day but seems like your nanny is wiling and able. And obviously, we pay her for all hours worked, sleeping or awake, let her order whatever food she wants and she has her own guest room and bath while over. Good luck!

Some of us parent.

Meh. Taking trips a few times a year takes nothing away but you do you. If having your kids attached to you 24/7, 365 days a year makes you feel better about yourself as a parent, great!

[Anonymous]

I’m floored by some of the responses on this thread. “Child abuse” “why do you have kids if you want to go in a week long romantic vacation?” JFC. You can simultaneously be an amazing parent who loves their kid and also want a week away! My parents left me for a week as young as 6 months to travel and do things - it’s fine. Parents can continue to have lives.

Whether it’s appropriate to leave your child with this particular person is another story and impossible to anyone to judge other than the parents. But people leave kids with a nanny for multiple days all.of.the.time. I agree it’s ideal to have a family member you trust there as well, but it’s not a dealbreaker. Most competent nannies can handle one toddler for 5 days. Totally within the realm of reason - you just have to use very good judgment in determining if this person is trustworthy and responsible enough, which only you can do.

OP, my only suggestion would be to dip your toe in with a shorter trip with just the nanny watching your child, for your own sake. If you’re having reservations about this plan there’s probably a reason why. Maybe try 2-3 nights away closer to home with just the nanny before jumping to 5 nights further away.

[Anonymous]

Hmm. I always wonder when I see posts like these and folks crying about how they'd never do this, if they're American raised or not. I know for myself growing up, having a nanny/someone to help in the household, whether for daily or overnight care, is pretty normal culturally and no one is being told they're neglectful parents, even if they have the audacity to take a trip without kids once in a while 🤷‍♀️

[Anonymous]

OP, have you ever watched your child on your own for 5 days straight? I don’t know how you could say it’s not burdensome. When I was a SAHM and DC was 18 months, DH went on a week-long business trip. DC is an “easy” kid and at that point slept 7:30-7 and took a 2.5 hour nap every day. I was already used to being primary caregiver because of being SAH, but that was SUCH a long week. You are always “on” and even when DC is sleeping, there’s always something to take care of because there’s no one else to pick up the slack. I have so much respect for single parents now.

To answer your question, no, I would not do this. I think it’s too long for your nanny and your kid. Go for a weekend or something.

[Anonymous]

The fact you don't feel you know her very well makes this is a no for me, OP. Not worth the risk, even if small. For me, it would be a relative or no go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you White?

Why do you ask?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m floored by some of the responses on this thread. “Child abuse” “why do you have kids if you want to go in a week long romantic vacation?” JFC. You can simultaneously be an amazing parent who loves their kid and also want a week away! My parents left me for a week as young as 6 months to travel and do things - it’s fine. Parents can continue to have lives.

Whether it’s appropriate to leave your child with this particular person is another story and impossible to anyone to judge other than the parents. But people leave kids with a nanny for multiple days all.of.the.time. I agree it’s ideal to have a family member you trust there as well, but it’s not a dealbreaker. Most competent nannies can handle one toddler for 5 days. Totally within the realm of reason - you just have to use very good judgment in determining if this person is trustworthy and responsible enough, which only you can do.

OP, my only suggestion would be to dip your toe in with a shorter trip with just the nanny watching your child, for your own sake. If you’re having reservations about this plan there’s probably a reason why. Maybe try 2-3 nights away closer to home with just the nanny before jumping to 5 nights further away.

ITA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about for a weekend? Fri-sun. 5 days is a lot.
Or have the nanny come with you and bring the baby.

This. Our kids had a beloved nanny and I trust her implicitly, but 5 days is too long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you to those who had serious feedback. My mom is is willing to help again if necessary, but it's not her preference. I don't think it would be overly burdensome to the nanny. My kid sleeps 8pm -7:30am and takes a 2 hour nap. It's M-F so it would be the normal working hours, plus overtime. After we come home, she'd be getting the weekend plus Monday off. She is young and energetic, and routinely does weekend babysitting for another family beyond her FT work with us, so it's more an issue of personal comfort than the hours.

Our nanny said she'd like to do the overnight. I 100% trust her to be safe and follow our rules. It's just a fear that something out of her control could happen and I'd have to wait for a flight to become available. The destination is non-negotiable; either we go on this trip 4 hours away without DC, or we don't take a trip at all this winter. Our nanny would like to go on this trip with us, but DH does not want to fly with DC until she is older. He wants to go on this trip too, but he would also be satisfied with continuing to just vacation locally with DC in warmer weather.

Are you serious? She would be working 100% of all of those hours. That is 120 hours that she is working and cannot take off. She is responsible for your child that entire time which means it is extremely burdensome whether or not you choose to see that because you want to go on a romantic vacation. If she can’t leave your baby at your home and go do whatever it is she wants to do by herself and she is working and it is a burden. Overtime is every single minute after her normal 40 hours which include sleeping time. Quit trying to justify it.

Presumably the nanny wants the money if she's willing to do it. OP never said she's not going to pay her what she deserves. Jeez. I worked as a nanny and I would have been THRILLED to do this job for some of my families.

[Anonymous]

I would not be comfortable with this mainly because of the distance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not be comfortable with this mainly because of the distance.

+1 Flight is 4 hours. So if the kid fell and ended up in the hospital, you're a minimum of 8 hours away. No way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you to those who had serious feedback. My mom is is willing to help again if necessary, but it's not her preference. I don't think it would be overly burdensome to the nanny. My kid sleeps 8pm -7:30am and takes a 2 hour nap. It's M-F so it would be the normal working hours, plus overtime. After we come home, she'd be getting the weekend plus Monday off. She is young and energetic, and routinely does weekend babysitting for another family beyond her FT work with us, so it's more an issue of personal comfort than the hours.

Our nanny said she'd like to do the overnight. I 100% trust her to be safe and follow our rules. It's just a fear that something out of her control could happen and I'd have to wait for a flight to become available. The destination is non-negotiable; either we go on this trip 4 hours away without DC, or we don't take a trip at all this winter. Our nanny would like to go on this trip with us, but DH does not want to fly with DC until she is older. He wants to go on this trip too, but he would also be satisfied with continuing to just vacation locally with DC in warmer weather.

If 3 adults can’t handle flying with one 18 month old, then you’ve got bigger problems

[Anonymous]

5 days of watching a toddler by oneself is HARD! You are really minimizing what the nanny has to do. I think you an expect the nanny meeting up with her family & friends and/or taking the child to her place, etc. because 5 straight days with just a toddler is crazy making.