Lost my mom 9 weeks ago...is this normal?

[Anonymous]

I guess I'm just numb. I've lost my father, my brother, my dog, and went through a divorce in the last 3 years. I don't feel a thing.

[Anonymous]

op here thanks to everyone for a lot of good info and suggestions. spoke to a counselor yesterday who's demeanor i was not a huge fan of but have since been recommended to another person's who i will speak to tomorrow.

I think in action to my daily crying bouts i am wondering if many felt totally apathetic to life and your usual desire to socialize, go out, etc...I have zero.

My husbands good friend invited us for NYE, I cannot go. I do not want to be around people celebrating and happy, they deserve it very much but I also know that will be hard for me.
He really wants me to try and go for. a bit-but I know already its not a good idea.

They are lovely people but very outgoing and outwardly friendly (a great thing btw) but given my mood, I just can't cope with that, or even try to keep up. Is it wrong to tell my husband I simply cannot go? I am urging him to go even for a little bit to have a drink etc...i don't want to hold him back.

Friends of ours insisted to stop by the other day and the minute my mom was brought up, I ran out of the room crying and sobbing. I don't want to repeat that in front of a room with strangers (their other guests). That doesn't seem unreasonable does it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op here thanks to everyone for a lot of good info and suggestions. spoke to a counselor yesterday who's demeanor i was not a huge fan of but have since been recommended to another person's who i will speak to tomorrow.

I think in action to my daily crying bouts i am wondering if many felt totally apathetic to life and your usual desire to socialize, go out, etc...I have zero.

My husbands good friend invited us for NYE, I cannot go. I do not want to be around people celebrating and happy, they deserve it very much but I also know that will be hard for me.
He really wants me to try and go for. a bit-but I know already its not a good idea.

They are lovely people but very outgoing and outwardly friendly (a great thing btw) but given my mood, I just can't cope with that, or even try to keep up. Is it wrong to tell my husband I simply cannot go? I am urging him to go even for a little bit to have a drink etc...i don't want to hold him back.

Friends of ours insisted to stop by the other day and the minute my mom was brought up, I ran out of the room crying and sobbing. I don't want to repeat that in front of a room with strangers (their other guests). That doesn't seem unreasonable does it?

100% not wrong to tell your husband that you aren't up for going, every one has their own process. Some people like to surround with life and jubilance in times of grief, some people seek solitude and silence. Listen to what you need to do to process.

I am glad to hear you are taking steps with a counselor. Be kind to yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op here thanks to everyone for a lot of good info and suggestions. spoke to a counselor yesterday who's demeanor i was not a huge fan of but have since been recommended to another person's who i will speak to tomorrow.

I think in action to my daily crying bouts i am wondering if many felt totally apathetic to life and your usual desire to socialize, go out, etc...I have zero.

My husbands good friend invited us for NYE, I cannot go. I do not want to be around people celebrating and happy, they deserve it very much but I also know that will be hard for me.
He really wants me to try and go for. a bit-but I know already its not a good idea.

They are lovely people but very outgoing and outwardly friendly (a great thing btw) but given my mood, I just can't cope with that, or even try to keep up. Is it wrong to tell my husband I simply cannot go? I am urging him to go even for a little bit to have a drink etc...i don't want to hold him back.

Friends of ours insisted to stop by the other day and the minute my mom was brought up, I ran out of the room crying and sobbing. I don't want to repeat that in front of a room with strangers (their other guests). That doesn't seem unreasonable does it?

OP, I am the one who lost my dad about 9weeks ago.
My husband too like yours have been supportive, I cancelled a week long trip to Europe with husband and son, I couldnt even imagine hopping on a plane and go do sightseeing right now.

We will be home for NYE , and I am dreading that day too. We used to live together at my home so everything reminds me of him.
Do read the article a pp posted here - it is very good. The grief will be the same but we will live around it.

It will be completely OK to tell your husband you are not upto it. If he doesnt feel like leaving you and going either, thats OK too. Dont feel guilty. Sit with him with / without a drink and just be. I am not sure if you have any family around maybe have one family come over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I'm just numb. I've lost my father, my brother, my dog, and went through a divorce in the last 3 years. I don't feel a thing.

So sorry for your losses. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

I’m very sorry for your loss, OP. My dad passed away 10 weeks ago, so I am in a similar grieving timeline. This first Christmas holiday was especially hard. What you’re feeling is very normal. The loss is still new, be patient with yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m very sorry for your loss, OP. My dad passed away 10 weeks ago, so I am in a similar grieving timeline. This first Christmas holiday was especially hard. What you’re feeling is very normal. The loss is still new, be patient with yourself.

Sorry to hear it. Losing a parent is unlike any other pain I have ever felt. Obviously when you are close to your parents especially it feels life altering. Have you felt the same way in terms of totally lack of interest in doing anything? not wanting to socialize/go out? this very much goes against how i normally am, its just surprising but i am not pushing myself.

[Anonymous]

Grieving is a ‘process’, and you will feel and experience different things along your journey. No two people feel the same way. You take all the time you need. This is all natural. You are human. You lost your Mom, your best friend, your confidante, your counselor, all at once. This is huge. Sorry, it stinks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op here thanks to everyone for a lot of good info and suggestions. spoke to a counselor yesterday who's demeanor i was not a huge fan of but have since been recommended to another person's who i will speak to tomorrow.

I think in action to my daily crying bouts i am wondering if many felt totally apathetic to life and your usual desire to socialize, go out, etc...I have zero.

My husbands good friend invited us for NYE, I cannot go. I do not want to be around people celebrating and happy, they deserve it very much but I also know that will be hard for me.
He really wants me to try and go for. a bit-but I know already its not a good idea.

They are lovely people but very outgoing and outwardly friendly (a great thing btw) but given my mood, I just can't cope with that, or even try to keep up. Is it wrong to tell my husband I simply cannot go? I am urging him to go even for a little bit to have a drink etc...i don't want to hold him back.

Friends of ours insisted to stop by the other day and the minute my mom was brought up, I ran out of the room crying and sobbing. I don't want to repeat that in front of a room with strangers (their other guests). That doesn't seem unreasonable does it?

Virtual Grief counseling was very helpful for me, it was through the hospice (free) but then the counselor broke off and has her own virtual business.

https://www.hopeandhealingva.com/

[Anonymous]

OP, I just provided the name of a grief counselor just above I think caretaking and the years of decline caught up to you. I would expect to be in shock/sad/depressed for a while. I wish it weren't that way.

Over time, the things that helped me were remembering my mom would not WANT me to be miserable. You served her so well, took care of her, now please live your life for HER. Go on, and take what she gave you and give it back to the world. I know it's so sad, but she wouldn't want this for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op here thanks to everyone for a lot of good info and suggestions. spoke to a counselor yesterday who's demeanor i was not a huge fan of but have since been recommended to another person's who i will speak to tomorrow.

I think in action to my daily crying bouts i am wondering if many felt totally apathetic to life and your usual desire to socialize, go out, etc...I have zero.

My husbands good friend invited us for NYE, I cannot go. I do not want to be around people celebrating and happy, they deserve it very much but I also know that will be hard for me.
He really wants me to try and go for. a bit-but I know already its not a good idea.

They are lovely people but very outgoing and outwardly friendly (a great thing btw) but given my mood, I just can't cope with that, or even try to keep up. Is it wrong to tell my husband I simply cannot go? I am urging him to go even for a little bit to have a drink etc...i don't want to hold him back.

Friends of ours insisted to stop by the other day and the minute my mom was brought up, I ran out of the room crying and sobbing. I don't want to repeat that in front of a room with strangers (their other guests). That doesn't seem unreasonable does it?

It doesn’t sound unreasonable, but you are depressed. It sounds like you are getting help which is good. Please don’t let yourself get buried too much. Btdt. It can be hard to dig out of. May 2023 bring you peace.