Lost my mom 9 weeks ago...is this normal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, it’s not normal. You really need to go on meds. I’m very sorry.

Ignore this unkind post.

I do not mean to be unkind. I speak from experience. I’ve lost a parent and a sibling. When it’s been 9 weeks and you grieved the person in advance and they were suffering, you have depression. It’s a medical disease and needs to be treated. Getting on meds will help op.

[Anonymous]

Tell the husband to shove it.
You do not need meds. You are grieving, it can come in waves and is different for everyone.
I am really glad you were able to be with your mom through these last phases. That time spent together is really important.
You will be OK.

I'm crying now. I lost my father 10 years ago and I just want to spend time with my mom these days. I think about him everyday.

[Anonymous]

OP, your Mother would not want you to suffer. That is the last thing she would want. For you to suffer, that would break her heart. She raised you to be strong. She raised you to be resilient. Honor her. Honor her efforts. She wants the best for you. She wants the best life for you. Express your love for her this way.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry, OP. This is not a long time. Would it help if you tried to think about it as you are now free to remember her as she was, and not the situation she was in in at the end of her life? There is also nothing wrong with feeling a little sense of relief now that the bad parts are over.

[Anonymous]

OP I’’m sorry for your loss and how hard it’s been. Grief is different for many people. 9 weeks isn’t that long of a time, but at the same time, are you seeing any healing or noticing that over tome it’s getting a little steadier week by week? If not, you may be stuck temporarily. Maybe a grief counselor would help, and maybe they might recommend a little nudge with an antidepressant to help get your strength up for routines. There’s nothing wrong with feeling gutted by grief, and sometimes we all need help if we are stuck. Sending hugs.

[Anonymous]

OP I’m so sorry for your loss. I don’t know what “normal” looks like but the first major holiday after just 9 weeks has got to be incredibly tough. I hope you find the support you need.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think its very normal. I lost my dad 2 years ago and the first year was brutal.. It was a sorrow I have never felt before. I also thought I was depressed (and I'm sure I was! how can you not be after losing a loved one) and also sought help with Betterhelp and found it to be a joke as well. Agree find a grief counselor if you can or friends/ support group for loss. I have a handful of friends who also lost parents and I would call when I was feeling especially down. If anything it made me feel like what I was feeling was normal. Two years out and I still have waves of sadness and bad days, but finally starting to feel like myself again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh my OP, 9 weeks is not that long when you are handling the death of your mother. Give yourself grace and be patient, and continue your search for a grief counselor. You are normal, yes - but you are hurting. Hugs!

Thanks yes found one and hope to start this week. thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think its very normal. I lost my dad 2 years ago and the first year was brutal.. It was a sorrow I have never felt before. I also thought I was depressed (and I'm sure I was! how can you not be after losing a loved one) and also sought help with Betterhelp and found it to be a joke as well. Agree find a grief counselor if you can or friends/ support group for loss. I have a handful of friends who also lost parents and I would call when I was feeling especially down. If anything it made me feel like what I was feeling was normal. Two years out and I still have waves of sadness and bad days, but finally starting to feel like myself again.

sorry for your loss, this just knocked me off my feet. i knew it would be hard but not like this. I feel so apathetic and like nothing means anything anymore except my family. i don't want to do anything but go to my office part time and come home. zero interest. some friends have been relatable who have lost a parent and as you said some days are much easier than others. lately feels overwhelmingly sad, probably due to the holidays and everyone else seeming happy. i think i found a counselor, we are supposed to speak tomorrow. thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I’’m sorry for your loss and how hard it’s been. Grief is different for many people. 9 weeks isn’t that long of a time, but at the same time, are you seeing any healing or noticing that over tome it’s getting a little steadier week by week? If not, you may be stuck temporarily. Maybe a grief counselor would help, and maybe they might recommend a little nudge with an antidepressant to help get your strength up for routines. There’s nothing wrong with feeling gutted by grief, and sometimes we all need help if we are stuck. Sending hugs.

well i thought i was getting better till about 2 weeks ago and don't know why but i cannot even talk about her, look at a picture or video of her without totally losing it. whereas a few weeks after she passed i was able to do those things. the grief on some days feels like a crushing wave i cannot escape. I supposed this will ebb and flow like this for a while. I am not totally closed to meds but have never been on them and hear about side effects, etc....so not sure if I want to even risk it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, it’s not normal. You really need to go on meds. I’m very sorry.

Ignore this unkind post.

I do not mean to be unkind. I speak from experience. I’ve lost a parent and a sibling. When it’s been 9 weeks and you grieved the person in advance and they were suffering, you have depression. It’s a medical disease and needs to be treated. Getting on meds will help op.

am sorry for our losses. I however after speaking to many people now realize 9 weeks is not a long time at all. I don't know that you can say I absolutely have clinical depression if i ma not feeling better after 9 weeks. but of course you are entitled to your opinion. Definitely considering the meds route.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your Mother would not want you to suffer. That is the last thing she would want. For you to suffer, that would break her heart. She raised you to be strong. She raised you to be resilient. Honor her. Honor her efforts. She wants the best for you. She wants the best life for you. Express your love for her this way.

you are so right I agree in theory but the loss and gaping hole in my heart just does not allow me to feel any joy at all and for the first time in my adult life,I don't feel strong at all. I am trying to honor her of course. I know she wants the best for and I am sure down the road I will get out of this funk and make her proud again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell the husband to shove it.
You do not need meds. You are grieving, it can come in waves and is different for everyone.
I am really glad you were able to be with your mom through these last phases. That time spent together is really important.
You will be OK.

I'm crying now. I lost my father 10 years ago and I just want to spend time with my mom these days. I think about him everyday.

No I will not tell him that. He has been amazing and supportive and hates to see me so sad. He has seen with his own sibling the difference meds made, he wants whats best for me.

I hope I do not feel the need to go on meds but if I do I will not feel ashamed or "less than". Yes I too was happy and grateful to spend those last week with her. I am sorry for your own loss. Losing a parent is like nothign else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry, OP. This is not a long time. Would it help if you tried to think about it as you are now free to remember her as she was, and not the situation she was in in at the end of her life? There is also nothing wrong with feeling a little sense of relief now that the bad parts are over.

Thanks.I do my best to remember her when she was healthy and well but i cannot seem to stop thinking about those last weeks. Being very grateful that I was there but those last hours jus keep playing over and over in my head. i feel no relief actually. I thought I would, I thought i would be relieved to know she's not suffering. But I miss her too much to even allow that. Does that even make sense?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry for your loss. It's immense, losing one's loving parent.

Everything you wrote sounds normal. The first thanksgiving, Christmas without my mom hit especially hard. In fact the entire first year was very hard. It's physical too. You might find yourself losing weight without meaning to. And the physical aspect of grieving makes your body tired. Take your time and tend to yourself. *sending a virtual hug*

yes those "firsts" are excruciatingly hard. i am glad Christmas is over but know there will be many more "firsts" to try and navigate. I have gained not lost, eating everything in sight but yes to my body feeling tired and my mind feels exhausted beyond words. Not every day is so hard but this last week has been hell.