elderly father remarrying and inheritance question

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He should set up a trust fund and put all his money and property in it and then designate your children as beneficiaries.

I am not a lawyer and that is just my basic understanding of family trusts and inheritance law, but if he doesn’t do that, I believe in a lot of states the minimum he can leave to his wife in his will is 50%. There are laws in place to prevent a husband from disinheriting a wife through his will. Only way around it without a trust fund is if she agrees to sign a prenup. Which may put a damper on their marriage plans.

After saying all that, please be fair to new wife too : she is younger and will probably end up doing a lot of end of life caring. She also deserves smothering. And in particular, the trust fund should ensure that she can stay in the house if she ends up living in it. Even if she doesn’t have ownership there are ways to protect her use of the house while she is alive and then have the house go to your children.

Good luck. Those are important and good discussions to have. Don’t listen to the crazy people who say you are out of line. However, remember money and inheritance is about love and caring. Your FIL Amat be happy with whatever after he dies, but new wife may feel slighted if you all discuss leaving her completely aside. Her needs need to be taken into account too. And having money of her own is not enough to justify her inheriting nothing from her husband.

“Something” not smothering. And other typos, sorry, phone autocorrect

[Anonymous]

Consider a Marital Trust. Suggest this to your FIL. Use an estate attorney. We have used this in our extended family twice.

The first was with my grandfather who got remarried late in life after my grandmother passed away. He married a woman who had some means, but he had more. She had grown children and grandchildren. This was her third marriage. (The whole family liked her from the time we met her and that feeling continued until she passed away herself, so that helps.)

My grandfather gave a sum of money to his adult children out of his estate while he was alive (some of it tax free over time). Then he put everything else into a Marital Trust that would take effect on his death. He named two Trustees from a younger generation. Your husband and SIL would be appropriate.

Upon my grandfather’s death, the Trustees managed this Trust and paid money out of it to his widow for her expenses for the rest of her life. What these expenses are should be discussed ahead, especially considering that in your case his widow has her own means. These trustees dealt with the taxes for the Trust and the investing of the money in it. It does require a bit of time involvement. But it enabled my grandfather to feel that she was going to be okay.

Upon her death many years later, the Trust was dissolved and the remainder was divided according to a percentage and checks were mailed to my grandfather’s grandchildren. Each grandchild got a check for about 6% of what was left (there are many grandchildren). My grandfather wanted the remainder of the Trust to be given to the grandchild generation because his own adult children were retired and all of them had plenty of money.

My spouse and I have done our estate plan and have set up Marital Trusts in the same way (two of them). This will ensure that the bulk of our estate eventually goes to our descendants if either of us should die and the other remarries. We would not want our estate to go to the second spouse in its entirety and then eventually to his/her descendants which is what would happen if there was no estate plan.

My extended family is very open about talking about these kind of arrangements. There is nothing gained by saying “Grandpa should do what he wants with his money” when Grandpa may not know what the options are for estate planning. Information is important.

A Marital Trust may not work for your situation, but know that such a vehicle exists.

Also, your FIL should fill out a healthcare living will. This can be drawn up by the estate attorney, or you can pick up a form at your local hospital. Have him name his adult children as decision makers. If he does not do that, it will default to his second wife. You do not know if she will be of sound mind to make decisions in the future on his behalf and you don’t want to have to go through a process of redoing that paperwork if she becomes senile before he passes away, etc.

[Anonymous]

Not sure why nobody is talking about the elephants in the room.
- the FIL wants to remarry after just one year. He doesn’t look like a grieving husband. He must have started dating the new
girlfriend at his wife’s funeral.
- the girlfriend is 73 and never married. It’s strange that suddenly at 73 she wants to get married to a wealthy 79 yo. Smelling like some gold digging there

OP is doing the right thing by having these conversations. It’s your duty to fight for your children. Don’t let the girlfriend steal all of your FIL hard earned money. Anyone who doesn’t understand it is stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your DH think? This being his family and all. But remember at the end of the day it is his money and he can do with it as he pleases. If he decides that it goes to the new wife first then to HIS children that is a very common way of handling things. Why would you think your children would get your SIL's inheritance?

OP here---I think neither of us (my husband or SIL) want or need the money. SIL has said as much--she is worth millions on her own.
We want some portion of it to go to the grandkids (my kids). They are the only grandchildren (and will be the only grandchildren--SIL is single and >45).
We are a very open family so it's just a matter of getting the right thing set up.

“Has said as much”

SIL should get half. Your husband should get half. Your husbands remaindermen should be his kids. Your SILs should be her kids if she ever has them and if not then her brothers kids. Stop trying to cut your SIL out. That’s not right and could cause tension.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL died last year. FIL is likely going to remarry. We are thrilled for him and we like his girlfriend.
He is 79, girlfriend is 73. She was never married and has no children and no family outside of a brother she is "estranged" from and probably some cousins.
We have the only grandchildren. My husband has a sister who is a single, law partner. No kids.

We do not want or need FILs money but would like it (or a portion of it) to go to our children as opposed to whatever his new wife-to-be does with it
after her death (We imagine she will outlive him----and then when she passes will she give it to our kids? donate to a church? will it go to her estranged brother?)

She is financially secure (was a professor for many years, owns her own home, etc).
FIL wants whatever we want. He adores the grandchildren.

Thoughts on how to proceed prior to his marriage? We are having very open conversations with this (he is super open about talking about it).
Thx!

SIL and DH should inherit equally. DH can ask that his father bypass him and give his portion directly to grandchildren.

Friend is going through this where parents left 25% to their son, 25% to their daughter, and 25% to each of the grandchildren. The son has no children and is mad as hell. It has destroyed the brother and sister relationship.

Wow the brother sucks. First he failed to respect that his father had his own relationship with his grandkids and then he ruined his relationship with his sister because he was greedy. If any of my kids suggested I shouldn’t give inheritances directly to my grandkids I would write that child out of the will entirely.

DP. Most estate attorneys steer clients away from giving more to one siblings family than another. It’s not fair. I’m childless and my parents set my trust up so that if I don’t have kids, my remaining portion goes to my nieces and nephews or charity I choose but I’m the only and primary beneficiary during my lifetime. That’s fair. And standard. I have one sibling with one kid who very much supports this and another with four kids who initially tried to get separate inheritance for the grandkids so that her family would get more. Luckily the estate attorney explained it to her and she backed down.

[Anonymous]

I’ve said it here before, and I’ll contribute again. My husband’s parents designated 5% of their assets to each grandchild, and then the remainder split between their adult children.

Everyone thought it was equitable. The grandchildren were 18-28 at the time of the passing. The funds were kept in a trust for the kids under 25, each receiving their payments at 25.

Under 25 money could be released for education or health needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL died last year. FIL is likely going to remarry. We are thrilled for him and we like his girlfriend.
He is 79, girlfriend is 73. She was never married and has no children and no family outside of a brother she is "estranged" from and probably some cousins.
We have the only grandchildren. My husband has a sister who is a single, law partner. No kids.

We do not want or need FILs money but would like it (or a portion of it) to go to our children as opposed to whatever his new wife-to-be does with it
after her death (We imagine she will outlive him----and then when she passes will she give it to our kids? donate to a church? will it go to her estranged brother?)

She is financially secure (was a professor for many years, owns her own home, etc).
FIL wants whatever we want. He adores the grandchildren.

Thoughts on how to proceed prior to his marriage? We are having very open conversations with this (he is super open about talking about it).
Thx!

SIL and DH should inherit equally. DH can ask that his father bypass him and give his portion directly to grandchildren.

Friend is going through this where parents left 25% to their son, 25% to their daughter, and 25% to each of the grandchildren. The son has no children and is mad as hell. It has destroyed the brother and sister relationship.

Wow the brother sucks. First he failed to respect that his father had his own relationship with his grandkids and then he ruined his relationship with his sister because he was greedy. If any of my kids suggested I shouldn’t give inheritances directly to my grandkids I would write that child out of the will entirely.

DP. Most estate attorneys steer clients away from giving more to one siblings family than another. It’s not fair. I’m childless and my parents set my trust up so that if I don’t have kids, my remaining portion goes to my nieces and nephews or charity I choose but I’m the only and primary beneficiary during my lifetime. That’s fair. And standard. I have one sibling with one kid who very much supports this and another with four kids who initially tried to get separate inheritance for the grandkids so that her family would get more. Luckily the estate attorney explained it to her and she backed down.

I find it very strange that it’s your estate attorney that decides who should get what. It’s not their money.
Your parents should be the ones making those decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL died last year. FIL is likely going to remarry. We are thrilled for him and we like his girlfriend.
He is 79, girlfriend is 73. She was never married and has no children and no family outside of a brother she is "estranged" from and probably some cousins.
We have the only grandchildren. My husband has a sister who is a single, law partner. No kids.

We do not want or need FILs money but would like it (or a portion of it) to go to our children as opposed to whatever his new wife-to-be does with it
after her death (We imagine she will outlive him----and then when she passes will she give it to our kids? donate to a church? will it go to her estranged brother?)

She is financially secure (was a professor for many years, owns her own home, etc).
FIL wants whatever we want. He adores the grandchildren.

Thoughts on how to proceed prior to his marriage? We are having very open conversations with this (he is super open about talking about it).
Thx!

I find it funny that you do not need the money so your kids are fine and yet you want father in law's money. Also, you don't know who will die first. My sister in law died at 59 and her dh is 12 years older. Lastly why is "estranged brother" in quotes? You don't believe her?

[Anonymous]

Wealthy families interested in preserving generational wealth have these conversations all the time. Nobody would give a significant chunk of the wealth to someone who marries in at 73. Of course OP’s husband and his sister should be having these conversations with the dad. If the dad is mentally stable, he will agree with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can I just say the people writing here are just idiots? Of course she wants the money to go to the children rather than the already rich new wife! Are you people insane, nuts, or subject to some other impairment? He is 79! Do you really want an inheritance that can change the course of the children's life for the better to be placed on the hands of a late-comer wife that may donate it all to PETA? I don't know what unrealistic, Disney-fied world you children live in, but back in the real world of limited resources and reasonableness of course the 79 should absolutely ensure that the bulk of the estate goes to the grandchildren and not the new wife! Get a estate lawyer and draft a plan!

+1000

Alot of sensitive boomers on here getting pissy about a reminder of their own mortality.

[Anonymous]

Consult estate attorney. Suggest a life estate for new wife for part of his estate. Remainder after she dies to go to his children or grandchildren plus rest of his estate to same.

[Anonymous]

He should have pre nuptial agreement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is FIL remarrying. Really the best thing to protect his money is just to live with this woman but not marry her. If he does marry her, he needs to talk to a lawyer about getting everything set up so that your kids get his money (likely as a trust with you as trustees), including a prenup if necessary. I would also set it up so your DH gets POA if your FIL becomes incapacitated.

Np, my now 78 yo dad remarried last year. He was married to my mom for nearly 50 years before she passed. My dad lives in the DC area, and his wife lives in Dallas. They have no intent on living together, and my sisters and I are baffled at the situation. We can't figure out why he went and made the relationship legal with them living 1,000 miles apart. They literally see each other once or twice a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure why nobody is talking about the elephants in the room.
- the FIL wants to remarry after just one year. He doesn’t look like a grieving husband. He must have started dating the new
girlfriend at his wife’s funeral.
- the girlfriend is 73 and never married. It’s strange that suddenly at 73 she wants to get married to a wealthy 79 yo. Smelling like some gold digging there

OP is doing the right thing by having these conversations. It’s your duty to fight for your children. Don’t let the girlfriend steal all of your FIL hard earned money. Anyone who doesn’t understand it is stupid.

Definitely my thoughts too!

[Anonymous]

My Dad remarried at 80. He passed away 3 years later. He had no valid Will.
His wife was appointed executor of the estate and entitled to 50% under Florida law.
We the children were entitled to 50%. But as the executor she made our life miserable and tried to prevent us from get what we were entitled to.
We had to fight her in court.

OP, your FIL should definitely sign a prenup and make sure he has a valid Will.