elderly father remarrying and inheritance question

[Anonymous]

MIL died last year. FIL is likely going to remarry. We are thrilled for him and we like his girlfriend.
He is 79, girlfriend is 73. She was never married and has no children and no family outside of a brother she is "estranged" from and probably some cousins.
We have the only grandchildren. My husband has a sister who is a single, law partner. No kids.

We do not want or need FILs money but would like it (or a portion of it) to go to our children as opposed to whatever his new wife-to-be does with it
after her death (We imagine she will outlive him----and then when she passes will she give it to our kids? donate to a church? will it go to her estranged brother?)

She is financially secure (was a professor for many years, owns her own home, etc).
FIL wants whatever we want. He adores the grandchildren.

Thoughts on how to proceed prior to his marriage? We are having very open conversations with this (he is super open about talking about it).
Thx!

[Anonymous]

By all means, talk about it. It's very healthy. He could perhaps do 50% to grandkids, 50% to wife.

[Anonymous]

What does your DH think? This being his family and all. But remember at the end of the day it is his money and he can do with it as he pleases. If he decides that it goes to the new wife first then to HIS children that is a very common way of handling things. Why would you think your children would get your SIL's inheritance?

[Anonymous]

He should obviously write a will that reflects his desired outcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does your DH think? This being his family and all. But remember at the end of the day it is his money and he can do with it as he pleases. If he decides that it goes to the new wife first then to HIS children that is a very common way of handling things. Why would you think your children would get your SIL's inheritance?

OP here---I think neither of us (my husband or SIL) want or need the money. SIL has said as much--she is worth millions on her own.
We want some portion of it to go to the grandkids (my kids). They are the only grandchildren (and will be the only grandchildren--SIL is single and >45).
We are a very open family so it's just a matter of getting the right thing set up.

[Anonymous]

FIL will want to provide for his new wife. YOU stay out of it, Op. If your DH has the guts he can ask for whatever consideration he wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL died last year. FIL is likely going to remarry. We are thrilled for him and we like his girlfriend.
He is 79, girlfriend is 73. She was never married and has no children and no family outside of a brother she is "estranged" from and probably some cousins.
We have the only grandchildren. My husband has a sister who is a single, law partner. No kids.

We do not want or need FILs money but would like it (or a portion of it) to go to our children as opposed to whatever his new wife-to-be does with it
after her death (We imagine she will outlive him----and then when she passes will she give it to our kids? donate to a church? will it go to her estranged brother?)

She is financially secure (was a professor for many years, owns her own home, etc).
FIL wants whatever we want. He adores the grandchildren.

Thoughts on how to proceed prior to his marriage? We are having very open conversations with this (he is super open about talking about it).
Thx!

Predatory and gross. Stay out of it and let him do as he pleases without manipulation

[Anonymous]

Not sure why he does not just do what he wants to do. Since you are all very open, just tell him your thoughts. It is a luxury that no one really needs the funds.

[Anonymous]

He should be talking to an estate attorney about his wishes.

[Anonymous]

This is what trusts are for. She gets proceeds, a percentage of the total each year or whatever trustee deems reasonable. Your children get what is left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL died last year. FIL is likely going to remarry. We are thrilled for him and we like his girlfriend.
He is 79, girlfriend is 73. She was never married and has no children and no family outside of a brother she is "estranged" from and probably some cousins.
We have the only grandchildren. My husband has a sister who is a single, law partner. No kids.

We do not want or need FILs money but would like it (or a portion of it) to go to our children as opposed to whatever his new wife-to-be does with it
after her death (We imagine she will outlive him----and then when she passes will she give it to our kids? donate to a church? will it go to her estranged brother?)

She is financially secure (was a professor for many years, owns her own home, etc).
FIL wants whatever we want. He adores the grandchildren.

Thoughts on how to proceed prior to his marriage? We are having very open conversations with this (he is super open about talking about it).
Thx!

omg grow up

This is not your money. YOU HAVE NO SAY>

NOT YOUR MONEY>

Your FIL can do whatever he likes and if he goes first yes her money.

Forget that church stuff absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL died last year. FIL is likely going to remarry. We are thrilled for him and we like his girlfriend.
He is 79, girlfriend is 73. She was never married and has no children and no family outside of a brother she is "estranged" from and probably some cousins.
We have the only grandchildren. My husband has a sister who is a single, law partner. No kids.

We do not want or need FILs money but would like it (or a portion of it) to go to our children as opposed to whatever his new wife-to-be does with it
after her death (We imagine she will outlive him----and then when she passes will she give it to our kids? donate to a church? will it go to her estranged brother?)

She is financially secure (was a professor for many years, owns her own home, etc).
FIL wants whatever we want. He adores the grandchildren.

Thoughts on how to proceed prior to his marriage? We are having very open conversations with this (he is super open about talking about it).
Thx!

Why? That's probably the biggest driver of all this. If you as parents have wealth, it seems your kids will be OK. If not, then I can see how you'd like your FIL to help make them more secure.

We aren't entitled to any inheritance ever and really need to plan our lives as if we get nothing. If there are some things of sentimental value (like my mom has a beach house that all the kids and now grandkids basically grew up going to) that you want to keep in the family, that feels different to me. And maybe ask to set up a family trust or something for that type of thing. But straight cash from a grandparent when parents already have wealth? I don't see any need whatsoever. Certainly not to the level of asking FIL for money.

[Anonymous]

What does FIL want?

[Anonymous]

There are lots of things he can do but a common thing would be for her to get income from FIL’s estate and then when she dies it all goes to the beneficiaries (I can’t remember if there will be rules with generation skipping if it goes to the grandkids instead of your dh and your sil but his attorney can talk him through all that). Where it becomes an issue is if she can withdraw principal for various purposes, in addition to getting the income. You say that she is financially secure but if she is allowed to draw down from the estate to buy a car, she may do that instead of using her funds. I have a friend who is running into that issue as the new wife is a trustee and the other trustee is her (wife’s) attorney and so wife has been drawing down principal and the remainder beneficiaries (my friend and her siblings) have no idea how much is left.

[Anonymous]

You thinking and writing this as the DIL is beyond distasteful.

Unless your FIL is senile (in which case his son and not you should be intervening), then he is capable of arranging for his grandchildren he loved so much and balancing that with his new matrimonial commitment.

This is NONE of your business. Provide better for your own kids if you are concerned about them.