elderly father remarrying and inheritance question

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL died last year. FIL is likely going to remarry. We are thrilled for him and we like his girlfriend.
He is 79, girlfriend is 73. She was never married and has no children and no family outside of a brother she is "estranged" from and probably some cousins.
We have the only grandchildren. My husband has a sister who is a single, law partner. No kids.

We do not want or need FILs money but would like it (or a portion of it) to go to our children as opposed to whatever his new wife-to-be does with it
after her death (We imagine she will outlive him----and then when she passes will she give it to our kids? donate to a church? will it go to her estranged brother?)

She is financially secure (was a professor for many years, owns her own home, etc).
FIL wants whatever we want. He adores the grandchildren.

Thoughts on how to proceed prior to his marriage? We are having very open conversations with this (he is super open about talking about it).
Thx!

You say you don't want/need the money but the fact that you are posting this says otherwise. Optics of DIL posting this looks very bad. Just so you know.

[Anonymous]

This goes both ways. The new wife could die first and where is her money going? To your FIL? The happy couple should talk and decide where/who their $$ will go to and write a will. If your FIL wants to keep his son and daughter in the loop, that's fine. Your sister in law is a lawyer, can't she recommend someone?

[Anonymous]

I never understand inheritance questions. Isn’t it very simple? „What does person A with X money want to do with it? Do that.“ Done!

[Anonymous]

Why not have FIL leave his money to your kids directly? Not sure why new wife needs the money at all. She can do the same with her will (leave it to charity or whatever, not your FIL). They can keep money as separate as possible when married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not have FIL leave his money to your kids directly? Not sure why new wife needs the money at all. She can do the same with her will (leave it to charity or whatever, not your FIL). They can keep money as separate as possible when married.

Or better yet, don't get married. What if they get married and she dies first? Will you get the money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He should obviously write a will that reflects his desired outcome.

+1

Whatever that is. A lawyer can help him decide what he wants and how to make it happen.

[Anonymous]

Can I just say the people writing here are just idiots? Of course she wants the money to go to the children rather than the already rich new wife! Are you people insane, nuts, or subject to some other impairment? He is 79! Do you really want an inheritance that can change the course of the children's life for the better to be placed on the hands of a late-comer wife that may donate it all to PETA? I don't know what unrealistic, Disney-fied world you children live in, but back in the real world of limited resources and reasonableness of course the 79 should absolutely ensure that the bulk of the estate goes to the grandchildren and not the new wife! Get a estate lawyer and draft a plan!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You thinking and writing this as the DIL is beyond distasteful.

Unless your FIL is senile (in which case his son and not you should be intervening), then he is capable of arranging for his grandchildren he loved so much and balancing that with his new matrimonial commitment.

This is NONE of your business. Provide better for your own kids if you are concerned about them.

OP, please don't listen to this nursery of naïfs, definitely protect the inheritance for the grandchildren!

[Anonymous]

I think it's bad that you're posting this OP. You're saying you don't need the money but then trying to go about getting it.

Can't believe no one has brought up yet, your FIL may need increased caregivers. His new wife may be the nurse and purse for him. She may spend many stressful years caring for your FIL saving on assisted living costs that would have accrued otherwise.

Not to mention all of the money may be eaten up by long term care costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL died last year. FIL is likely going to remarry. We are thrilled for him and we like his girlfriend.
He is 79, girlfriend is 73. She was never married and has no children and no family outside of a brother she is "estranged" from and probably some cousins.
We have the only grandchildren. My husband has a sister who is a single, law partner. No kids.

We do not want or need FILs money but would like it (or a portion of it) to go to our children as opposed to whatever his new wife-to-be does with it
after her death (We imagine she will outlive him----and then when she passes will she give it to our kids? donate to a church? will it go to her estranged brother?)

She is financially secure (was a professor for many years, owns her own home, etc).
FIL wants whatever we want. He adores the grandchildren.

Thoughts on how to proceed prior to his marriage? We are having very open conversations with this (he is super open about talking about it).
Thx!

SIL and DH should inherit equally. DH can ask that his father bypass him and give his portion directly to grandchildren.

Friend is going through this where parents left 25% to their son, 25% to their daughter, and 25% to each of the grandchildren. The son has no children and is mad as hell. It has destroyed the brother and sister relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You thinking and writing this as the DIL is beyond distasteful.

Unless your FIL is senile (in which case his son and not you should be intervening), then he is capable of arranging for his grandchildren he loved so much and balancing that with his new matrimonial commitment.

This is NONE of your business. Provide better for your own kids if you are concerned about them.

+1 it's not anyone's money but your FIL's

[Anonymous]

I too have schemes for my in laws’ money, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can I just say the people writing here are just idiots? Of course she wants the money to go to the children rather than the already rich new wife! Are you people insane, nuts, or subject to some other impairment? He is 79! Do you really want an inheritance that can change the course of the children's life for the better to be placed on the hands of a late-comer wife that may donate it all to PETA? I don't know what unrealistic, Disney-fied world you children live in, but back in the real world of limited resources and reasonableness of course the 79 should absolutely ensure that the bulk of the estate goes to the grandchildren and not the new wife! Get a estate lawyer and draft a plan!

Not OP. I totally agree with this comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL died last year. FIL is likely going to remarry. We are thrilled for him and we like his girlfriend.
He is 79, girlfriend is 73. She was never married and has no children and no family outside of a brother she is "estranged" from and probably some cousins.
We have the only grandchildren. My husband has a sister who is a single, law partner. No kids.

We do not want or need FILs money but would like it (or a portion of it) to go to our children as opposed to whatever his new wife-to-be does with it
after her death (We imagine she will outlive him----and then when she passes will she give it to our kids? donate to a church? will it go to her estranged brother?)

She is financially secure (was a professor for many years, owns her own home, etc).
FIL wants whatever we want. He adores the grandchildren.

Thoughts on how to proceed prior to his marriage? We are having very open conversations with this (he is super open about talking about it).
Thx!

SIL and DH should inherit equally. DH can ask that his father bypass him and give his portion directly to grandchildren.

Friend is going through this where parents left 25% to their son, 25% to their daughter, and 25% to each of the grandchildren. The son has no children and is mad as hell. It has destroyed the brother and sister relationship.

Wow the brother sucks. First he failed to respect that his father had his own relationship with his grandkids and then he ruined his relationship with his sister because he was greedy. If any of my kids suggested I shouldn’t give inheritances directly to my grandkids I would write that child out of the will entirely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can I just say the people writing here are just idiots? Of course she wants the money to go to the children rather than the already rich new wife! Are you people insane, nuts, or subject to some other impairment? He is 79! Do you really want an inheritance that can change the course of the children's life for the better to be placed on the hands of a late-comer wife that may donate it all to PETA? I don't know what unrealistic, Disney-fied world you children live in, but back in the real world of limited resources and reasonableness of course the 79 should absolutely ensure that the bulk of the estate goes to the grandchildren and not the new wife! Get an estate lawyer and draft a plan!

As a lawyer (with dead broke parents so no conflict of interest) I agree with this. I think OP and her husband are wise to make sure that, whatever FIL’s wishes, it is reduced to writing ASAP. People engage in magical thinking about this sort of thing and assume it will all work out somehow but the only way for that to happen is for it to be put down in a will.