elderly father remarrying and inheritance question

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure why nobody is talking about the elephants in the room.
- the FIL wants to remarry after just one year. He doesn’t look like a grieving husband. He must have started dating the new
girlfriend at his wife’s funeral.
- the girlfriend is 73 and never married. It’s strange that suddenly at 73 she wants to get married to a wealthy 79 yo. Smelling like some gold digging there

OP is doing the right thing by having these conversations. It’s your duty to fight for your children. Don’t let the girlfriend steal all of your FIL hard earned money. Anyone who doesn’t understand it is stupid.

This is actually super common. I have so, so many friends whose father remarried quickly after losing their wife.

[Anonymous]

I don't see why everyone is jumping down OP's throat. It sounds like the topic has already been broached and that their family is having open communication and conversation. So healthy! No wonder DCUM is losing its mind!

The next time it comes up, OP's DH can kindly tell his father thank you and that he doesn't need to worry about him and OP and that anything for the grandkids can go in a trust at grandpa's discretion. Done and done.

But one thing, OP. If there are any keepsakes from the late grandma, DH and SIL may want to discuss that now. When my uncle remarried, he gave all my aunt's jewelry and art to his new wife, and my cousins had to go begging to the new wife's kids because they inherited it all when my uncle died before the new wife. They got some things back. Some. And it wasn't all just about $$$, there was a lot of sentimentality in there too.

[Anonymous]

This is bizarre because he is not your father. WTF?

He is your father in law. Mind your business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is bizarre because he is not your father. WTF?

He is your father in law. Mind your business.

Your reaction is bizarre. What does it say about your marriage that you don't discuss such things with your spouse?

[Anonymous]

An elderly woman who had never been married wants to marry an elderly wealthy man just a few months after they met?
Red flags everywhere.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why everyone is getting so up in arms with OP ?

She asked a reasonable question. She's not trying to make a grab for an inheritance, she's not trying to steal anyone's portion. She's trying to put together her thoughts and she's asking for perspectives from this anonymous community.

OP, you never know what the future might bring. Fortunes disappear. Sources of income dry up. A child develops mental health issues when they reach young adulthood, requiring a lot of resources. You never know what the future will bring.

It sounds as if your father is marrying someone who has her own funds and is financially comfortable. If I were in your shoes, I would suggest your FIL set up one of those trusts where new MIL will draw a set amount of funds for the remainder of her life, with the estate going to your DH, his sister and the grandchildren upon the death of new MIL.

It's nice that you don't need the money. You can always decide what to do with the inheritance when you receive it, or who knows, circumstances can change and you may find the funds helpful when the time comes. It can be used to help set up your kids in paid-for homes, for example.

[Anonymous]

I agree that posters saying you are out of line are nuts. I had this conversation with my brother. He has no kids but is common law married to a successful woman with 2 grown children. They are lovely but our only son should get something if he dies before his wife. He agrees. So his wife gets 50% and I get 50%.

[Anonymous]

I don't see why it's gross for kids to be thinking about this. I would be really upset if I died, dh remarried and the new wife got everything (which includes MY money that I wanted kids and grandkids to have).

FWIW my mom was the grandkid in your scenario. Her step mom and step mom's kids got everything (kids weren't related to her dad or grandparents), even her grandma's wedding rings and wedding china. They were only married about a year before he died too, so it's not like a long 2nd marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree that posters saying you are out of line are nuts. I had this conversation with my brother. He has no kids but is common law married to a successful woman with 2 grown children. They are lovely but our only son should get something if he dies before his wife. He agrees. So his wife gets 50% and I get 50%.

WTF?????

A NEPHEW is not entitled to inherit assets over a WIFE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure why nobody is talking about the elephants in the room.
- the FIL wants to remarry after just one year. He doesn’t look like a grieving husband. He must have started dating the new
girlfriend at his wife’s funeral.
- the girlfriend is 73 and never married. It’s strange that suddenly at 73 she wants to get married to a wealthy 79 yo. Smelling like some gold digging there

OP is doing the right thing by having these conversations. It’s your duty to fight for your children. Don’t let the girlfriend steal all of your FIL hard earned money. Anyone who doesn’t understand it is stupid.

This is actually super common. I have so, so many friends whose father remarried quickly after losing their wife.

Frankly I don't know of any old men (who weren't bed ridden or senile) who didn't remarry when the wife died first. I also know of several older women whose retirement plans were to marry a rich old widower. If this woman isn't a gold digger, then why not just live together? I don't see why they need to marry? Marriage is meant for financial commitments and children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can I just say the people writing here are just idiots? Of course she wants the money to go to the children rather than the already rich new wife! Are you people insane, nuts, or subject to some other impairment? He is 79! Do you really want an inheritance that can change the course of the children's life for the better to be placed on the hands of a late-comer wife that may donate it all to PETA? I don't know what unrealistic, Disney-fied world you children live in, but back in the real world of limited resources and reasonableness of course the 79 should absolutely ensure that the bulk of the estate goes to the grandchildren and not the new wife! Get a estate lawyer and draft a plan!

Exactly. And giant eye roll at the concept that a 73 year old blushing bride needs new hubby to "provide" for her. "Providing" for one's spouse is the province of young couples who raise families and grow old together. Not latecomers to the scene. I'm sure MIL would be rolling in her grave to know the legacy she built with her spouse was going to be used to "provide" for another woman and not her children--of course, she could have prevented this with her own estate plan.

And the biggest side eye for a woman nuts enough to tie herself to a 79 year old man. He's after a nurse or a purse, so which is she?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL died last year. FIL is likely going to remarry. We are thrilled for him and we like his girlfriend.
He is 79, girlfriend is 73. She was never married and has no children and no family outside of a brother she is "estranged" from and probably some cousins.
We have the only grandchildren. My husband has a sister who is a single, law partner. No kids.

We do not want or need FILs money but would like it (or a portion of it) to go to our children as opposed to whatever his new wife-to-be does with it
after her death (We imagine she will outlive him----and then when she passes will she give it to our kids? donate to a church? will it go to her estranged brother?)

She is financially secure (was a professor for many years, owns her own home, etc).
FIL wants whatever we want. He adores the grandchildren.

Thoughts on how to proceed prior to his marriage? We are having very open conversations with this (he is super open about talking about it).
Thx!

omg grow up

This is not your money. YOU HAVE NO SAY>

NOT YOUR MONEY>

Your FIL can do whatever he likes and if he goes first yes her money.

Forget that church stuff absurd.

Yea but it’s his money and he needs advice to make it last until the bitter end. If she is healthy and he needs a nursing home it’s his money to pay for the nursing home and that needs to be in writing/a plan.

Plus they most likely will lose the ability to manage money at some point and need a power of attorney. She will too.

Planing is what intelligent people do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can I just say the people writing here are just idiots? Of course she wants the money to go to the children rather than the already rich new wife! Are you people insane, nuts, or subject to some other impairment? He is 79! Do you really want an inheritance that can change the course of the children's life for the better to be placed on the hands of a late-comer wife that may donate it all to PETA? I don't know what unrealistic, Disney-fied world you children live in, but back in the real world of limited resources and reasonableness of course the 79 should absolutely ensure that the bulk of the estate goes to the grandchildren and not the new wife! Get a estate lawyer and draft a plan!

Exactly. And giant eye roll at the concept that a 73 year old blushing bride needs new hubby to "provide" for her. "Providing" for one's spouse is the province of young couples who raise families and grow old together. Not latecomers to the scene. I'm sure MIL would be rolling in her grave to know the legacy she built with her spouse was going to be used to "provide" for another woman and not her children--of course, she could have prevented this with her own estate plan.

And the biggest side eye for a woman nuts enough to tie herself to a 79 year old man. He's after a nurse or a purse, so which is she?

My will says that no money I have can be left to anybody that is not a blood relation.

[Anonymous]

I’m astounded that no one here has thought to balance this equation with a conversation about what happens to the assets of his wealthy childless 73 year old bride to be if she predeceases him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An elderly woman who had never been married wants to marry an elderly wealthy man just a few months after they met?
Red flags everywhere.

Maybe they both want companionship? At that age, it’s a big motivator for many.