elderly father remarrying and inheritance question

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can I just say the people writing here are just idiots? Of course she wants the money to go to the children rather than the already rich new wife! Are you people insane, nuts, or subject to some other impairment? He is 79! Do you really want an inheritance that can change the course of the children's life for the better to be placed on the hands of a late-comer wife that may donate it all to PETA? I don't know what unrealistic, Disney-fied world you children live in, but back in the real world of limited resources and reasonableness of course the 79 should absolutely ensure that the bulk of the estate goes to the grandchildren and not the new wife! Get an estate lawyer and draft a plan!

As a lawyer (with dead broke parents so no conflict of interest) I agree with this. I think OP and her husband are wise to make sure that, whatever FIL’s wishes, it is reduced to writing ASAP. People engage in magical thinking about this sort of thing and assume it will all work out somehow but the only way for that to happen is for it to be put down in a will.

Yeah, but DIL is gonna scream bloody murder when that will gets changed like 6 mos after they get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can I just say the people writing here are just idiots? Of course she wants the money to go to the children rather than the already rich new wife! Are you people insane, nuts, or subject to some other impairment? He is 79! Do you really want an inheritance that can change the course of the children's life for the better to be placed on the hands of a late-comer wife that may donate it all to PETA? I don't know what unrealistic, Disney-fied world you children live in, but back in the real world of limited resources and reasonableness of course the 79 should absolutely ensure that the bulk of the estate goes to the grandchildren and not the new wife! Get an estate lawyer and draft a plan!

As a lawyer (with dead broke parents so no conflict of interest) I agree with this. I think OP and her husband are wise to make sure that, whatever FIL’s wishes, it is reduced to writing ASAP. People engage in magical thinking about this sort of thing and assume it will all work out somehow but the only way for that to happen is for it to be put down in a will.

Yeah, but DIL is gonna scream bloody murder when that will gets changed like 6 mos after they get married.

Well I’m a lawyer not a psychic with a crystal ball like you. Please post some stock tips in Money & Finance using your ability to predict so far in the future on so little information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can I just say the people writing here are just idiots? Of course she wants the money to go to the children rather than the already rich new wife! Are you people insane, nuts, or subject to some other impairment? He is 79! Do you really want an inheritance that can change the course of the children's life for the better to be placed on the hands of a late-comer wife that may donate it all to PETA? I don't know what unrealistic, Disney-fied world you children live in, but back in the real world of limited resources and reasonableness of course the 79 should absolutely ensure that the bulk of the estate goes to the grandchildren and not the new wife! Get a estate lawyer and draft a plan!

+1000000

[Anonymous]

Clear estate planning now will offset the unexpected and the mixture of pain, grief and anger that comes after a death. It has the cruel capacity to tear families apart.
I would agree with the attorney who suggested that there's a lot of magical thinking here with regard to letting it all go unsaid and unplanned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can I just say the people writing here are just idiots? Of course she wants the money to go to the children rather than the already rich new wife! Are you people insane, nuts, or subject to some other impairment? He is 79! Do you really want an inheritance that can change the course of the children's life for the better to be placed on the hands of a late-comer wife that may donate it all to PETA? I don't know what unrealistic, Disney-fied world you children live in, but back in the real world of limited resources and reasonableness of course the 79 should absolutely ensure that the bulk of the estate goes to the grandchildren and not the new wife! Get an estate lawyer and draft a plan!

As a lawyer (with dead broke parents so no conflict of interest) I agree with this. I think OP and her husband are wise to make sure that, whatever FIL’s wishes, it is reduced to writing ASAP. People engage in magical thinking about this sort of thing and assume it will all work out somehow but the only way for that to happen is for it to be put down in a will.

+1. H’s dad remarried. They both wanted the estate to go to H’s disabled brother but no one pushed them to update the trust. So his father passed then the new wife passed in quick succession. The estate went to her insane, horrible, long estranged sister and both of them would be horrified if they realized this is how things would turn out. Meanwhile, H and I are figuring desperately how to figure out how to care for his brother.

Speak up people. And if they do in fact wish for things to go a certain way, push to get it in writing.

[Anonymous]

I think in most states a “spousal election” exists that gives a spouse a right to a certain portion of the estate, often up to 50 percent, regardless of what any will says. The laws are designed to prevent a spouse from fully disinheriting the other spouse. Maybe a prenup is what is needed in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think in most states a “spousal election” exists that gives a spouse a right to a certain portion of the estate, often up to 50 percent, regardless of what any will says. The laws are designed to prevent a spouse from fully disinheriting the other spouse. Maybe a prenup is what is needed in this situation.

Both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL died last year. FIL is likely going to remarry. We are thrilled for him and we like his girlfriend.
He is 79, girlfriend is 73. She was never married and has no children and no family outside of a brother she is "estranged" from and probably some cousins.
We have the only grandchildren. My husband has a sister who is a single, law partner. No kids.

We do not want or need FILs money but would like it (or a portion of it) to go to our children as opposed to whatever his new wife-to-be does with it
after her death (We imagine she will outlive him----and then when she passes will she give it to our kids? donate to a church? will it go to her estranged brother?)

She is financially secure (was a professor for many years, owns her own home, etc).
FIL wants whatever we want. He adores the grandchildren.

Thoughts on how to proceed prior to his marriage? We are having very open conversations with this (he is super open about talking about it).
Thx!

Something tells me FIL says this to this GF too. If he wanted to change his documents he would have. Actions speak louder than words.

[Anonymous]

Why is FIL remarrying. Really the best thing to protect his money is just to live with this woman but not marry her. If he does marry her, he needs to talk to a lawyer about getting everything set up so that your kids get his money (likely as a trust with you as trustees), including a prenup if necessary. I would also set it up so your DH gets POA if your FIL becomes incapacitated.

[Anonymous]

Since he is super open talking about this what does he say? Setting this up is very easy. Why do you have any questions?

Unless he isn't doing this as you would like....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You thinking and writing this as the DIL is beyond distasteful.

Unless your FIL is senile (in which case his son and not you should be intervening), then he is capable of arranging for his grandchildren he loved so much and balancing that with his new matrimonial commitment.

This is NONE of your business. Provide better for your own kids if you are concerned about them.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can I just say the people writing here are just idiots? Of course she wants the money to go to the children rather than the already rich new wife! Are you people insane, nuts, or subject to some other impairment? He is 79! Do you really want an inheritance that can change the course of the children's life for the better to be placed on the hands of a late-comer wife that may donate it all to PETA? I don't know what unrealistic, Disney-fied world you children live in, but back in the real world of limited resources and reasonableness of course the 79 should absolutely ensure that the bulk of the estate goes to the grandchildren and not the new wife! Get an estate lawyer and draft a plan!

As a lawyer (with dead broke parents so no conflict of interest) I agree with this. I think OP and her husband are wise to make sure that, whatever FIL’s wishes, it is reduced to writing ASAP. People engage in magical thinking about this sort of thing and assume it will all work out somehow but the only way for that to happen is for it to be put down in a will.

+1. H’s dad remarried. They both wanted the estate to go to H’s disabled brother but no one pushed them to update the trust. So his father passed then the new wife passed in quick succession. The estate went to her insane, horrible, long estranged sister and both of them would be horrified if they realized this is how things would turn out. Meanwhile, H and I are figuring desperately how to figure out how to care for his brother.

Speak up people. And if they do in fact wish for things to go a certain way, push to get it in writing.

Horrible. I’ll never understand how people can be smart enough to earn money but so damn stupid about planning. My MIL is going in the same direction - her hard earned money will likely end up in the hands of her weird adult stepson instead of paying for her grandkid’s college, all because we aren’t allowed to ask questions or discuss how much college actually costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can I just say the people writing here are just idiots? Of course she wants the money to go to the children rather than the already rich new wife! Are you people insane, nuts, or subject to some other impairment? He is 79! Do you really want an inheritance that can change the course of the children's life for the better to be placed on the hands of a late-comer wife that may donate it all to PETA? I don't know what unrealistic, Disney-fied world you children live in, but back in the real world of limited resources and reasonableness of course the 79 should absolutely ensure that the bulk of the estate goes to the grandchildren and not the new wife! Get a estate lawyer and draft a plan!

Not OP. I totally agree with this comment.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Try to get everything for you and your family. I don’t know why he wants to get married but if he does let it have as little consequence as possible on your family.

[Anonymous]

He should set up a trust fund and put all his money and property in it and then designate your children as beneficiaries.

I am not a lawyer and that is just my basic understanding of family trusts and inheritance law, but if he doesn’t do that, I believe in a lot of states the minimum he can leave to his wife in his will is 50%. There are laws in place to prevent a husband from disinheriting a wife through his will. Only way around it without a trust fund is if she agrees to sign a prenup. Which may put a damper on their marriage plans.

After saying all that, please be fair to new wife too : she is younger and will probably end up doing a lot of end of life caring. She also deserves smothering. And in particular, the trust fund should ensure that she can stay in the house if she ends up living in it. Even if she doesn’t have ownership there are ways to protect her use of the house while she is alive and then have the house go to your children.

Good luck. Those are important and good discussions to have. Don’t listen to the crazy people who say you are out of line. However, remember money and inheritance is about love and caring. Your FIL Amat be happy with whatever after he dies, but new wife may feel slighted if you all discuss leaving her completely aside. Her needs need to be taken into account too. And having money of her own is not enough to justify her inheriting nothing from her husband.