Mom is upset we no longer want to use her middle name for our daughter

[Anonymous]

Did you have a good relationship with your maternal grandmother? If so, What’s her other name? Maybe that’s a good compromise. Your mom can feel like you’re honoring her family, but it’s a name you associate with someone more positive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you like Tessa or Summer? If not name the baby whatever you want.

Break the cycle. I’ve been there from other sides of The families. My husbands side all had Maria as a middle name. All of them. My mom is a narcissist and all of us on my side of the family have our moms name. I couldn’t do it. To this day, I am thankful.

These people had their chance to name their baby. Now it’s your turn! I couldn’t imagine pressuring my daughter to name her kid after me.

Good luck!

Our baby girl’s first name is Hayden (I know, I know, DCUM HATES —ayden names and BNOG. We love it, so hate away if you must lol. I just don’t know what middle name flows. My middle name isn’t the best either (Jolene).

Hayden Theresa
Hayden Jolene
Hayden Summer
Hayden Tessa

Hayden Theresa sounds fine to me. Hayden Summer is nice, too. But keep in mind that "flow" isn't that important; there are only a few times in your life when people say your full name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you like Tessa or Summer? If not name the baby whatever you want.

Break the cycle. I’ve been there from other sides of The families. My husbands side all had Maria as a middle name. All of them. My mom is a narcissist and all of us on my side of the family have our moms name. I couldn’t do it. To this day, I am thankful.

These people had their chance to name their baby. Now it’s your turn! I couldn’t imagine pressuring my daughter to name her kid after me.

Good luck!

Our baby girl’s first name is Hayden (I know, I know, DCUM HATES —ayden names and BNOG. We love it, so hate away if you must lol. I just don’t know what middle name flows. My middle name isn’t the best either (Jolene).

Hayden Theresa
Hayden Jolene
Hayden Summer
Hayden Tessa

We don't know what goes with your last name, but I think Hayden Theresa flows the best of all of these! I think it's the 3 syllables, makes it sound softer than the others.

I agree; the variation in syllables makes it sound better.

[Anonymous]

FU, Ma.

[Anonymous]

Your mom may have been difficult during this pregnancy, but saying you would name your daughter after her and your grandma and then saying “just kidding, never mind” is in my opinion pretty cruel. It’s a middle name not the first name. I would keep it especially since there are other special women in your family being honored with the name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you like Tessa or Summer? If not name the baby whatever you want.

Break the cycle. I’ve been there from other sides of The families. My husbands side all had Maria as a middle name. All of them. My mom is a narcissist and all of us on my side of the family have our moms name. I couldn’t do it. To this day, I am thankful.

These people had their chance to name their baby. Now it’s your turn! I couldn’t imagine pressuring my daughter to name her kid after me.

Good luck!

Our baby girl’s first name is Hayden (I know, I know, DCUM HATES —ayden names and BNOG. We love it, so hate away if you must lol. I just don’t know what middle name flows. My middle name isn’t the best either (Jolene).

Hayden Theresa
Hayden Jolene
Hayden Summer
Hayden Tessa

Hayden Theresa sounds fine to me. Hayden Summer is nice, too. But keep in mind that "flow" isn't that important; there are only a few times in your life when people say your full name.

I can’t tell if this is OP? But I love Hayden Theresa!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here,

I totally acknowledge that it must be disappointing for my mom to learn that we are considering changing my daughter’s middle name after we already picked it. I’m also aware that we shouldn’t have announced her name until after her birth. This is our first baby and we have definitely learned our lesson! I always wondered why people waited— now I understand.

I just feel like my mom hasn’t been deserving. We have a very complicated relationship and it was probably (definitely) a mistake to tell her we were using her name. She has just been terrible throughout my pregnancy. She is a narcissist and my therapist suggested that perhaps she’s afraid of losing some control or power.

You need to cut WAY BACK on your contact with your mom. If your therapist isn’t helping you with this, then you need a new therapist. It is nuts that a toxic person is this involved in your life. She should know very, very little about what is going on.

My guess is that OP is just as toxic and her Mom

[Anonymous]

OP my MIL thought she had the total right to name our twins. She chose her daughters their aunts name for them and had a full his day fit over it.
She disapproved of the names we chose. So much ridiculous drama. This will be YOUR child forever. Choose a name you like.
Whenever anyone asks about my names I say oh I was pregnant at the time! Your baby your choice.

[Anonymous]

Worry more about her first name. It’s just not a good name.

[Anonymous]

You have learned a valuable lesson:, the things we don't do or say can never be used against us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you even open that can of worms? Talk less that is the key op.

+1000
We informed everyone only after the baby was born.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is exactly why you don't talk about babies names until the baby is born. Pick and name and stop talking about it.

💯. Orthodox Jews have this right.

[Anonymous]

I think Theresa sounds better with Hayden than the other choices, but you should definitely use what you want and not get bullied into letting someone else dictate your child’s name.

OTOH, if you wanted to honor the other Theresas in your family without caving completely to your mom, giving your dd two middle names is an option.

Name your baby whatever speaks to you and your dh and will make you two happy. Congratulations!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here,

I totally acknowledge that it must be disappointing for my mom to learn that we are considering changing my daughter’s middle name after we already picked it. I’m also aware that we shouldn’t have announced her name until after her birth. This is our first baby and we have definitely learned our lesson! I always wondered why people waited— now I understand.

I just feel like my mom hasn’t been deserving. We have a very complicated relationship and it was probably (definitely) a mistake to tell her we were using her name. She has just been terrible throughout my pregnancy. She is a narcissist and my therapist suggested that perhaps she’s afraid of losing some control or power.

But it’s not her name—it is the maternal family middle name. It was your great-grandmother’s middle name first. I think it’s a lovely tradition that was not done in my family, but I have observed in my friends’ families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here,

I totally acknowledge that it must be disappointing for my mom to learn that we are considering changing my daughter’s middle name after we already picked it. I’m also aware that we shouldn’t have announced her name until after her birth. This is our first baby and we have definitely learned our lesson! I always wondered why people waited— now I understand.

I just feel like my mom hasn’t been deserving. We have a very complicated relationship and it was probably (definitely) a mistake to tell her we were using her name. She has just been terrible throughout my pregnancy. She is a narcissist and my therapist suggested that perhaps she’s afraid of losing some control or power.

But it’s not her name—it is the maternal family middle name. It was your great-grandmother’s middle name first. I think it’s a lovely tradition that was not done in my family, but I have observed in my friends’ families.

Op here. Thank you for this perspective. I think we are going to keep the name after all. We won’t be announcing until after her birth though!