Mom is upset we no longer want to use her middle name for our daughter

[Anonymous]

Do you like Tessa or Summer? If not name the baby whatever you want.

Break the cycle. I’ve been there from other sides of The families. My husbands side all had Maria as a middle name. All of them. My mom is a narcissist and all of us on my side of the family have our moms name. I couldn’t do it. To this day, I am thankful.

These people had their chance to name their baby. Now it’s your turn! I couldn’t imagine pressuring my daughter to name her kid after me.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you like Tessa or Summer? If not name the baby whatever you want.

Break the cycle. I’ve been there from other sides of The families. My husbands side all had Maria as a middle name. All of them. My mom is a narcissist and all of us on my side of the family have our moms name. I couldn’t do it. To this day, I am thankful.

These people had their chance to name their baby. Now it’s your turn! I couldn’t imagine pressuring my daughter to name her kid after me.

Good luck!

Our baby girl’s first name is Hayden (I know, I know, DCUM HATES —ayden names and BNOG. We love it, so hate away if you must lol. I just don’t know what middle name flows. My middle name isn’t the best either (Jolene).

Hayden Theresa
Hayden Jolene
Hayden Summer
Hayden Tessa

[Anonymous]

I didn't tell anyone any of my kids names. I didn't even tell my husband on the last one. I didn’t want my decision to be influenced by anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you like Tessa or Summer? If not name the baby whatever you want.

Break the cycle. I’ve been there from other sides of The families. My husbands side all had Maria as a middle name. All of them. My mom is a narcissist and all of us on my side of the family have our moms name. I couldn’t do it. To this day, I am thankful.

These people had their chance to name their baby. Now it’s your turn! I couldn’t imagine pressuring my daughter to name her kid after me.

Good luck!

Our baby girl’s first name is Hayden (I know, I know, DCUM HATES —ayden names and BNOG. We love it, so hate away if you must lol. I just don’t know what middle name flows. My middle name isn’t the best either (Jolene).

Hayden Theresa
Hayden Jolene
Hayden Summer
Hayden Tessa

We don't know what goes with your last name, but I think Hayden Theresa flows the best of all of these! I think it's the 3 syllables, makes it sound softer than the others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you like Tessa or Summer? If not name the baby whatever you want.

Break the cycle. I’ve been there from other sides of The families. My husbands side all had Maria as a middle name. All of them. My mom is a narcissist and all of us on my side of the family have our moms name. I couldn’t do it. To this day, I am thankful.

These people had their chance to name their baby. Now it’s your turn! I couldn’t imagine pressuring my daughter to name her kid after me.

Good luck!

Our baby girl’s first name is Hayden (I know, I know, DCUM HATES —ayden names and BNOG. We love it, so hate away if you must lol. I just don’t know what middle name flows. My middle name isn’t the best either (Jolene).

Hayden Theresa
Hayden Jolene
Hayden Summer
Hayden Tessa

Pp here. Hayden Tessa is beautiful!!
Love Hayden!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't tell anyone any of my kids names. I didn't even tell my husband on the last one. I didn’t want my decision to be influenced by anyone.

That’s very smart. We have definitely learned our lesson!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here,

I totally acknowledge that it must be disappointing for my mom to learn that we are considering changing my daughter’s middle name after we already picked it. I’m also aware that we shouldn’t have announced her name until after her birth. This is our first baby and we have definitely learned our lesson! I always wondered why people waited— now I understand.

I just feel like my mom hasn’t been deserving. We have a very complicated relationship and it was probably (definitely) a mistake to tell her we were using her name. She has just been terrible throughout my pregnancy. She is a narcissist and my therapist suggested that perhaps she’s afraid of losing some control or power.

OP, I'm sorry your mom has been awful to you, but you've known her your whole life, so saying she's not deserving AFTER telling her you were using the name is 100% on you. It's a separate issue than whether she's a narcissist or whatever.

+1

Your mom may or may not be a narcissist, but the person who is 100% responsible for this particular drama is you. I hope you’ll discuss it with your therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, you should name your kid what you want to name her, but it was a really crappy move to tell your mom you were going to honor her with your daughter’s middle name and then come back with “oh, jk, we’re over it.”

Sheesh. Make a firm decision before you announce something like that!

Exactly. Understandable you don’t want to give your daughter the name of a person who has hurt you so much.

Inexplicable that huh would be surprised that she is upset that you said you’re making the baby after her and now you tell her you changed your mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't tell anyone any of my kids names. I didn't even tell my husband on the last one. I didn’t want my decision to be influenced by anyone.

Totally. None of his business what his child would be named.

(I acknowledge none of my business how you two agree to make this decision, but the above way of thinking is just so foreign to me -- like it's your baby & not his)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here,

I totally acknowledge that it must be disappointing for my mom to learn that we are considering changing my daughter’s middle name after we already picked it. I’m also aware that we shouldn’t have announced her name until after her birth. This is our first baby and we have definitely learned our lesson! I always wondered why people waited— now I understand.

I just feel like my mom hasn’t been deserving. We have a very complicated relationship and it was probably (definitely) a mistake to tell her we were using her name. She has just been terrible throughout my pregnancy. She is a narcissist and my therapist suggested that perhaps she’s afraid of losing some control or power.

You need to cut WAY BACK on your contact with your mom. If your therapist isn’t helping you with this, then you need a new therapist. It is nuts that a toxic person is this involved in your life. She should know very, very little about what is going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you like Tessa or Summer? If not name the baby whatever you want.

Break the cycle. I’ve been there from other sides of The families. My husbands side all had Maria as a middle name. All of them. My mom is a narcissist and all of us on my side of the family have our moms name. I couldn’t do it. To this day, I am thankful.

These people had their chance to name their baby. Now it’s your turn! I couldn’t imagine pressuring my daughter to name her kid after me.

Good luck!

Our baby girl’s first name is Hayden (I know, I know, DCUM HATES —ayden names and BNOG. We love it, so hate away if you must lol. I just don’t know what middle name flows. My middle name isn’t the best either (Jolene).

Hayden Theresa
Hayden Jolene
Hayden Summer
Hayden Tessa

We don't know what goes with your last name, but I think Hayden Theresa flows the best of all of these! I think it's the 3 syllables, makes it sound softer than the others.

All are equally awful so it doesn’t really matter which you pick.

[Anonymous]

Just lie.

[Anonymous]

Hayden Tess or Hayden Jo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here,

I totally acknowledge that it must be disappointing for my mom to learn that we are considering changing my daughter’s middle name after we already picked it. I’m also aware that we shouldn’t have announced her name until after her birth. This is our first baby and we have definitely learned our lesson! I always wondered why people waited— now I understand.

I just feel like my mom hasn’t been deserving. We have a very complicated relationship and it was probably (definitely) a mistake to tell her we were using her name. She has just been terrible throughout my pregnancy. She is a narcissist and my therapist suggested that perhaps she’s afraid of losing some control or power.

OP, I'm sorry your mom has been awful to you, but you've known her your whole life, so saying she's not deserving AFTER telling her you were using the name is 100% on you. It's a separate issue than whether she's a narcissist or whatever.

+1

Your mom may or may not be a narcissist, but the person who is 100% responsible for this particular drama is you. I hope you’ll discuss it with your therapist.

+1. You laid the groundwork for mom to fail on this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you even open that can of worms? Talk less that is the key op.

This. We used my mom's name as my daughter's middle name. My mom is awesome in almost every way. But I still didn't tell her beforehand because, what IF we decided to change our minds?! This is why people don't share the name ahead of time.

Use the name you want. If your mom is mad, oh well, she can be mad. You can say you are sorry for the change, but that's about it. If she's toxic, I'd start reading about "grey rock" and how to handle your mother going forward. Stop telling her personal details about your life.