is DH being an unreasonable brat, or am i stressed and being too sensitve?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, as a cautionary tale, I assigned a few simple tasks to extended family members who offered to "help in any way they could" with day of logistics related to the funeral of a beloved young family member and they ABSOLUTELY FAILED.

If hiring help will alleviate your stress regarding logistics, you should absolutely outsource it.

I am so sorry for this loss- Op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No good deed goes unpunished, OP.

Aint this the truth

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If his college buddies are flying in from all over the country to spend the weekend celebrating his milestone …. Then, yes, he should spend the morning golfing with them!

Now, whether he acts appreciative of your efforts is a different question.

And the 2 nights before going out with them

I'm not disagreeing with you, just wanting to make clear that he is not asking for a few hours. He is literally asking for a 4 day weekend of
"not it!"
"fete me!"

NP. I'm sorry, OP. He's immature. I'm cringing a lot.

What he really wanted was a boys weekend away. Why didn't he ask for that? Is it because his friends wouldn't shower him with continuous, special attention?

[Anonymous]

I find it ironic that he thinks you should outsource work to family and friends (who are guests) just so he can be…a guest at his open party. He’s being a prima Donna but at this point I would hire childcare (although dh needs the babysitter) and help for day off.
And then….Figure out where you are going to take yourself (without him) when it’s your milestone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If his college buddies are flying in from all over the country to spend the weekend celebrating his milestone …. Then, yes, he should spend the morning golfing with them!

Now, whether he acts appreciative of your efforts is a different question.

And the 2 nights before going out with them

I'm not disagreeing with you, just wanting to make clear that he is not asking for a few hours. He is literally asking for a 4 day weekend of
"not it!"
"fete me!"

I think the issue is that this party has gotten out of hand and is now much larger than you want to handle (or you feel you want to fete him for). But I think his idea of getting as much childcare as possible is a great one. His idea of relying exclusively on friends is a terrible one. And his attitude is terrible. These are all different things and you are rolling them all up into one because it sounds like your celebration party has taken on a (bad) life of its own.

Op here-
One of the friends that he said I should rely on/he was seemingly appalled that I would rather seek paid help than use free friends/family just announced that she can't attend, due to a family emergency...validating my point of not wanting rely on friends or even certain family members.

I don't disagree with your take either. I am genuinely excited for it- once it gets going and things just start happening.
But overarching, his attitude which seems to be a combo of ungrateful, bratty, and condescending is putting a damper on my excitement

[Anonymous]

Is DH being an unreasonable brat? No
Are you stressed? Yes
Are you being too sensitive? Probably.

You admit to letting things "snowball" which means that your Planning is not being successful. You Planned incorrectly. Now you need to talk to DH about budget, or if DH is making more money just blow the budget and get it done. You planned incorrectly and now the mistake is on you.

WTH were you not getting a nanny for the weekend in the first place, once the event is at the level that people are buying plane tickets and you are hiring a caterer. Seriously, is this a troll post???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is DH being an unreasonable brat? No
Are you stressed? Yes
Are you being too sensitive? Probably.

You admit to letting things "snowball" which means that your Planning is not being successful. You Planned incorrectly. Now you need to talk to DH about budget, or if DH is making more money just blow the budget and get it done. You planned incorrectly and now the mistake is on you.

WTH were you not getting a nanny for the weekend in the first place, once the event is at the level that people are buying plane tickets and you are hiring a caterer. Seriously, is this a troll post???

PP here. If it were me, I would hire babysitter PLUS a backup babysitter. Each would receive an extra fee as incentive for actually showing up for the job, and I would advertise the fee upfront.

Are you booking a massage or spa day or whatever after this to unwind from your "Stress" after the whole thing is done? I might not do that, but personally I would plan the $ing thing correctly in the first place.

[Anonymous]

One of my biggest pet peeves is grown adults who expect to be fawned over like a child on a birthday or other big occasion. I can’t stand the days of dinners and parties and expecting to not lift a finger. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it ironic that he thinks you should outsource work to family and friends (who are guests) just so he can be…a guest at his open party. He’s being a prima Donna but at this point I would hire childcare (although dh needs the babysitter) and help for day off.
And then….Figure out where you are going to take yourself (without him) when it’s your milestone.

This.

The funny/sad thing is- if the roles were reversed....he would NEVER think it was acceptable for me to just essentially dip out on childcare for a weekend and just be floating, free, and feted. I guarantee he would say I needed to think through the logistics with him.

[Anonymous]

You’ve gotten great advice. The question that truly matters is whether he is generally this condescending and pompous. Special events make most people crazy and tap into our deep-seated desires to show off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No good deed goes unpunished, OP.

THIS.

Consider it a learning experience and don't agree to doing the same again in 10 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hire: 1. childcare and 2. cleaning/prep help.
done.

This. BFD. I can’t remember the last time I had a weekend off but my DH is off essentially 90% of the time. Yes we both work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why even bother OP. Your heart's not into it. Just cancel it.

Yep.

You should have consulted him first before deciding to create work for him.

I like parties thrown in my honor, but if I have to do any of the work, I am not interested. I'd take a free weekend to relax instead

[Anonymous]

Lol who does he think he is?

[Anonymous]

I was Team OP until I read your follow up post about DH wanting to go out the night before and golf with friends, etc. ... and then it hit me, that is what all of his friends and family coming for the weekend will get to do, why shouldn't he? A celebration should not be work for the person being celebrated. I do think you should arrange for babysitting for much of the weekend, and outsource whatever you can.

Now I do agree his words and tone were bratty, but in the spirit of sticking to your original goal of making a nice celebration for your DH, I think you should just privately eye roll and get on with doing this however works for you.

And, be sure to request your own big celebration weekend at some future point