is DH being an unreasonable brat, or am i stressed and being too sensitve?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
DH has reached a milestone in personal and career, and I am throwing him a celebration. It's also happily snowballed into somewhat of a family and college reunion, as many of us have not seen each other in years due to covid and life.
DH had been fishing hinting for a long time that he wanted to celebrate these things in a more formal way, but did not want to plan it. So, I took the hint and "volunteered" to host something. The event will be larger than expected, with many more people rsvp-ing yes than I expected. We have young kids. I asked DH if he would be willing to handle one aspect that I've found frustrating and out of my wheelhouse. He agreed. He is handling it. However, he just said to me that I need to make a plan for the kids and other logistics, because he intends to be a guest of honor, not a cohost or coordinator. "it's increasingly foreseeable that Im going to spend the weekend doing a lot more than sitting around enjoying my friends and family." And that he "wants to be the last person I ask for help, not the only person." I am so turned off by this, I almost regret going to such lengths to celebrate him. I had to bite my tongue from saying, You ungrateful POS. Just because I've planned something for you does not mean you get to remove parent from your bio. If this is the thanks I get for planning something for you, that you basically asked for, then this is the first and the last time. I'm hurt and needed to vent. |
Anonymous
| He’s being a brat |
Anonymous
|
Is there something stopping HIM from arranging childcare if it’s so important to him?
Remind him that parenting doesn’t end because he has a special celebration and tell him that if he wants to be doing more celebrating, he should be arranging childcare so that you also get to do any celebrating yourself. |
Anonymous
|
Tell him the milestone is going to his head and he’s being a miserable POS to the family that has facilitated his rise. And tell him you are hurt. Don’t be angry but do show him you are hurt.
Also, tell him that using the word “foreseeable” in this context makes him sound like Simon Foster in In the Loop. Or maybe don’t tell him, but chuckle at it quietly to yourself. |
Anonymous
| He’s being an arse. |
Anonymous
| He’s an absolute brat! |
Anonymous
| Agree with PP.. He's acting like an entitled brat who doesn't appreciate what you are doing. |
Anonymous
| He’s an ass. I would be cancelling that celebration unless he comes up with sitters and his own plan of how to help entertain all his friends and family. For real — I would pull the plug. No one treats me like that. So condescending! |
Anonymous
|
OP here. He keeps telling me to outsource various things to friends and family. Yes, people have said they will help. Sure, there are some things I can imagine getting a cousin or friend to help with.
But overall, I feel strongly that invited guests should not be put to work. People spent a lot of time and money to travel for this. They are guests. And the big ticket items that I'd need help with are either childcare- not going to ask a guest, even a relative, to babysit my kids- or things like meeting the caterer, making sure things I think I am going to bite the bullet and hire a day of coordinator/extra set of hands. When I said this he seemed critical of me. "Why would you pay for help when so many people are offering to help you." 1- Because I believe that guests should be treated like guests, not unpaid help. 2- Because someone I hire and pay for, frankly, does what I need to get done, and will handle things I either don't want to or won't have the time to 3- If he said he did not want to co host or coordinate the event, then why is he micromanaging how I choose to execute things? I'm really frustrated yall. I've spent a lot of money, time, and thought trying to make this a really big gesture for him. To actually say- I want to be the last person you ask for help, not the only one? What a jerk. |
Anonymous
| I feel for you on the night of this event. He is likely going to irritate the sH*& out of you. |
Anonymous
| Woman here and I totally disagree. It’s one weekend. You can arrange childcare. If it were a woman being fêted for some combo of 40th bday and making partner, she would be fuming that she had to ask, and that DH was giving her chores to do for her own celebration, and tasking her with childcare all weekend. And people here would be saying “tell him what you want.” OP, if you’re going to celebrate him, and people are coming in from out of town, do it right. Don’t be passive aggressive. |
Anonymous
| Come to Jesus meeting is called for. I’d let him know you’ve done what you are going to do for the party. |
Anonymous
| What exactly is it that you want him to do? The post is confusing for me. |
Anonymous
OP here. I don't think that parenting in our home for the 6 hours before a party starts is giving my DH chores or tasking him with childcare all weekend. He is implying that he should be able to/wants to basically be MIA the whole weekend and the party and the kids are my responsibility. As in, if he wants to spend the morning and afternoon before the event golfing with his college buddies, he should be able to, and the kids are my responsibility. AKA he gets to check out completely from any responsibility. |
Anonymous
| He’s a complete brat, and you’re very nice to do this for him. I’d try to rope in one or more of your friends to help out with any remaining work so you feel less like murdering him. I would also work “It is increasingly foreseeable” into your daily conversations so he can hear how ridiculous it sounds. |