is DH being an unreasonable brat, or am i stressed and being too sensitve?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is it that you want him to do? The post is confusing for me.

+ 1

She wants him to bus tables on the day of the party. Also, take care of the kids. He should not spend time with his friends doing fun stuff. Why? Because OP does not know how to handle such events and should have outsourced it.

He wants to spend Thursday-Sunday having a fun reunion with his cousins and college buddies. During that time, he doesn't want OP to ask hi for any kind of assistance with anything unless she's asked everyone else first, and it doesn't sound like he wants to spend any time with her or his children. Theoretically, THOSE are the people who he should be celebrating his milestones with. Celebrations that exclude those people seem pretty performative and immature to me.

Also, you didn't read the thread. OP wants to outsource it. Her husband doesn't.

OP here. This is exactly it. He just said to me that the day after the party, he will be at a sports bar with his friends.
So he is in fact announcing that he is MIA, but for the party, on Thurs, Fri, Sat, and Sunday.
What will be next? Breakfast on Monday? I kid, but not really.

So what is the party for?

So what if he is, OP? Are you that helpless that you can’t handle kids for a few days? Don’t you ever travel for work?

[Anonymous]

OP I posted previously but are any of the friends and family coming to town also your friends? I re-read your OP and it struck me that way but maybe im wrong. I met my DH in college and we have a lot of friends that might be “more” his friends than mine but I would want to spend time with if they were in town for a rare visit. Just wondering if that’s part of it at all. Anyway at this point you probably just have to deal with this (get whatever help you need to enjoy the other people you will get to see) and later maybe ask him for something (which he should happily provide, either himself or outsourcing like you are now). This is mostly a problem if it’s one sided (which it kind of sounds like it is….but maybe he will surprise you)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is it that you want him to do? The post is confusing for me.

+ 1

She wants him to bus tables on the day of the party. Also, take care of the kids. He should not spend time with his friends doing fun stuff. Why? Because OP does not know how to handle such events and should have outsourced it.

He wants to spend Thursday-Sunday having a fun reunion with his cousins and college buddies. During that time, he doesn't want OP to ask hi for any kind of assistance with anything unless she's asked everyone else first, and it doesn't sound like he wants to spend any time with her or his children. Theoretically, THOSE are the people who he should be celebrating his milestones with. Celebrations that exclude those people seem pretty performative and immature to me.

Also, you didn't read the thread. OP wants to outsource it. Her husband doesn't.

OP here. This is exactly it. He just said to me that the day after the party, he will be at a sports bar with his friends.
So he is in fact announcing that he is MIA, but for the party, on Thurs, Fri, Sat, and Sunday.
What will be next? Breakfast on Monday? I kid, but not really.

Serious question, why are you still married to someone you so clearly dislike?

[Anonymous]

OP here. This is exactly it. He just said to me that the day after the party, he will be at a sports bar with his friends.
So he is in fact announcing that he is MIA, but for the party, on Thurs, Fri, Sat, and Sunday.
What will be next? Breakfast on Monday? I kid, but not really.

are you part of any of these events? Are they joint friends? I dont understand this. Yes, the party is to celebrate some accomplishment of his, I guess, but it seems weird to me that he's treating you like you're not part of the celebration, just in charge of it. I mean, dont your friends also have kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP here. This is exactly it. He just said to me that the day after the party, he will be at a sports bar with his friends.
So he is in fact announcing that he is MIA, but for the party, on Thurs, Fri, Sat, and Sunday.
What will be next? Breakfast on Monday? I kid, but not really.

are you part of any of these events? Are they joint friends? I dont understand this. Yes, the party is to celebrate some accomplishment of his, I guess, but it seems weird to me that he's treating you like you're not part of the celebration, just in charge of it. I mean, dont your friends also have kids?

That's my take, too, and why OP might be feeling used at this point.
And again, for those in the back, OP wants to outsource a lot. He opposes that idea. He's not going to be happy unless she does everything herself!!!

[Anonymous]

my guess is phd after 12 years in comp lit or something lame like that. or maybe tenure. but its lame all around. anyway, how many people are at the party? do you have people staying with you? I dont understand a 4 day celebration. I mean, our wedding was not even that extensive. Jeez, when I turned 50 I got a cake, a vibrator and a massage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my guess is phd after 12 years in comp lit or something lame like that. or maybe tenure. but its lame all around. anyway, how many people are at the party? do you have people staying with you? I dont understand a 4 day celebration. I mean, our wedding was not even that extensive. Jeez, when I turned 50 I got a cake, a vibrator and a massage. [/quote

I know zero adults who would request that someone else throw them and their friends a 4 day party, for any accomplishment. Even people getting married generally understand that THEY are throwing the party for THEMSELVES and their friends. I literally cannot think of a single other situation. The only situation I can think of where adults feel entitled to a party for them is baby showers, and that's at most a couple hours of celebration, not 4 entire days.

[Anonymous]

Sorry. I don’t see a problem. Hire a sitter for the event. Watch the kids while he golfs and hangs out with his friends to celebrate his milestone. It’s a weekend. Definitely hire some kind of organizer to meet with the caterer if you can’t do things like that.

[Anonymous]

Why is OP being so coy about this alleged milestone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is OP being so coy about this alleged milestone?

Because it is something that is a big deal. But if she tells us then her pity party would go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. And FWIW, I AM the breadwinner and have been for years.

Well, you dislike that he is not the breadwinner and doing something great for him is now pissing you off!! You wanted to be the broadminded loving wife and make this grand gesture for him just to make him understand that you are super understanding and a feminist, but suddenly you realized that you are celebrating a mooch. You can't respect him as a provider obviously, and he is not even handling the things a SAHM would have handeled.

Aww, baby! Go and confront him. This will be what will break your marriage.

NP. You must be a miserable person to write this post.

To the OP: don't respond to these obvious, miserable trolls. So many trolls and a-holes out there.

[Anonymous]

None of you need to know what the celebration is. Nosy buggers.

OP, your husband is unreasonable. He can't expect to do nothing and also micromanage you and expect you to do everything. Unreasonable. Doesn't matter the occasion. He is acting like a brat and very immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is OP being so coy about this alleged milestone?

Because it is something that is a big deal. But if she tells us then her pity party would go away.

DP. Can you say some things that would make sense, then? My DH has tenure, as do half of our friends. People don't even typically announce it on social media; they just grab dinner or drinks with friends and/or family. Even my self centered MIL only has a catered dinner at her country house when she celebrates a milestone birthday. I'm having trouble thinking of something that is worth all the attention her DH wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there something stopping HIM from arranging childcare if it’s so important to him?

Remind him that parenting doesn’t end because he has a special celebration and tell him that if he wants to be doing more celebrating, he should be arranging childcare so that you also get to do any celebrating yourself.

Exactly. Tell HIM to hire a sitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is OP being so coy about this alleged milestone?

Because it is something that is a big deal. But if she tells us then her pity party would go away.

Exactly this. OP is tiresome.