is DH being an unreasonable brat, or am i stressed and being too sensitve?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If his college buddies are flying in from all over the country to spend the weekend celebrating his milestone …. Then, yes, he should spend the morning golfing with them!

Now, whether he acts appreciative of your efforts is a different question.

And the 2 nights before going out with them

I'm not disagreeing with you, just wanting to make clear that he is not asking for a few hours. He is literally asking for a 4 day weekend of
"not it!"
"fete me!"

Good lord, this is more partying and less work than my actual wedding. I agree this is obnoxious, but we are so far from being the type of people who would throw a catered event friends would fly in for for anything OTHER than a wedding (which involved max DIY to save $$$) that I can't offer actual advice on reasonable boundaries for being feted like this.

[Anonymous]

How he said it was bratty, but his general idea is an OK one. But he should be more appreciative of your efforts, and he should help you figure out childcare in advance. He doesn’t want you to hire somebody to help Because that highlights what a lot of work at the party and weekend actually are going to be! That said, if you have a couple of people who are very close with you, they would be happy to lend you a hand. And if you can get the babysitter(s) lined up well in advance, that will take some stress off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If his college buddies are flying in from all over the country to spend the weekend celebrating his milestone …. Then, yes, he should spend the morning golfing with them!

Now, whether he acts appreciative of your efforts is a different question.

Yeah this sounds like two things:

Sure, yes, he should get a weekend to hang out with friends, and

What an unappreciative effin eff! I would be livid about how he's handling this.

[Anonymous]

Makes sense that DH reached a milestone in his career with a personality like that.
OP at least you'll get to enjoy the higher HHI!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hire: 1. childcare and 2. cleaning/prep help.
done.

This!

[Anonymous]

He’s being a brat. Just because it’s his birthday doesn’t mean he gets to treat you like a servant. I’d just scale the whole thing way down.

[Anonymous]

Both. He is being an incredible brat, but you are being too sensitive about the topic.

Explain to him that, yes, on the weekend of the big bash, he will be the guest of honor. Until that weekend, though, he is still a parent and he should do some help setting up the big event as you are pretty much already full of many details and work getting the event set up. So, he needs to ask around family and friends to find someone who will handle childcare on the weekend, even if that is multiple people. He can make the arrangements, and then hand off managing the arrangements he's made, but he has to help with the planning.

You should be more sympathetic to his request, but also firm that he needs to help to get the weekend set up and doing some of the advance planning. He's not guest of honor until the events start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is a huge dork.

I’d love to know what the milestone is. If this guy’s putting all this together because he made partner at a law firm or something like that, you should leave him.

Also what kind of straight man orchestrates a celebration of himself? That’s for teenage girls and gays. Get him a feather boa for the evening.

What the hell kind of homophobic crap are you spewing?

OP, your husband is acting like a bridezilla. You are a nice person to give him his big weekend, and it sounds like everybody is happy to come into town and join the celebration. I hope you enjoy it as well after all your hard work!

Yes bridezilla is the perfect comparison. A bride should feel totally special and celebrated, and should not treat people terribly when they can’t accommodate her every whim.

[Anonymous]

OP, as a cautionary tale, I assigned a few simple tasks to extended family members who offered to "help in any way they could" with day of logistics related to the funeral of a beloved young family member and they ABSOLUTELY FAILED.

If hiring help will alleviate your stress regarding logistics, you should absolutely outsource it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is a huge dork.

I’d love to know what the milestone is. If this guy’s putting all this together because he made partner at a law firm or something like that, you should leave him.

Also what kind of straight man orchestrates a celebration of himself? That’s for teenage girls and gays. Get him a feather boa for the evening.

What the hell kind of homophobic crap are you spewing?

OP, your husband is acting like a bridezilla. You are a nice person to give him his big weekend, and it sounds like everybody is happy to come into town and join the celebration. I hope you enjoy it as well after all your hard work!

I hate insecure adults who think it's okay to slam teenage girls for no reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Woman here and I totally disagree. It’s one weekend. You can arrange childcare. If it were a woman being fêted for some combo of 40th bday and making partner, she would be fuming that she had to ask, and that DH was giving her chores to do for her own celebration, and tasking her with childcare all weekend. And people here would be saying “tell him what you want.” OP, if you’re going to celebrate him, and people are coming in from out of town, do it right. Don’t be passive aggressive.

OP here. I don't think that parenting in our home for the 6 hours before a party starts is giving my DH chores or tasking him with childcare all weekend. He is implying that he should be able to/wants to basically be MIA the whole weekend and the party and the kids are my responsibility. As in, if he wants to spend the morning and afternoon before the event golfing with his college buddies, he should be able to, and the kids are my responsibility. AKA he gets to check out completely from any responsibility.

Ok. Maybe you bill this as the equivalent of a guys weekend where he is totally gone. Fine. Hire an event helper and a babysitter. And then schedule your own weekend where you don’t have to do any childcare.

[Anonymous]

No good deed goes unpunished, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If his college buddies are flying in from all over the country to spend the weekend celebrating his milestone …. Then, yes, he should spend the morning golfing with them!

Now, whether he acts appreciative of your efforts is a different question.

And the 2 nights before going out with them

I'm not disagreeing with you, just wanting to make clear that he is not asking for a few hours. He is literally asking for a 4 day weekend of
"not it!"
"fete me!"

I think the issue is that this party has gotten out of hand and is now much larger than you want to handle (or you feel you want to fete him for). But I think his idea of getting as much childcare as possible is a great one. His idea of relying exclusively on friends is a terrible one. And his attitude is terrible. These are all different things and you are rolling them all up into one because it sounds like your celebration party has taken on a (bad) life of its own.

[Anonymous]

What is this career milestone? Unless he’s officially being crowned King of England.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If his college buddies are flying in from all over the country to spend the weekend celebrating his milestone …. Then, yes, he should spend the morning golfing with them!

Now, whether he acts appreciative of your efforts is a different question.

And the 2 nights before going out with them

I'm not disagreeing with you, just wanting to make clear that he is not asking for a few hours. He is literally asking for a 4 day weekend of
"not it!"
"fete me!"

I think the issue is that this party has gotten out of hand and is now much larger than you want to handle (or you feel you want to fete him for). But I think his idea of getting as much childcare as possible is a great one. His idea of relying exclusively on friends is a terrible one. And his attitude is terrible. These are all different things and you are rolling them all up into one because it sounds like your celebration party has taken on a (bad) life of its own.

This is the issue in a nutshell. This isn’t what you planned. And you are mad that he is ungrateful to you for going above and beyond.