Question for the smart girls who snag the good guys early in life

[Anonymous]

A lot of it was religion. I’m from a culture that emphasizes marriage, so I was taught pretty young about what to look for in a partner (and how to be a good partner).

I am no longer practicing so my kids aren’t being raised like this. I feel like I should at some point teach them these things but I also feel like it was sort of messed up that I had classes almost every Sunday on how important marriage is from the time I was a little girl, and I don’t want DD thinking that marriage is the ultimate prize or something.

But I wouldn’t worry too much, OP. There are lots of ways to live valuable lives and I promise you getting married young doesn’t guarantee anything.

[Anonymous]

A good target to me seems like 24-27. For example, if you find someone compatible in grad school, no need to reject that person just in order to "live life" and keep playing the field until your 30s.

[Anonymous]

Some is just luck in finding someone compatible and also successful. You don’t want to “settle” too early, or go for someone unattractive but with earning potential. Then you’ll end up regretting being in a marriage with someone you’re not attracted to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We teach women they don't need to even start getting serious about men until their early 30s. By then, a single 32-year-old man is looking for a woman in her 20s.

We can mock the women who settled down in their early 20s as not being modern, ambitious, independent, motivated, or smart. Women are told that making marriage a priority in her 20s makes her a loser.

Then she gets into her 30s and says "I'm ready to settle down" and she can't find anyone.

A woman who makes marriage a priority at age 23 is sort of a rebel today. Seriously. She is going against the grain of her peers, bucking the message society keeps sending her and doing the opposite.

Maybe it's the message society is sending you?

I'm a repeat poster on here, married to a "boring" but great guy.. I would never tell my DD to get serious at 23. Ever. I would discourage it. Neither of my nieces got serious at 23. They were still trying to figure out their careers, and grow up themselves. My sister got married at 23, and she regrets it to this day. She told her DDs (my nieces) to not get married so young.

You can find nice guys in your late 20s, early 30s, but they won't be that unicorn: good looking, makes a lot of money, good partner/father, and faithful. If you manage to find this unicorn, you are supremely lucky. But, most guys, and most people for that matter, don't have the entire package. And if a woman is waiting for that whole package, more than likely, she'll be waiting for a very very long time.

That doesn't mean you have to settle, but it does mean your expectations should be realistic.

I snagged my good guy when I was 30.

[Anonymous]

Water tends to find its own level

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:don't go for looks; go for the slightly nerdy guys who will treat you like a queen and who aren't into partying.

My sister's goal was to marry an engineer, which she did at 23.

Op here. Well I wasted my time on the social good looking frat boys.

Yeah. You have to avoid the bros. A smart, nice, hardworking guy is better.

The “nice” guys aren’t always what they seem either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In reference to the other thread where it was concluded that the good guys with the potential to make good money are always paired up very early in life- in college or before. This makes me feel major FOMO because in high school and college, I had 0 idea what a “marriage material” guy was and how to identify them. But I had a roomate, I recall, who had been dating her engineer bf since hs. They were monogamous throughout college and he went to an Ivy League across the country. They already had it all mapped out. What jobs they were going to do; how many kids they would have.

How did she know so early what’s a good guy? And how to keep him?

I was so clueless and only now in my thirties am remembering the things she said about marriage and husbands.

Who teaches these girls? How they know? What do they know?

Their mothers.

Or their church/community.

[Anonymous]

Met DH at 28, neither of us has a college degree, we both started successful careers young. We do very well and both talk about how luck we are we didn’t end up with our college SOs that we both thought we would marry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:don't go for looks; go for the slightly nerdy guys who will treat you like a queen and who aren't into partying.

My sister's goal was to marry an engineer, which she did at 23.

Op here. Well I wasted my time on the social good looking frat boys.

Yeah. You have to avoid the bros. A smart, nice, hardworking guy is better.

What is a bro? What’s a nice guy? How do you identify which is which?

All I know is I have an incredible father who is kind and hardworking and adored me. But he also had an incredible career and would speak at conferences and state dinners. From that I was always attracted to guys who were smooth and knew how to speak well. This always gets me in trouble!

Not the diplomat daughter again!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Couples who met early, have to go through a lot with each other so its not all fun and games.

Yes, but they also mould each other as they grow up together, which can make for really strong partnerships.

This is us. We met the first week of freshman year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:don't go for looks; go for the slightly nerdy guys who will treat you like a queen and who aren't into partying.

My sister's goal was to marry an engineer, which she did at 23.

Op here. Well I wasted my time on the social good looking frat boys.

Yeah. You have to avoid the bros. A smart, nice, hardworking guy is better.

What is a bro? What’s a nice guy? How do you identify which is which?

All I know is I have an incredible father who is kind and hardworking and adored me. But he also had an incredible career and would speak at conferences and state dinners. From that I was always attracted to guys who were smooth and knew how to speak well. This always gets me in trouble!

Not the diplomat daughter again!!

Shouldn’t diplomat daughter have found someone through her dad’s network?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We teach women they don't need to even start getting serious about men until their early 30s. By then, a single 32-year-old man is looking for a woman in her 20s.

We can mock the women who settled down in their early 20s as not being modern, ambitious, independent, motivated, or smart. Women are told that making marriage a priority in her 20s makes her a loser.

Then she gets into her 30s and says "I'm ready to settle down" and she can't find anyone.

A woman who makes marriage a priority at age 23 is sort of a rebel today. Seriously. She is going against the grain of her peers, bucking the message society keeps sending her and doing the opposite.

Maybe it's the message society is sending you?

I’m the 11:25 pp. I didn’t make early marriage a priority. I just got incredibly lucky and met the right partner in college. We married after graduation. I suppose people could mock me for not being modern, ambitious, independent, motivated, or smart, but no one has ever done that (to my face, at least). We have an amazing life together.

[Anonymous]

The answer here is easy. Most women marry a man just like their father. I had a fantastic father and knew just what to look for in a spouse and future father of my children. I always felt like I was worthy of love and deserved it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:don't go for looks; go for the slightly nerdy guys who will treat you like a queen and who aren't into partying.

My sister's goal was to marry an engineer, which she did at 23.

Op here. Well I wasted my time on the social good looking frat boys.

Yeah. You have to avoid the bros. A smart, nice, hardworking guy is better.

The “nice” guys aren’t always what they seem either.

+1. I hate this fallacy. So many nerds are just as misogynistic and entitled as the “frat bros”. I’m a female engineer and these clueless commenters clearly have little experience to make such sweeping and inaccurate generalizations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You wait too long and all that's left are players and angry incels. Thank good for my college sweetheart.

Don’t forget the angry players. And just the angries.