Friends reacting weirdly to divorce

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:People are weird about divorce, especially women. Women who distance themselves from you, suddenly need to remind you constantly that they are married, act like divorce is contagious- it says a lot more about what’s going on in their lives and the strength of their marriage than it says about you and your friendship with them.

People are also really weird about abuse and addiction. Same for a terminally ill child, mental illness, and special needs kids.
People don’t know what to say, so they often say nothing.
Even if they don’t acknowledge it, they are likely subconsciously looking for ways to insulate themselves or convince themselves it can’t happen to them. The idea that bad things happen to good people and that it couldn’t have been predicted or prevented is quite scary.
Everyone thinks if it was them, they would leave an abusive situation easily and immediately. Unless they or someone they are very close to has experienced it, it seems so black and white to them.
Most people haven’t been in your shoes, so they may say awkward or hurtful things. You will have to rely on your knowledge of their character whether they meant to be hurtful or if they are just handling a sensitive topic awkwardly.


I don't hate them and realize this is what's happening in their minds but I also don't have the patience for that sort of behavior toward me. After being in an abusive situation that involved infidelity on his end along with the abuse the last thing I want is to commit it myself and to have someone else abuse me. I think we just need a break. Yellow rock for a year.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I agree your post is long and hard to read. I lost some friends when my ex and I got our divorce. I also made new friends later. I kept some friends too. It does change dynamics, so I would be prepared for that type of thing, but know others have been there too. The majority of friends that faded into the distance for me were friends I had made with my husband. It was sad for me but it got better.


These were my friends even before the marriage. My husband had few friends. His friends have been very gracious with me actually. They have really tried to help the kids through this. His best friends and I don't talk anymore but I expected that and don't care about these two men. They don't even live here.
Anonymous
I was actually with you until you said “My friend started mentioning her husband even though I know him more”. Really op? How exactly do you know her husband?

My husband has a female friend he’s known since elementary school. She’s really good about recognizing my place as his wife.. she told a story about something he did in sixth grade, how impressed she was, and it was totally fine, it made me wish I’d known him back then, but in a good way. You can bet your behind that if she told the story a little differently, (and I asked questions about what happened because of course I wasn’t there), that she’d be out of our lives. No way would I tollerate a woman hanging around minimizing my bond with my husband because she happened to meet him first.
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known anybody’s husband, they are not married to you and as such, you are a distant second place, or you should be. If you’re not, no wonder the women don’t like you. I wouldn’t.
As an aside, I haven’t known a divorced woman yet who doesn’t ct like a teenager at least for a time, though a teenager you can’t influence or discipline. They are self-centered, self-focused, are doing things I can’t relate to and have no interest in doing, why would I hang around them. I have a teenager, an actual teenager, I don’t need an adult woman acting like one in my life.

The good news for you op is that things should settle down. Give it a couple years, stay away from the married men, even for g-rated boy jobs, and in a couple years things will find their new norm.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Man this thread is exhausting.


HA! You said it pp. I am now just skimming for some cliff notes.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I was actually with you until you said “My friend started mentioning her husband even though I know him more”. Really op? How exactly do you know her husband?

My husband has a female friend he’s known since elementary school. She’s really good about recognizing my place as his wife.. she told a story about something he did in sixth grade, how impressed she was, and it was totally fine, it made me wish I’d known him back then, but in a good way. You can bet your behind that if she told the story a little differently, (and I asked questions about what happened because of course I wasn’t there), that she’d be out of our lives. No way would I tollerate a woman hanging around minimizing my bond with my husband because she happened to meet him first.
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known anybody’s husband, they are not married to you and as such, you are a distant second place, or you should be. If you’re not, no wonder the women don’t like you. I wouldn’t.
As an aside, I haven’t known a divorced woman yet who doesn’t ct like a teenager at least for a time, though a teenager you can’t influence or discipline. They are self-centered, self-focused, are doing things I can’t relate to and have no interest in doing, why would I hang around them. I have a teenager, an actual teenager, I don’t need an adult woman acting like one in my life.

The good news for you op is that things should settle down. Give it a couple years, stay away from the married men, even for g-rated boy jobs, and in a couple years things will find their new norm.


You are some insecure lady, pp.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I was actually with you until you said “My friend started mentioning her husband even though I know him more”. Really op? How exactly do you know her husband?

My husband has a female friend he’s known since elementary school. She’s really good about recognizing my place as his wife.. she told a story about something he did in sixth grade, how impressed she was, and it was totally fine, it made me wish I’d known him back then, but in a good way. You can bet your behind that if she told the story a little differently, (and I asked questions about what happened because of course I wasn’t there), that she’d be out of our lives. No way would I tollerate a woman hanging around minimizing my bond with my husband because she happened to meet him first.
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known anybody’s husband, they are not married to you and as such, you are a distant second place, or you should be. If you’re not, no wonder the women don’t like you. I wouldn’t.
As an aside, I haven’t known a divorced woman yet who doesn’t ct like a teenager at least for a time, though a teenager you can’t influence or discipline. They are self-centered, self-focused, are doing things I can’t relate to and have no interest in doing, why would I hang around them. I have a teenager, an actual teenager, I don’t need an adult woman acting like one in my life.

The good news for you op is that things should settle down. Give it a couple years, stay away from the married men, even for g-rated boy jobs, and in a couple years things will find their new norm.


More is the wrong word. I meant longer. I've known him for decades through school. He actually dated a very good friend of mine as well so it's kind of silly that she would be possessive because our friends are so intertwined. She likes to call him "my husband" even though I've known him longer. She likes to talk about her marriage a lot and even her sex life even though I don't invite any of this. I think she just really values marriage and since I'm not in one she thinks less of me. She keeps encouraging me to date again. It's just kind of weird.

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I was actually with you until you said “My friend started mentioning her husband even though I know him more”. Really op? How exactly do you know her husband?

My husband has a female friend he’s known since elementary school. She’s really good about recognizing my place as his wife.. she told a story about something he did in sixth grade, how impressed she was, and it was totally fine, it made me wish I’d known him back then, but in a good way. You can bet your behind that if she told the story a little differently, (and I asked questions about what happened because of course I wasn’t there), that she’d be out of our lives. No way would I tollerate a woman hanging around minimizing my bond with my husband because she happened to meet him first.
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known anybody’s husband, they are not married to you and as such, you are a distant second place, or you should be. If you’re not, no wonder the women don’t like you. I wouldn’t.
As an aside, I haven’t known a divorced woman yet who doesn’t ct like a teenager at least for a time, though a teenager you can’t influence or discipline. They are self-centered, self-focused, are doing things I can’t relate to and have no interest in doing, why would I hang around them. I have a teenager, an actual teenager, I don’t need an adult woman acting like one in my life.

The good news for you op is that things should settle down. Give it a couple years, stay away from the married men, even for g-rated boy jobs, and in a couple years things will find their new norm.


More is the wrong word. I meant longer. I've known him for decades through school. He actually dated a very good friend of mine as well so it's kind of silly that she would be possessive because our friends are so intertwined. She likes to call him "my husband" even though I've known him longer. She likes to talk about her marriage a lot and even her sex life even though I don't invite any of this. I think she just really values marriage and since I'm not in one she thinks less of me. She keeps encouraging me to date again. It's just kind of weird.

If you’ve known him longer and an are closer to him than to her, why are you socializing with her and not him? There’s your answer.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I was actually with you until you said “My friend started mentioning her husband even though I know him more”. Really op? How exactly do you know her husband?

My husband has a female friend he’s known since elementary school. She’s really good about recognizing my place as his wife.. she told a story about something he did in sixth grade, how impressed she was, and it was totally fine, it made me wish I’d known him back then, but in a good way. You can bet your behind that if she told the story a little differently, (and I asked questions about what happened because of course I wasn’t there), that she’d be out of our lives. No way would I tollerate a woman hanging around minimizing my bond with my husband because she happened to meet him first.
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known anybody’s husband, they are not married to you and as such, you are a distant second place, or you should be. If you’re not, no wonder the women don’t like you. I wouldn’t.
As an aside, I haven’t known a divorced woman yet who doesn’t ct like a teenager at least for a time, though a teenager you can’t influence or discipline. They are self-centered, self-focused, are doing things I can’t relate to and have no interest in doing, why would I hang around them. I have a teenager, an actual teenager, I don’t need an adult woman acting like one in my life.

The good news for you op is that things should settle down. Give it a couple years, stay away from the married men, even for g-rated boy jobs, and in a couple years things will find their new norm.


More is the wrong word. I meant longer. I've known him for decades through school. He actually dated a very good friend of mine as well so it's kind of silly that she would be possessive because our friends are so intertwined. She likes to call him "my husband" even though I've known him longer. She likes to talk about her marriage a lot and even her sex life even though I don't invite any of this. I think she just really values marriage and since I'm not in one she thinks less of me. She keeps encouraging me to date again. It's just kind of weird.

If you’ve known him longer and an are closer to him than to her, why are you socializing with her and not him? There’s your answer.


Well he was never a close friend. He's just friends with a lot of my friends. I have mostly girlfriends. I was married and don't have a lot of guy friends. I really don't care about him that much other than when I see him or the two of them at an activity the kids do together. I mean he's a nice guy that happens to live nearby is all. I was good friends with his girlfriend and so figured I would be good friends with his wife too. I just think it's funny when she doesn't use his name. She just makes every discussion about him in a weird way lately. I talk about my divorce. She talks about the time she hooked up with him after his divorce. Just weird connections like this that are all about her.
Anonymous
I'm really not at all interested in their husbands as friends unless I'm friends with the wives. It was just fun to all hang out together as old friends before. But there is just this weird posturing that's going on where I can feel this competitive behavior from them. They like to put me down and be dismissive or blame me for their feelings as if since I'm now the divorcee if anything is wrong it must be my fault. They've started telling me how to parent my kids as if they have control over them. It feels like the lady who did this at work when her project wasn't going well.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I was actually with you until you said “My friend started mentioning her husband even though I know him more”. Really op? How exactly do you know her husband?

My husband has a female friend he’s known since elementary school. She’s really good about recognizing my place as his wife.. she told a story about something he did in sixth grade, how impressed she was, and it was totally fine, it made me wish I’d known him back then, but in a good way. You can bet your behind that if she told the story a little differently, (and I asked questions about what happened because of course I wasn’t there), that she’d be out of our lives. No way would I tollerate a woman hanging around minimizing my bond with my husband because she happened to meet him first.
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known anybody’s husband, they are not married to you and as such, you are a distant second place, or you should be. If you’re not, no wonder the women don’t like you. I wouldn’t.
As an aside, I haven’t known a divorced woman yet who doesn’t ct like a teenager at least for a time, though a teenager you can’t influence or discipline. They are self-centered, self-focused, are doing things I can’t relate to and have no interest in doing, why would I hang around them. I have a teenager, an actual teenager, I don’t need an adult woman acting like one in my life.

The good news for you op is that things should settle down. Give it a couple years, stay away from the married men, even for g-rated boy jobs, and in a couple years things will find their new norm.


More is the wrong word. I meant longer. I've known him for decades through school. He actually dated a very good friend of mine as well so it's kind of silly that she would be possessive because our friends are so intertwined. She likes to call him "my husband" even though I've known him longer. She likes to talk about her marriage a lot and even her sex life even though I don't invite any of this. I think she just really values marriage and since I'm not in one she thinks less of me. She keeps encouraging me to date again. It's just kind of weird.

If you’ve known him longer and an are closer to him than to her, why are you socializing with her and not him? There’s your answer.


Well he was never a close friend. He's just friends with a lot of my friends. I have mostly girlfriends. I was married and don't have a lot of guy friends. I really don't care about him that much other than when I see him or the two of them at an activity the kids do together. I mean he's a nice guy that happens to live nearby is all. I was good friends with his girlfriend and so figured I would be good friends with his wife too. I just think it's funny when she doesn't use his name. She just makes every discussion about him in a weird way lately. I talk about
my divorce. She talks about the time she hooked up with him after his divorce. Just weird connections like this that are all about her.


OP, you are acting strangely territorial about her husband in this thread. She is probably picking up on the same thing in your interactions with her.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I was actually with you until you said “My friend started mentioning her husband even though I know him more”. Really op? How exactly do you know her husband?

My husband has a female friend he’s known since elementary school. She’s really good about recognizing my place as his wife.. she told a story about something he did in sixth grade, how impressed she was, and it was totally fine, it made me wish I’d known him back then, but in a good way. You can bet your behind that if she told the story a little differently, (and I asked questions about what happened because of course I wasn’t there), that she’d be out of our lives. No way would I tollerate a woman hanging around minimizing my bond with my husband because she happened to meet him first.
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known anybody’s husband, they are not married to you and as such, you are a distant second place, or you should be. If you’re not, no wonder the women don’t like you. I wouldn’t.
As an aside, I haven’t known a divorced woman yet who doesn’t ct like a teenager at least for a time, though a teenager you can’t influence or discipline. They are self-centered, self-focused, are doing things I can’t relate to and have no interest in doing, why would I hang around them. I have a teenager, an actual teenager, I don’t need an adult woman acting like one in my life.

The good news for you op is that things should settle down. Give it a couple years, stay away from the married men, even for g-rated boy jobs, and in a couple years things will find their new norm.


Jesus lady, get off your high horse and also, get some self-esteem. When she said “know him more” I think she means “I know him more than I know her.”
You are one insecure beyotch.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I was actually with you until you said “My friend started mentioning her husband even though I know him more”. Really op? How exactly do you know her husband?

My husband has a female friend he’s known since elementary school. She’s really good about recognizing my place as his wife.. she told a story about something he did in sixth grade, how impressed she was, and it was totally fine, it made me wish I’d known him back then, but in a good way. You can bet your behind that if she told the story a little differently, (and I asked questions about what happened because of course I wasn’t there), that she’d be out of our lives. No way would I tollerate a woman hanging around minimizing my bond with my husband because she happened to meet him first.
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known anybody’s husband, they are not married to you and as such, you are a distant second place, or you should be. If you’re not, no wonder the women don’t like you. I wouldn’t.
As an aside, I haven’t known a divorced woman yet who doesn’t ct like a teenager at least for a time, though a teenager you can’t influence or discipline. They are self-centered, self-focused, are doing things I can’t relate to and have no interest in doing, why would I hang around them. I have a teenager, an actual teenager, I don’t need an adult woman acting like one in my life.

The good news for you op is that things should settle down. Give it a couple years, stay away from the married men, even for g-rated boy jobs, and in a couple years things will find their new norm.


More is the wrong word. I meant longer. I've known him for decades through school. He actually dated a very good friend of mine as well so it's kind of silly that she would be possessive because our friends are so intertwined. She likes to call him "my husband" even though I've known him longer. She likes to talk about her marriage a lot and even her sex life even though I don't invite any of this. I think she just really values marriage and since I'm not in one she thinks less of me. She keeps encouraging me to date again. It's just kind of weird.

If you’ve known him longer and an are closer to him than to her, why are you socializing with her and not him? There’s your answer.


Well he was never a close friend. He's just friends with a lot of my friends. I have mostly girlfriends. I was married and don't have a lot of guy friends. I really don't care about him that much other than when I see him or the two of them at an activity the kids do together. I mean he's a nice guy that happens to live nearby is all. I was good friends with his girlfriend and so figured I would be good friends with his wife too. I just think it's funny when she doesn't use his name. She just makes every discussion about him in a weird way lately. I talk about
my divorce. She talks about the time she hooked up with him after his divorce. Just weird connections like this that are all about her.


OP, you are acting strangely territorial about her husband in this thread. She is probably picking up on the same thing in your interactions with her.


It’s actually only recently I’ve thought she was territorial. Originally I wasn’t sure why her first reaction about my divorce was about her and how she started a relationship with her spouse after his divorce. Thought it was I was sharing too much or something. There are put downs when we aren’t talking about the divorce too and just about the kids. I need a break from both of them so hopefully this will go away. My son has a lot of friends and can keep up this friendship without me. This kid is just one of the closest to us at the same bus stop.

Anonymous
I admit I’m just skimming but I still don’t understand the dynamics - this is a confiding thread and I can’t make heads or tales of it.
Anonymous
^confusing
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I admit I’m just skimming but I still don’t understand the dynamics - this is a confiding thread and I can’t make heads or tales of it.


Friends act like mean girls superior girls one day and nice girls the next since the divorce. How to break that dynamic?
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