Friends reacting weirdly to divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An example of friend #2's behavior - the one who keeps mentioning her relationship with her husband. For the past 3 years, I've gone out trick or treating with my youngest and their family and one other family. The six of us would take all six kids around and visit other families in the neighborhood. Some of the houses had driveway parties for adults and it was all fun. My younger son is great friends with hers but also has another best friend who has come along for several years because his parents work. I sent a text asking if her son wanted to meet up with mine and if she wanted to walk around again. She said she was staying home for the night but the kids could meet up if they wanted, so I decided to as well and asked my son to coordinate on his own. He asked me to drive him to the meeting spot. When I got there, three adults were there. The wife of the other family and the two of them. I was surprised and realized she had just coordinated without me, but said nothing and said that I was going to go home and give out candy since that was the original plan and to have fun. My son had his own phone and I told him he and his friend could stay with them or go off on their own. She calls me at 8 pm asking me if I wanted to meet up. The other woman and her husband had gone home and she was all alone with the kids. So I'm useful as a friend if she has no one else.

This seems like the other parents came to drop off the kids, just like you did, and stuck around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah your texts were definitely too long. You don’t even use paragraphs!

But if the OP does write in paragraphs then people on here will accuse her of writing poetry!!?

One can never win on here!

Anyway OP - these people you call “friends” all sound extremely toxic as well as judgmental.
I would simply cut ties w/them & find new friends.

Friends should build you up.
Bring you joy.
They definitely should not be “scolding” you - even if they disagree with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An example of friend #2's behavior - the one who keeps mentioning her relationship with her husband. For the past 3 years, I've gone out trick or treating with my youngest and their family and one other family. The six of us would take all six kids around and visit other families in the neighborhood. Some of the houses had driveway parties for adults and it was all fun. My younger son is great friends with hers but also has another best friend who has come along for several years because his parents work. I sent a text asking if her son wanted to meet up with mine and if she wanted to walk around again. She said she was staying home for the night but the kids could meet up if they wanted, so I decided to as well and asked my son to coordinate on his own. He asked me to drive him to the meeting spot. When I got there, three adults were there. The wife of the other family and the two of them. I was surprised and realized she had just coordinated without me, but said nothing and said that I was going to go home and give out candy since that was the original plan and to have fun. My son had his own phone and I told him he and his friend could stay with them or go off on their own. She calls me at 8 pm asking me if I wanted to meet up. The other woman and her husband had gone home and she was all alone with the kids. So I'm useful as a friend if she has no one else.

This seems like the other parents came to drop off the kids, just like you did, and stuck around.

It was only one other mom and no they made plans together to do a different route together despite me checking to confirm she wasn’t going out one day prior. I asked the other mom and she said she made plans with this friend together to do this new route. I could have stayed because they wouldn’t have outwardly been mean but it wasn’t a friendly greeting and completely different from the last several years where we all texted together.

[Anonymous]

I’m 6 years out from divorce. I never would have expected who would have remained my friends when the storm passed. Even a year out. My best friend remained. But otherwise pretty much everyone who was close stopped being so. Some of those friendships are regrowing now. And plenty of others have become closer.

Just ride the storm and don’t think too much about it. Certainly don’t blame them, as you are the one who changed the dynamics. Also use paragraph breaks.

[Anonymous]

Any good friend whom you already had an established ritual like this would have just texted hey we are going out instead. Come meet up if you want to walk around together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 6 years out from divorce. I never would have expected who would have remained my friends when the storm passed. Even a year out. My best friend remained. But otherwise pretty much everyone who was close stopped being so. Some of those friendships are regrowing now. And plenty of others have become closer.

Just ride the storm and don’t think too much about it. Certainly don’t blame them, as you are the one who changed the dynamics. Also use paragraph breaks.

Thanks. Yes. Will give them some space. I’m becoming resentful of the treatment and would prefer just to focus on other things and let them figure out themselves where they want to be.

[Anonymous]

Divorce contagion is real, so it's understandable that people are putting their relationships with their spouses ahead of their relationships with you. Accept the distance. Go make friends with other divorced women who can commiserate with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce contagion is real, so it's understandable that people are putting their relationships with their spouses ahead of their relationships with you. Accept the distance. Go make friends with other divorced women who can commiserate with you.

And that’s fine but then don’t make a point of being mean/gaslighting or call me up to hang out when all your other options have cancelled. If you want distance. Have distance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce contagion is real, so it's understandable that people are putting their relationships with their spouses ahead of their relationships with you. Accept the distance. Go make friends with other divorced women who can commiserate with you.

And that’s fine but then don’t make a point of being mean/gaslighting or call me up to hang out when all your other options have cancelled. If you want distance. Have distance.

If they are calling when their schedule opens, they are calling. Don’t be so self-absorbed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An example of friend #2's behavior - the one who keeps mentioning her relationship with her husband. For the past 3 years, I've gone out trick or treating with my youngest and their family and one other family. The six of us would take all six kids around and visit other families in the neighborhood. Some of the houses had driveway parties for adults and it was all fun. My younger son is great friends with hers but also has another best friend who has come along for several years because his parents work. I sent a text asking if her son wanted to meet up with mine and if she wanted to walk around again. She said she was staying home for the night but the kids could meet up if they wanted, so I decided to as well and asked my son to coordinate on his own. He asked me to drive him to the meeting spot. When I got there, three adults were there. The wife of the other family and the two of them. I was surprised and realized she had just coordinated without me, but said nothing and said that I was going to go home and give out candy since that was the original plan and to have fun. My son had his own phone and I told him he and his friend could stay with them or go off on their own. She calls me at 8 pm asking me if I wanted to meet up. The other woman and her husband had gone home and she was all alone with the kids. So I'm useful as a friend if she has no one else.

This seems like the other parents came to drop off the kids, just like you did, and stuck around.

It sounds like they are keeping the single woman away from the men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce contagion is real, so it's understandable that people are putting their relationships with their spouses ahead of their relationships with you. Accept the distance. Go make friends with other divorced women who can commiserate with you.

And that’s fine but then don’t make a point of being mean/gaslighting or call me up to hang out when all your other options have cancelled. If you want distance. Have distance.

If they are calling when their schedule opens, they are calling. Don’t be so self-absorbed.

Don’t be dense. She was an afterthought.

[Anonymous]

People get scared it’s “contagious. “