Are you a "conflict entrepreneur"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP returning after a day. I’m talking about the posters who leap to advising every OP to cut their parents or sister off. Yes, some parents seem awful from the OPs’ descriptions. In other cases, there are two clear problems with this.
1. It’s not always the parents’ fault. In some cases an immature OP is clearly the problem. (The SIL thread is an example, yes, yet on the first page one of you advised OP to cut SIL off.)
2. Cutting someone off for a minor offense is destructive and may be permanent. (The certified letter thread, where OP has given zero detail but some of you are yelling “cut mom off” anyway.)

People advising an OP to cut off someone, in the absence of details or when OP is immature, are destructive meddlers in others’ lives.

(As an aside, it’s so strange that one of you cares so deeply whether my thread succeeds or fails. I don’t care. If that’s all you have to worry about in your life, then you really are an immature drama llama.)

I’ve figured out the problem. OP has problems with reading comprehension and/or recalling main ideas from passages she reads. In the certified letter thread, the OP had already cut off the mom and was upset that mom wouldn’t accept her decision. That’s why there was a certified letter-she had been blocked in more common types of communication already. People weren’t encouraging OP to cut her off, because it had already happened. No wonder message boards are frustrating to the OP of this thread, so much reading is involved.

Just out of curiosity, OP. If someone keeps doing something you don’t like, and you tell them repeatedly to stop, what should you do when your words don’t work? What if, when you try to discuss the problem with them, they escalate? Every time. So you either quietly accept what they’re doing, discuss and increase conflict with no resolution-only escalation, or what else?

You are an abuser. You’re insulting another poster and can’t admit there might be some truth in what she says. You distort arguments (that thread was about a mother trying to make contact for whatever reason, and you urged OP to reject it). Instead of taking reason and criticism on board and reflecting, you escalate with tween-level insults about reading comprehension. When your behavior is called out, you cut the other person off. Do you do it for power or drama because you’re bored? Classic abuser profile.

I can’t get away from an abuser like you fast enough. Good bye.

Wait, are you cutting me off? Why aren’t you using your words to work out the problem like OP suggests?

Still waiting on the thread advising people to work it out with rapists and murderers….

Not from me. No idea what they’re talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP returning after a day. I’m talking about the posters who leap to advising every OP to cut their parents or sister off. Yes, some parents seem awful from the OPs’ descriptions. In other cases, there are two clear problems with this.
1. It’s not always the parents’ fault. In some cases an immature OP is clearly the problem. (The SIL thread is an example, yes, yet on the first page one of you advised OP to cut SIL off.)
2. Cutting someone off for a minor offense is destructive and may be permanent. (The certified letter thread, where OP has given zero detail but some of you are yelling “cut mom off” anyway.)

People advising an OP to cut off someone, in the absence of details or when OP is immature, are destructive meddlers in others’ lives.

(As an aside, it’s so strange that one of you cares so deeply whether my thread succeeds or fails. I don’t care. If that’s all you have to worry about in your life, then you really are an immature drama llama.)

I’ve figured out the problem. OP has problems with reading comprehension and/or recalling main ideas from passages she reads. In the certified letter thread, the OP had already cut off the mom and was upset that mom wouldn’t accept her decision. That’s why there was a certified letter-she had been blocked in more common types of communication already. People weren’t encouraging OP to cut her off, because it had already happened. No wonder message boards are frustrating to the OP of this thread, so much reading is involved.

Just out of curiosity, OP. If someone keeps doing something you don’t like, and you tell them repeatedly to stop, what should you do when your words don’t work? What if, when you try to discuss the problem with them, they escalate? Every time. So you either quietly accept what they’re doing, discuss and increase conflict with no resolution-only escalation, or what else?

You are an abuser. You’re insulting another poster and can’t admit there might be some truth in what she says. You distort arguments (that thread was about a mother trying to make contact for whatever reason, and you urged OP to reject it). Instead of taking reason and criticism on board and reflecting, you escalate with tween-level insults about reading comprehension. When your behavior is called out, you cut the other person off. Do you do it for power or drama because you’re bored? Classic abuser profile.

I can’t get away from an abuser like you fast enough. Good bye.

Wait, are you cutting me off? Why aren’t you using your words to work out the problem like OP suggests?

Whoosh. Everyone here agrees that some people should be cut off—the genuine abusers, of which you’re one. The whole point, which you keep missing, is that not everybody needs to be cut off, nor does everybody on DCUM seeking validation for doing so deserve that validation.

I think you’re missing the point that no one owes someone a relationship just because they’re related. If they don’t want to put up with someone’s bs, they aren’t obligated to continue a relationship. It’s weird that you insist that they shouldn’t choose the path that makes them happiest, which might be cutting someone off. Gone are the days when women have to set aside their feelings to keep the peace in a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP returning after a day. I’m talking about the posters who leap to advising every OP to cut their parents or sister off. Yes, some parents seem awful from the OPs’ descriptions. In other cases, there are two clear problems with this.
1. It’s not always the parents’ fault. In some cases an immature OP is clearly the problem. (The SIL thread is an example, yes, yet on the first page one of you advised OP to cut SIL off.)
2. Cutting someone off for a minor offense is destructive and may be permanent. (The certified letter thread, where OP has given zero detail but some of you are yelling “cut mom off” anyway.)

People advising an OP to cut off someone, in the absence of details or when OP is immature, are destructive meddlers in others’ lives.

(As an aside, it’s so strange that one of you cares so deeply whether my thread succeeds or fails. I don’t care. If that’s all you have to worry about in your life, then you really are an immature drama llama.)

I’ve figured out the problem. OP has problems with reading comprehension and/or recalling main ideas from passages she reads. In the certified letter thread, the OP had already cut off the mom and was upset that mom wouldn’t accept her decision. That’s why there was a certified letter-she had been blocked in more common types of communication already. People weren’t encouraging OP to cut her off, because it had already happened. No wonder message boards are frustrating to the OP of this thread, so much reading is involved.

Just out of curiosity, OP. If someone keeps doing something you don’t like, and you tell them repeatedly to stop, what should you do when your words don’t work? What if, when you try to discuss the problem with them, they escalate? Every time. So you either quietly accept what they’re doing, discuss and increase conflict with no resolution-only escalation, or what else?

You are an abuser. You’re insulting another poster and can’t admit there might be some truth in what she says. You distort arguments (that thread was about a mother trying to make contact for whatever reason, and you urged OP to reject it). Instead of taking reason and criticism on board and reflecting, you escalate with tween-level insults about reading comprehension. When your behavior is called out, you cut the other person off. Do you do it for power or drama because you’re bored? Classic abuser profile.

I can’t get away from an abuser like you fast enough. Good bye.

Wait, are you cutting me off? Why aren’t you using your words to work out the problem like OP suggests?

Still waiting on the thread advising people to work it out with rapists and murderers….

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP returning after a day. I’m talking about the posters who leap to advising every OP to cut their parents or sister off. Yes, some parents seem awful from the OPs’ descriptions. In other cases, there are two clear problems with this.
1. It’s not always the parents’ fault. In some cases an immature OP is clearly the problem. (The SIL thread is an example, yes, yet on the first page one of you advised OP to cut SIL off.)
2. Cutting someone off for a minor offense is destructive and may be permanent. (The certified letter thread, where OP has given zero detail but some of you are yelling “cut mom off” anyway.)

People advising an OP to cut off someone, in the absence of details or when OP is immature, are destructive meddlers in others’ lives.

(As an aside, it’s so strange that one of you cares so deeply whether my thread succeeds or fails. I don’t care. If that’s all you have to worry about in your life, then you really are an immature drama llama.)

I’ve figured out the problem. OP has problems with reading comprehension and/or recalling main ideas from passages she reads. In the certified letter thread, the OP had already cut off the mom and was upset that mom wouldn’t accept her decision. That’s why there was a certified letter-she had been blocked in more common types of communication already. People weren’t encouraging OP to cut her off, because it had already happened. No wonder message boards are frustrating to the OP of this thread, so much reading is involved.

Just out of curiosity, OP. If someone keeps doing something you don’t like, and you tell them repeatedly to stop, what should you do when your words don’t work? What if, when you try to discuss the problem with them, they escalate? Every time. So you either quietly accept what they’re doing, discuss and increase conflict with no resolution-only escalation, or what else?

You are an abuser. You’re insulting another poster and can’t admit there might be some truth in what she says. You distort arguments (that thread was about a mother trying to make contact for whatever reason, and you urged OP to reject it). Instead of taking reason and criticism on board and reflecting, you escalate with tween-level insults about reading comprehension. When your behavior is called out, you cut the other person off. Do you do it for power or drama because you’re bored? Classic abuser profile.

I can’t get away from an abuser like you fast enough. Good bye.

Wait, are you cutting me off? Why aren’t you using your words to work out the problem like OP suggests?

Whoosh. Everyone here agrees that some people should be cut off—the genuine abusers, of which you’re one. The whole point, which you keep missing, is that not everybody needs to be cut off, nor does everybody on DCUM seeking validation for doing so deserve that validation.

I think you’re missing the point that no one owes someone a relationship just because they’re related. If they don’t want to put up with someone’s bs, they aren’t obligated to continue a relationship. It’s weird that you insist that they shouldn’t choose the path that makes them happiest, which might be cutting someone off. Gone are the days when women have to set aside their feelings to keep the peace in a family.

It’s weird you’re missing that using words is in many (nobody said all!) cases to cause change or reach compromise is the more adult course of action. Instead of you egging them on dramatic escalations and permanent rifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - have you been cut off? It sounds like you are lashing out at invisible Internet posters who post advice on cutting someone off. I’ve never been cut off but I can imagine it is deeply frustrating that you can’t lash out at the person who cut you off because we’ll you’re cut off.

I don’t think it matters why someone choses to end a relationship if they don’t want to share that information. You really are in no position to judge whether a strangers decision to cut someone off is too minor in your opinion.

I think it’s healthy to remember that no one is entitled to an ongoing relationship with anyone else. It’s mutual acceptance only. You can’t rage your way into someone’s life or believe that just because you are related that they owe you something. They don’t. If you are cut off, accept it and move on.

Oh look, it’s the poster who thinks anybody who disagrees with her must have been cut off themselves. Your behavior here is a sign of immaturity and pot-stirring all by itself. No, as I’ve posted other threads, I spent a very pleasant Thanksgiving with my two children. My daughter used her 2nd or 3rd paycheck to take me to dinner, and last week my son thanked me for decisions I had made. Both were unsolicited and unexpected.

Your assumption that anybody who cuts someone else off must be right is sick, that’s the only word I can think of for it. Sometimes they’re right. Other times the person doing the cutting is overreacting to a minor slight by creating a permanent rift. Other times the person doing the cutting is an immature, self-centered jack-a$$ who isn’t getting their way. (Like you, I imagine.)

It's really none of your business, OP. Yet you create this overly dramatic thread to repeat the same things you said in the other threads.

Your cr@ppy “advice” is destructive and calling it out isn’t being “overly dramatic,” it’s bringing some reasoned maturity to the discussion. I’ve seen some (not me, ask the moderator) speculate you’re a troll or a 13-year-old. You should take a good look at your behavior, but you’re too immature to do so.

I think you need to take a break from the internet. You don't seem to realize that you are interacting with more than one person.

Yes, we all know there are two of you who think cutting everybody off is the solution to every inter-personal problem. You haven’t addressed any of the valid points raised above, about the value of using your words to compromise, instead all you have is insults. That alone says a lot about your maturity level.

Ah yes, I am so immature for cutting off child abusers and murderers.

PP, I am sincerely sorry that you have had people like that in your life. You are brave for standing up to them and cutting them out of your life. I hope you are well and safe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP returning after a day. I’m talking about the posters who leap to advising every OP to cut their parents or sister off. Yes, some parents seem awful from the OPs’ descriptions. In other cases, there are two clear problems with this.
1. It’s not always the parents’ fault. In some cases an immature OP is clearly the problem. (The SIL thread is an example, yes, yet on the first page one of you advised OP to cut SIL off.)
2. Cutting someone off for a minor offense is destructive and may be permanent. (The certified letter thread, where OP has given zero detail but some of you are yelling “cut mom off” anyway.)

People advising an OP to cut off someone, in the absence of details or when OP is immature, are destructive meddlers in others’ lives.

(As an aside, it’s so strange that one of you cares so deeply whether my thread succeeds or fails. I don’t care. If that’s all you have to worry about in your life, then you really are an immature drama llama.)

I’ve figured out the problem. OP has problems with reading comprehension and/or recalling main ideas from passages she reads. In the certified letter thread, the OP had already cut off the mom and was upset that mom wouldn’t accept her decision. That’s why there was a certified letter-she had been blocked in more common types of communication already. People weren’t encouraging OP to cut her off, because it had already happened. No wonder message boards are frustrating to the OP of this thread, so much reading is involved.

Just out of curiosity, OP. If someone keeps doing something you don’t like, and you tell them repeatedly to stop, what should you do when your words don’t work? What if, when you try to discuss the problem with them, they escalate? Every time. So you either quietly accept what they’re doing, discuss and increase conflict with no resolution-only escalation, or what else?

You are an abuser. You’re insulting another poster and can’t admit there might be some truth in what she says. You distort arguments (that thread was about a mother trying to make contact for whatever reason, and you urged OP to reject it). Instead of taking reason and criticism on board and reflecting, you escalate with tween-level insults about reading comprehension. When your behavior is called out, you cut the other person off. Do you do it for power or drama because you’re bored? Classic abuser profile.

I can’t get away from an abuser like you fast enough. Good bye.

Wait, are you cutting me off? Why aren’t you using your words to work out the problem like OP suggests?

Whoosh. Everyone here agrees that some people should be cut off—the genuine abusers, of which you’re one. The whole point, which you keep missing, is that not everybody needs to be cut off, nor does everybody on DCUM seeking validation for doing so deserve that validation.

I think you’re missing the point that no one owes someone a relationship just because they’re related. If they don’t want to put up with someone’s bs, they aren’t obligated to continue a relationship. It’s weird that you insist that they shouldn’t choose the path that makes them happiest, which might be cutting someone off. Gone are the days when women have to set aside their feelings to keep the peace in a family.

It’s weird you’re missing that using words is in many (nobody said all!) cases to cause change or reach compromise is the more adult course of action. Instead of you egging them on dramatic escalations and permanent rifts.

I'm egging no one on. The most I'll say to someone seeking advice is that when you set boundaries, and they're constantly disregarded, sometimes you have to step away from a relationship, because you owe no one a relationship, especially when they don't respect you. Or when you cut someone off and they keep contacting you after you've made it clear you want them to stop, you might be better off refusing their certified letter to avoid them sending more certified letters. OP in this thread misrepresented that scenario.

I've seen a lot of posters give one liners amounting to "cut them off." I equate those to the old "your neighbor might be your soulmate" responses. Somewhere between a running DCUM joke and trolling. I can't believe anyone takes them seriously. I haven't seen a ton of posters engaging in thoughtful conversation recommending people seeking advice about small problems who suggest cutting people off for minor offenses. Sometimes, through thoughtful conversation, it comes out that the person they're having conflict with has been abusive, harassing, repeatedly disrespectful, or causing needless conflicts for the OP, and then people recommend distancing. I see gray rock thrown around a lot.

I've seen many, many threads criticizing people who cut off family members "for no reason" although I've never seen examples of people cutting family members off for no reason. There's always a reason, and while the catalyst might seem insignificant to outsiders, it builds up after years of conflict. I've read stories from abusers' points of view about how they were cut off for no reason, but even in their storytelling, it's clear they crossed boundaries. Different people have different limits. It's okay to end a relationship when you hit yours. It's okay for people who've ended relationships to share their experience when they read about someone struggling with a problem they struggled with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP returning after a day. I’m talking about the posters who leap to advising every OP to cut their parents or sister off. Yes, some parents seem awful from the OPs’ descriptions. In other cases, there are two clear problems with this.
1. It’s not always the parents’ fault. In some cases an immature OP is clearly the problem. (The SIL thread is an example, yes, yet on the first page one of you advised OP to cut SIL off.)
2. Cutting someone off for a minor offense is destructive and may be permanent. (The certified letter thread, where OP has given zero detail but some of you are yelling “cut mom off” anyway.)

People advising an OP to cut off someone, in the absence of details or when OP is immature, are destructive meddlers in others’ lives.

(As an aside, it’s so strange that one of you cares so deeply whether my thread succeeds or fails. I don’t care. If that’s all you have to worry about in your life, then you really are an immature drama llama.)

I’ve figured out the problem. OP has problems with reading comprehension and/or recalling main ideas from passages she reads. In the certified letter thread, the OP had already cut off the mom and was upset that mom wouldn’t accept her decision. That’s why there was a certified letter-she had been blocked in more common types of communication already. People weren’t encouraging OP to cut her off, because it had already happened. No wonder message boards are frustrating to the OP of this thread, so much reading is involved.

Just out of curiosity, OP. If someone keeps doing something you don’t like, and you tell them repeatedly to stop, what should you do when your words don’t work? What if, when you try to discuss the problem with them, they escalate? Every time. So you either quietly accept what they’re doing, discuss and increase conflict with no resolution-only escalation, or what else?

You are an abuser. You’re insulting another poster and can’t admit there might be some truth in what she says. You distort arguments (that thread was about a mother trying to make contact for whatever reason, and you urged OP to reject it). Instead of taking reason and criticism on board and reflecting, you escalate with tween-level insults about reading comprehension. When your behavior is called out, you cut the other person off. Do you do it for power or drama because you’re bored? Classic abuser profile.

I can’t get away from an abuser like you fast enough. Good bye.

Wait, are you cutting me off? Why aren’t you using your words to work out the problem like OP suggests?

Whoosh. Everyone here agrees that some people should be cut off—the genuine abusers, of which you’re one. The whole point, which you keep missing, is that not everybody needs to be cut off, nor does everybody on DCUM seeking validation for doing so deserve that validation.

I think you’re missing the point that no one owes someone a relationship just because they’re related. If they don’t want to put up with someone’s bs, they aren’t obligated to continue a relationship. It’s weird that you insist that they shouldn’t choose the path that makes them happiest, which might be cutting someone off. Gone are the days when women have to set aside their feelings to keep the peace in a family.

It’s weird you’re missing that using words is in many (nobody said all!) cases to cause change or reach compromise is the more adult course of action. Instead of you egging them on dramatic escalations and permanent rifts.

I'm egging no one on. The most I'll say to someone seeking advice is that when you set boundaries, and they're constantly disregarded, sometimes you have to step away from a relationship, because you owe no one a relationship, especially when they don't respect you. Or when you cut someone off and they keep contacting you after you've made it clear you want them to stop, you might be better off refusing their certified letter to avoid them sending more certified letters. OP in this thread misrepresented that scenario.

I've seen a lot of posters give one liners amounting to "cut them off." I equate those to the old "your neighbor might be your soulmate" responses. Somewhere between a running DCUM joke and trolling. I can't believe anyone takes them seriously. I haven't seen a ton of posters engaging in thoughtful conversation recommending people seeking advice about small problems who suggest cutting people off for minor offenses. Sometimes, through thoughtful conversation, it comes out that the person they're having conflict with has been abusive, harassing, repeatedly disrespectful, or causing needless conflicts for the OP, and then people recommend distancing. I see gray rock thrown around a lot.

I've seen many, many threads criticizing people who cut off family members "for no reason" although I've never seen examples of people cutting family members off for no reason. There's always a reason, and while the catalyst might seem insignificant to outsiders, it builds up after years of conflict. I've read stories from abusers' points of view about how they were cut off for no reason, but even in their storytelling, it's clear they crossed boundaries. Different people have different limits. It's okay to end a relationship when you hit yours. It's okay for people who've ended relationships to share their experience when they read about someone struggling with a problem they struggled with.

Reasonably and maturely stated, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP returning after a day. I’m talking about the posters who leap to advising every OP to cut their parents or sister off. Yes, some parents seem awful from the OPs’ descriptions. In other cases, there are two clear problems with this.
1. It’s not always the parents’ fault. In some cases an immature OP is clearly the problem. (The SIL thread is an example, yes, yet on the first page one of you advised OP to cut SIL off.)
2. Cutting someone off for a minor offense is destructive and may be permanent. (The certified letter thread, where OP has given zero detail but some of you are yelling “cut mom off” anyway.)

People advising an OP to cut off someone, in the absence of details or when OP is immature, are destructive meddlers in others’ lives.

(As an aside, it’s so strange that one of you cares so deeply whether my thread succeeds or fails. I don’t care. If that’s all you have to worry about in your life, then you really are an immature drama llama.)

I’ve figured out the problem. OP has problems with reading comprehension and/or recalling main ideas from passages she reads. In the certified letter thread, the OP had already cut off the mom and was upset that mom wouldn’t accept her decision. That’s why there was a certified letter-she had been blocked in more common types of communication already. People weren’t encouraging OP to cut her off, because it had already happened. No wonder message boards are frustrating to the OP of this thread, so much reading is involved.

Just out of curiosity, OP. If someone keeps doing something you don’t like, and you tell them repeatedly to stop, what should you do when your words don’t work? What if, when you try to discuss the problem with them, they escalate? Every time. So you either quietly accept what they’re doing, discuss and increase conflict with no resolution-only escalation, or what else?

You are an abuser. You’re insulting another poster and can’t admit there might be some truth in what she says. You distort arguments (that thread was about a mother trying to make contact for whatever reason, and you urged OP to reject it). Instead of taking reason and criticism on board and reflecting, you escalate with tween-level insults about reading comprehension. When your behavior is called out, you cut the other person off. Do you do it for power or drama because you’re bored? Classic abuser profile.

I can’t get away from an abuser like you fast enough. Good bye.

Wait, are you cutting me off? Why aren’t you using your words to work out the problem like OP suggests?

Whoosh. Everyone here agrees that some people should be cut off—the genuine abusers, of which you’re one. The whole point, which you keep missing, is that not everybody needs to be cut off, nor does everybody on DCUM seeking validation for doing so deserve that validation.

I think you’re missing the point that no one owes someone a relationship just because they’re related. If they don’t want to put up with someone’s bs, they aren’t obligated to continue a relationship. It’s weird that you insist that they shouldn’t choose the path that makes them happiest, which might be cutting someone off. Gone are the days when women have to set aside their feelings to keep the peace in a family.

It’s weird you’re missing that using words is in many (nobody said all!) cases to cause change or reach compromise is the more adult course of action. Instead of you egging them on dramatic escalations and permanent rifts.

I'm egging no one on. The most I'll say to someone seeking advice is that when you set boundaries, and they're constantly disregarded, sometimes you have to step away from a relationship, because you owe no one a relationship, especially when they don't respect you. Or when you cut someone off and they keep contacting you after you've made it clear you want them to stop, you might be better off refusing their certified letter to avoid them sending more certified letters. OP in this thread misrepresented that scenario.

I've seen a lot of posters give one liners amounting to "cut them off." I equate those to the old "your neighbor might be your soulmate" responses. Somewhere between a running DCUM joke and trolling. I can't believe anyone takes them seriously. I haven't seen a ton of posters engaging in thoughtful conversation recommending people seeking advice about small problems who suggest cutting people off for minor offenses. Sometimes, through thoughtful conversation, it comes out that the person they're having conflict with has been abusive, harassing, repeatedly disrespectful, or causing needless conflicts for the OP, and then people recommend distancing. I see gray rock thrown around a lot.

I've seen many, many threads criticizing people who cut off family members "for no reason" although I've never seen examples of people cutting family members off for no reason. There's always a reason, and while the catalyst might seem insignificant to outsiders, it builds up after years of conflict. I've read stories from abusers' points of view about how they were cut off for no reason, but even in their storytelling, it's clear they crossed boundaries. Different people have different limits. It's okay to end a relationship when you hit yours. It's okay for people who've ended relationships to share their experience when they read about someone struggling with a problem they struggled with.

Reasonably and maturely stated, PP.

* and I am a DP., not PP you are responding to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP returning after a day. I’m talking about the posters who leap to advising every OP to cut their parents or sister off. Yes, some parents seem awful from the OPs’ descriptions. In other cases, there are two clear problems with this.
1. It’s not always the parents’ fault. In some cases an immature OP is clearly the problem. (The SIL thread is an example, yes, yet on the first page one of you advised OP to cut SIL off.)
2. Cutting someone off for a minor offense is destructive and may be permanent. (The certified letter thread, where OP has given zero detail but some of you are yelling “cut mom off” anyway.)

People advising an OP to cut off someone, in the absence of details or when OP is immature, are destructive meddlers in others’ lives.

(As an aside, it’s so strange that one of you cares so deeply whether my thread succeeds or fails. I don’t care. If that’s all you have to worry about in your life, then you really are an immature drama llama.)

I’ve figured out the problem. OP has problems with reading comprehension and/or recalling main ideas from passages she reads. In the certified letter thread, the OP had already cut off the mom and was upset that mom wouldn’t accept her decision. That’s why there was a certified letter-she had been blocked in more common types of communication already. People weren’t encouraging OP to cut her off, because it had already happened. No wonder message boards are frustrating to the OP of this thread, so much reading is involved.

Just out of curiosity, OP. If someone keeps doing something you don’t like, and you tell them repeatedly to stop, what should you do when your words don’t work? What if, when you try to discuss the problem with them, they escalate? Every time. So you either quietly accept what they’re doing, discuss and increase conflict with no resolution-only escalation, or what else?

You are an abuser. You’re insulting another poster and can’t admit there might be some truth in what she says. You distort arguments (that thread was about a mother trying to make contact for whatever reason, and you urged OP to reject it). Instead of taking reason and criticism on board and reflecting, you escalate with tween-level insults about reading comprehension. When your behavior is called out, you cut the other person off. Do you do it for power or drama because you’re bored? Classic abuser profile.

I can’t get away from an abuser like you fast enough. Good bye.

Wait, are you cutting me off? Why aren’t you using your words to work out the problem like OP suggests?

Whoosh. Everyone here agrees that some people should be cut off—the genuine abusers, of which you’re one. The whole point, which you keep missing, is that not everybody needs to be cut off, nor does everybody on DCUM seeking validation for doing so deserve that validation.

I think you’re missing the point that no one owes someone a relationship just because they’re related. If they don’t want to put up with someone’s bs, they aren’t obligated to continue a relationship. It’s weird that you insist that they shouldn’t choose the path that makes them happiest, which might be cutting someone off. Gone are the days when women have to set aside their feelings to keep the peace in a family.

It’s weird you’re missing that using words is in many (nobody said all!) cases to cause change or reach compromise is the more adult course of action. Instead of you egging them on dramatic escalations and permanent rifts.

I'm egging no one on. The most I'll say to someone seeking advice is that when you set boundaries, and they're constantly disregarded, sometimes you have to step away from a relationship, because you owe no one a relationship, especially when they don't respect you. Or when you cut someone off and they keep contacting you after you've made it clear you want them to stop, you might be better off refusing their certified letter to avoid them sending more certified letters. OP in this thread misrepresented that scenario.

I've seen a lot of posters give one liners amounting to "cut them off." I equate those to the old "your neighbor might be your soulmate" responses. Somewhere between a running DCUM joke and trolling. I can't believe anyone takes them seriously. I haven't seen a ton of posters engaging in thoughtful conversation recommending people seeking advice about small problems who suggest cutting people off for minor offenses. Sometimes, through thoughtful conversation, it comes out that the person they're having conflict with has been abusive, harassing, repeatedly disrespectful, or causing needless conflicts for the OP, and then people recommend distancing. I see gray rock thrown around a lot.

I've seen many, many threads criticizing people who cut off family members "for no reason" although I've never seen examples of people cutting family members off for no reason. There's always a reason, and while the catalyst might seem insignificant to outsiders, it builds up after years of conflict. I've read stories from abusers' points of view about how they were cut off for no reason, but even in their storytelling, it's clear they crossed boundaries. Different people have different limits. It's okay to end a relationship when you hit yours. It's okay for people who've ended relationships to share their experience when they read about someone struggling with a problem they struggled with.

This still leaves no room for (1) trying to work it out where compromise seems possible, or (2) an OP is the problem but comes on DCUM seeking validation. Maybe you trust DCUM posters more than I do, but there have been clear cases of both recently. In either case, including when OP hasn’t specified the problem, it seems ill-advised to validate their desire to escalate by cutting someone off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - have you been cut off? It sounds like you are lashing out at invisible Internet posters who post advice on cutting someone off. I’ve never been cut off but I can imagine it is deeply frustrating that you can’t lash out at the person who cut you off because we’ll you’re cut off.

I don’t think it matters why someone choses to end a relationship if they don’t want to share that information. You really are in no position to judge whether a strangers decision to cut someone off is too minor in your opinion.

I think it’s healthy to remember that no one is entitled to an ongoing relationship with anyone else. It’s mutual acceptance only. You can’t rage your way into someone’s life or believe that just because you are related that they owe you something. They don’t. If you are cut off, accept it and move on.

Oh look, it’s the poster who thinks anybody who disagrees with her must have been cut off themselves. Your behavior here is a sign of immaturity and pot-stirring all by itself. No, as I’ve posted other threads, I spent a very pleasant Thanksgiving with my two children. My daughter used her 2nd or 3rd paycheck to take me to dinner, and last week my son thanked me for decisions I had made. Both were unsolicited and unexpected.

Your assumption that anybody who cuts someone else off must be right is sick, that’s the only word I can think of for it. Sometimes they’re right. Other times the person doing the cutting is overreacting to a minor slight by creating a permanent rift. Other times the person doing the cutting is an immature, self-centered jack-a$$ who isn’t getting their way. (Like you, I imagine.)

It's really none of your business, OP. Yet you create this overly dramatic thread to repeat the same things you said in the other threads.

Your cr@ppy “advice” is destructive and calling it out isn’t being “overly dramatic,” it’s bringing some reasoned maturity to the discussion. I’ve seen some (not me, ask the moderator) speculate you’re a troll or a 13-year-old. You should take a good look at your behavior, but you’re too immature to do so.

I think you need to take a break from the internet. You don't seem to realize that you are interacting with more than one person.

Yes, we all know there are two of you who think cutting everybody off is the solution to every inter-personal problem. You haven’t addressed any of the valid points raised above, about the value of using your words to compromise, instead all you have is insults. That alone says a lot about your maturity level.

Ah yes, I am so immature for cutting off child abusers and murderers.

PP, I am sincerely sorry that you have had people like that in your life. You are brave for standing up to them and cutting them out of your life. I hope you are well and safe.

+1. Good for you for cutting the murderer out of your life.