Are you a "conflict entrepreneur"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - have you been cut off? It sounds like you are lashing out at invisible Internet posters who post advice on cutting someone off. I’ve never been cut off but I can imagine it is deeply frustrating that you can’t lash out at the person who cut you off because we’ll you’re cut off.

I don’t think it matters why someone choses to end a relationship if they don’t want to share that information. You really are in no position to judge whether a strangers decision to cut someone off is too minor in your opinion.

I think it’s healthy to remember that no one is entitled to an ongoing relationship with anyone else. It’s mutual acceptance only. You can’t rage your way into someone’s life or believe that just because you are related that they owe you something. They don’t. If you are cut off, accept it and move on.

Oh look, it’s the poster who thinks anybody who disagrees with her must have been cut off themselves. Your behavior here is a sign of immaturity and pot-stirring all by itself. No, as I’ve posted other threads, I spent a very pleasant Thanksgiving with my two children. My daughter used her 2nd or 3rd paycheck to take me to dinner, and last week my son thanked me for decisions I had made. Both were unsolicited and unexpected.

Your assumption that anybody who cuts someone else off must be right is sick, that’s the only word I can think of for it. Sometimes they’re right. Other times the person doing the cutting is overreacting to a minor slight by creating a permanent rift. Other times the person doing the cutting is an immature, self-centered jack-a$$ who isn’t getting their way. (Like you, I imagine.)

[Anonymous]

I absolutely agree that there are some weird drama stirrers on DCUM, but I assume some of the best are trolls. I can see being completely worn out by it, and in my view posting a thread about it is different than stirring things up around here, but it is still not very productive. DCUM is about drama with the occasional ray of sunshine or sparking insight. If that bothers you, seems better to take a break, no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP returning after a day. I’m talking about the posters who leap to advising every OP to cut their parents or sister off. Yes, some parents seem awful from the OPs’ descriptions. In other cases, there are two clear problems with this.
1. It’s not always the parents’ fault. In some cases an immature OP is clearly the problem. (The SIL thread is an example, yes, yet on the first page one of you advised OP to cut SIL off.)
2. Cutting someone off for a minor offense is destructive and may be permanent. (The certified letter thread, where OP has given zero detail but some of you are yelling “cut mom off” anyway.)

People advising an OP to cut off someone, in the absence of details or when OP is immature, are destructive meddlers in others’ lives.

(As an aside, it’s so strange that one of you cares so deeply whether my thread succeeds or fails. I don’t care. If that’s all you have to worry about in your life, then you really are an immature drama llama.)

So you want to control how other people operate online by telling them what to do and what not to do, what to think and what not to think, all by starting a stand-alone thread…and THEY are the “drama llamas”? Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely agree that there are some weird drama stirrers on DCUM, but I assume some of the best are trolls. I can see being completely worn out by it, and in my view posting a thread about it is different than stirring things up around here, but it is still not very productive. DCUM is about drama with the occasional ray of sunshine or sparking insight. If that bothers you, seems better to take a break, no?

You’re right. I don’t know what I was hoping for, maybe a little self-recognition and better self-knowledge among these posters. Obviously some here are incapable of that. I’m tired of the immature drama llamas, tired of how they project their own immaturity onto others with their horrible advice, and maybe the best way to deal is to take a break from DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Hmmmm…you know the person doing the cutting off is disengaging from conflict and drama. The cut off is putting an end to the conflict so people can just go live their lives happily. It’s the opposite of stirring any pots or loving conflict.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmmmm…you know the person doing the cutting off is disengaging from conflict and drama. The cut off is putting an end to the conflict so people can just go live their lives happily. It’s the opposite of stirring any pots or loving conflict.

It’s a failure of adult communication that risks creating permanent rifts and rejects compromise and resolution. Much of what some OPs have described could be addressed by using words, not with a hair flip and stomping off in a huff. I’m thinking in particular of the threads about SILs and judgmental moms, both of which elicited advice to cut them off and/or not invite them back. Why is anybody encouraging these OPs to escalate instead of work it out? We aren’t in middle school. Use your words, people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - have you been cut off? It sounds like you are lashing out at invisible Internet posters who post advice on cutting someone off. I’ve never been cut off but I can imagine it is deeply frustrating that you can’t lash out at the person who cut you off because we’ll you’re cut off.

I don’t think it matters why someone choses to end a relationship if they don’t want to share that information. You really are in no position to judge whether a strangers decision to cut someone off is too minor in your opinion.

I think it’s healthy to remember that no one is entitled to an ongoing relationship with anyone else. It’s mutual acceptance only. You can’t rage your way into someone’s life or believe that just because you are related that they owe you something. They don’t. If you are cut off, accept it and move on.

Oh look, it’s the poster who thinks anybody who disagrees with her must have been cut off themselves. Your behavior here is a sign of immaturity and pot-stirring all by itself. No, as I’ve posted other threads, I spent a very pleasant Thanksgiving with my two children. My daughter used her 2nd or 3rd paycheck to take me to dinner, and last week my son thanked me for decisions I had made. Both were unsolicited and unexpected.

Your assumption that anybody who cuts someone else off must be right is sick, that’s the only word I can think of for it. Sometimes they’re right. Other times the person doing the cutting is overreacting to a minor slight by creating a permanent rift. Other times the person doing the cutting is an immature, self-centered jack-a$$ who isn’t getting their way. (Like you, I imagine.)

It's really none of your business, OP. Yet you create this overly dramatic thread to repeat the same things you said in the other threads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - have you been cut off? It sounds like you are lashing out at invisible Internet posters who post advice on cutting someone off. I’ve never been cut off but I can imagine it is deeply frustrating that you can’t lash out at the person who cut you off because we’ll you’re cut off.

I don’t think it matters why someone choses to end a relationship if they don’t want to share that information. You really are in no position to judge whether a strangers decision to cut someone off is too minor in your opinion.

I think it’s healthy to remember that no one is entitled to an ongoing relationship with anyone else. It’s mutual acceptance only. You can’t rage your way into someone’s life or believe that just because you are related that they owe you something. They don’t. If you are cut off, accept it and move on.

Oh look, it’s the poster who thinks anybody who disagrees with her must have been cut off themselves. Your behavior here is a sign of immaturity and pot-stirring all by itself. No, as I’ve posted other threads, I spent a very pleasant Thanksgiving with my two children. My daughter used her 2nd or 3rd paycheck to take me to dinner, and last week my son thanked me for decisions I had made. Both were unsolicited and unexpected.

Your assumption that anybody who cuts someone else off must be right is sick, that’s the only word I can think of for it. Sometimes they’re right. Other times the person doing the cutting is overreacting to a minor slight by creating a permanent rift. Other times the person doing the cutting is an immature, self-centered jack-a$$ who isn’t getting their way. (Like you, I imagine.)

It's really none of your business, OP. Yet you create this overly dramatic thread to repeat the same things you said in the other threads.

Your cr@ppy “advice” is destructive and calling it out isn’t being “overly dramatic,” it’s bringing some reasoned maturity to the discussion. I’ve seen some (not me, ask the moderator) speculate you’re a troll or a 13-year-old. You should take a good look at your behavior, but you’re too immature to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - have you been cut off? It sounds like you are lashing out at invisible Internet posters who post advice on cutting someone off. I’ve never been cut off but I can imagine it is deeply frustrating that you can’t lash out at the person who cut you off because we’ll you’re cut off.

I don’t think it matters why someone choses to end a relationship if they don’t want to share that information. You really are in no position to judge whether a strangers decision to cut someone off is too minor in your opinion.

I think it’s healthy to remember that no one is entitled to an ongoing relationship with anyone else. It’s mutual acceptance only. You can’t rage your way into someone’s life or believe that just because you are related that they owe you something. They don’t. If you are cut off, accept it and move on.

Oh look, it’s the poster who thinks anybody who disagrees with her must have been cut off themselves. Your behavior here is a sign of immaturity and pot-stirring all by itself. No, as I’ve posted other threads, I spent a very pleasant Thanksgiving with my two children. My daughter used her 2nd or 3rd paycheck to take me to dinner, and last week my son thanked me for decisions I had made. Both were unsolicited and unexpected.

Your assumption that anybody who cuts someone else off must be right is sick, that’s the only word I can think of for it. Sometimes they’re right. Other times the person doing the cutting is overreacting to a minor slight by creating a permanent rift. Other times the person doing the cutting is an immature, self-centered jack-a$$ who isn’t getting their way. (Like you, I imagine.)

It's really none of your business, OP. Yet you create this overly dramatic thread to repeat the same things you said in the other threads.

Your cr@ppy “advice” is destructive and calling it out isn’t being “overly dramatic,” it’s bringing some reasoned maturity to the discussion. I’ve seen some (not me, ask the moderator) speculate you’re a troll or a 13-year-old. You should take a good look at your behavior, but you’re too immature to do so.

I think you need to take a break from the internet. You don't seem to realize that you are interacting with more than one person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - have you been cut off? It sounds like you are lashing out at invisible Internet posters who post advice on cutting someone off. I’ve never been cut off but I can imagine it is deeply frustrating that you can’t lash out at the person who cut you off because we’ll you’re cut off.

I don’t think it matters why someone choses to end a relationship if they don’t want to share that information. You really are in no position to judge whether a strangers decision to cut someone off is too minor in your opinion.

I think it’s healthy to remember that no one is entitled to an ongoing relationship with anyone else. It’s mutual acceptance only. You can’t rage your way into someone’s life or believe that just because you are related that they owe you something. They don’t. If you are cut off, accept it and move on.

Oh look, it’s the poster who thinks anybody who disagrees with her must have been cut off themselves. Your behavior here is a sign of immaturity and pot-stirring all by itself. No, as I’ve posted other threads, I spent a very pleasant Thanksgiving with my two children. My daughter used her 2nd or 3rd paycheck to take me to dinner, and last week my son thanked me for decisions I had made. Both were unsolicited and unexpected.

Your assumption that anybody who cuts someone else off must be right is sick, that’s the only word I can think of for it. Sometimes they’re right. Other times the person doing the cutting is overreacting to a minor slight by creating a permanent rift. Other times the person doing the cutting is an immature, self-centered jack-a$$ who isn’t getting their way. (Like you, I imagine.)

It's really none of your business, OP. Yet you create this overly dramatic thread to repeat the same things you said in the other threads.

Your cr@ppy “advice” is destructive and calling it out isn’t being “overly dramatic,” it’s bringing some reasoned maturity to the discussion. I’ve seen some (not me, ask the moderator) speculate you’re a troll or a 13-year-old. You should take a good look at your behavior, but you’re too immature to do so.

I think you need to take a break from the internet. You don't seem to realize that you are interacting with more than one person.

Yes, we all know there are two of you who think cutting everybody off is the solution to every inter-personal problem. You haven’t addressed any of the valid points raised above, about the value of using your words to compromise, instead all you have is insults. That alone says a lot about your maturity level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - have you been cut off? It sounds like you are lashing out at invisible Internet posters who post advice on cutting someone off. I’ve never been cut off but I can imagine it is deeply frustrating that you can’t lash out at the person who cut you off because we’ll you’re cut off.

I don’t think it matters why someone choses to end a relationship if they don’t want to share that information. You really are in no position to judge whether a strangers decision to cut someone off is too minor in your opinion.

I think it’s healthy to remember that no one is entitled to an ongoing relationship with anyone else. It’s mutual acceptance only. You can’t rage your way into someone’s life or believe that just because you are related that they owe you something. They don’t. If you are cut off, accept it and move on.

Oh look, it’s the poster who thinks anybody who disagrees with her must have been cut off themselves. Your behavior here is a sign of immaturity and pot-stirring all by itself. No, as I’ve posted other threads, I spent a very pleasant Thanksgiving with my two children. My daughter used her 2nd or 3rd paycheck to take me to dinner, and last week my son thanked me for decisions I had made. Both were unsolicited and unexpected.

Your assumption that anybody who cuts someone else off must be right is sick, that’s the only word I can think of for it. Sometimes they’re right. Other times the person doing the cutting is overreacting to a minor slight by creating a permanent rift. Other times the person doing the cutting is an immature, self-centered jack-a$$ who isn’t getting their way. (Like you, I imagine.)

It's really none of your business, OP. Yet you create this overly dramatic thread to repeat the same things you said in the other threads.

Your cr@ppy “advice” is destructive and calling it out isn’t being “overly dramatic,” it’s bringing some reasoned maturity to the discussion. I’ve seen some (not me, ask the moderator) speculate you’re a troll or a 13-year-old. You should take a good look at your behavior, but you’re too immature to do so.

I think you need to take a break from the internet. You don't seem to realize that you are interacting with more than one person.

Yes, we all know there are two of you who think cutting everybody off is the solution to every inter-personal problem. You haven’t addressed any of the valid points raised above, about the value of using your words to compromise, instead all you have is insults. That alone says a lot about your maturity level.

PS. This is clearly how you argue: insult the other person and cut them off or send them away.

Your own relationships must be a mine field.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP returning after a day. I’m talking about the posters who leap to advising every OP to cut their parents or sister off. Yes, some parents seem awful from the OPs’ descriptions. In other cases, there are two clear problems with this.
1. It’s not always the parents’ fault. In some cases an immature OP is clearly the problem. (The SIL thread is an example, yes, yet on the first page one of you advised OP to cut SIL off.)
2. Cutting someone off for a minor offense is destructive and may be permanent. (The certified letter thread, where OP has given zero detail but some of you are yelling “cut mom off” anyway.)

People advising an OP to cut off someone, in the absence of details or when OP is immature, are destructive meddlers in others’ lives.

(As an aside, it’s so strange that one of you cares so deeply whether my thread succeeds or fails. I don’t care. If that’s all you have to worry about in your life, then you really are an immature drama llama.)

I’ve figured out the problem. OP has problems with reading comprehension and/or recalling main ideas from passages she reads. In the certified letter thread, the OP had already cut off the mom and was upset that mom wouldn’t accept her decision. That’s why there was a certified letter-she had been blocked in more common types of communication already. People weren’t encouraging OP to cut her off, because it had already happened. No wonder message boards are frustrating to the OP of this thread, so much reading is involved.

Just out of curiosity, OP. If someone keeps doing something you don’t like, and you tell them repeatedly to stop, what should you do when your words don’t work? What if, when you try to discuss the problem with them, they escalate? Every time. So you either quietly accept what they’re doing, discuss and increase conflict with no resolution-only escalation, or what else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh dear, this thread fell rather flat, didn’t it, OP?

+1. Yikes! OP is all over the place with her “reasoning” and as someone else pointed out, clearly has issues with basic reading comprehension.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh dear, this thread fell rather flat, didn’t it, OP?

+1. Yikes! OP is all over the place with her “reasoning” and as someone else pointed out, clearly has issues with basic reading comprehension.

Troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP returning after a day. I’m talking about the posters who leap to advising every OP to cut their parents or sister off. Yes, some parents seem awful from the OPs’ descriptions. In other cases, there are two clear problems with this.
1. It’s not always the parents’ fault. In some cases an immature OP is clearly the problem. (The SIL thread is an example, yes, yet on the first page one of you advised OP to cut SIL off.)
2. Cutting someone off for a minor offense is destructive and may be permanent. (The certified letter thread, where OP has given zero detail but some of you are yelling “cut mom off” anyway.)

People advising an OP to cut off someone, in the absence of details or when OP is immature, are destructive meddlers in others’ lives.

(As an aside, it’s so strange that one of you cares so deeply whether my thread succeeds or fails. I don’t care. If that’s all you have to worry about in your life, then you really are an immature drama llama.)

I’ve figured out the problem. OP has problems with reading comprehension and/or recalling main ideas from passages she reads. In the certified letter thread, the OP had already cut off the mom and was upset that mom wouldn’t accept her decision. That’s why there was a certified letter-she had been blocked in more common types of communication already. People weren’t encouraging OP to cut her off, because it had already happened. No wonder message boards are frustrating to the OP of this thread, so much reading is involved.

Just out of curiosity, OP. If someone keeps doing something you don’t like, and you tell them repeatedly to stop, what should you do when your words don’t work? What if, when you try to discuss the problem with them, they escalate? Every time. So you either quietly accept what they’re doing, discuss and increase conflict with no resolution-only escalation, or what else?

You are an abuser. You’re insulting another poster and can’t admit there might be some truth in what she says. You distort arguments (that thread was about a mother trying to make contact for whatever reason, and you urged OP to reject it). Instead of taking reason and criticism on board and reflecting, you escalate with tween-level insults about reading comprehension. When your behavior is called out, you cut the other person off. Do you do it for power or drama because you’re bored? Classic abuser profile.

I can’t get away from an abuser like you fast enough. Good bye.