Are you a "conflict entrepreneur"

[Anonymous]

Some of you have described horrible family situations, and this isn't directed at you.

But those of you who
- urge OP to cut off her SIL when OP has provided zero details,
- start new threads to complain about *other* peoples' parents' expectations,
- call "troll" on posters who disagree with your recommendation for going full no contact with a relative, even when OP has asked for opinions (AITA) and/or has provided no detail, or
- describe having cut off multiple people in your life (all of these are recent threads, unfortunately)

might just be conflict entrepreneurs. "These are people who inflame conflict for their own ends. Sometimes they do this for profit, but more often for attention or power. "

https://getpocket.com/explore/item/how-to-work-with-someone-who-creates-unnecessary-conflict?utm_medium=email&utm_source=pocket_hits&utm_campaign=POCKET_HITS-EN-DAILY-SPONSORED&HUBSPOT-2022_12_05&sponsored=0&position=3&scheduled_corpus_item_id=591f054a-d06f-434c-a08c-dbe3e589f471

AKA pot-stirrers or jerks. You guys are wrecking what used to be a helpful forum that helpful advice on both sides of any issue.

[Anonymous]

OP again. Could add boredom to the motivations for stirring conflict in other peoples' lives. Also seeking vindication for cutting out people in your own life.

[Anonymous]

Drama llamas.

[Anonymous]

Aren’t you literally doing that right now by complaining/finding fault with people who aren’t you, for doing things you wouldn’t do?

Just a question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Aren’t you literally doing that right now by complaining/finding fault with people who aren’t you, for doing things you wouldn’t do?

Just a question.

Np. No, no she is not.

[Anonymous]

This bothers me less on here (where I just ignore them) than IRL, where these folks take the form of gossips and busy-bodies who like trafficking in other people’s problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Aren’t you literally doing that right now by complaining/finding fault with people who aren’t you, for doing things you wouldn’t do?

Just a question.

Np. No, no she is not.

NP also. I dunno, starting a thread about a complaint seems a lot more attention-seeking and attracting of drama than a post in an ongoing thread.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I think there are a handful of people who come into these threads just to argue with other posters because they don't agree with the advice or they are bored and want to spice it up. They could ignore it and move on and just offer their opposing advice but they go straight for the jugular, every time. It's like a sport and it ruins threads again and again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Aren’t you literally doing that right now by complaining/finding fault with people who aren’t you, for doing things you wouldn’t do?

Just a question.

Np. No, no she is not.

NP also. I dunno, starting a thread about a complaint seems a lot more attention-seeking and attracting of drama than a post in an ongoing thread.

NP. Agree. But everyone did a good job of ignoring this post yesterday, so let's continue the tradition. These people only have the power we give them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Aren’t you literally doing that right now by complaining/finding fault with people who aren’t you, for doing things you wouldn’t do?

Just a question.

Np. No, no she is not.

NP. Can you explain to me how she is not? Because one example she gives is “talking about someone else’s parent dynamics” and that is essentially what she is doing here—taking dynamics and behaviors that other people bring to DCUM by starting threads about them. So if OP is drama-free, why is she starting a thread about drama she allegedly does not engage in? I genuinely am asking you to explain to me how she’s not doing the very thing she discourages, which is starting a contentious or negative thread about other people’s online behavior.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you talking about the woman who never wants to plan to see her SIL again?

[Anonymous]

Huh?

[Anonymous]

Oh dear, this thread fell rather flat, didn’t it, OP?

[Anonymous]

OP returning after a day. I’m talking about the posters who leap to advising every OP to cut their parents or sister off. Yes, some parents seem awful from the OPs’ descriptions. In other cases, there are two clear problems with this.
1. It’s not always the parents’ fault. In some cases an immature OP is clearly the problem. (The SIL thread is an example, yes, yet on the first page one of you advised OP to cut SIL off.)
2. Cutting someone off for a minor offense is destructive and may be permanent. (The certified letter thread, where OP has given zero detail but some of you are yelling “cut mom off” anyway.)

People advising an OP to cut off someone, in the absence of details or when OP is immature, are destructive meddlers in others’ lives.

(As an aside, it’s so strange that one of you cares so deeply whether my thread succeeds or fails. I don’t care. If that’s all you have to worry about in your life, then you really are an immature drama llama.)

[Anonymous]

OP - have you been cut off? It sounds like you are lashing out at invisible Internet posters who post advice on cutting someone off. I’ve never been cut off but I can imagine it is deeply frustrating that you can’t lash out at the person who cut you off because we’ll you’re cut off.

I don’t think it matters why someone choses to end a relationship if they don’t want to share that information. You really are in no position to judge whether a strangers decision to cut someone off is too minor in your opinion.

I think it’s healthy to remember that no one is entitled to an ongoing relationship with anyone else. It’s mutual acceptance only. You can’t rage your way into someone’s life or believe that just because you are related that they owe you something. They don’t. If you are cut off, accept it and move on.