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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP returning after a day. I’m talking about the posters who leap to advising every OP to cut their parents or sister off. Yes, some parents seem awful from the OPs’ descriptions. In other cases, there are two clear problems with this.
1. It’s not always the parents’ fault. In some cases an immature OP is clearly the problem. (The SIL thread is an example, yes, yet on the first page one of you advised OP to cut SIL off.)
[b]2. Cutting someone off for a minor offense is destructive and may be permanent. (The certified letter thread, where OP has given zero detail but some of you are yelling “cut mom off” anyway.)[/b]

People advising an OP to cut off someone, in the absence of details or when OP is immature, are destructive meddlers in others’ lives.

(As an aside, it’s so strange that one of you cares so deeply whether my thread succeeds or fails. I don’t care. If that’s all you have to worry about in your life, then you really are an immature drama llama.)[/quote]

I’ve figured out the problem. OP has problems with reading comprehension and/or recalling main ideas from passages she reads. In the certified letter thread, the OP had already cut off the mom and was upset that mom wouldn’t accept her decision. That’s why there was a certified letter-she had been blocked in more common types of communication already. People weren’t encouraging OP to cut her off, because it had already happened. No wonder message boards are frustrating to the OP of this thread, so much reading is involved.

Just out of curiosity, OP. If someone keeps doing something you don’t like, and you tell them repeatedly to stop, what should you do when your words don’t work? What if, when you try to discuss the problem with them, they escalate? Every time. So you either quietly accept what they’re doing, discuss and increase conflict with no resolution-only escalation, or what else? [/quote]

You are an abuser. You’re insulting another poster and can’t admit there might be some truth in what she says. You distort arguments (that thread was about a mother trying to make contact for whatever reason, and you urged OP to reject it). Instead of taking reason and criticism on board and reflecting, you escalate with tween-level insults about reading comprehension. When your behavior is called out, you cut the other person off. Do you do it for power or drama because you’re bored? Classic abuser profile.

I can’t get away from an abuser like you fast enough. Good bye. [/quote]

Wait, are you cutting me off? Why aren’t you using your words to work out the problem like OP suggests? [/quote]

Whoosh. Everyone here agrees that some people should be cut off—the genuine abusers, of which you’re one. The whole point, which you keep missing, is that not everybody needs to be cut off, nor does everybody on DCUM seeking validation for doing so deserve that validation. [/quote]

I think you’re missing the point that no one owes someone a relationship just because they’re related. If they don’t want to put up with someone’s bs, they aren’t obligated to continue a relationship. It’s weird that you insist that they shouldn’t choose the path that makes them happiest, which might be cutting someone off. Gone are the days when women have to set aside their feelings to keep the peace in a family. [/quote]

It’s weird you’re missing that using words is in many (nobody said all!) cases to cause change or reach compromise is the more adult course of action. Instead of you egging them on dramatic escalations and permanent rifts. [/quote]

I'm egging no one on. The most I'll say to someone seeking advice is that when you set boundaries, and they're constantly disregarded, sometimes you have to step away from a relationship, because you owe no one a relationship, especially when they don't respect you. Or when you cut someone off and they keep contacting you after you've made it clear you want them to stop, you might be better off refusing their certified letter to avoid them sending more certified letters. OP in this thread misrepresented that scenario.

I've seen a lot of posters give one liners amounting to "cut them off." I equate those to the old "your neighbor might be your soulmate" responses. Somewhere between a running DCUM joke and trolling. I can't believe anyone takes them seriously. I haven't seen a ton of posters engaging in thoughtful conversation recommending people seeking advice about small problems who suggest cutting people off for minor offenses. Sometimes, through thoughtful conversation, it comes out that the person they're having conflict with has been abusive, harassing, repeatedly disrespectful, or causing needless conflicts for the OP, and then people recommend distancing. I see gray rock thrown around a lot.

I've seen many, many threads criticizing people who cut off family members "for no reason" although I've never seen examples of people cutting family members off for no reason. There's always a reason, and while the catalyst might seem insignificant to outsiders, it builds up after years of conflict. I've read stories from abusers' points of view about how they were cut off for no reason, but even in their storytelling, it's clear they crossed boundaries. Different people have different limits. It's okay to end a relationship when you hit yours. It's okay for people who've ended relationships to share their experience when they read about someone struggling with a problem they struggled with. [/quote]

Reasonably and maturely stated, PP.[/quote]

* and I am a DP., not PP you are responding to.[/quote]

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