We can’t afford it but she wants it. What do I say?

[Anonymous]

Nope, wouldn't do it based on the updated information you shared.

[Anonymous]

Public schools often do a better job in college admissions than privates. Spend extra money on tutors and extracurricular academic programs which will be a tiny amount compared to private school. Your kids will be top dogs at the public and have great college options, including for merit aid.

Focus on math, writing, and science tutoring.

Everybody wins and you can still save for college and retirement.

[Anonymous]

Do it only if Parochial

[Anonymous]

Explain to your wife that you can't afford college for your kids if they do private MS and HS. You definitely make too much to get significant financial aid.

Frankly, she sounds like a status chaser. MoCo schools are still some of the best in the country. Your kid may end up qualifying for one of the test-in magnets.

[Anonymous]

Much depends upon the difference in quality among the public and private schools involved.

OP: Do your kids have an opinion regarding their preferred school ?

Are you kids superior, average, or struggling students ?

Does your wife agree with your figures which show a $500 to $1,000 a month shortfall ?

[Anonymous]

OP, this isn’t even something worth a debate. The only parents that put their children through private school are the ones too stupid, slothful, and rapacious to actually spend time reinforcing values and education with their children. It is yet another outsourcing of parental responsibility, pursued only by the most despicable and useless members of society. You’re better than that, OP. Send your kids to a public school and then roll up your sleeves and insist that your DW do some actual hands-on parenting for a change.

[Anonymous]

As education and safety are my top priorities, I would sacrifice every non-essential expense in order to pay for a safe and superior education. But, it is not clear that either of these concerns are relevant in your situation. Why does your wife want private schools for your children ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this isn’t even something worth a debate. The only parents that put their children through private school are the ones too stupid, slothful, and rapacious to actually spend time reinforcing values and education with their children. It is yet another outsourcing of parental responsibility, pursued only by the most despicable and useless members of society. You’re better than that, OP. Send your kids to a public school and then roll up your sleeves and insist that your DW do some actual hands-on parenting for a change.

If this post is from a public school parent in your district, then I understand your wife's concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- we both work. HHI around $220k. We drive older cars hence my car breakdown concerns. We refinanced during the pandemic but it’s now on a 15 year and there’s no way we’d refinance to a 30 year now. (Clearly weren’t anticipating this). We are otherwise fairly conservative on spending- but the DC area is still what it is. The schools being considered are on the cheaper side for private— around $35k for the HS. We may be able to compromise and send them to only HS, but I haven’t approached that yet.

If you could possibly afford $35K/year there is no need to save more for college. College is mostly < $35K/year.

[Anonymous]

While a cash flow discussion may be helpful, there may be more value in running projections which show the impact of this level of spending on your long-term retirement savings/investments. Modeling your current versus her preferred spending and investing rates, and seeing the impact on when you can retire and with what level of income will probably be eye-opening.

An alternative might be to move to a better public school system, keeping your housing costs similar to what are are presently. That would allow you to remain on a sound financial footing while also affording your children the benefits of a better preparatory education. Robbing Peter to pay Paul, i.e., limiting future college options and/or ensuring your children will be burdened with student loans which will impact their future financial independence in favor of private preparatory education seems foolish.

Further, the future financial impact of greatly increased spending now will not only affect the kids' but you and your spouse, by requiring you to work longer before retirement and/or to accept a lower standard of living in retirement. Recognizing this requires a long-term, strategic perspective which may elude your wife unless you point it out clearly.

[Anonymous]

Sit down together after the kids are in bed with a glass of wine and discuss how you see the next 40 year together and what is the plan to get there.

Retiring
Paying for college
Paying for private school
vacations / kids high school trips and activities
paying for weddings
cars for kids

Do a simple spreadsheet with income / expenses / assumptions for investment growth

What types of salary growth you might have (do 2 models conservative and aggressive)
and see where you are in meeting your goals

And if you are not able to meet all of your goals what are the things that give?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- we both work. HHI around $220k. We drive older cars hence my car breakdown concerns. We refinanced during the pandemic but it’s now on a 15 year and there’s no way we’d refinance to a 30 year now. (Clearly weren’t anticipating this). We are otherwise fairly conservative on spending- but the DC area is still what it is. The schools being considered are on the cheaper side for private— around $35k for the HS. We may be able to compromise and send them to only HS, but I haven’t approached that yet.

That is our HHI and we cannot afford private for one kid. Private MS-HS for two kids is not affordable for you. Period. Unfortunately moving probably isn't a great solution now due to interest rates, but there are things like more affordable townhouses in Fairfax. You can put your money into tutoring and really nice summer camps instead of moving/private.

My income is less and we did Catholic school K-12.

[Anonymous]

Nope. You can’t afford it. Don’t teach your kids poor money management.

[Anonymous]

Maybe just do HS? Or do public but pay for supplementing/enrichment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Something no one seems to have mentioned:

Sit down to review the numbers but agree that if you don’t both see a way to make it work, then you won’t do it. If you don’t agree here you are in for some serious marital trouble.

Then play with the spreadsheet and see if you can agree on enough changes to make it happen. If you cant, then talk about what you could afford that would address her concerns (tutors, etc).

Sit down and discuss public school and if you don't both see a way to make it work, then you do private.