Experienced Parents: What was DCUM right/wrong about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What DCUM got right: being a recruited athlete is the best hook.

+1
Talent and hard work in athletics and in the classroom can really pay off!

What do people do with kids who are not talented athletes?

Get them started with a sport they enjoy when they are young. You don’t need to be a natural athlete. It can be learned.

Yes, any kid can learn a sport and get better. But, if your goal is for your kid to be recruited, that’s another matter. Many parents waste 10s of thousands of dollars and tons of time trying to turn their mediocre athlete into a recruitment star. It overwhelmingly doesn’t work. If your kid loves their sport, they get playing time, and they excel relative to others in the game, you may have something. Otherwise, put your money in a 529.

It will be comparatively much harder to get to the level required to be a recruited athlete than it is to be highly competitive in robotics, debate, or something niche like those things just because of how many people participate and take youth sports so seriously. Don't put too many eggs in that sports basket!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What DCUM got right: being a recruited athlete is the best hook.

+1
Talent and hard work in athletics and in the classroom can really pay off!

What do people do with kids who are not talented athletes?

Get them started with a sport they enjoy when they are young. You don’t need to be a natural athlete. It can be learned.

Yes, any kid can learn a sport and get better. But, if your goal is for your kid to be recruited, that’s another matter. Many parents waste 10s of thousands of dollars and tons of time trying to turn their mediocre athlete into a recruitment star. It overwhelmingly doesn’t work. If your kid loves their sport, they get playing time, and they excel relative to others in the game, you may have something. Otherwise, put your money in a 529.

Point taken. My kid is a recruited athlete at a high academic D3. Good but not great athlete. We spend less than 5k per year. Grades and stats in the top 25% of applicants in a school that accepts less than 7%. The investment in the sport was well worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not saving enough with the justification of being in a good school district and relying on merit or financial aid and being disappointed when its not what you deem enough.

Realism is sometimes hard to come by on this board. College and college prices have changed so much over the last 30 years that some are totally disoriented when they understand the current landscape. For some, that updated understanding occurs only as their kids are applying for college. That’s where state schools can be helpful, but some people don’t want to be bound by those options.

It is so irresponsible. This is nothing someone should be surprised by when your kid is a senior. Our financial advisor told us 20 years ago to save roughly $350k-$400k for each of our kids for private colleges and $200k for public college.

Legitimate question: Should we all be fully bankrolling college (and even grad school)? Note that many loan options are primarily student loans (rather than parent plus).
Do some of you still expect your kids to contribute? We can afford it but are still planning on a contribution based on actual earnings or volunteer time (not requiring actual external student loans).

We don’t have anywhere as much money as you and we will fully pay for a state school for college and graduate school. Yes, you should fully pay if you can. Why wouldn’t you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not saving enough with the justification of being in a good school district and relying on merit or financial aid and being disappointed when its not what you deem enough.

Realism is sometimes hard to come by on this board. College and college prices have changed so much over the last 30 years that some are totally disoriented when they understand the current landscape. For some, that updated understanding occurs only as their kids are applying for college. That’s where state schools can be helpful, but some people don’t want to be bound by those options.

It is so irresponsible. This is nothing someone should be surprised by when your kid is a senior. Our financial advisor told us 20 years ago to save roughly $350k-$400k for each of our kids for private colleges and $200k for public college.

Legitimate question: Should we all be fully bankrolling college (and even grad school)? Note that many loan options are primarily student loans (rather than parent plus).
Do some of you still expect your kids to contribute? We can afford it but are still planning on a contribution based on actual earnings or volunteer time (not requiring actual external student loans).

DP. Parents bankroll undergrad with the possible exception of taking the federal loans in the student's name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with all of the above. But also, the schools DCUM insists are “safety schools” are not. There are very few actual safety schools anymore.

All good advice here. OP, having a realistic list is very important. Your DC needs to like all the schools on the list, from the reach to the likely (I don't use safety as that has been in flux for the last three years). One of my DCs had that list and the other really didn't. Both got lucky with ED and I tend to think that the second DC would've rocked wherever they ended up as they are a glass is flowing over kid. But not having an 8-10 school list was aggravating.

Also, if your DC decides to ED, really try to get them to work on essays for RD while they are waiting for ED announcements in case ED doesn't pan out. Havng the list can help with the focus. The second DC submitted ED, had half an app done for an EA, a quarter for a second EA, and about half for RD (for a school that was initially going to be ED). But that was it and not necessarily good odds on the remaining three.

GL to your DC and to you and the family! The process will end at some point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What DCUM got right: being a recruited athlete is the best hook.

+1
Talent and hard work in athletics and in the classroom can really pay off!

What do people do with kids who are not talented athletes?

Get them started with a sport they enjoy when they are young. You don’t need to be a natural athlete. It can be learned.

Yes, any kid can learn a sport and get better. But, if your goal is for your kid to be recruited, that’s another matter. Many parents waste 10s of thousands of dollars and tons of time trying to turn their mediocre athlete into a recruitment star. It overwhelmingly doesn’t work. If your kid loves their sport, they get playing time, and they excel relative to others in the game, you may have something. Otherwise, put your money in a 529.

Point taken. My kid is a recruited athlete at a high academic D3. Good but not great athlete. We spend less than 5k per year. Grades and stats in the top 25% of applicants in a school that accepts less than 7%. The investment in the sport was well worth it.

But that is basically a needle in a haystack. One DC played club for years and opted not to pursue recruiting in college. Only 3 kids got scholarships. Two were generous, one knocked down the price and the remainder covered by EFC and need. The other three are playing but minimal money - in that group, all probably measure up with your DC.

One kid really expected to get a scholarship AT ANY SCHOOL and it simply didn't pan out. Kid was super fast, quite talented, not always the best team player, and on the very small side for even a D3 school. Parents were devastated.

Finally, how are you paying less than 5k at a high academic D3 as D3s do not offer athletic scholarships? Perhaps your DC got a robust aid package, even merit, but not an athletic scholarship.

[Anonymous]

I've gotten a lot of great advice and learned from the experiences of others, on this Board.
Hard to say when DCUM was right - bc often there is not one clear answer. But at their best, DCUM parents share valuable information, and post their honest opinions that can help you decide for yourself.
Seen lots of great advice about how to get started with the process, and things to keep in mind. Creating a sincerely balanced list for example. And letting your child lead - especially in the later stages (everyone's situation of how much help to lend is I think appropriately different).
There's definitely snark - me too - and definitely trolls/hateful people, who benefit from anonymity.
The worst parts for me are when a thread gets coopted by political stuff on both sides, or snide comments about race, or meanness.
Maybe the funniest are the rare time when a parent posts about their special child and how they are entitled to their definition of "the best", and isn't receptive to the advice of more experienced parents. Not that they should accept it - but humility and respect are beautiful things.
Overall I find this to be a very helpful community.
That's why I check in frequently. And after April, I sail on to empty nesting...
Thank you all!

[Anonymous]

What DCUM got wrong and continues to get wrong:

the most competitive entry universities and LACs in the South are MAGA-havens full of ATV riders, the bimbos who love them and barely concealed Klan members. Maayybe some country club pro golfers who are secret Klan members.

In no particular order, I'm thinking thinking of Emory, Vanderbilt, Duke, Davidson, Rice, Florida.

UNC and Virginia always get a pass on this stereotyping, I assume because the NE->DC lawyers who proudly stereotype the entire South probably work alongside some UNC and UVA grads at their firms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What DCUM got wrong and continues to get wrong:

the most competitive entry universities and LACs in the South are MAGA-havens full of ATV riders, the bimbos who love them and barely concealed Klan members. Maayybe some country club pro golfers who are secret Klan members.

In no particular order, I'm thinking thinking of Emory, Vanderbilt, Duke, Davidson, Rice, Florida.

UNC and Virginia always get a pass on this stereotyping, I assume because the NE->DC lawyers who proudly stereotype the entire South probably work alongside some UNC and UVA grads at their firms.

I don't think that at all. And I'm about as anti that vibe as you can get. I do love your warm weather and friendly communities!

[Anonymous]

Got right—spend time getting the likelies and matches right. Dd is applying now and no one is stressed because we are happy with her list from top to bottom. It took about six months and more than a dozen college visits to get to this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not saving enough with the justification of being in a good school district and relying on merit or financial aid and being disappointed when its not what you deem enough.

Realism is sometimes hard to come by on this board. College and college prices have changed so much over the last 30 years that some are totally disoriented when they understand the current landscape. For some, that updated understanding occurs only as their kids are applying for college. That’s where state schools can be helpful, but some people don’t want to be bound by those options.

It is so irresponsible. This is nothing someone should be surprised by when your kid is a senior. Our financial advisor told us 20 years ago to save roughly $350k-$400k for each of our kids for private colleges and $200k for public college.

You advisor is absurd. You don't need $200K for public. You do the prepaid, like we did and then save for room/board/graduate school. You tell your kids that they are going to a state school as that is what you can afford.

UVA is over $42K/year for in-state. So the $50K/year is not that far off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Got right—spend time getting the likelies and matches right. Dd is applying now and no one is stressed because we are happy with her list from top to bottom. It took about six months and more than a dozen college visits to get to this point.

Agree! Great job!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not saving enough with the justification of being in a good school district and relying on merit or financial aid and being disappointed when its not what you deem enough.

Realism is sometimes hard to come by on this board. College and college prices have changed so much over the last 30 years that some are totally disoriented when they understand the current landscape. For some, that updated understanding occurs only as their kids are applying for college. That’s where state schools can be helpful, but some people don’t want to be bound by those options.

It is so irresponsible. This is nothing someone should be surprised by when your kid is a senior. Our financial advisor told us 20 years ago to save roughly $350k-$400k for each of our kids for private colleges and $200k for public college.

Ummm...not everyone has a financial advisor.

A simple google search for a college cost calculator 20 years ago would have given anyone similar information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not saving enough with the justification of being in a good school district and relying on merit or financial aid and being disappointed when its not what you deem enough.

Realism is sometimes hard to come by on this board. College and college prices have changed so much over the last 30 years that some are totally disoriented when they understand the current landscape. For some, that updated understanding occurs only as their kids are applying for college. That’s where state schools can be helpful, but some people don’t want to be bound by those options.

It is so irresponsible. This is nothing someone should be surprised by when your kid is a senior. Our financial advisor told us 20 years ago to save roughly $350k-$400k for each of our kids for private colleges and $200k for public college.

Legitimate question: Should we all be fully bankrolling college (and even grad school)? Note that many loan options are primarily student loans (rather than parent plus).
Do some of you still expect your kids to contribute? We can afford it but are still planning on a contribution based on actual earnings or volunteer time (not requiring actual external student loans).

We can easily afford college so we don't require our kids to do anything other than work during summers once college starts (Ie we don't require a job during the school year). We also allowed our kids to have the summer before college without a job---as we have had a vacation planned each time that would have made it difficult to get a job for just 6 weeks with a break in the middle---so we allow them to just be kids for another summer. Worked out well for us. Oldest still got a job at school because they wanted to. Youngest is an engineer major and really doesn't have time to work during the school year---we would prefer they focus on their studies.
What we expect is for them to be financially aware. That means they get reasonable expenses, but if they want to go to a $200 concert each month, then we will say get a job. We also expect them to do well in school--that is their job.
I guess I don't see why we wouldn't help our kids with college fully as long as they are doing well

[Anonymous]

Boarding school for high school ended up being a good idea