Experienced Parents: What was DCUM right/wrong about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right:

There is no real merit aid out there. You must plan and save a lot and early, or be prepared to take on significant loans. Even if your kid is very smart.

Wrong. Our kids both got big merit scholarships which resulted in us paying roughly half of the full sticker price.

^^^ Both at top 30 schools.

Which top 30 schools ?

And were they hooked? URM, first generation, etc. etc. etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not saving enough with the justification of being in a good school district and relying on merit or financial aid and being disappointed when its not what you deem enough.

Realism is sometimes hard to come by on this board. College and college prices have changed so much over the last 30 years that some are totally disoriented when they understand the current landscape. For some, that updated understanding occurs only as their kids are applying for college. That’s where state schools can be helpful, but some people don’t want to be bound by those options.

It is so irresponsible. This is nothing someone should be surprised by when your kid is a senior. Our financial advisor told us 20 years ago to save roughly $350k-$400k for each of our kids for private colleges and $200k for public college.

You advisor is absurd. You don't need $200K for public. You do the prepaid, like we did and then save for room/board/graduate school. You tell your kids that they are going to a state school as that is what you can afford.

UVA is over $42K/year for in-state. So the $50K/year is not that far off.

To clarify, UVA is NOT $42k per year in state. ( and neither is W&M). You are talking only about engineering. My kids go to UVA college of arts and sciences and it’s about $30k per year. W&M is about $35k. PP, you need to clarify that you’re talking about engineering.

W&M is almost exactly $40k/year. My kid is a freshman, so this is accurate as of the current school year.

You can look up tuition and room and board costs at UVA, W&M, and every other school, so seems weird that there's so much misinformation here about costs.

I looked up the UVA for engineering---what both my kids are considering. So the $42K is accurate for that. A&S may be cheaper, but my point was UVA is a state school and it can be over $40K for many students.

But UVA'sCollege of Arts & Sciences is by far the largest college (major) on campus. And it is $32,740 - 34,560. That is the figure that one should be ussing on this thread because we are talking about costs in general, not about engineering, which is a much small school there.

[Anonymous]

Re the anxiety, speak for yourself, PPs.

My senior is twice exceptional, so yes, we ARE anxious, because there's no telling how universities will view his unequal profile. Also, with his ADHD, we've kept a close eye on deadlines and everything that needs to be requested/handed in.

I won't be as anxious with my second child, who is very predictable in her performance and will probably want to manage the whole thing herself anyway.


My oldest is 31. About the most severe case of ADHD his doctors and therapists had ever seen. I did not get involved in the college application process at all. Because, I knew that when he graduated from college and got a job, no one would care about his “exceptionalities”. Did he drop the ball a few times? Absolutely. The consequences were unpleasant. But he got into a good college, graduated, got his masters, and has a really great job. All without mama. Pretty sure his wife is appreciative.

Four through college. I stayed out if it.

To the second PP: is your son as self-congratulatory and smug as you are? if so I doubt his wife "appreciates it." These days... not 15 years ago like when you were going through it when it was a hell of a lot easier to get in to college, even for kids with learning disabilities.... any how again, these days for really bad cases of ADHD sometimes you do need to help and support your child through what is a very complex and challenging process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Re the anxiety, speak for yourself, PPs.

My senior is twice exceptional, so yes, we ARE anxious, because there's no telling how universities will view his unequal profile. Also, with his ADHD, we've kept a close eye on deadlines and everything that needs to be requested/handed in.

I won't be as anxious with my second child, who is very predictable in her performance and will probably want to manage the whole thing herself anyway.


My oldest is 31. About the most severe case of ADHD his doctors and therapists had ever seen. I did not get involved in the college application process at all. Because, I knew that when he graduated from college and got a job, no one would care about his “exceptionalities”. Did he drop the ball a few times? Absolutely. The consequences were unpleasant. But he got into a good college, graduated, got his masters, and has a really great job. All without mama. Pretty sure his wife is appreciative.

Four through college. I stayed out if it.

To the second PP: is your son as self-congratulatory and smug as you are? if so I doubt his wife "appreciates it." These days... not 15 years ago like when you were going through it when it was a hell of a lot easier to get in to college, even for kids with learning disabilities.... any how again, these days for really bad cases of ADHD sometimes you do need to help and support your child through what is a very complex and challenging process.

Honestly, I think its sad you stay out of it vs. helping your kids through the process. I don't get people like you, especially given what you posted about your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will bite what's a W school?

It's shorthand for Winston Churchill, Walter Johnson, Walt Whitman, Thomas Wootton - a bunch of Montgomery County, MD public high schools that churn out a high percentage of high stat kids. In the end, I'd say a 1/4 to 1/3 of these kids end up going to UMD, at least they did from our W school this fall.

Rich, still majority White.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Re the anxiety, speak for yourself, PPs.

My senior is twice exceptional, so yes, we ARE anxious, because there's no telling how universities will view his unequal profile. Also, with his ADHD, we've kept a close eye on deadlines and everything that needs to be requested/handed in.

I won't be as anxious with my second child, who is very predictable in her performance and will probably want to manage the whole thing herself anyway.

You have a special case, not the general one.

NP. Still a valid opinion. I did not read where the OP was restricting reponses to just the "general ones."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will bite what's a W school?

It's shorthand for Winston Churchill, Walter Johnson, Walt Whitman, Thomas Wootton - a bunch of Montgomery County, MD public high schools that churn out a high percentage of high stat kids. In the end, I'd say a 1/4 to 1/3 of these kids end up going to UMD, at least they did from our W school this fall.

You can look up here for the self-reported enrollment -- not exactly 1/4 to 1/3 "ending up" at UMD.
(e.g., 83 from WJ out of a class of 800(?) = 10%; 43 from Whitman so about 10% too)

https://bethesdamagazine.com/2022/09/13/here-are-the-colleges-where-bethesda-area-high-school-grads-applied-got-accepted-and-enrolled/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Re the anxiety, speak for yourself, PPs.

My senior is twice exceptional, so yes, we ARE anxious, because there's no telling how universities will view his unequal profile. Also, with his ADHD, we've kept a close eye on deadlines and everything that needs to be requested/handed in.

I won't be as anxious with my second child, who is very predictable in her performance and will probably want to manage the whole thing herself anyway.


My oldest is 31. About the most severe case of ADHD his doctors and therapists had ever seen. I did not get involved in the college application process at all. Because, I knew that when he graduated from college and got a job, no one would care about his “exceptionalities”. Did he drop the ball a few times? Absolutely. The consequences were unpleasant. But he got into a good college, graduated, got his masters, and has a really great job. All without mama. Pretty sure his wife is appreciative.

Four through college. I stayed out if it.

To the second PP: is your son as self-congratulatory and smug as you are? if so I doubt his wife "appreciates it." These days... not 15 years ago like when you were going through it when it was a hell of a lot easier to get in to college, even for kids with learning disabilities.... any how again, these days for really bad cases of ADHD sometimes you do need to help and support your child through what is a very complex and challenging process.

Honestly, I think its sad you stay out of it vs. helping your kids through the process. I don't get people like you, especially given what you posted about your kids.

I’m the first PP with the high school senior who is twice exceptional. He suffers from a much more complex profile than ADHD. There are also medical issues.
Yes, we don’t have a typical kid, but it’s stupid to tell people not to stress. Perhaps tell them what to stress about (what’s important, what’s not), in the knowledge it might vary for each kid.

In DS’s case, he wants a selective school close to home with possibly a medically-indicated private room, and rigorous courses in his intended major. He’s doing Early Action in the hope it might help (?), submitted excellent scores and gpa… but he cannot escape the fact he has little extras, because of his special needs. He wrote thoughtful essays, tried to shine in interviews…

He’s combatted stress by being as prepared as he can be, essentially.

[Anonymous]

Wrong: if your kid doesn't get into a T20, they are doomed for life.

My college senior is not at a T25. He's at a school that I've seen many look down on when it comes up here. He landed his first internship the summer after his freshmen year. It was paid in Austin, TX and he was also provided a living stipend for the summer for rent. This past summer he did an internship with a top engineering firm, also a paid internship, and it ended with a job offer for June 2023. His entry-level position has a salary offer of $83k plus $2500 for relocation fees.

Right: there are no safety schools. My oldest kid got into her reach (an ivy) but not her top choices her counselor said she was a shoo-in (FSU, WVU, W&M).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Re the anxiety, speak for yourself, PPs.

My senior is twice exceptional, so yes, we ARE anxious, because there's no telling how universities will view his unequal profile. Also, with his ADHD, we've kept a close eye on deadlines and everything that needs to be requested/handed in.

I won't be as anxious with my second child, who is very predictable in her performance and will probably want to manage the whole thing herself anyway.


My oldest is 31. About the most severe case of ADHD his doctors and therapists had ever seen. I did not get involved in the college application process at all. Because, I knew that when he graduated from college and got a job, no one would care about his “exceptionalities”. Did he drop the ball a few times? Absolutely. The consequences were unpleasant. But he got into a good college, graduated, got his masters, and has a really great job. All without mama. Pretty sure his wife is appreciative.

Four through college. I stayed out if it.

To the second PP: is your son as self-congratulatory and smug as you are? if so I doubt his wife "appreciates it." These days... not 15 years ago like when you were going through it when it was a hell of a lot easier to get in to college, even for kids with learning disabilities.... any how again, these days for really bad cases of ADHD sometimes you do need to help and support your child through what is a very complex and challenging process.

Honestly, I think its sad you stay out of it vs. helping your kids through the process. I don't get people like you, especially given what you posted about your kids.

I’m the first PP with the high school senior who is twice exceptional. He suffers from a much more complex profile than ADHD. There are also medical issues.
Yes, we don’t have a typical kid, but it’s stupid to tell people not to stress. Perhaps tell them what to stress about (what’s important, what’s not), in the knowledge it might vary for each kid.

In DS’s case, he wants a selective school close to home with possibly a medically-indicated private room, and rigorous courses in his intended major. He’s doing Early Action in the hope it might help (?), submitted excellent scores and gpa… but he cannot escape the fact he has little extras, because of his special needs. He wrote thoughtful essays, tried to shine in interviews…

He’s combatted stress by being as prepared as he can be, essentially.

I’m rooting for your son! Best of luck to you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right:

There is no real merit aid out there. You must plan and save a lot and early, or be prepared to take on significant loans. Even if your kid is very smart.

Wrong. Our kids both got big merit scholarships which resulted in us paying roughly half of the full sticker price.

^^^ Both at top 30 schools.

Which top 30 schools ?

And were they hooked? URM, first generation, etc. etc. etc.

I am not going to say what schools because that will enable readers to identify my kids. One university, one LAC. No hooks, just outstanding students and people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right:
DCUM is proof that people will say a lot of things anonymously that they'd never attach their names to.
Parents act in self interested and disrespectful ways but are also often wonderful and supportive.
There are a lot of amazing kids in this area and thankfully many will be admitted to wonderful schools.

Wrong:
There is a belief here that certain people somehow genuinely deserve admission more than others. People self report stats and get upset or humblebrag.
URMs and athletes are "the reason" my kid wasn't admitted to X school.
Top 25 universities and LACs are the only ones that matter or are worth discussing.

+100
It amazes me how many parents actually think their kid was entitled to admission at X school, because they were "high stats." They refuse to acknowledge all the *other* high stats kids who were admitted. No one is entitled to a spot, period.

It’s not just ego on the part of the parents, it’s viewing the process exactly backwards. Every discussion is phrased as schools fighting over their high stat DC, when it’s really near identical applicants fighting for the limited slots. Brilliant marketing, though.

Yes, there are lower ranked schools that offer coupons, but most those “deals” are still a profit to the school. Nothing wrong with pursuing the best school and paying what it costs, but there’s just so much theater worked in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What DCUM got right: being a recruited athlete is the best hook.

+1
Talent and hard work in athletics and in the classroom can really pay off!

What do people do with kids who are not talented athletes?

Get them started with a sport they enjoy when they are young. You don’t need to be a natural athlete. It can be learned.

Yes, any kid can learn a sport and get better. But, if your goal is for your kid to be recruited, that’s another matter. Many parents waste 10s of thousands of dollars and tons of time trying to turn their mediocre athlete into a recruitment star. It overwhelmingly doesn’t work. If your kid loves their sport, they get playing time, and they excel relative to others in the game, you may have something. Otherwise, put your money in a 529.

Point taken. My kid is a recruited athlete at a high academic D3. Good but not great athlete. We spend less than 5k per year. Grades and stats in the top 25% of applicants in a school that accepts less than 7%. The investment in the sport was well worth it.

Does your kid have an athletic or academic scholarship?

[Anonymous]

Got Right that class rigor is important, very important. Ap, honors, IB and at least calculus senior year. Friend has son with 4.4 and all honors (their MCPS school only has honors) but tbh is not a smart kid. Is taking algebra two part II senior year. She thought his GPA (no sat) would get him into Penn State, Indiana, Clemson. Nope. Grade inflation is outright ridiculous in MCPS, and schools know it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What DCUM got right: being a recruited athlete is the best hook.

+1
Talent and hard work in athletics and in the classroom can really pay off!

What do people do with kids who are not talented athletes?

Get them started with a sport they enjoy when they are young. You don’t need to be a natural athlete. It can be learned.

Yes, any kid can learn a sport and get better. But, if your goal is for your kid to be recruited, that’s another matter. Many parents waste 10s of thousands of dollars and tons of time trying to turn their mediocre athlete into a recruitment star. It overwhelmingly doesn’t work. If your kid loves their sport, they get playing time, and they excel relative to others in the game, you may have something. Otherwise, put your money in a 529.

Point taken. My kid is a recruited athlete at a high academic D3. Good but not great athlete. We spend less than 5k per year. Grades and stats in the top 25% of applicants in a school that accepts less than 7%. The investment in the sport was well worth it.

Does your kid have an athletic or academic scholarship?

Nevermind.