boy mom vs girl mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

So far, there is no noticeable difference in raising them because one is a boy and one is a girl. The differences are because they are unique people.

This is correct.

This is such progressive bull****. I have both. My son knew what cars do, what sounds they make, etc before he learned to crawl or walk. Obviously there are exceptions but if you don’t think there are biological differences that need to be nurtured and paid attention to, you shouldn’t have kids. My son is going to gravitate more to guns and “cowboys” - I need to have a way bigger conversation with him about guns than I will ever need to with my daughter. God no wonder these kids grow up the way they do with some of y’all as parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So far, there is no noticeable difference in raising them because one is a boy and one is a girl. The differences are because they are unique people.

This is correct.

This is such progressive bull****. I have both. My son knew what cars do, what sounds they make, etc before he learned to crawl or walk. Obviously there are exceptions but if you don’t think there are biological differences that need to be nurtured and paid attention to, you shouldn’t have kids. My son is going to gravitate more to guns and “cowboys” - I need to have a way bigger conversation with him about guns than I will ever need to with my daughter. God no wonder these kids grow up the way they do with some of y’all as parents.

Interest in cars is not a “biological difference.” You may or may not be right about differences based on chromosomes but cars aren’t them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think when people are talking about this, they are talking about how physical boys are vs girls.

If you don’t believe me, go to a room full of twenty six year old boys and another one full of twenty six year old girls and see for yourself.

Yes, I read a pink/blue brain book a while ago and the only reliable difference was the boys on average have a higher physical activity level. Much of the rest is socialization.

Isn’t the physical activity level socialization too? I have a VERY high energy girl and I have always assumed that it’s at least in part because I ditched the stroller early and made her walk everywhere and took her to the playground a lot. Expecting boys to be high energy means we wear them out more they build up more stamina and need more active life styles.

I have two boys and a girl and my girl is way more energetic and hyper than the boys. She never stops moving, talking, bouncing, singing, cartwheeling, whatever. My boys are way more calm and risk averse. But in many ways they are typical boys liking weapons, guns, physical play. And my girl likes dolls, dresses, bows, doing her hair, princesses etc. But as far as some of the things associated with boy behavior, my girl displays more of it. That's just the way she is, not socialization or parenting. She rejected the stroller and would run away and get lost in crowds every chance she got. My boys were too afraid to drop my hand and I have to reassure them it's ok to go explore, which they will then gladly do. But, much more hesitancy. I've never fully related to the girl mom/boy mom stuff because my kids are mixes of both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So far, there is no noticeable difference in raising them because one is a boy and one is a girl. The differences are because they are unique people.

This is correct.

This is such progressive bull****. I have both. My son knew what cars do, what sounds they make, etc before he learned to crawl or walk. Obviously there are exceptions but if you don’t think there are biological differences that need to be nurtured and paid attention to, you shouldn’t have kids. My son is going to gravitate more to guns and “cowboys” - I need to have a way bigger conversation with him about guns than I will ever need to with my daughter. God no wonder these kids grow up the way they do with some of y’all as parents.

Interest in cars is not a “biological difference.” You may or may not be right about differences based on chromosomes but cars aren’t them.

DP. I thought that it was. I thought that boys were more interested in watching the motion of the spinning wheels or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this thread is half people saying “well yes kids are individuals but here are the generalizations I’ve noticed in my own limited experience” and half people trying to point out that generalization are what lead to stereotypes and different expectations for boys and girls and big problems for those kids who don’t fit nicely into the stereotypes. I have a DD who loves pink, unicorns, has basically every stereotypically girl interest you could think of. She also has severe hyperactive ADHD. And people just can’t handle that combination. How can she love pink but be constantly running/climbing doing “tomboy things”. She must be wild and poorly disciplined. There is SO much judgment for girls who can’t sit nicely and color, expectations are SO high. I have a son too and it feels like everyday he’s basically being encouraged to do things that would get my DD in trouble because “oh, boys are so active, what are you going to do?” Makes me insane.

As the parent of two boys with ADHD, no. They are in trouble 1000% of the time. They don't get slack because they are "boys".

[Anonymous]

I have both. Little boys are sweeter but little girls are easier. Teenage girls are harder but teenage boys are grosser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this thread is half people saying “well yes kids are individuals but here are the generalizations I’ve noticed in my own limited experience” and half people trying to point out that generalization are what lead to stereotypes and different expectations for boys and girls and big problems for those kids who don’t fit nicely into the stereotypes. I have a DD who loves pink, unicorns, has basically every stereotypically girl interest you could think of. She also has severe hyperactive ADHD. And people just can’t handle that combination. How can she love pink but be constantly running/climbing doing “tomboy things”. She must be wild and poorly disciplined. There is SO much judgment for girls who can’t sit nicely and color, expectations are SO high. I have a son too and it feels like everyday he’s basically being encouraged to do things that would get my DD in trouble because “oh, boys are so active, what are you going to do?” Makes me insane.

As the parent of two boys with ADHD, no. They are in trouble 1000% of the time. They don't get slack because they are "boys".

Same. Also a mom of two boys. If anything, I come down especially hard on them because they are both really big kids and I don't want them to hurt anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this thread is half people saying “well yes kids are individuals but here are the generalizations I’ve noticed in my own limited experience” and half people trying to point out that generalization are what lead to stereotypes and different expectations for boys and girls and big problems for those kids who don’t fit nicely into the stereotypes. I have a DD who loves pink, unicorns, has basically every stereotypically girl interest you could think of. She also has severe hyperactive ADHD. And people just can’t handle that combination. How can she love pink but be constantly running/climbing doing “tomboy things”. She must be wild and poorly disciplined. There is SO much judgment for girls who can’t sit nicely and color, expectations are SO high. I have a son too and it feels like everyday he’s basically being encouraged to do things that would get my DD in trouble because “oh, boys are so active, what are you going to do?” Makes me insane.

As the parent of two boys with ADHD, no. They are in trouble 1000% of the time. They don't get slack because they are "boys".

Adhd is an interesting example actually. Researchers think the disorder may exist in a more equal proportion but adhd is much more commonly diagnosed in boys. Part of this is because girls present with more often with symptoms of inattentive rather than disruptive, hyperactive adhd, which is less noticeable in a structured environment like school (not always of course as the previous PP can attest). In addition girls have more compensatory behavior - they mask the adhd (internalizing) which can lead to delays in diagnosis. My understanding is that a lot of this difference is still poorly understood.

[Anonymous]

The level of playdate supervision required for boys is objectively way higher than girls. I don't really think this is debateable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think girls wind up dealing with more complex social issues than boys. I don't necessarily think this is innate to girls -- I think they get socialized into it whereas boys are encouraged and modeled very straightforward friendships and social relationships.

This absolutely impacts your experience as a mom. I was surprised when the drama around female friendships started so young with my DD -- there was a "popular" girl in her preschool class and the other girls would compete for this girl's attention. It was hard to navigate and I was surprised by how perceptive the girls were to very minor shifts in these friendships. Like my DD would tell me that the popular girl had chosen a kind of favorite friend and that another girl was envious and so had been playing on her own a lot recently. These girls were FOUR. And this was not some adult drama that was superimposed on these kids by their moms -- this preschool did not have a cohesive parent community and while everyone was friendly at drop-off, pick-up, none of us socialized outside school events and kid birthdays. So this is something that organically emerged in the classroom. I've never encountered boys with that kind of social interaction at that age, or even much older.

As my DD has gotten older, I also think that sometimes schools/teachers treat boys and girls differently and that impacts your experience, too. A good friend of mine has a daughter with ADHD, and the school handles it so much differently than they do boys with the same diagnosis. On the one hand, it tends to present differently, but on the other hand I think often this girl is expected to self-manage her diagnosis in a way the boys are not. Even beyond that situation, I think girls are often expected to self-regulate from an earlier age and there is more school and social reprobation if they are struggling with that. Up to a certain threshold (i.e. hurting people) disruptive behavior or outbursts from boys are viewed as much more developmentally normal into the elementary grades than the same behavior from girls.

It's hard though because this has to do with gendered social expectations, which can emerge at school, at home, from peers, from social media, from other media. But some of it, like that social behavior in my DD's preschool class, can crop up no matter what.

This is ypu projecting. Do you not think boys want to be popular with the other boys? Pffft.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This is older, but it rings true to me as a boy mom. And it definitely portrays what I see/perceive of girl moms.

Yeah, no, just no! My daughter does gymnastics in the living room, spreads Lego like peanut butter, and goes through about 5 outfits a day (because of mud, not fashion). It's kid dependent and also depends on your parenting style. I have a friend with 2 calm boys; surely she relates more to the girl mom. This stuff just shows how women proliferate sexism is the way they raise their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Aren't most moms with more than one child a "both mom" with at least one of each? Having kids of only one gender seems very niche. Also, do parents of onlies ever use these labels? I've never heard it used by anyone with an only.

FWIW I love having both and think anybody who clings to a label like "girl mom" or "boy mom" is just trying to make themselves feel better about not having a mix.

There are plenty of ppl with 2 kids who have 2 of the same gender. It's definitely not uncommon!

I think the differences are more stark for ppl with 2+ like I have a few friends who have 3 boys. That's undeniably a different experience than having 3 girls or a mix. I think we all agree that using the label as your identity is sort of dumb, but so is denying that there is any distinction...

I completely agree with this. I have 2 boys (age 5 and 7) and from my observations, my house is much different than my friends with only girls. Whereas mixed gender kids households seem a little more of a mixed bag (not to be redundant).

For instance, many of my friends with all girls spend way more on kids clothes, send out Christmas cards with cute matching outfits, always seem to have an ongoing craft project, etc. There does seem to more whining/sulking over things when they get upset. Whereas my boys live in athletic wear and have beyond zero interest in doing anything crafty with me. They’re also more physical when they get upset with each other. And boy play dates require *a lot* of supervision at these ages or else full blown wrestling matches breakout. Anything can be turned into a weapon and we moms are forever telling them to put down sticks at the park before someone loses an eye. It’s just physically tiring.

I’m curious to see how things play out as they age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is older, but it rings true to me as a boy mom. And it definitely portrays what I see/perceive of girl moms.

There is some truth here but also, as a mom of a girl, I relate A LOT to the boy mom in this video. If you don't think I've barked at my kid to put her shoes on NOW because we are late, or gone into her room right after I cleaned it up to see abject disaster, you are mistaken. I've watched three girls absolutely shred my house before, egging each other on, too. Do they do it wearing fairy wings and giggling instead of swinging fake swords around and calling each other poophead? Sometimes!

I agree that boys tend to be rowdier overall and just more physical, and yes they do seem to be drawn to more violent toys for some reason (truly I don't know why, but my DD has never expressed an interest in having a play gun or sword whereas my nephews loooove that stuff). But I actually think we may have more in common than you think.

+1
Every day, man, every day. (Including the constant jokes about butts and farts.) And my daughter LOVES to roughhouse with her dad.

Yes. My 4 yo went through a phase of mooning the family and laughing histarically. When boys do this nonsense I've seen moms brush it off and say "boys will be boys". It's less acceptable in society for girls. They get trained so young by YOUR (the parents) reactions. In my house it's not acceptable period (boy or girl).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boys make a bigger mess when they pee.

Seriously, that’s it. And the boy mom/girl mom stuff is gross.

My boy kid still sits to pee, so he's really very clean! We'll see when that changes, since he's just 5.

The first PP is just wrong. There are often major differences. Boy moms have to become more comfortable with constant movement and noise. Physical activity is just part of being most boys. That’s not to say girls aren’t the same but we are generalizing here. Also, boys often balk at suggestions and ideas to get involved and get creative. Granted, some are naturally inclined to do so but many show their insecurities by stating that they hate a certain activity and won’t get involved. I find more girls are willing to try something first before declaring that it is not their thing. Boys love their mothers but it isn’t always shown through traditional affections. They want their mother’s attention and will often try anything to get it, even being the so-called problem child. I find girls are often deemed pleasers.

Again, nothing here is universal but certain stereotypes and generalizations are made for a reason.


2nd PP needs to get her kid standing to pee before kindergarten or there will be problems. I don’t care what gender one identifies with but if you have a typical male child, standing to pee is part of the deal. You wouldn’t teach a girl not to wear a bra or use tampons just because it’s easier for you would you?

I hope my children never meet yours and I know we are not friends. Yikes! People like you exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this thread is half people saying “well yes kids are individuals but here are the generalizations I’ve noticed in my own limited experience” and half people trying to point out that generalization are what lead to stereotypes and different expectations for boys and girls and big problems for those kids who don’t fit nicely into the stereotypes. I have a DD who loves pink, unicorns, has basically every stereotypically girl interest you could think of. She also has severe hyperactive ADHD. And people just can’t handle that combination. How can she love pink but be constantly running/climbing doing “tomboy things”. She must be wild and poorly disciplined. There is SO much judgment for girls who can’t sit nicely and color, expectations are SO high. I have a son too and it feels like everyday he’s basically being encouraged to do things that would get my DD in trouble because “oh, boys are so active, what are you going to do?” Makes me insane.

I hear you! Spot on!