Guy I’m dating matched with a friend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Ignore all these posters who say you haven’t had the exclusivity talk. If a guy is sleeping with you and is into you, he will not be cruising the apps. Lose this guy.

Exactly! It's not a matter of having a binding conversation - it's a matter of observed behavior telling you about the other person's mindset.

I agree with these pp's. I'm sorry OP, that's disappointing. But good for you for losing interest once you see that he's a player.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Ignore all these posters who say you haven’t had the exclusivity talk. If a guy is sleeping with you and is into you, he will not be cruising the apps. Lose this guy.

LOL, guys will certainly sleep with you and keep cruising the apps, as will women.

Everyone on the apps is looking to better-deal you.

[Anonymous]

If you like him, ask him. And tell him you want to be exclusive. It’s strange that he hasn’t asked to be exclusive and is actively dating other people. But maybe there’s a benign explanation - my husband and I met on a paid dating app back in the day and we literally connected on his first few days on the app. He’d already pre paid for 6 months of membership thinking he’d be on there awhile. A friend who was also on the app meddled and would look at his profile to tell me when he last logged in. He did check messages from time to time but he stopped going on dates with other women after a few dates with me, even though we weren’t officially exclusive for a few more months. I wasn’t thrilled about it but in the long run it didn’t matter. Just ask him. You have nothing to lose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d be icked out too. Your response is natural.

I’ve dated multiple people at once, and dated distant not important exes of friends. But never this close and certainly not at this stage of getting to know someone. If it weren’t a friend it would feel different.

Neither of you did anything wrong, but it’s clearly too close for comfort.

It's not like this guy knew the OPs friend was her friend and hit on her anyway. That would be ick. This is no more ick than him chatting with any other random woman on the apps. Nothing wrong with him doing that if he and the OP aren't exclusive.

[Anonymous]

Isn’t Tinder for hookups?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you like him, ask him. And tell him you want to be exclusive. It’s strange that he hasn’t asked to be exclusive and is actively dating other people. But maybe there’s a benign explanation - my husband and I met on a paid dating app back in the day and we literally connected on his first few days on the app. He’d already pre paid for 6 months of membership thinking he’d be on there awhile. A friend who was also on the app meddled and would look at his profile to tell me when he last logged in. He did check messages from time to time but he stopped going on dates with other women after a few dates with me, even though we weren’t officially exclusive for a few more months. I wasn’t thrilled about it but in the long run it didn’t matter. Just ask him. You have nothing to lose.

Sorry, I misread the original post as you’ve been dating for six months, not a month. It’s not quite as weird given you’ve only been together a month but definitely a little ick if he’s sleeping with you and likes you. If you feel comfortable asking about it, I would. Say you’re enjoying getting to know him, happy to take it slow and see where things go, but would make you more comfortable if you were only seeing/having sex with each other at this point- or something along those lines. I’m sorry OP. Kind of sucks. In my case I think I knew my now DH was not actually dating other people even though we hadn’t had the talk, so it felt okay to let things go there organically and wait a few months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You didn't discuss exclusivity so you are in the wrong for being upset.

No one is in the wrong. It’s just awkward af.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, maybe don’t have sex until you’re exclusive?

Seems like a great way to end up with a low libido partner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say that him dating others wouldn't be a deal breaker for me but if I found out he was having sex with others while also in a sexual relationship with me that would definitely be a deal breaker.

But you would have had a conversation prior to having sex right? Letting him know that you did not want to be in a sexual relationship with someone that was having sex with anyone else. Because again, how is the other person supposed to know this if it is not said.

She can have a conversation with him and they can both agree to be sexually exclusive, but it doesn’t mean he will follow the rule.
but it’s not gara te

That's not the point. The question is, did this guy do anything wrong in this scenario?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d be icked out too. Your response is natural.

I’ve dated multiple people at once, and dated distant not important exes of friends. But never this close and certainly not at this stage of getting to know someone. If it weren’t a friend it would feel different.

Neither of you did anything wrong, but it’s clearly too close for comfort.

It's been four weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d be icked out too. Your response is natural.

I’ve dated multiple people at once, and dated distant not important exes of friends. But never this close and certainly not at this stage of getting to know someone. If it weren’t a friend it would feel different.

Neither of you did anything wrong, but it’s clearly too close for comfort.

It's not like this guy knew the OPs friend was her friend and hit on her anyway. That would be ick. This is no more ick than him chatting with any other random woman on the apps. Nothing wrong with him doing that if he and the OP aren't exclusive.

right. people keep missing the basic facts that they have only been dating for one month, there was no discussion of exclusivity, and there's no evidence he knew the other girl was OP's friend as opposed to just another rando on an app.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why oh why do women have sex with men right away without discussing exclusivity and then get disappointed when it turns out the guy isn’t committed. Date for longer than a couple weeks before you have sex. And if he doesn’t bring up exclusivity, and you don’t want to have sex with someone who is having sex with other people, then have that conversation BEFORE you have sex with him.

1. Because they want to
2. Because having sex is part of figuring out if you want exclusivity
3. Because if you're seeing someone several times a week you could reasonably think that your heads were both in the same places
4. Sex isn't a prize to give away in exchange for a peppercorn from the other person

+1. This is a great post. Finding out if you are sexually compatible with a guy is a crucial part of deciding whether or not to be exclusive with that guys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You didn't discuss exclusivity so you are in the wrong for being upset.

No one is in the wrong. It’s just awkward af.

+1

Agree. Moving forward you need to be upfront with your expectations.

From what I've learned on the apps

1. You're not exclusive until you both agree to it.

2. You can't assume exclusivity just because you've been dating x amount of time.

3. You can't assume exclusivity just because you're having sex.
4. Two things can be true at once you can be looking for a serious relationship and dating around until you find a persona you want to be serious with. Going out on dates is not a relationship.

Better luck next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, maybe don’t have sex until you’re exclusive?

Seems like a great way to end up with a low libido partner

Exclusive does not equal married. Exclusive means exclusively dating. As in if you don’t like dating that person, you can break up. How many STDs do you have?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why oh why do women have sex with men right away without discussing exclusivity and then get disappointed when it turns out the guy isn’t committed. Date for longer than a couple weeks before you have sex. And if he doesn’t bring up exclusivity, and you don’t want to have sex with someone who is having sex with other people, then have that conversation BEFORE you have sex with him.

1. Because they want to
2. Because having sex is part of figuring out if you want exclusivity
3. Because if you're seeing someone several times a week you could reasonably think that your heads were both in the same places
4. Sex isn't a prize to give away in exchange for a peppercorn from the other person

+1. This is a great post. Finding out if you are sexually compatible with a guy is a crucial part of deciding whether or not to be exclusive with that guys.

From r some people. Other people need exclusivity to have sex. This is why people should communicate their needs and expectations and not just assume one way or the other that's a part of compatibility as well