Guy I’m dating matched with a friend

[Anonymous]

"We haven’t discussed exclusivity" -- ok then there is no issue here. Carry on!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why oh why do women have sex with men right away without discussing exclusivity and then get disappointed when it turns out the guy isn’t committed. Date for longer than a couple weeks before you have sex. And if he doesn’t bring up exclusivity, and you don’t want to have sex with someone who is having sex with other people, then have that conversation BEFORE you have sex with him.

This. He has done nothing wrong if you all have not decided to be exclusive and to get off of dating apps.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks everyone for your feedback. To clarify I do not think he's done anything wrong. We are not in a committed relationship, so he is not cheating. I'm just disappointed because to me his behavior indicates we are not headed anywhere serious. When I stop dating/pursuing sex with others, it's not because if I did it would break a rule, but because of how I feel about my current partner.

[Anonymous]

Also OP. Also he did chat with my friend via Tinder, not just swipe. So I'm just not feeling it anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone for your feedback. To clarify I do not think he's done anything wrong. We are not in a committed relationship, so he is not cheating. I'm just disappointed because to me his behavior indicates we are not headed anywhere serious. When I stop dating/pursuing sex with others, it's not because if I did it would break a rule, but because of how I feel about my current partner.

He would be stupid to stop swiping until there’s mutual exclusivity. Go find someone stupid to date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also OP. Also he did chat with my friend via Tinder, not just swipe. So I'm just not feeling it anymore.

I get that it is a little ick that it's your friend, but you need to have a conversation to see where his head is at.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also OP. Also he did chat with my friend via Tinder, not just swipe. So I'm just not feeling it anymore.

I get that it is a little ick that it's your friend, but you need to have a conversation to see where his head is at.

Does she, though? I feel like him swiping and chatting might be all she needs to know where his head is.

Sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also OP. Also he did chat with my friend via Tinder, not just swipe. So I'm just not feeling it anymore.

Yeah. Forget it. If he was a decent guy who was into you he wouldn’t be on the apps. One or both of those are not true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone for your feedback. To clarify I do not think he's done anything wrong. We are not in a committed relationship, so he is not cheating. I'm just disappointed because to me his behavior indicates we are not headed anywhere serious. When I stop dating/pursuing sex with others, it's not because if I did it would break a rule, but because of how I feel about my current partner.

He would be stupid to stop swiping until there’s mutual exclusivity. Go find someone stupid to date.

Why would that make him stupid? Dating isn't a game. At least it's not supposed to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also OP. Also he did chat with my friend via Tinder, not just swipe. So I'm just not feeling it anymore.

As a guy, I assume every woman I'm dating in the initial stages is also chatting with, and meeting, lots of other guys. I can't afford to get all butthurt about women chatting with and meeting other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also OP. Also he did chat with my friend via Tinder, not just swipe. So I'm just not feeling it anymore.

Yeah. Forget it. If he was a decent guy who was into you he wouldn’t be on the apps. One or both of those are not true.

They didn't have the "let's be exclusive and get off the apps" conversation yet though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A guy I’ve been dating for a month (multiple dates per week, and having sex) recently connected with a friend of mine on a dating app. We haven’t discussed exclusivity, but I’m a bit turned off by it. We have a great time together and both claimed we were looking for something serious. Why the hunt for others? I don’t even feel like this warrants a discussion, because I prefer to just be with guys who want to settle down and see similar potential in things. Am I being reasonable?

Maybe if you didn't immediately start putting out he might have gotten a different idea.

This. You ruined it for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Has he been balls deep in her yet? Curious minds want to know.

[Anonymous]

OP is nuts. The fact that he's still dating doesn't mean he isn't serious about finding a serious relationship. It just means that after only ONE MONTH of dating you, he isn't yet convinced you're that person. That's entirely reasonable. If he were convinced, you'd probably be here posting about he's love bombing you. Try thinking more clearly and not getting caught up in ridiculous games. If you want to be exclusive now, you need to say so and you need to be chill enough to not dump him if he says he's not ready yet because, again, you've only been dating for one month.

[Anonymous]

I would feel bad about this too if I really liked him.
I learned recently after watching a 30 y/o dating that I need to take risks in today’s dating market.

This woman met a guy she liked a lot, she’s always been in relationships so she focused on him only, they had sex on the second date. She knew he was dating at least one other person (she saw pictures on IG). She said yes whenever he invited her on a date and when he didn’t, she initiated and invited him on dates. She almost lost her mind during the whole time knowing they were not exclusive, and he was a bit aloof but they ended up becoming exclusive. It took about four months. Although she’s very happy now with this guy, she wishes she had gone on dates with other people at the beginning as it would have spared her a lot of agony.


The lesson for me is to enjoy dating without pressure. I’m not someone who will have sex on the third date but as I get older, I might not get these opportunities anymore, so if I like someone (I’m picky) and there is good chemistry then I might go for it without any regrets.

I figure men need time to process the fact that they want to br exclusive with someone. You can have fun, be patient, and perhaps get the guy, or self-eliminate and let another person play the game you don’t want to play.