Internalized misogyny

[Anonymous]

the depp/heard trial right now is a good illustration - while it can be hard to sort through competing allegations and some people do have personality disorders where they are gifted liars - but fundamentally he filed the defamation to PUNISH her and there is this circus where she is ridiculed for essentially not being perfect enough

[Anonymous]

the idea that is a woman is incomplete or somehow deficient without a husband or serious boyfriend

[Anonymous]

Me growing up and thinking that if I liked “guy things” that would make me “better than the other girls” because “girly shit is stupid”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:the depp/heard trial right now is a good illustration - while it can be hard to sort through competing allegations and some people do have personality disorders where they are gifted liars - but fundamentally he filed the defamation to PUNISH her and there is this circus where she is ridiculed for essentially not being perfect enough

Wait, you've been following the Depp trial and your takeaway has been that Amber Heard is the victim here???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the poster that mentioned it. So, I’m assuming you want examples of where women have internalized misogynistic ideas. Examples would be:

Jumping in at work to make the coffee, plan the parties, take the meeting notes.
Writing all the thank you notes after the wedding
Jumping in to manage the relationship with their in laws
Feeling bad when you make more money than your husband
Judging women for how they dress
When you hear about a sexual assault, immediately wondering why the woman was there and if she was drunk

I could go on and on.

OP here. Wow, thanks. I’ve been with my husband for 12 years and just in the last 2-3 years I’ve had this growing awareness that I am perpetuating a lot of my own problems and complaints. It never occurred to me that they were internalized misogyny, but I check like 4 of the above items. Including writing all thank you notes, always jumping in to plan everything, managing relationships. I’ve basically cut myself off cold Turkey but I am still very much in the work of it.

I will add one - for decades I thought it was justified to feel self-disgust for being less than an ideal size that much resembled a heroin chic model. Now I’m working on discarding that idea. Even though I’ve rejected it intellectually a lot of the emotions are still there.

I’m amazed at how common this is and also it is empowering because I realize I can change my boundaries and do something about it.

The reality is that I somehow managed to become an ardent feminist after being raised in a home that was rampant with misogyny. And honestly, it wasn’t even intentional. I remember starting my first job after college as a paralegal at a BigLaw firm. We had an all day meeting on a Saturday. The partner asked me to go make coffee. I’ve never drink coffee and my family didn’t have a coffee maker. I had to say “I don’t know how to make coffee.” I spent 45 minutes in the room hearing all the level setting in the deal room while my male counterpart spent like 45 minutes going somewhere to make coffee and bringing it in to everyone. I was like “ding, ding, ding… I am NEVER learning to make coffee.” 20 years later I’m a C suite Exec that doesn’t know how to make coffee.

My husband invited 350 people to our wedding and I invited 100. I made very clear that he was writing the thank you notes for all his people because his list was INSANE. It wasn’t some big feminist statement — it was just “you are bananas and I’m not dealing with this.”

Assuming you are in the work force, read over every email you write and consider removing all “I think” and “I believe” statements. Just say “we should do X.”

And really, you don’t have to plan all the things. In actuality, I do most planning (although not with my husband’s family). My husband is the great executor of the plans I make. But he sure as heck can plan Mother’s Day. And we see his family once or twice a month with him managing the planning.

I did this, but it was with the fax machine. I did know how to send a fax though. The law partner I was working for walked past four male associates offices to come and ask me to fax something for him after hours. I was like, nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Throughout my teens and early 20s I dealt with males shoving their hands in my underwear or bathing suit. Like when I was 13 an older boy did underwater at the pool, when I was 20 a male friend did when I crashed on his couch. I thought they were no big deal, it happens, and when my female friends were upset over similar incidents I called them dramatic. Now I realize it was a HUGE problem.

Another example - I’ve had a couple female friends who were severely abused by their husbands, both mentally/emotionally and physically (to the point of hospitalization) and EVERYONE tries to blame the woman somehow. That it was mutually toxic, she didn’t act like an abused woman so made the whole thing up, that it was her fault for staying and she should have left, that she shouldn’t have divorced him because omg think of the children.

Ooooo, or when I hear moms complain that they are terrified their sons will be falsely accused of sexual assault. I’m like, I have daughters, I’m terrified of ACTUAL assault. Just tell your sons the same thing we have been telling girls for centuries - if you don’t want it to happen, don’t put yourself in a situation where it can. Sorry boys, but no more parties, drinking, being along with girls. Keep sober and make sure you have a friend with you at all times. Oh that’s not fair you can do whatever you want? Boo hoo.

As someone who lived the second paragraph- thank you so much for seeing this. It goes so unseen.

I know two women who both lied about men assaulting them. Women suck just as much as some men. It’s right for women to worry for their sons. Many women are vindictive manipulators. Look what they do to try to get full custody? Many will falsely claim abuse.

How do you know they lied? Did they tell you?

One of them admitted later that she lied about it to cover up cheating. I grew up with her but she was a little older than me. The police started to not believe her and other started questioning her inconsistency. The poor kid spent about 2 months in jail because of it.

Another woman I know accused her husband of abuse and it was later discovered she was the abuser and lied so she could gain full custody of her kids and rid her ex of their life because she had a new man.

Nothing happened to either of these women but the men had their lives turned over. This is why I believe women should go to jail for false accusations.

I don’t buy this. I had a friend who was severely abused - husband held her hostage in their home for 2 weeks, raped her repeatedly, beat her, and attempted to kill her twice in front of their children. The police actually had to call in a SWAT team to get him because he was waving guns around threatening to shoot them. he spent barely any time in jail and she is now going bankrupt trying to prevent him from getting any custody. He very likely will.

And the worst part is everyone turned against *her*. Their entire church said she made the entire thing up, even though the cops had collected indisputable evidence. She got a restraining order, he repeatedly violates it and no judge will do anything about it. Prior to holding her hostage, he moved his affair partner into their house, she came home and another woman was in her home and she had to leave to protect her kids, this woman has testified that he’s not violent and that my friend is making it up.

For sure women make false accusations but it’s far more rare than men abusing women. And if you don’t want your sons to be falsely accused, YOU NEED TO TEACH THEM HOW TO AVOID IT. Just like I need to teach my daughters to avoid men who are abusive, predators, or violent. Teach them to think with their big head and choose stable women. Teach them to not be in compromising situations. Teach them to take things slowly with women so they don’t get love bombed and then later find out she’s crazy.

Your entire reply is a good example of internalized misogyny

[Anonymous]

Settling for not having orgasms during sex; believing sex ends with the male orgasm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think of things like:

-women who says they are guys girls, or that the prefer being friends with guys, or that they prefer having male bosses
- women who in the office turn their attention to any man in the room over other women
- women who see women as competition

Female here. I 💯 prefer having a male bosses. Ridiculous to suggest that makes me a misogynist.

Np but it kind of does? Sorry to be the bearer of bad news

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the depp/heard trial right now is a good illustration - while it can be hard to sort through competing allegations and some people do have personality disorders where they are gifted liars - but fundamentally he filed the defamation to PUNISH her and there is this circus where she is ridiculed for essentially not being perfect enough

Wait, you've been following the Depp trial and your takeaway has been that Amber Heard is the victim here???

Depp has had restraining orders taken out on him in England for domestic violence years ago.
Depp also pulled the same shit of suing an English papers for defamation over the paper printing about his abuse of her. The English judge ruled in favor if the paper and said what they printed was true.

Now Depp tries same thing in the US. Gifted manipulative actor Depp is 100% trying to punish her for speaking up and divorcing him, and he seems to like the attention and perhaps hoping to get more press…..

It seems there’s a red-pill Trumper in here spewing toxic crap in this thread just for his own sad amusement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the depp/heard trial right now is a good illustration - while it can be hard to sort through competing allegations and some people do have personality disorders where they are gifted liars - but fundamentally he filed the defamation to PUNISH her and there is this circus where she is ridiculed for essentially not being perfect enough

Wait, you've been following the Depp trial and your takeaway has been that Amber Heard is the victim here???

Depp has had restraining orders taken out on him in England for domestic violence years ago.
Depp also pulled the same shit of suing an English papers for defamation over the paper printing about his abuse of her. The English judge ruled in favor if the paper and said what they printed was true.

Now Depp tries same thing in the US. Gifted manipulative actor Depp is 100% trying to punish her for speaking up and divorcing him, and he seems to like the attention and perhaps hoping to get more press…..

It seems there’s a red-pill Trumper in here spewing toxic crap in this thread just for his own sad amusement.

Amber Heard abused her ex girlfriend. Have you even watched the trial? There were tapes of her fighting with him admitting that she had physically assaulted him on more than one occasion. She had severed his finger. She is an abuser. I’m not saying he isn’t, but she is not an innocent party, and she doesn’t deserve to have a career when Johnny Depps career was taken away from him. I don’t even like him as an actor, but she is a manipulative abuser. You’re clearly bias and won’t admit she is an abuser because you hate men. She is a toxic manipulative abuser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the depp/heard trial right now is a good illustration - while it can be hard to sort through competing allegations and some people do have personality disorders where they are gifted liars - but fundamentally he filed the defamation to PUNISH her and there is this circus where she is ridiculed for essentially not being perfect enough

Wait, you've been following the Depp trial and your takeaway has been that Amber Heard is the victim here???

Depp has had restraining orders taken out on him in England for domestic violence years ago.
Depp also pulled the same shit of suing an English papers for defamation over the paper printing about his abuse of her. The English judge ruled in favor if the paper and said what they printed was true.

Now Depp tries same thing in the US. Gifted manipulative actor Depp is 100% trying to punish her for speaking up and divorcing him, and he seems to like the attention and perhaps hoping to get more press…..

It seems there’s a red-pill Trumper in here spewing toxic crap in this thread just for his own sad amusement.

You haven’t watched the trial. All of the evidence, testimony, and videos show she is the abuser who physically, emotionally, and mentally abused him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the depp/heard trial right now is a good illustration - while it can be hard to sort through competing allegations and some people do have personality disorders where they are gifted liars - but fundamentally he filed the defamation to PUNISH her and there is this circus where she is ridiculed for essentially not being perfect enough

Wait, you've been following the Depp trial and your takeaway has been that Amber Heard is the victim here???

Depp has had restraining orders taken out on him in England for domestic violence years ago.
Depp also pulled the same shit of suing an English papers for defamation over the paper printing about his abuse of her. The English judge ruled in favor if the paper and said what they printed was true.

Now Depp tries same thing in the US. Gifted manipulative actor Depp is 100% trying to punish her for speaking up and divorcing him, and he seems to like the attention and perhaps hoping to get more press…..

It seems there’s a red-pill Trumper in here spewing toxic crap in this thread just for his own sad amusement.

You know huge crowds, including many women, gather outside the courthouse and cheer on Depp at every turn and revile Heard, right? She is universally seen as a liar, even in the #MeToo era. FFS, #AmberHeardIsAPsychpath is trending on not-at-all-right-wing Twitter right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the depp/heard trial right now is a good illustration - while it can be hard to sort through competing allegations and some people do have personality disorders where they are gifted liars - but fundamentally he filed the defamation to PUNISH her and there is this circus where she is ridiculed for essentially not being perfect enough

Wait, you've been following the Depp trial and your takeaway has been that Amber Heard is the victim here???

Depp has had restraining orders taken out on him in England for domestic violence years ago.
Depp also pulled the same shit of suing an English papers for defamation over the paper printing about his abuse of her. The English judge ruled in favor if the paper and said what they printed was true.

Now Depp tries same thing in the US. Gifted manipulative actor Depp is 100% trying to punish her for speaking up and divorcing him, and he seems to like the attention and perhaps hoping to get more press…..

It seems there’s a red-pill Trumper in here spewing toxic crap in this thread just for his own sad amusement.

Amber Heard abused her ex girlfriend. Have you even watched the trial? There were tapes of her fighting with him admitting that she had physically assaulted him on more than one occasion. She had severed his finger. She is an abuser. I’m not saying he isn’t, but she is not an innocent party, and she doesn’t deserve to have a career when Johnny Depps career was taken away from him. I don’t even like him as an actor, but she is a manipulative abuser. You’re clearly bias and won’t admit she is an abuser because you hate men. She is a toxic manipulative abuser.

I’m a DP but the bolded has always frustrated me— no it wasn’t. He was in a major film (that Harry Potter one) during these allegations. And if he hadn’t been “taken away from him” would still be inaccurate because not hiring someone who is a known abuser is not taking something away from them— no one is entitled to be a movie star.

[Anonymous]

The idea that natural births are somehow more honorable.

Everything about praising/worshiping involved fathers for the same behaviors that are the baseline expectation for mothers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The idea that natural births are somehow more honorable.

Everything about praising/worshiping involved fathers for the same behaviors that are the baseline expectation for mothers.

+1,000,000