Purdue President’s Op-Ed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read it. Just what we need-- a gross right winged nut job mansplaining motherhood. Gross Indiana sexist pig.

That’s really inappropriate on this forum. Also you don’t know what you are talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s an important read for many on DCUM — don’t be like the moms he references. Let your college kids figure stuff out on their own!

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2022/05/06/mothers-day-helicopter-parenting/

OP, are you a woman? You shoud be ashamed of yourself if you are. We have got to take the country and our lives back from these sexist, mysoginist pigs. What a hateful, horrible

man. If my kid were at Purdue (he's not, he's at a top 10 university, t thankfully), I would not pay another dime of tuition until this man releases a apology. Shameful.

OP here. Yes, I am a woman. Do you think the actual requests and commands that he mentions are appropriate? I hear this type of thing over and over from people who work in colleges and even at workplaces. The infantalizing of our adult children has to stop.

But not a single mention of men. It's mean-spirited at best but more accurately a reflection of the diretion this country is headed. We are no longer moving forward as women. I feel it in my life everyday. Being belittled and looked down on by men. So some moms can't let go. Of course I believe that. But so the hell what? Why do I care? I don't do that. What I do see everyday is my husband leaving every single aspect of parenting to me. Treating me as if I'm the hire help, even as I hold down a full-time, WOH job, and he doesn't. This guy is a sexist and is joining the whilte men chorus in taking women back down. Wake up.

Did you read the op-ed? He does mention men and fathers and says they do not submit anywhere near the number of questions as mothers.

Well, duh, they have their wives doing it for them. Did they stop their wives from doing it? Did they step in and say, "son, your mother shouldn't be doing this for you, time to adult?" No. No, they didn't; but who complains about them for their failure to raise independent competent kids who can find their own roommate? Much easier to blame the mom.

So you are okay with the moms submitting these concerns to a college?

I think for every mom who oversteps, there are 99 making sure the tuition bill is paid on time. He paints the minority as typical, while taking the financial and logistical support of the majority for granted.

+1
I work in higher ed. People love to talk trash about helicopter moms but the reality is that more than 99% don't do this. They just make sure their kids are there, the tuition is paid, their health insurance is figured out etc. I hear though lots of repeating about the handful of 'crazy moms' we have out of our tens of thousands of students.

Thanks for confirming this. That's what makes his "Happy Mother's Day" roast so infuriating. He takes up "tribute to mom" space by repeating his most egregious & entertaining & embellished cocktail party stories over that past 30 years and paints mothers with the stroke of cray cray. What's more, except for the most egregious examples (that we'd all agree cross the line), many of these start as legitimate concerns -- where parents absolutely have every right and should step in to ask about (depression, sickness, mold, safe living conditions, etc). Maybe those moms took it too far or maybe he's just full of shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read it. Just what we need-- a gross right winged nut job mansplaining motherhood. Gross Indiana sexist pig.

That’s really inappropriate on this forum. Also you don’t know what you are talking about.

I think it sums it up well.

[Anonymous]

I absolutely will discourage DD from applying there because of this op-ed.
I'm convinced if confronted with a complaint of inappropriate sexual activity (assault, rape, etc) made by a female student, "lay back and enjoy" or "make lemonade from lemons" would be in his sweep-this-under-the-rug rationale.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s an important read for many on DCUM — don’t be like the moms he references. Let your college kids figure stuff out on their own!

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2022/05/06/mothers-day-helicopter-parenting/

OP, are you a woman? You shoud be ashamed of yourself if you are. We have got to take the country and our lives back from these sexist, mysoginist pigs. What a hateful, horrible

man. If my kid were at Purdue (he's not, he's at a top 10 university, t thankfully), I would not pay another dime of tuition until this man releases a apology. Shameful.

OP here. Yes, I am a woman. Do you think the actual requests and commands that he mentions are appropriate? I hear this type of thing over and over from people who work in colleges and even at workplaces. The infantalizing of our adult children has to stop.

But not a single mention of men. It's mean-spirited at best but more accurately a reflection of the diretion this country is headed. We are no longer moving forward as women. I feel it in my life everyday. Being belittled and looked down on by men. So some moms can't let go. Of course I believe that. But so the hell what? Why do I care? I don't do that. What I do see everyday is my husband leaving every single aspect of parenting to me. Treating me as if I'm the hire help, even as I hold down a full-time, WOH job, and he doesn't. This guy is a sexist and is joining the whilte men chorus in taking women back down. Wake up.

Did you read the op-ed? He does mention men and fathers and says they do not submit anywhere near the number of questions as mothers.

Well, duh, they have their wives doing it for them. Did they stop their wives from doing it? Did they step in and say, "son, your mother shouldn't be doing this for you, time to adult?" No. No, they didn't; but who complains about them for their failure to raise independent competent kids who can find their own roommate? Much easier to blame the mom.

So you are okay with the moms submitting these concerns to a college?

I think for every mom who oversteps, there are 99 making sure the tuition bill is paid on time. He paints the minority as typical, while taking the financial and logistical support of the majority for granted.

+1
I work in higher ed. People love to talk trash about helicopter moms but the reality is that more than 99% don't do this. They just make sure their kids are there, the tuition is paid, their health insurance is figured out etc. I hear though lots of repeating about the handful of 'crazy moms' we have out of our tens of thousands of students.

Thanks for confirming this. That's what makes his "Happy Mother's Day" roast so infuriating. He takes up "tribute to mom" space by repeating his most egregious & entertaining & embellished cocktail party stories over that past 30 years and paints mothers with the stroke of cray cray. What's more, except for the most egregious examples (that we'd all agree cross the line), many of these start as legitimate concerns -- where parents absolutely have every right and should step in to ask about (depression, sickness, mold, safe living conditions, etc). Maybe those moms took it too far or maybe he's just full of shit.

Applause! Yes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents stepping in like this is exacerbating the mental health crisis our teens and young adults are facing. They are learning they have no competence or skills to handle problems themselves.

+1

Nailed it.

Not true though; he says himself that the children of these few 'egregious enough to be considered mentally ill' parents are the one who call mom or dad and say, "step back, I've got this." Children with mentally ill parents do become resilient of necessity. The kids who flounder the most in college are not these kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read it. Just what we need-- a gross right winged nut job mansplaining motherhood. Gross Indiana sexist pig.

That’s really inappropriate on this forum. Also you don’t know what you are talking about.

I think it sums it up well.

There are few intelligent, independent women who would find this man's piece acceptable. The first post criticizing him may have been a bit crass, but it wasn't wrong. I am a moderate, right--leaning independent and find this man's article utterly tasteless and completely inappropriate. I hope he loses his job over it. He should.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read it. Just what we need-- a gross right winged nut job mansplaining motherhood. Gross Indiana sexist pig.

I’m not Mitch Daniel’s fan. But just because I happen to disagree with him on pretty much everything politically does not mean he’s wrong here.

+1 I don’t know anything about this guy, but I completely believe that universities are bombarded with these ridiculous requests. PP, what did you find objectionable?

Not PP. But at any huge state U, you can find a dozen ridiculous parents every year. Equating those extreme outliers with all moms who have concerns about their kid over a 4 year period is gross. And it makes light of/ discourages parental intervention in serious cases. My particular kid has had no issues that would require me to intervene. But if she had a serious physical problem or was one of the many, many young adults with a mental health crisis, or was raped, or had an ex-boyfriend who was violent or a stalker, etc., etc., the college president should not be sending the message that I should sit down and shut up.

Parenting doesn’t end when you graduate from HS. It changes. And most kids, at some point, need help from parents.

The misogyny of writing this as a Mother's Day post is a whole separate issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read it. Just what we need-- a gross right winged nut job mansplaining motherhood. Gross Indiana sexist pig.

That’s really inappropriate on this forum. Also you don’t know what you are talking about.

I think it sums it up well.

There are few intelligent, independent women who would find this man's piece acceptable. The first post criticizing him may have been a bit crass, but it wasn't wrong. I am a moderate, right--leaning independent and find this man's article utterly tasteless and completely inappropriate. I hope he loses his job over it. He should.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s an important read for many on DCUM — don’t be like the moms he references. Let your college kids figure stuff out on their own!

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2022/05/06/mothers-day-helicopter-parenting/

OP, are you a woman? You shoud be ashamed of yourself if you are. We have got to take the country and our lives back from these sexist, mysoginist pigs. What a hateful, horrible

man. If my kid were at Purdue (he's not, he's at a top 10 university, t thankfully), I would not pay another dime of tuition until this man releases a apology. Shameful.

OP here. Yes, I am a woman. Do you think the actual requests and commands that he mentions are appropriate? I hear this type of thing over and over from people who work in colleges and even at workplaces. The infantalizing of our adult children has to stop.

But not a single mention of men. It's mean-spirited at best but more accurately a reflection of the diretion this country is headed. We are no longer moving forward as women. I feel it in my life everyday. Being belittled and looked down on by men. So some moms can't let go. Of course I believe that. But so the hell what? Why do I care? I don't do that. What I do see everyday is my husband leaving every single aspect of parenting to me. Treating me as if I'm the hire help, even as I hold down a full-time, WOH job, and he doesn't. This guy is a sexist and is joining the whilte men chorus in taking women back down. Wake up.

You obviously didn't read the op-ed. While I am no fan of the former Indiana governor, I have been a professor for 20 years, and I empathize with the sentiment expressed in the op-ed. 90% of the parental involvement, nay, intrusion, with regard to college student experience comes from mothers. I'm sure this is due to a number of sociological and cultural factors, but yes, moms need to back off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s an important read for many on DCUM — don’t be like the moms he references. Let your college kids figure stuff out on their own!

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2022/05/06/mothers-day-helicopter-parenting/

OP, are you a woman? You shoud be ashamed of yourself if you are. We have got to take the country and our lives back from these sexist, mysoginist pigs. What a hateful, horrible

man. If my kid were at Purdue (he's not, he's at a top 10 university, t thankfully), I would not pay another dime of tuition until this man releases a apology. Shameful.

OP here. Yes, I am a woman. Do you think the actual requests and commands that he mentions are appropriate? I hear this type of thing over and over from people who work in colleges and even at workplaces. The infantalizing of our adult children has to stop.

But not a single mention of men. It's mean-spirited at best but more accurately a reflection of the diretion this country is headed. We are no longer moving forward as women. I feel it in my life everyday. Being belittled and looked down on by men. So some moms can't let go. Of course I believe that. But so the hell what? Why do I care? I don't do that. What I do see everyday is my husband leaving every single aspect of parenting to me. Treating me as if I'm the hire help, even as I hold down a full-time, WOH job, and he doesn't. This guy is a sexist and is joining the whilte men chorus in taking women back down. Wake up.

Did you read the op-ed? He does mention men and fathers and says they do not submit anywhere near the number of questions as mothers.

Well, duh, they have their wives doing it for them. Did they stop their wives from doing it? Did they step in and say, "son, your mother shouldn't be doing this for you, time to adult?" No. No, they didn't; but who complains about them for their failure to raise independent competent kids who can find their own roommate? Much easier to blame the mom.

So you are okay with the moms submitting these concerns to a college?

I think for every mom who oversteps, there are 99 making sure the tuition bill is paid on time. He paints the minority as typical, while taking the financial and logistical support of the majority for granted.

And how many of those moms had a legitimate concern or need to contact them initially but was then so run around or dismissed, the problem was exacerbated by the way they handled or ignored it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read it. Just what we need-- a gross right winged nut job mansplaining motherhood. Gross Indiana sexist pig.

I’m not Mitch Daniel’s fan. But just because I happen to disagree with him on pretty much everything politically does not mean he’s wrong here.

+1 I don’t know anything about this guy, but I completely believe that universities are bombarded with these ridiculous requests. PP, what did you find objectionable?

Not PP. But at any huge state U, you can find a dozen ridiculous parents every year. Equating those extreme outliers with all moms who have concerns about their kid over a 4 year period is gross. And it makes light of/ discourages parental intervention in serious cases. My particular kid has had no issues that would require me to intervene. But if she had a serious physical problem or was one of the many, many young adults with a mental health crisis, or was raped, or had an ex-boyfriend who was violent or a stalker, etc., etc., the college president should not be sending the message that I should sit down and shut up.

Parenting doesn’t end when you graduate from HS. It changes. And most kids, at some point, need help from parents.

The misogyny of writing this as a Mother's Day post is a whole separate issue.

And the Washington Post for choosing to publish such misogyny ever, but on Mother's Day? Another example of WaPo being trash and feeding the awful beast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s an important read for many on DCUM — don’t be like the moms he references. Let your college kids figure stuff out on their own!

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2022/05/06/mothers-day-helicopter-parenting/

OP, are you a woman? You shoud be ashamed of yourself if you are. We have got to take the country and our lives back from these sexist, mysoginist pigs. What a hateful, horrible

man. If my kid were at Purdue (he's not, he's at a top 10 university, t thankfully), I would not pay another dime of tuition until this man releases a apology. Shameful.

OP here. Yes, I am a woman. Do you think the actual requests and commands that he mentions are appropriate? I hear this type of thing over and over from people who work in colleges and even at workplaces. The infantalizing of our adult children has to stop.

But not a single mention of men. It's mean-spirited at best but more accurately a reflection of the diretion this country is headed. We are no longer moving forward as women. I feel it in my life everyday. Being belittled and looked down on by men. So some moms can't let go. Of course I believe that. But so the hell what? Why do I care? I don't do that. What I do see everyday is my husband leaving every single aspect of parenting to me. Treating me as if I'm the hire help, even as I hold down a full-time, WOH job, and he doesn't. This guy is a sexist and is joining the whilte men chorus in taking women back down. Wake up.

Did you read the op-ed? He does mention men and fathers and says they do not submit anywhere near the number of questions as mothers.

Well, duh, they have their wives doing it for them. Did they stop their wives from doing it? Did they step in and say, "son, your mother shouldn't be doing this for you, time to adult?" No. No, they didn't; but who complains about them for their failure to raise independent competent kids who can find their own roommate? Much easier to blame the mom.

So you are okay with the moms submitting these concerns to a college?

I think for every mom who oversteps, there are 99 making sure the tuition bill is paid on time. He paints the minority as typical, while taking the financial and logistical support of the majority for granted.

+1
I work in higher ed. People love to talk trash about helicopter moms but the reality is that more than 99% don't do this. They just make sure their kids are there, the tuition is paid, their health insurance is figured out etc. I hear though lots of repeating about the handful of 'crazy moms' we have out of our tens of thousands of students.

Thanks for confirming this. That's what makes his "Happy Mother's Day" roast so infuriating. He takes up "tribute to mom" space by repeating his most egregious & entertaining & embellished cocktail party stories over that past 30 years and paints mothers with the stroke of cray cray. What's more, except for the most egregious examples (that we'd all agree cross the line), many of these start as legitimate concerns -- where parents absolutely have every right and should step in to ask about (depression, sickness, mold, safe living conditions, etc). Maybe those moms took it too far or maybe he's just full of shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s an important read for many on DCUM — don’t be like the moms he references. Let your college kids figure stuff out on their own!

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2022/05/06/mothers-day-helicopter-parenting/

OP, are you a woman? You shoud be ashamed of yourself if you are. We have got to take the country and our lives back from these sexist, mysoginist pigs. What a hateful, horrible

man. If my kid were at Purdue (he's not, he's at a top 10 university, t thankfully), I would not pay another dime of tuition until this man releases a apology. Shameful.

OP here. Yes, I am a woman. Do you think the actual requests and commands that he mentions are appropriate? I hear this type of thing over and over from people who work in colleges and even at workplaces. The infantalizing of our adult children has to stop.

But not a single mention of men. It's mean-spirited at best but more accurately a reflection of the diretion this country is headed. We are no longer moving forward as women. I feel it in my life everyday. Being belittled and looked down on by men. So some moms can't let go. Of course I believe that. But so the hell what? Why do I care? I don't do that. What I do see everyday is my husband leaving every single aspect of parenting to me. Treating me as if I'm the hire help, even as I hold down a full-time, WOH job, and he doesn't. This guy is a sexist and is joining the whilte men chorus in taking women back down. Wake up.

Did you read the op-ed? He does mention men and fathers and says they do not submit anywhere near the number of questions as mothers.

Well, duh, they have their wives doing it for them. Did they stop their wives from doing it? Did they step in and say, "son, your mother shouldn't be doing this for you, time to adult?" No. No, they didn't; but who complains about them for their failure to raise independent competent kids who can find their own roommate? Much easier to blame the mom.

So you are okay with the moms submitting these concerns to a college?

I think for every mom who oversteps, there are 99 making sure the tuition bill is paid on time. He paints the minority as typical, while taking the financial and logistical support of the majority for granted.

+1
I work in higher ed. People love to talk trash about helicopter moms but the reality is that more than 99% don't do this. They just make sure their kids are there, the tuition is paid, their health insurance is figured out etc. I hear though lots of repeating about the handful of 'crazy moms' we have out of our tens of thousands of students.

Thanks for confirming this. That's what makes his "Happy Mother's Day" roast so infuriating. He takes up "tribute to mom" space by repeating his most egregious & entertaining & embellished cocktail party stories over that past 30 years and paints mothers with the stroke of cray cray. What's more, except for the most egregious examples (that we'd all agree cross the line), many of these start as legitimate concerns -- where parents absolutely have every right and should step in to ask about (depression, sickness, mold, safe living conditions, etc). Maybe those moms took it too far or maybe he's just full of shit.

And how many of those moms had a legitimate concern or need to contact them initially but was then so run around or dismissed, the problem was exacerbated by the way they handled or ignored it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s an important read for many on DCUM — don’t be like the moms he references. Let your college kids figure stuff out on their own!

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2022/05/06/mothers-day-helicopter-parenting/

OP, are you a woman? You shoud be ashamed of yourself if you are. We have got to take the country and our lives back from these sexist, mysoginist pigs. What a hateful, horrible

man. If my kid were at Purdue (he's not, he's at a top 10 university, t thankfully), I would not pay another dime of tuition until this man releases a apology. Shameful.

OP here. Yes, I am a woman. Do you think the actual requests and commands that he mentions are appropriate? I hear this type of thing over and over from people who work in colleges and even at workplaces. The infantalizing of our adult children has to stop.

But not a single mention of men. It's mean-spirited at best but more accurately a reflection of the diretion this country is headed. We are no longer moving forward as women. I feel it in my life everyday. Being belittled and looked down on by men. So some moms can't let go. Of course I believe that. But so the hell what? Why do I care? I don't do that. What I do see everyday is my husband leaving every single aspect of parenting to me. Treating me as if I'm the hire help, even as I hold down a full-time, WOH job, and he doesn't. This guy is a sexist and is joining the whilte men chorus in taking women back down. Wake up.

You obviously didn't read the op-ed. While I am no fan of the former Indiana governor, I have been a professor for 20 years, and I empathize with the sentiment expressed in the op-ed. 90% of the parental involvement, nay, intrusion, with regard to college student experience comes from mothers. I'm sure this is due to a number of sociological and cultural factors, but yes, moms need to back off.

I'm a professor too--have taught at 3 very different kinds of institutions over 2 decades. Be honest what percentage of parental involvement have you experienced directly? Total up your students. Give a percentage of how many you have taught that you have had ANY contact with their parents outside of graduation, let alone egregious involvement. Your 90% figure is meaningless a commentary on moms, if it's anywhere like mine, less than 1% of my students.