Mother-in-law odd behavior

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please help me explain this odd behavior. My children's nanny just text me to inform me that my mother-in-law is following her around the house, turning lights off, monitoring the water usage in the kitchen, and just basically in the nanny's face the whole day. Do I sit down and talk to mother-in-law why she's doing this or just let my husband handle it? Mother-in-law is a nice person but I do feel bad that, The Nanny has to deal with this odd behavior all day.

It’s a two prong issue.

Your nanny had a free reign but now she has supervision. She isn’t happy about it.

Your MIL is new here and monitoring hired help and protecting her family because she had had/heard bad experiences with hired help. She is also trying to be productive and contributing in some way.

You all can have a respectful discussion so she understands without feeling disciplined. Appreciate her in other ways so she knows you are trying to solve a problem but doesn’t have a problem with her.

Talk sympathetically to your nanny and request her to have empathy for an old lady who is facing cultural differences and struggling to adjust to a completely different lifestyle in a new country.

+1 Sympathy for both will go a long way. Your MIL has just made a tremendous life change. Surely you can show a little grace in talking to her and helping her find ways to fill her day. And your nanny sounds lovely. Be encouraging to her, let her know you are working to get the MIL to have different hobbies, and assure your nanny that she is doing a great job.

WTF?
“Nanny has supervision”? Who asked for anyone to supervise her? If you don’t trust someone to care for your kids without someone looking over their shoulder then you have no business hiring that person.
No nanny worth her salt is going to put up with an interfering grandma. MIL needs to stay in her lane.

Well, many people supervise with home cameras, how is this and different? Btw if MIL can’t speak English, how is she managing meddling?

Do you lack basic reading comprehension?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am assuming your MIL is a different race and culture from nanny? Yes, you protect your nanny. MIL is not to interfere.

Honestly, if MIL is home all day, I'd switch the daycare so that she can't micro manage.

Yes, Nanny has been very understanding but we all have our limit and MIL is too much period. I usually leave Nanny check on the kitchen counter and I have a feeling mil saw it and she thinks it's way too much. Same for the water and electric bills. She thinks we spend too much. She also boils water to drink instead water bottle or using a filter.

MIL sounds crazy but you’re an idiot for leaving the check on the counter and drinking from water bottles.

My expectations was for Mil to mind her business and leave our Nanny to manage the kids period. We use water filter except mil prefer to boil her water.

Shouldn’t you be glad she’s boiling water instead of requiring you to constantly buy water bottles? Why is this even a complaint? You sound stupid.

Hey MIL, stop micromanaging your DIL’s household!

i bet you’re one of those ppl who tells everyone you have a great sense of humor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am assuming your MIL is a different race and culture from nanny? Yes, you protect your nanny. MIL is not to interfere.

Honestly, if MIL is home all day, I'd switch the daycare so that she can't micro manage.

Yes, Nanny has been very understanding but we all have our limit and MIL is too much period. I usually leave Nanny check on the kitchen counter and I have a feeling mil saw it and she thinks it's way too much. Same for the water and electric bills. She thinks we spend too much. She also boils water to drink instead water bottle or using a filter.

MIL sounds crazy but you’re an idiot for leaving the check on the counter and drinking from water bottles.

My expectations was for Mil to mind her business and leave our Nanny to manage the kids period. We use water filter except mil prefer to boil her water.

Shouldn’t you be glad she’s boiling water instead of requiring you to constantly buy water bottles? Why is this even a complaint? You sound stupid.

Hey MIL, stop micromanaging your DIL’s household!

i bet you’re one of those ppl who tells everyone you have a great sense of humor?

I’m not the ones calling people stupid for drinking bottled water. Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am assuming your MIL is a different race and culture from nanny? Yes, you protect your nanny. MIL is not to interfere.

Honestly, if MIL is home all day, I'd switch the daycare so that she can't micro manage.

Yes, Nanny has been very understanding but we all have our limit and MIL is too much period. I usually leave Nanny check on the kitchen counter and I have a feeling mil saw it and she thinks it's way too much. Same for the water and electric bills. She thinks we spend too much. She also boils water to drink instead water bottle or using a filter.

MIL sounds crazy but you’re an idiot for leaving the check on the counter and drinking from water bottles.

My expectations was for Mil to mind her business and leave our Nanny to manage the kids period. We use water filter except mil prefer to boil her water.

Shouldn’t you be glad she’s boiling water instead of requiring you to constantly buy water bottles? Why is this even a complaint? You sound stupid.

Hey MIL, stop micromanaging your DIL’s household!

i bet you’re one of those ppl who tells everyone you have a great sense of humor?

I’m not the ones calling people stupid for drinking bottled water. Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it.

People who drink bottled water are stupid. It’s a fact.

[Anonymous]

How many children are there? It seems like there are too many adults in the house already. Husband, MIL, and nanny are there all day, every single weekday? The nanny is dealing with a SAHP and a busybody MIL, both looking over her shoulders. I would quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am assuming your MIL is a different race and culture from nanny? Yes, you protect your nanny. MIL is not to interfere.

Honestly, if MIL is home all day, I'd switch the daycare so that she can't micro manage.

Yes, Nanny has been very understanding but we all have our limit and MIL is too much period. I usually leave Nanny check on the kitchen counter and I have a feeling mil saw it and she thinks it's way too much. Same for the water and electric bills. She thinks we spend too much. She also boils water to drink instead water bottle or using a filter.

MIL sounds crazy but you’re an idiot for leaving the check on the counter and drinking from water bottles.

My expectations was for Mil to mind her business and leave our Nanny to manage the kids period. We use water filter except mil prefer to boil her water.

Shouldn’t you be glad she’s boiling water instead of requiring you to constantly buy water bottles? Why is this even a complaint? You sound stupid.

Hey MIL, stop micromanaging your DIL’s household!

i bet you’re one of those ppl who tells everyone you have a great sense of humor?

I’m not the ones calling people stupid for drinking bottled water. Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it.

People who drink bottled water are stupid. It’s a fact.

People who call others stupid for making different choices are even stupider than they realize. That’s a fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am assuming your MIL is a different race and culture from nanny? Yes, you protect your nanny. MIL is not to interfere.

Honestly, if MIL is home all day, I'd switch the daycare so that she can't micro manage.

Yes, Nanny has been very understanding but we all have our limit and MIL is too much period. I usually leave Nanny check on the kitchen counter and I have a feeling mil saw it and she thinks it's way too much. Same for the water and electric bills. She thinks we spend too much. She also boils water to drink instead water bottle or using a filter.

This woman is going to ruin your marriage and the family life you were envisioning if you don't nip all these behaviors in the bud. Why is she living with you? Is that a forever thing? If so, time for some serious talks and groundrules.

Dh and I talked to his mother last night and she listened, told us she was only trying to help, she didn't think the nanny was that upset, she agree not to interfere with nanny job, and my husband has agreed to find either a neighbor or hire someone to take his mother on activities while we work. Hopefully, my mother-in-law time will be occupied and away from the house for at least 3 to 4 hours a day. I want our nanny to be comfortable without mother-in-law shadowing her every move. My mother-in-law will be living with us permanently because her husband passed away a few years ago and my husband decided to bring her over. I didn't think to set rules and regulation without knowing how involved, she was going to be around my kids and our nanny. My husband family is originally from Poland. My mother-in-law is very smart and used to having nannies, housekeepers, and etc. I need her to know that our nanny is not there for her. Nanny is a previous Middle School math teacher, she has raised her own kids, and after retirement, became a nanny to occupied her time and make money obviously. I do not want to lose a fantastic nanny because my mother-in-law wants to interfere.

I think this is really the issue, OP. Your MIL moved here and knows no one except your family and has nothing to do except "take care" of your family. Are there other things she could do, like volunteer somewhere? Is there a community she could join, like a church, or a crafting group? What would she enjoy doing? She could probably make a real contribution somewhere if you could find the right fit.

[Anonymous]

I think it's lovely that your family is having your MIL live with you. It does not strike me as though she has poor intentions.

I am from another culture and came to the US when I was 3 yo, and I find the American culture to be unforgiving. Old people, who once help their children through tough times, are tossed out like yesterday's news. I think we need to remember how much work parents sacrificed into making us into who we are today, and when they are old they need some consideration from us as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many children are there? It seems like there are too many adults in the house already. Husband, MIL, and nanny are there all day, every single weekday? The nanny is dealing with a SAHP and a busybody MIL, both looking over her shoulders. I would quit.

We have two kids. My husband works from home, I am not a stay home mom, my work commute is 30 minutes from my house, our nanny Does not live with us, and we don’t micromanage Our nanny. My husband Office is downstairs and he only comes upstairs to have lunch with the kids and his mom three times a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am assuming your MIL is a different race and culture from nanny? Yes, you protect your nanny. MIL is not to interfere.

Honestly, if MIL is home all day, I'd switch the daycare so that she can't micro manage.

Yes, Nanny has been very understanding but we all have our limit and MIL is too much period. I usually leave Nanny check on the kitchen counter and I have a feeling mil saw it and she thinks it's way too much. Same for the water and electric bills. She thinks we spend too much. She also boils water to drink instead water bottle or using a filter.

This woman is going to ruin your marriage and the family life you were envisioning if you don't nip all these behaviors in the bud. Why is she living with you? Is that a forever thing? If so, time for some serious talks and groundrules.

Dh and I talked to his mother last night and she listened, told us she was only trying to help, she didn't think the nanny was that upset, she agree not to interfere with nanny job, and my husband has agreed to find either a neighbor or hire someone to take his mother on activities while we work. Hopefully, my mother-in-law time will be occupied and away from the house for at least 3 to 4 hours a day. I want our nanny to be comfortable without mother-in-law shadowing her every move. My mother-in-law will be living with us permanently because her husband passed away a few years ago and my husband decided to bring her over. I didn't think to set rules and regulation without knowing how involved, she was going to be around my kids and our nanny. My husband family is originally from Poland. My mother-in-law is very smart and used to having nannies, housekeepers, and etc. I need her to know that our nanny is not there for her. Nanny is a previous Middle School math teacher, she has raised her own kids, and after retirement, became a nanny to occupied her time and make money obviously. I do not want to lose a fantastic nanny because my mother-in-law wants to interfere.

I think this is really the issue, OP. Your MIL moved here and knows no one except your family and has nothing to do except "take care" of your family. Are there other things she could do, like volunteer somewhere? Is there a community she could join, like a church,

or a crafting group? What would she enjoy doing? She could probably make a real contribution somewhere if you could find the right fit.

Mother-in-law does have a church group that gets together twice a week and a Reading group that she attends on the weekend. Because of Covid, she doesn’t want to be out and about, she is 70 years old, she’s healthy and Active.

[Anonymous]

If she is active and needs to contribute to household to feel good, make her in charge of something like laundry or gardening so she has control over that. It’s a tough situation you are in and it can lead to issues with your husband so handle it with care and generosity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please help me explain this odd behavior. My children's nanny just text me to inform me that my mother-in-law is following her around the house, turning lights off, monitoring the water usage in the kitchen, and just basically in the nanny's face the whole day. Do I sit down and talk to mother-in-law why she's doing this or just let my husband handle it? Mother-in-law is a nice person but I do feel bad that, The Nanny has to deal with this odd behavior all day.

Why is she IN the house all day? Visiting? Living?

Have your SPOUSE tell his mom to cool it. And let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um yes you need to protect your nanny. Your MIL is harassing her while she is trying to work. Does your MIL have dementia? Does she have a caregiver?

Mother-in-law does not have dementia and she just recently moved to live with us from overseas. Oh nanny is wonderful and she has been super nice to mother-in-law but I can tell from today's text, she's really unhappy and second-guessing herself at the house.

Oh brother. This should have been all discussed with her beforehand. The nanny is in charge, not her. And you are in charge of the nanny, it her.

How pretentious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL thinks she's "supervising" the nanny or some such BS. Please call her immediately and tell her the nanny has your absolute confidence and is in charge while you are gone.

+1

And your husband works from home and hasn’t said anything? Oh boy! Is your MIL resentful that Nanny is watching the kids instead of her? If you don’t nip this in the bud your nanny will end up quitting and then your mother-in-law will end up watching the kids and your problems will be tenfold.

And hope she’s a good driver. Get your kids in some activities, they’ve all opened up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please help me explain this odd behavior. My children's nanny just text me to inform me that my mother-in-law is following her around the house, turning lights off, monitoring the water usage in the kitchen, and just basically in the nanny's face the whole day. Do I sit down and talk to mother-in-law why she's doing this or just let my husband handle it? Mother-in-law is a nice person but I do feel bad that, The Nanny has to deal with this odd behavior all day.

Why is she IN the house all day? Visiting? Living?

Have your SPOUSE tell his mom to cool it. And let it go.

Did you even read the thread?