Mother-in-law odd behavior

[Anonymous]

Please help me explain this odd behavior. My children's nanny just text me to inform me that my mother-in-law is following her around the house, turning lights off, monitoring the water usage in the kitchen, and just basically in the nanny's face the whole day. Do I sit down and talk to mother-in-law why she's doing this or just let my husband handle it? Mother-in-law is a nice person but I do feel bad that, The Nanny has to deal with this odd behavior all day.

[Anonymous]

Um yes you need to protect your nanny. Your MIL is harassing her while she is trying to work. Does your MIL have dementia? Does she have a caregiver?

[Anonymous]

Your husband needs to sit down with her tonight and explain that she’s making your nanny uncomfortable by following her around and micromanaging her. And you need to do this soon before your nanny ends up quitting!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um yes you need to protect your nanny. Your MIL is harassing her while she is trying to work. Does your MIL have dementia? Does she have a caregiver?

Mother-in-law does not have dementia and she just recently moved to live with us from overseas. Oh nanny is wonderful and she has been super nice to mother-in-law but I can tell from today's text, she's really unhappy and second-guessing herself at the house.

[Anonymous]

You’re going to lose your nanny unless your husband has a serious conversation with his mother.

[Anonymous]

I am assuming your MIL is a different race and culture from nanny? Yes, you protect your nanny. MIL is not to interfere.

Honestly, if MIL is home all day, I'd switch the daycare so that she can't micro manage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re going to lose your nanny unless your husband has a serious conversation with his mother.

I know. My husband works from home and he didn't say anything to me how his mother is interacting with our nanny, because he does come over to have lunch with the kids and his mom at least three times a week. I have a feeling maybe mother-in-law acts differently what her son is in the same room. I trust our nanny and she hasn't been complaining, but a few times I talked to her when she was leaving, she just looks so happy for the day to be over

[Anonymous]

How does MIL spend her time during the day? Can you get her interested in some hobbies or activities?

[Anonymous]

Your MIL thinks she's "supervising" the nanny or some such BS. Please call her immediately and tell her the nanny has your absolute confidence and is in charge while you are gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL thinks she's "supervising" the nanny or some such BS. Please call her immediately and tell her the nanny has your absolute confidence and is in charge while you are gone.

+1

And your husband works from home and hasn’t said anything? Oh boy! Is your MIL resentful that Nanny is watching the kids instead of her? If you don’t nip this in the bud your nanny will end up quitting and then your mother-in-law will end up watching the kids and your problems will be tenfold.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. Your husband and yourself, both of you, need to have a word with MIL.

This reminds me of a time when I went to my Indian friend's house for a playdate for our daughters. She was at work, I had the day off, so the playdate was supervised by her nanny and myself. My friend's mother was also there, and she ignored me, talked rudely to her daughter's nanny, and when I was leaving, finally realized that I wasn't another nanny, and suddenly became really nice to me. It was so awkward. Clearly this person was used to servants and treating them like people of no importance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please help me explain this odd behavior. My children's nanny just text me to inform me that my mother-in-law is following her around the house, turning lights off, monitoring the water usage in the kitchen, and just basically in the nanny's face the whole day. Do I sit down and talk to mother-in-law why she's doing this or just let my husband handle it? Mother-in-law is a nice person but I do feel bad that, The Nanny has to deal with this odd behavior all day.

It’s a two prong issue.

Your nanny had a free reign but now she has supervision. She isn’t happy about it.

Your MIL is new here and monitoring hired help and protecting her family because she had had/heard bad experiences with hired help. She is also trying to be productive and contributing in some way.

You all can have a respectful discussion so she understands without feeling disciplined. Appreciate her in other ways so she knows you are trying to solve a problem but doesn’t have a problem with her.

Talk sympathetically to your nanny and request her to have empathy for an old lady who is facing cultural differences and struggling to adjust to a completely different lifestyle in a new country.

[Anonymous]

You can discuss with your husband about finding ways to keep her mom busy and productive, tv/books in her language, gardening, minor household task or anything of her her interest and physical ability. Always talk in a rational and solution finder manner, never a critical manner so he hears you well.

[Anonymous]

I mean, you probably have until the end of the week to completely fix this problem or you will have a much bigger problem (no nanny). Good nannies are hard to find and will not accept that kind of work environment. Your DH fixes this TODAY or he will be responsible for childcare the second the nanny quits.

[Anonymous]

I agree with other PPs that this is an emergency.

The nanny would not have told you about this if she hadn't reached some sort of breaking point.