Mother-in-law odd behavior

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am assuming your MIL is a different race and culture from nanny? Yes, you protect your nanny. MIL is not to interfere.

Honestly, if MIL is home all day, I'd switch the daycare so that she can't micro manage.

Yes, Nanny has been very understanding but we all have our limit and MIL is too much period. I usually leave Nanny check on the kitchen counter and I have a feeling mil saw it and she thinks it's way too much. Same for the water and electric bills. She thinks we spend too much. She also boils water to drink instead water bottle or using a filter.

This woman is going to ruin your marriage and the family life you were envisioning if you don't nip all these behaviors in the bud. Why is she living with you? Is that a forever thing? If so, time for some serious talks and groundrules.

[Anonymous]

Someone’s about to lose their nanny if this isn’t addressed asap. Good nannies have no problems finding attractive jobs. And no good nanny will tolerate a meddling grandmother. Tell your husband this is an emergency - and he’s part of the problem by letting this get to this point while he’s been working from home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please help me explain this odd behavior. My children's nanny just text me to inform me that my mother-in-law is following her around the house, turning lights off, monitoring the water usage in the kitchen, and just basically in the nanny's face the whole day. Do I sit down and talk to mother-in-law why she's doing this or just let my husband handle it? Mother-in-law is a nice person but I do feel bad that, The Nanny has to deal with this odd behavior all day.

It’s a two prong issue.

Your nanny had a free reign but now she has supervision. She isn’t happy about it.

Your MIL is new here and monitoring hired help and protecting her family because she had had/heard bad experiences with hired help. She is also trying to be productive and contributing in some way.

You all can have a respectful discussion so she understands without feeling disciplined. Appreciate her in other ways so she knows you are trying to solve a problem but doesn’t have a problem with her.

Talk sympathetically to your nanny and request her to have empathy for an old lady who is facing cultural differences and struggling to adjust to a completely different lifestyle in a new country.

+1 Sympathy for both will go a long way. Your MIL has just made a tremendous life change. Surely you can show a little grace in talking to her and helping her find ways to fill her day. And your nanny sounds lovely. Be encouraging to her, let her know you are working to get the MIL to have different hobbies, and assure your nanny that she is doing a great job.

WTF?
“Nanny has supervision”? Who asked for anyone to supervise her? If you don’t trust someone to care for your kids without someone looking over their shoulder then you have no business hiring that person.
No nanny worth her salt is going to put up with an interfering grandma. MIL needs to stay in her lane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please help me explain this odd behavior. My children's nanny just text me to inform me that my mother-in-law is following her around the house, turning lights off, monitoring the water usage in the kitchen, and just basically in the nanny's face the whole day. Do I sit down and talk to mother-in-law why she's doing this or just let my husband handle it? Mother-in-law is a nice person but I do feel bad that, The Nanny has to deal with this odd behavior all day.

It’s a two prong issue.

Your nanny had a free reign but now she has supervision. She isn’t happy about it.

Your MIL is new here and monitoring hired help and protecting her family because she had had/heard bad experiences with hired help. She is also trying to be productive and contributing in some way.

You all can have a respectful discussion so she understands without feeling disciplined. Appreciate her in other ways so she knows you are trying to solve a problem but doesn’t have a problem with her.

Talk sympathetically to your nanny and request her to have empathy for an old lady who is facing cultural differences and struggling to adjust to a completely different lifestyle in a new country.

+1 Sympathy for both will go a long way. Your MIL has just made a tremendous life change. Surely you can show a little grace in talking to her and helping her find ways to fill her day. And your nanny sounds lovely. Be encouraging to her, let her know you are working to get the MIL to have different hobbies, and assure your nanny that she is doing a great job.

WTF?
“Nanny has supervision”? Who asked for anyone to supervise her? If you don’t trust someone to care for your kids without someone looking over their shoulder then you have no business hiring that person.
No nanny worth her salt is going to put up with an interfering grandma. MIL needs to stay in her lane.

Well, many people supervise with home cameras, how is this and different? Btw if MIL can’t speak English, how is she managing meddling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL thinks she's "supervising" the nanny or some such BS. Please call her immediately and tell her the nanny has your absolute confidence and is in charge while you are gone.

+1,000, except have her son tell her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please help me explain this odd behavior. My children's nanny just text me to inform me that my mother-in-law is following her around the house, turning lights off, monitoring the water usage in the kitchen, and just basically in the nanny's face the whole day. Do I sit down and talk to mother-in-law why she's doing this or just let my husband handle it? Mother-in-law is a nice person but I do feel bad that, The Nanny has to deal with this odd behavior all day.

It’s a two prong issue.

Your nanny had a free reign but now she has supervision. She isn’t happy about it.

Your MIL is new here and monitoring hired help and protecting her family because she had had/heard bad experiences with hired help. She is also trying to be productive and contributing in some way.

You all can have a respectful discussion so she understands without feeling disciplined. Appreciate her in other ways so she knows you are trying to solve a problem but doesn’t have a problem with her.

Talk sympathetically to your nanny and request her to have empathy for an old lady who is facing cultural differences and struggling to adjust to a completely different lifestyle in a new country.

+1 Sympathy for both will go a long way. Your MIL has just made a tremendous life change. Surely you can show a little grace in talking to her and helping her find ways to fill her day. And your nanny sounds lovely. Be encouraging to her, let her know you are working to get the MIL to have different hobbies, and assure your nanny that she is doing a great job.

WTF?
“Nanny has supervision”? Who asked for anyone to supervise her? If you don’t trust someone to care for your kids without someone looking over their shoulder then you have no business hiring that person.
No nanny worth her salt is going to put up with an interfering grandma. MIL needs to stay in her lane.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please help me explain this odd behavior. My children's nanny just text me to inform me that my mother-in-law is following her around the house, turning lights off, monitoring the water usage in the kitchen, and just basically in the nanny's face the whole day. Do I sit down and talk to mother-in-law why she's doing this or just let my husband handle it? Mother-in-law is a nice person but I do feel bad that, The Nanny has to deal with this odd behavior all day.

It’s a two prong issue.

Your nanny had a free reign but now she has supervision. She isn’t happy about it.

Your MIL is new here and monitoring hired help and protecting her family because she had had/heard bad experiences with hired help. She is also trying to be productive and contributing in some way.

You all can have a respectful discussion so she understands without feeling disciplined. Appreciate her in other ways so she knows you are trying to solve a problem but doesn’t have a problem with her.

Talk sympathetically to your nanny and request her to have empathy for an old lady who is facing cultural differences and struggling to adjust to a completely different lifestyle in a new country.

+1 Sympathy for both will go a long way. Your MIL has just made a tremendous life change. Surely you can show a little grace in talking to her and helping her find ways to fill her day. And your nanny sounds lovely. Be encouraging to her, let her know you are working to get the MIL to have different hobbies, and assure your nanny that she is doing a great job.

WTF?
“Nanny has supervision”? Who asked for anyone to supervise her? If you don’t trust someone to care for your kids without someone looking over their shoulder then you have no business hiring that person.
No nanny worth her salt is going to put up with an interfering grandma. MIL needs to stay in her lane.

Well, many people supervise with home cameras, how is this and different? Btw if MIL can’t speak English, how is she managing meddling?

Did you read the OP? It was clearly explained and no English was necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am assuming your MIL is a different race and culture from nanny? Yes, you protect your nanny. MIL is not to interfere.

Honestly, if MIL is home all day, I'd switch the daycare so that she can't micro manage.

Yes, Nanny has been very understanding but we all have our limit and MIL is too much period. I usually leave Nanny check on the kitchen counter and I have a feeling mil saw it and she thinks it's way too much. Same for the water and electric bills. She thinks we spend too much. She also boils water to drink instead water bottle or using a filter.

MIL sounds crazy but you’re an idiot for leaving the check on the counter and drinking from water bottles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am assuming your MIL is a different race and culture from nanny? Yes, you protect your nanny. MIL is not to interfere.

Honestly, if MIL is home all day, I'd switch the daycare so that she can't micro manage.

Yes, Nanny has been very understanding but we all have our limit and MIL is too much period. I usually leave Nanny check on the kitchen counter and I have a feeling mil saw it and she thinks it's way too much. Same for the water and electric bills. She thinks we spend too much. She also boils water to drink instead water bottle or using a filter.

MIL sounds crazy but you’re an idiot for leaving the check on the counter and drinking from water bottles.

My expectations was for Mil to mind her business and leave our Nanny to manage the kids period. We use water filter except mil prefer to boil her water.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am assuming your MIL is a different race and culture from nanny? Yes, you protect your nanny. MIL is not to interfere.

Honestly, if MIL is home all day, I'd switch the daycare so that she can't micro manage.

Yes, Nanny has been very understanding but we all have our limit and MIL is too much period. I usually leave Nanny check on the kitchen counter and I have a feeling mil saw it and she thinks it's way too much. Same for the water and electric bills. She thinks we spend too much. She also boils water to drink instead water bottle or using a filter.

MIL sounds crazy but you’re an idiot for leaving the check on the counter and drinking from water bottles.

My expectations was for Mil to mind her business and leave our Nanny to manage the kids period. We use water filter except mil prefer to boil her water.

Shouldn’t you be glad she’s boiling water instead of requiring you to constantly buy water bottles? Why is this even a complaint? You sound stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am assuming your MIL is a different race and culture from nanny? Yes, you protect your nanny. MIL is not to interfere.

Honestly, if MIL is home all day, I'd switch the daycare so that she can't micro manage.

Yes, Nanny has been very understanding but we all have our limit and MIL is too much period. I usually leave Nanny check on the kitchen counter and I have a feeling mil saw it and she thinks it's way too much. Same for the water and electric bills. She thinks we spend too much. She also boils water to drink instead water bottle or using a filter.

This woman is going to ruin your marriage and the family life you were envisioning if you don't nip all these behaviors in the bud. Why is she living with you? Is that a forever thing? If so, time for some serious talks and groundrules.

Dh and I talked to his mother last night and she listened, told us she was only trying to help, she didn't think the nanny was that upset, she agree not to interfere with nanny job, and my husband has agreed to find either a neighbor or hire someone to take his mother on activities while we work. Hopefully, my mother-in-law time will be occupied and away from the house for at least 3 to 4 hours a day. I want our nanny to be comfortable without mother-in-law shadowing her every move. My mother-in-law will be living with us permanently because her husband passed away a few years ago and my husband decided to bring her over. I didn't think to set rules and regulation without knowing how involved, she was going to be around my kids and our nanny. My husband family is originally from Poland. My mother-in-law is very smart and used to having nannies, housekeepers, and etc. I need her to know that our nanny is not there for her. Nanny is a previous Middle School math teacher, she has raised her own kids, and after retirement, became a nanny to occupied her time and make money obviously. I do not want to lose a fantastic nanny because my mother-in-law wants to interfere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, you probably have until the end of the week to completely fix this problem or you will have a much bigger problem (no nanny). Good nannies are hard to find and will not accept that kind of work environment. Your DH fixes this TODAY or he will be responsible for childcare the second the nanny quits.

This. I disagree with the person who says to tell the nanny to have empathy. Sounds like the nanny does and she has had it. Is your MIL from a country where it's fine to treat servants like trash? Protect your nanny before she flees. If you don't set boundaries with MIL now, it will get worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am assuming your MIL is a different race and culture from nanny? Yes, you protect your nanny. MIL is not to interfere.

Honestly, if MIL is home all day, I'd switch the daycare so that she can't micro manage.

Yes, Nanny has been very understanding but we all have our limit and MIL is too much period. I usually leave Nanny check on the kitchen counter and I have a feeling mil saw it and she thinks it's way too much. Same for the water and electric bills. She thinks we spend too much. She also boils water to drink instead water bottle or using a filter.

This woman is going to ruin your marriage and the family life you were envisioning if you don't nip all these behaviors in the bud. Why is she living with you? Is that a forever thing? If so, time for some serious talks and groundrules.

Dh and I talked to his mother last night and she listened, told us she was only trying to help, she didn't think the nanny was that upset, she agree not to interfere with nanny job, and my husband has agreed to find either a neighbor or hire someone to take his mother on activities while we work. Hopefully, my mother-in-law time will be occupied and away from the house for at least 3 to 4 hours a day. I want our nanny to be comfortable without mother-in-law shadowing her every move. My mother-in-law will be living with us permanently because her husband passed away a few years ago and my husband decided to bring her over. I didn't think to set rules and regulation without knowing how involved, she was going to be around my kids and our nanny. My husband family is originally from Poland. My mother-in-law is very smart and used to having nannies, housekeepers, and etc. I need her to know that our nanny is not there for her. Nanny is a previous Middle School math teacher, she has raised her own kids, and after retirement, became a nanny to occupied her time and make money obviously. I do not want to lose a fantastic nanny because my mother-in-law wants to interfere.

It sounds like a positive conversation and outcome. I’m slightly chuckling that your mother-in-law needs her own part time nanny.

[Anonymous]

How can she just come over to live here permanently? Did you go through all the paperwork for a green card?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am assuming your MIL is a different race and culture from nanny? Yes, you protect your nanny. MIL is not to interfere.

Honestly, if MIL is home all day, I'd switch the daycare so that she can't micro manage.

Yes, Nanny has been very understanding but we all have our limit and MIL is too much period. I usually leave Nanny check on the kitchen counter and I have a feeling mil saw it and she thinks it's way too much. Same for the water and electric bills. She thinks we spend too much. She also boils water to drink instead water bottle or using a filter.

MIL sounds crazy but you’re an idiot for leaving the check on the counter and drinking from water bottles.

My expectations was for Mil to mind her business and leave our Nanny to manage the kids period. We use water filter except mil prefer to boil her water.

Shouldn’t you be glad she’s boiling water instead of requiring you to constantly buy water bottles? Why is this even a complaint? You sound stupid.

Hey MIL, stop micromanaging your DIL’s household!