Wife wants a house cleaner instead of preschool

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorced dad here.

1. I am the maid in my home. Cleaning takes about one hour per day on average. This includes: washing dishes, doing laundry, cleaning bathrooms, changing linens, dusting, vacuuming, and maybe washing windows or some other deep cleaning occasionally. My friends who have a maid service find that a maid visit is around 2 hours once a week.

I have a nice clean house and I'm happy to have women come to my house for a date.

2. OP should quit his job, stay home, and clean the house. Rather than working 8 or more hours a day (plus commute), he will just have to work one hour per day.

i haven't known anyone in my whole life that had a cleaning lady that only had then for 2 hours once a week.

you are delusional.

NP. I have a cleaning lady once a month for 3 hours for a 4,500 sf home. 2 hours once a week is not delusional.

Your house is too big.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorced dad here.

1. I am the maid in my home. Cleaning takes about one hour per day on average. This includes: washing dishes, doing laundry, cleaning bathrooms, changing linens, dusting, vacuuming, and maybe washing windows or some other deep cleaning occasionally. My friends who have a maid service find that a maid visit is around 2 hours once a week.

I have a nice clean house and I'm happy to have women come to my house for a date.

2. OP should quit his job, stay home, and clean the house. Rather than working 8 or more hours a day (plus commute), he will just have to work one hour per day.

i haven't known anyone in my whole life that had a cleaning lady that only had then for 2 hours once a week.

you are delusional.

Huh?

I’m not that PP but when I lived in my prior townhouse I had cleaners come once a week for two hours. Idk why you think that is weird.

Now that I live in a single family home it’s between 3-4 hours once a week.

[Anonymous]

I just had a cleaner come and she did 5 hours all alone -- and did a subpar job fo the price.

In the past, a team of two got it done in 4 hours and did an excellent job.

My house is 3 bed/3 bath but a small city rowhouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m trying to imagine only working TWO days a week and not cleaning the house. Nope. Can’t do it. Can’t imagine being that lazy.

She most likely works Friday evening, Saturday, and Sunday. They have young kids, so she works without pay during the week. You can't not clean the house with young kids. She probably spends at least an hour cleaning every day.

[Anonymous]

This is her way of not resenting OP. Have you ever been a stay-at-home mom to young kids? It's not glamorous. Mom doesn't mean maid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m trying to imagine only working TWO days a week and not cleaning the house. Nope. Can’t do it. Can’t imagine being that lazy.

She most likely works Friday evening, Saturday, and Sunday. They have young kids, so she works without pay during the week. You can't not clean the house with young kids. She probably spends at least an hour cleaning every day.

The mama is working constantly. My sympathy could not be stronger.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you need a better job since you’re unable to provide for your family.

[Anonymous]

Why does it have to be cleaning vs preschool? Find some other way to pay for preschool.

[Anonymous]

I’m confused why you don’t think ymca preschool counts. Some of the best preschools are at ymcas.

[Anonymous]

She likes working out, and your child benefits from it. Some YMCA's are excellent. As long as there are many kids and no tv, it's great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m confused why you don’t think ymca preschool counts. Some of the best preschools are at YMCAs.

It's gym childcare, not preschool.

[Anonymous]

I'm a working mom but I agree with her assessment. I'd much rather have a cleaning lady, do YMCA preschool at the gym, and then supplement preschool with the time I save from not cleaning. I truly hate cleaning my house and would seriously resent my spouse if we had a cleaner and then he tried to take it away.

[Anonymous]

I'd send the kid to a preschool. I don't know the arrangements at the Y but if it's preschool and not just day care, do it, or find a less expensive preschool (many churches run them, and they are not necessarily religiously based at all). Dad can cut some costs in terms of work lunches. Mom can cut back the cleaner's hours. And mom's salary can go toward preschool--are things so very tight that the choice is THAT binary? Only preschool OR a cleaner? There really are no other ways at all to afford preschool? Hard to believe.

Re: preschool itself: Those posting about "teaching" preschool to their kids at home don't understand that preschool provides a setting that helps kids be readier for kindergarten.

It's not just about early ABCs or creative sandbox play. Not even primarily about those things. The most important aspect of preschool, and the reason that "doing preschool at home" won't fully prepare a child to transition to kindergarten, is that it acclimates kids to important, basic group routines without which kindergarten is going to be a more stressful adjustment:

Following directions from an adult who is not mom or dad.
Changing from one activity to the next activity when everyone else does (and without a meltdown or being hugely distracted).
Being around other children without undue conflict (keeping your hands to yourself, sharing, etc.)
And so on.

Im sure parents will say, but my kid knows how to share with his or her siblings, and stops doing activity X when I say it's time to stop and move to activity Y. Yes, kids can do that at home, with the family--and with mom or dad or a familiar sitter telling them. But doing those same things in a group setting, with the distraction of other kids around, following the directions of an adult who isn't mom or dad? Much harder.

I have several friends who were K and early elementary teachers and they all said they could tell which kids had not had any form of preschool but came straight from being at home directly into kindergarten. Not saying those kids were "bad"! Just that they were the ones who had the tougher time adjusting to being in K and who therefore had difficulty with the learning part of K, due to being less ready for the social, "move from X to Y now" parts of the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorced dad here.

1. I am the maid in my home. Cleaning takes about one hour per day on average. This includes: washing dishes, doing laundry, cleaning bathrooms, changing linens, dusting, vacuuming, and maybe washing windows or some other deep cleaning occasionally. My friends who have a maid service find that a maid visit is around 2 hours once a week.

I have a nice clean house and I'm happy to have women come to my house for a date.

2. OP should quit his job, stay home, and clean the house. Rather than working 8 or more hours a day (plus commute), he will just have to work one hour per day.

Do children live in your home all day? Do you prepare 3 meals a day for them? I have issues of "time blindness" so I have begun timing all my cleaning. It takes more than that, if you actually have kids in your home --

But hey, I am glad for you that your home is clean for your women guests, which is clearly your priority. No wonder!

+100 There is no way that a young child, much less multiple, children spend all day in his home. I mean, when I was single, I could get away with that puddly amount of cleaning too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I'd send the kid to a preschool. I don't know the arrangements at the Y but if it's preschool and not just day care, do it, or find a less expensive preschool (many churches run them, and they are not necessarily religiously based at all). Dad can cut some costs in terms of work lunches. Mom can cut back the cleaner's hours. And mom's salary can go toward preschool--are things so very tight that the choice is THAT binary? Only preschool OR a cleaner? There really are no other ways at all to afford preschool? Hard to believe.

Re: preschool itself: Those posting about "teaching" preschool to their kids at home don't understand that preschool provides a setting that helps kids be readier for kindergarten.

It's not just about early ABCs or creative sandbox play. Not even primarily about those things. The most important aspect of preschool, and the reason that "doing preschool at home" won't fully prepare a child to transition to kindergarten, is that it acclimates kids to important, basic group routines without which kindergarten is going to be a more stressful adjustment:

Following directions from an adult who is not mom or dad.
Changing from one activity to the next activity when everyone else does (and without a meltdown or being hugely distracted).
Being around other children without undue conflict (keeping your hands to yourself, sharing, etc.)
And so on.

Im sure parents will say, but my kid knows how to share with his or her siblings, and stops doing activity X when I say it's time to stop and move to activity Y. Yes, kids can do that at home, with the family--and with mom or dad or a familiar sitter telling them. But doing those same things in a group setting, with the distraction of other kids around, following the directions of an adult who isn't mom or dad? Much harder.

I have several friends who were K and early elementary teachers and they all said they could tell which kids had not had any form of preschool but came straight from being at home directly into kindergarten. Not saying those kids were "bad"! Just that they were the ones who had the tougher time adjusting to being in K and who therefore had difficulty with the learning part of K, due to being less ready for the social, "move from X to Y now" parts of the day.

The kids who have struggles generally weren't prepared academically by preschool or parents and K isn't exactly known for teaching.