I love my kids but I’m also jealous of anybody who doesn’t have kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah I am not jealous of my childless peers BUT I have started checking out a little more to focus on my own interests. I feel slightly bad about that. Part of me is like — I won’t get this time with them back, I should focus on them all the time (when not working full time). They are mid elemen now, and sometimes I begrudge being their playmate (because of covid restrictions we waited a long time to have play dates and now only do masked!).

I had to double check the date this was written...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow i think the takeaway here is that parenting Little kids really meets you wherever you are. I too am not an intuitive parent and have been super challenged by my parenting journey but I really wouldn’t change it for the world. It is the most fulfilling and profound journey a human can go through. Yup, I said it. Is it possible to have a rich and fulfilling life without kids? Full of meaning and connection? Absolutely.
Is it as rich, connected, and profound as the life of a parent? No way, no how.
I don’t envy my childless friends and family. I see a desperate and sad longing in their eyes. I never knew being a parent would be this amazing, this incredible. To be their parent, their guardian and guide as they grow, the bow that launches this precious arrow, is a privilege. I only wish I had known earlier! I truly never knew.
Now, I very time I travel and have to board my dog, I REALLY envy people without dogs!!! And I am a lifelong dog lover and have a 16 year old dog I adore!!! But being able to travel without finding doggy care or having to come home to let him out? that’s freedom.

But you realize that your dogless friends that you envy don't ever have a dog to come home to, right? That's what I don't get. I have dogs (also kids, but the dog thing caught my eye here), and yes, sometimes it is draining, and yes, this morning I did yell at the older one to stop being so loud with his breathing so I could discover the source of a beeping sound in the kitchen, but the pros far, far outweigh the cons. Ergo, I am not jealous of people without dogs, because while I have to coordinate with the dog sitter when we go out of town, I also get to see two dogs who couldn't be happier to see me every morning when I wake up (and every time I come out of the bathroom!).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a full time single mom. During the pandemic I definitely envied my childfree friends who were taking long walks and long naps. I also envied my divorced friends who had 50% custody who got a little reprieve during the pandemic when I was working nonstop through the night to make up for lost time during the day. Obviously, each has it's own set of issues but yes, I do harbor jealousy. It's really hard to be on your own with no help.

+1 Almost all of my envy is pandemic based. And thus it's not really childfree people in general I envy, but specifically DINKs. I think the pandemic has been almost fun for professional couples without kids. Working from home without kids in the mix, but having a partner to keep you company and do things with, seemed pretty nice. I don't think parents of young kids were the only people struggling (I had single friends who really struggled with loneliness before vaccines, and friends with health and immune issues for whom the entire pandemic has been incredibly hard), but I think DINKs were uniquely well set up to enjoy Covid, and of course that makes me jealous.

As a general matter I don't envy people without kids because I love being a parent. I think my DH does though. He has found the loss of freedom pretty hard. I think for me I see something else -- the constraints of parenting are liberating in a different way. I am more myself since becoming a mom, more confident in my choices, and more comfortable with my life. I find having a kid really clarifying. Either something is worth time away from her or it isn't, and I find it easy to prioritize my life that way. Becoming a parent helped me walk away from a job I probably should never have taken, and find one that suits me better. It has also forced me to thoughtfully assess my friendships and part ways with a couple people who really were a toxic presence in my life. I feel more free since becoming a mom, even though it's harder for me to hang out with my friends or go on vacation. I'm free in a psychological sense, which to me is more valuable. I'm sure there are people without kids who find this kind of clarity through other things. But for me, parenthood has liberated me from old, self-imposed obligations, by creating a more immediate and fulfilling obligation in the middle of my life. A lot of stuff I used to care about I don't anymore, and that's been awesome.

[Anonymous]

I’m not jealous mainly because my childless friends (in mid-30s, both male and female) have openly talked to me about wanting kids, but haven’t found the right partners or have health issues. So I feel lucky and grateful for mine. But agree with above posters on envying childless couples who picked up hobbies during the pandemic and overall seemed to have had fewer life responsibilities rather than more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not jealous mainly because my childless friends (in mid-30s, both male and female) have openly talked to me about wanting kids, but haven’t found the right partners or have health issues. So I feel lucky and grateful for mine. But agree with above posters on envying childless couples who picked up hobbies during the pandemic and overall seemed to have had fewer life responsibilities rather than more.

I agree with this. I'm not actively jealous. I am grateful that I have healthy kids. But, I don't love being a parent. It's tiring and exhausting and complicated. But that doesn't equal me being jealous, it just equals me being tired!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m only jealous financially.

+1
Other than financially, I pity them.

No need, we’re doing great!

Tell me that when you're 80 and alone and all your friends are dead.

[Anonymous]

Having kids crystallized for me how much they deserve to be wanted. Not wanted as in oops it was an accident baby. But once they exist, wanted. Loved. Appreciated. Not resented and shunted aside or treated like an inconvenience. They really arrive with their fully formed identities inside of them and if you actively DONT WANT THEM then by all means don’t. I think childless by choice is better than had kids I didn’t want.
On the other hand I never ever wanted kids; I fell in love and got married and he very much did. And the kids are the absolute best thing that ever happened to me aside from my husband who is my absolute partner and love of my life. You never know the funny ways life will take you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having kids crystallized for me how much they deserve to be wanted. Not wanted as in oops it was an accident baby. But once they exist, wanted. Loved. Appreciated. Not resented and shunted aside or treated like an inconvenience. They really arrive with their fully formed identities inside of them and if you actively DONT WANT THEM then by all means don’t. I think childless by choice is better than had kids I didn’t want.
On the other hand I never ever wanted kids; I fell in love and got married and he very much did. And the kids are the absolute best thing that ever happened to me aside from my husband who is my absolute partner and love of my life. You never know the funny ways life will take you.

Wow same. I was deeply ambivalent about having kids but my husband really wanted them and I came around. We only had one, but it's the best thing I've ever done. I am so, so glad I took that leap. And I totally agree with you that it really drives home for me how important it is for kids to be really, truly loved by their parents. I take that responsibility seriously. The world is a rough place and there is zero guarantee that anyone else will ever really care about my kid. I mean, I think they should because she's amazing, but I've been alive in the world long enough to realize it doesn't work that way -- there are great people everywhere who don't get loved or appreciated for whatever reason. My kid will always have at least one person who believes she is valuable and important. Always. I'll make sure of it.

I think the reason I was ambivalent about kids is that I didn't get that from my parents and that's made life hard in some ways and I was fearful about doing that to someone else. But the result is the opposite -- because I know what it is to be sort of emotionally abandoned by your parents, I will never, ever do that to another person. I wonder if people who take the love and support of their parents for granted may not realize how valuable it is. I hope not. The world is a better place with people who feel secure in their place within it, I think. So the more parents who help offer that place of security for their kids, the better off we all are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No tbd. I feel sorry for people without kids. Kid is exhausting but I wake up excited to see him everyday.

huh?

You feel sorry for someone who doesnt want what you want?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. There is a certain time in most people's lives when it needs to stop being about them.

Eye roll. People have kids because THEY want them to make their own lives better. You’re not doing a community service by raising kids. We have enough people on this planet. Get over yourself.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m only jealous financially.

+1
Other than financially, I pity them.

No need, we’re doing great!

Tell me that when you're 80 and alone and all your friends are dead.

Having children is not a guarantee that you won't be alone in old age. This isn't some sinister warning that kids will grow up and dislike or be resentful of their parents for whatever reason, but they could live halfway around the world from you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m only jealous financially.

+1
Other than financially, I pity them.

No need, we’re doing great!

Tell me that when you're 80 and alone and all your friends are dead.

And when *your* kids, who you had to “take care of you when you’re old,” have out you away in a home and never visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m only jealous financially.

+1
Other than financially, I pity them.

No need, we’re doing great!

Tell me that when you're 80 and alone and all your friends are dead.

Having children is not a guarantee that you won't be alone in old age. This isn't some sinister warning that kids will grow up and dislike or be resentful of their parents for whatever reason, but they could live halfway around the world from you.

Or they could die in some very tragic way and leave you bereaved all the rest of your life. Or they could end up in prison after bereaving you with their actions. Or they could end your existence way before your time.

Children are the biggest crapshoot in life, and for plenty of people the dice roll ends quite badly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m only jealous financially.

+1
Other than financially, I pity them.

No need, we’re doing great!

Tell me that when you're 80 and alone and all your friends are dead.

Having children is not a guarantee that you won't be alone in old age. This isn't some sinister warning that kids will grow up and dislike or be resentful of their parents for whatever reason, but they could live halfway around the world from you.

Or they could die in some very tragic way and leave you bereaved all the rest of your life. Or they could end up in prison after bereaving you with their actions. Or they could end your existence way before your time.

Agree! Moms kill me thinking that having kids is the golden ticket to old age. Its great if you end up with kids who are able and want to care for you, but its also great to prepare financially for retirement and old age. As far as the jealousy topic im not jealous of my childless friends and they definitely shouldn’t be jealous of those with kids if they dont want any. Please stop rhinking kids make you superior…it’s exhausting.

Children are the biggest crapshoot in life, and for plenty of people the dice roll ends quite badly.

[Anonymous]

Same OP same…I’ll go further and say some days I cry and cry about it because my friends get to travel and I see their smiling rested faces with beautiful backgrounds and decadent meals. I just ate a half pbj sandwich in 3.56 minutes and from the moment I wake up someone asks for something is crying about something is touching me.

I am so, so tired and then I feel guilty for how I feel. I am jealous of childless people, they are very lucky indeed.