I love my kids but I’m also jealous of anybody who doesn’t have kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many childless friends do you have?

I don’t know a single person childless because they just didn’t want children. I have all of one friend without children, and while it is by choice, it is largely bc of medical reasons and life circumstances.

People without children usually have a depressing reason why they don’t have children in the first place. Sometimes if you truly know the problems other people are facing, you will gladly keep your own problems

I’m childless by choice, because I’ve been a nanny for 20 years and taking care of other peoples children made me not want my own. I love to borrow children and return them at the end of the day. I don’t think my life is depressing. I like to travel, sleep in, and live life for myself. I give so much Mon-Fri and would have nothing left to give children of my own. Thankfully I’ve been with my nanny family for 11 years so it feels like I got the benefits of children, without any of the financial responsibilities.

I'm similar in that I worked with children for years ( daycare, nanny, and pediatrics) before becoming a mother. I delayed motherhood for a long time (!I was 40 when I had my daughter) because I knew how wonderful and draining children are
I also realized I could not have multiple children. I think 2 would have been my max had I had twins
I'm really glad I didn't give into pressure to have kids earlier, I would have been miserable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find people who regret having kids abhorrent. Did you not know how challenging parenting a child is? With the knowledge all around you, were you people oblivious to how hard it is to raise a little human? You chose to have a child, bring an innocent life into this world and now you have the audacity to regret that? This isn’t a bad career choice. This is about a life or several lives. I have three kids and I knew I could either be a present mother or focus on my career. I chose the former and put my career on hold. I do sometimes wish to go back to work but I know my kids need me much more than a corporate job and I won’t get this time back. My kids are all healthy and quite well behaved for the most part but it’s still challenging at times because parenthood is challenging! But to actually regret having your child is despicable. You are blaming an innocent child for your own choices.

A lot of mothers are also miserable because they chose to have multiple kids yet keep working and bearing the brunt of childcare. You made this choice. Men conveniently don’t have to make that choice so why do we women do this to ourselves? Why do we act like martyrs then become resentful and regret our own kids?! Why can’t we stick to one thing or make sure childcare is divided equally or outsource whatever we can. No you cannot have it all at the same time because when you try to do that you become resentful and start despising your own kids!

What a blessing! Not all are so lucky.

This is on you. Good behavior isn’t a choice for them. We expect it, don’t give empty threats and it’s easier than you make it for yourselves. I’m a DP, btw

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m only jealous financially.

+1
Other than financially, I pity them.

No need, we’re doing great!

Tell me that when you're 80 and alone and all your friends are dead.

Np here. I work in an elder care home I would say 95%of my residents are parents with multiple children and grandchildren. Of that group maybe 2% have living family that come to see them. Don't become a parent because you fear old age and death

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having kids crystallized for me how much they deserve to be wanted. Not wanted as in oops it was an accident baby. But once they exist, wanted. Loved. Appreciated. Not resented and shunted aside or treated like an inconvenience. They really arrive with their fully formed identities inside of them and if you actively DONT WANT THEM then by all means don’t. I think childless by choice is better than had kids I didn’t want.
On the other hand I never ever wanted kids; I fell in love and got married and he very much did. And the kids are the absolute best thing that ever happened to me aside from my husband who is my absolute partner and love of my life. You never know the funny ways life will take you.

Wow same. I was deeply ambivalent about having kids but my husband really wanted them and I came around. We only had one, but it's the best thing I've ever done. I am so, so glad I took that leap. And I totally agree with you that it really drives home for me how important it is for kids to be really, truly loved by their parents. I take that responsibility seriously. The world is a rough place and there is zero guarantee that anyone else will ever really care about my kid. I mean, I think they should because she's amazing, but I've been alive in the world long enough to realize it doesn't work that way -- there are great people everywhere who don't get loved or appreciated for whatever reason. My kid will always have at least one person who believes she is valuable and important. Always. I'll make sure of it.

I think the reason I was ambivalent about kids is that I didn't get that from my parents and that's made life hard in some ways and I was fearful about doing that to someone else. But the result is the opposite -- because I know what it is to be sort of emotionally abandoned by your parents, I will never, ever do that to another person. I wonder if people who take the love and support of their parents for granted may not realize how valuable it is. I hope not. The world is a better place with people who feel secure in their place within it, I think. So the more parents who help offer that place of security for their kids, the better off we all are.

I'm so glad it's becoming less taboo to say these things. My parents basically had kids because that's what you do mentally and they shouldn't have been parents. They caused a lot of damage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG knucks.

Just got back from an international trip and dealing with kid crap every aspect of every day is just such a downer. Want to have a relaxing meal out? GOOD LUCK. Walk around a city aimlessly? Nope.

Not to say there aren't good things about travel with kids, but travel definitely highlights the aspects of having them that are hard.

I know some parents with one kid find it to be not that bad but once you have two kid aged kids it's just so hard sometimes.

This is why I alternate family travel with just-DH and me travel

How old are your kids? Who watches them for these trips?
I would love to do this, but we have a 6yo and a 2yo. Closest family are my parents who are 2.5 hours away and, while I think they’d likely be ok to handle the kids overnight, any longer than that would make me nervous. All other family members are on the West Coast.

PP here -- one 2.5-year-old. My parents, usually. I would trust our regular sitter to do it for a weekend but DH prefers family. My parents are a 5-hour drive (or very short flight) away so we plan well in advance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think many parents are delusional about the ability of their children to handle them in old age. Your kid could have a mental health issue, end up in prison, or just don't give a crap about you. It's better to invest in yourself and your health than damage your finances and health to bring someone into the world as your future caretaker.

I’ve been prepping my children (girls) over the years to care forcme in old age. Im not doing all this work for nothing. I will have loved ones around me in old age. Not some lonely old cat lady. Girls are more likely to care for parents in old age. Im lucky to have girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m only jealous financially.

+1
Other than financially, I pity them.

No need, we’re doing great!

Tell me that when you're 80 and alone and all your friends are dead.

Np here. I work in an elder care home I would say 95%of my residents are parents with multiple children and grandchildren. Of that group maybe 2% have living family that come to see them. Don't become a parent because you fear old age and death

To the pp, 80 is promised to nobody with car accidents, mass murders, cancer or a million other things that can take us, so if you’re having kids so you’re not alone at 80, you’ve just had kids so that they can have a job of taking care of you later on in life, it’s extremely selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:More time to focus on their career, sleep, exercise, watch TV, go out to eat and watch movies, do anything they da*n well please.

Anybody else?

It gets better when they’re teens right? I’ll have my independence back?

I can relate. Once I finally started getting some independence back, spouse and 1 child decided to get as puppy behind my back. Yes, my marriage is terrible, too, and my mental health has been shot for years.